Buffy watched at Spike slept, but he wasn't sleeping peacefully. "Buffy..." he whispered.
She ran her fingers over his face. "Shhh... I'm here," she said, in a soothing voice.
Spike whimpered. "Sorry... didn't mean to," he said with a grimace.
Buffy slipped into the bed with him. "I know. Just try and sleep," she whispered.
Buffy cradled Spike's head to her and tried to get some sleep herself.
In the morning, Buffy woke to a still slumbering Spike. He was purring softly and looked a little boyish in his sleep.
Buffy slid from his grasp and went to get ready for work. She kissed Spike's forehead softly. "I'll be back at noon," she said, before leaving quietly.
As promised, Buffy came back at noon. Without a second glance to anyone she went upstairs.
Spike was sleeping but her was fighting something.
Buffy sat next to him. "Spike... come on. Wake up," she whispered.
Spike quieted and a few minutes later, his eyes fluttered opened. He smiled slightly as Buffy came into focus.
Buffy smiled softly. "You okay?"
Spike swallowed. "I don't know," he said.
Buffy ran her hand over his face. "I'm not gunna let anything happen to you."
Spike winced as her hand gently grazed a cut.
Buffy pulled her hand away. "Sorry. Can you... sit up? I wanna changer your bandages before I have to go back to work."
Spike nodded and slowly he sat up. Buffy carefully took the old bandages off and smiled a little. Most of the cuts had healed slightly and his bruises had faded a little. Gingerly, Buffy felt his ribs, checking to see which were still healing.
"You're healing," she whispered.
"It's easier when I can sleep and feed without worrying about which bone's gunna break next," he said, allowing her to finish her inspection.
"I tried so hard to find you, Spike," she whispered.
"Don't' worry about it, Pet," Spike said, his voice and eyes tender.
Buffy finished applying a new bandage and gently laid him down. "I'm gunna get you some blood," she said, running downstairs.
A few minutes later, Spike was fed and tucked in bed. Buffy was sitting next to him and his head was resting on her thigh. She stroked his hair softly and he relaxed. "I have a few minutes before I have to go back to work," she said, quietly.
Spike nodded and closed his eyes. "Good," he whispered, slipping into sleep.
Buffy stayed a few more minutes before slipping from bed. Reluctantly, she left the room and went downstairs. She left for work, leaving Willow in charge.
When Buffy came home she was greeted with noise. "HEY!" She yelled. Everyone looked at her. "What the hell is going on?"
Kennedy turned to her. "Why is there a vampire in your room?"
Buffy crossed her arms. "Because I want him to get better. He's part of my team," she said, going to the kitchen. She heated up a mug of blood and took it upstairs.
Spike's head was under her pillow and he appeared to be sleeping.
Carefully, Buffy set the much on the table and sat next to him. "Spike?"
Spike mumbled softly. "Buffy?"
Buffy lifted the pillow. "Comfy?" She asked, smiling.
"Helps me sleep. People don't understand the concept of sleep," he said, painfully turning over.
Buffy smiled. "Sorry. I brought you some blood," she said, holding it out to him.
Carefully Spike propped himself up. "Thanks," he said, taking it from her.
"How are you feeling, besides lack of sleep?" Buffy asked.
"My ribs are better. Easier to move a little," Spike said, finishing his blood.
Buffy smiled. "That's good. I'm gunna have Xander take the girls to his place so you can heal without googly eyes," she said, leaning against the headboard along side of him.
Spike smiled a little. He looked at her closely. "You okay?"
Buffy sighed. "I don't know," she said, laying her head on his shoulder. "I'm tired. I never sleep anymore. Too many flashes."
Slowly her hand crept to his and she entwined their fingers.
Tentatively, Spike rested his head against hers. "You should try and get some sleep," he said.
Buffy closed her eyes and a small smile appeared. "Kay," she mumbled. She squeezed his and slightly. "Thanks."
"For what?" Spike asked.
