Walking Alone.
Spoilers- Set after ‘Faith, Hope and Trick’ S3, so mainly spoilers for that ep.
Disclaimer- Faith belongs to Joss and his merry band of associates. ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’ is by Greenday.
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I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t where it goes
But it’s home to me and I walk alone.
Faith tapped a stake against her palm as she patrolled Sunnydale’s badly lit streets. Buffy had a parental thing that she couldn’t get out of so Faith was patrolling on her lonesome for a few hours. Not that she minded. The life of the Slayer was a lonely one. It came with the territory, being a Chosen ‘One.’ Besides, killing vampires and demons and stopping the occasional apocalypse weren’t real friend-making activities.
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a…
Faith didn’t mind being alone. She never was a people person; they were always trying to tell her what to do. As far as she was concerned people were only good for a few things and companionship wasn’t high up on the list. It was all about what they could do for her; give her food, information or a few minutes of physical pleasure.
Faith’s heavy boots thudded on the leaf-strewn concrete, echoing in the silent darkness.
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Till then I walk alone.
But…
It was nice to spend time with Buffy. There were just some things that normal people couldn’t get, things that Faith needed to know if Buffy felt too. Like the pull towards the darkness, the thrill of the hunt and kill, the deep yearning hunger that drove her into the night. Being hungry and horny after a fight.
I’m walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone
Still even with Buffy and her perky, enthusiastic band of friends she couldn’t let herself get too close. It was simply get some and get gone. It was a simple philosophy and one that had served her well for most of her life. She hadn’t let anyone in; she hadn’t let anyone past her mental and emotional barriers since Emma.
Faith smiled bitterly, stake starting to hit her palm harder and faster.
Emma, her first Watcher.
Read between the lines
What’s fucked up and everything’s alright
Check my vital signs to know I’m still alive
And I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone and I walk a…
Emma had found her when she was in a bad way. She hadn’t eaten in a week, her one room apartment was sucking her drier than a fledging vamp and she didn’t even think that the rats liked it there. She was confused, scared about her newfound powers.
It had taken Emma weeks to first get her to believe and secondly to start to build up a foundation of trust. Emma had become closer to Faith than she could ever remember her mother being. Emma knew things about Faith that she had never told another person and Faith knew everything about Emma. And for those far too short months she had been genuinely happy for the first time in her life.
And that was when Kakistos arrived…
My shadow’s the only thing that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
‘Till then I walk alone
That had taught her a lesson, letting people close only meant giving them the power to hurt you. You may as well just hand them a pair of brass knuckle-dusters and a mace; it would hurt less.
I walk alone and I walk a…
Faith blinked and looked around. Somehow in her mindless wanderings she had ended up on Revello Drive. Faith shrugged. Since she was here she may as well see if Buffy was ready to ditch the family thing for some slayage. Faith strolled past the windows spilling their light and warmth onto the street. Families laughed and talked and embraced within the happy oblivious homes.
Faith stopped outside Buffy’s place and peered in the window. Buffy was sitting in an armchair, her feet thrown over an arm. She smiled gratefully at her mother as she was given a bowl of popcorn. Mrs. Summers trailed a hand down Buffy’s hair, pushing some stray stands off her face. It was a perfect picture of domestic bliss and maternal love.
The breath in Faith’s throat hitched and she backed away from the house.
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I’m the only one and I walk a…
Faith decided to head to a cemetery, there was always a fledgling or two rising, and then she could pop by the Bronze, pick up some random guy for a tumble.
When she found out about Faith’s motto Emma had lectured her, told her that her tenancy to pick up random men stemmed from her issues with her father, who walked out one day for no reason he told them, and her mother, who hadn’t wanted Faith in the first place and had become an alcoholic, killing herself before Faith had reached puberty. Emma had told her that she used the men for the comfort and affection that she was denied as a child and that her kicking them out was a defense mechanism, hurting them before they had the opportunity to hurt her. That she wanted companionship, love, affection, but was afraid of it at the same time.
Faith thought it was a bunch of bullshit.
She rubbed a hand across her watery eyes. She sniffed. Must be her allergies she thought forcibly.
Faith straightened her shoulders and held her head high. She didn’t need anyone. She was a Vampire Slayer. She was Faith.
She ignored the deep burning cold ball in her stomach.
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that beating
Sometime I wish someone out there will find me
‘Till then I walk alone…
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End.
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