"Just being here," Buffy whispered. She slipped into sleep still leaning against him.
Spike closed his eyes and slept as well.
When Buffy woke, Spike was awake and running his thumb back and forth across her hand.
Buffy squeezed his hand slightly. "Spike?"
"Hey. You sleep okay?" Spike asked.
Buffy snuggled deeper into him. "Yeah. Better then I have in a long time," she said. She lifted her head and looked at him. "Did you sleep?"
"Yeah. Don't worry about me," he said.
"Too late. Always worry about you," she said, softly.
"You shouldn't have to," Spike said.
Buffy leaned her forehead against his. "Well you can't keep living in the past. Look at where you are. If I hadn't forgiven you, you would not even be alive. I would've stalked you. Since I didn't, you should except the fact that it's over and I'm okay," she said.
Spike bowed his head. "Buffy, I can't keep saying I'm sorry because that's not gunna make it better," he said, softly.
Buffy pulled his gaze back to hers. "I know you're sorry. And so am I. I need to have you with me. I need you beside me, no matter what. I need you because you're here through thick and thin and that means a lot," she said, stroking his jaw.
"I can't be Angel, Buffy," Spike said.
"That's the best part," she said.
A glimmer of hope passed through Spike's eyes.
Buffy smiled. "I swear to you Spike. I don't want you to be like Angel," she said, leaning forward and pressing her lips against his.
Spike pulled away with wonder. "Buffy?"
Buffy ran her finger down his jaw. "yeah?"
"Buffy, we can't," Spike said.
Buffy shifted and straddled his lap. "Why?"
Spike made no move to touch her. "Because."
Buffy rolled her eyes good- naturally. "Come on, Spike. I hate this," she said, carefully getting off his lap.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Spike said.
Buffy turned to look at him. "Spike, I don't wanna fight. I just want us to start over," she said, softly.
Spike sighed. "Buffy, I don't know if we can."
"Why?" Buffy asked.
"Because, I don't wanna hurt you again," Spike said, softly.
"you won't," Buffy' said, going to sit next to him.
"How do you know that?" Spike asked, looking at her.
"Because I won't give you a reason to like last time," Buffy said, running her fingers over his face.
Spike closed his eyes and tried to force the lump to go away. He opened his eyes and there were tears in them.
Buffy frowned and pulled him into her arms. "Spike, you don't' have to be afraid, just let it out," she whispered.
Spike cried himself to sleep in Buffy's arms.
Carefully, she laid him down and slid next to him. She pulled him into her arms and cradled his head to her chest.
"I just want you with me Spike. Forget the past and just be with me," she whispered before slipping into sleep.
When Spike woke, Buffy was absently running her fingers through his hair, and was stroking his hand.
Spike turned his hand over and entwined their fingers.
Buffy squeezed it slightly. "Hey, you okay?"
Spike sighed. "I don't know. I'm just confused."
Buffy closed her eyes. "I can help you, Spike. Neither one of us likes to need help but we need to have it. You need it because you're always gunna feel sorry for yourself 'til I prove to you that it's okay."
Spike pulled his knees up to his chest. "I can't do it again. Buffy. I hurt you last year. I can't take any more pain," he whimpered.
"Spike, I didn't mean to cause you so much pain. I didn't mean to reject you but I didn't understand. Then you left and I didn't realize how much I need you. Spike, you came back and I need you here. Not just for the first. I need you to be with me," She said, sliding a leg over his hips.
Spike tensed as she snuggled up against him. "Buffy, please," he whispered.
Buffy smiled and carefully pushed him on his back. "Spike, tell me what you need and I'll give it to you," she whispered, huskily.
Spike pulled Buffy down to him and kisser her softly. "I just wanna be with you forever."
"I can do that, if you're willing to let me," she whispered.
"I let you," Spike whispered.
Buffy carefully snuggled down on top of him. "Good," she whispered.
Spike enclosed his arms over her and held her tightly. "I love you."
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