Willow walked through the empty streets of Sunnydale. She was oblivious to the rain pouring down on her. Her thoughts were turned away from the worries of being stalked by a vampire, and towards something much closer to home.
"On my own/ pretending he's beside me . . ."she sung under her breath. "All alone/ I walk with him till morning."
Today she had told Buffy exactly how she felt about Xander. It let a huge weight of her mind, as well as her heart. She was glad that she could finally tell somebody. She had carried her secret for so many years, and effectively, too, as Xander had never found out. Or he was too thick-headed to realise. Probably both.
A chill wind blew down the street. Willow wrapped her arms around her.
"Without him I feel his arms about me / And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me."
It started to rain, but Willow didn't notice, she was totally wrapped up in her happy place. Soon she was drenched, but she didn't go home, she just carried on walking.
"In the rain/ the pavements shine like silver / all the lights are misty in the river "In the darkness / the trees are full of starlight . . ."
It was true they were. The streetlights were hitting the droplets of water covering the trees and making them glitter like diamonds. It was all very romantic, Willow thought. If only there was someone she could share it with. She knew who it would be.
"And all I see is him and me forever and forever."
As she walked memories flashed unbidden into her mind. Her and Xander sitting in The Bronze. Helping Xander with his Maths in the Quad at school. Eating in the cafeteria. Walking home from school. Celebrating Christmas as Xander's house. Xander sending her a Valentine's card and denying it. It was like her life was flashing before her eyes.
"And I know / it's only in my mind."
New memories flashed unbidden into her mind. Xander watching Buffy with puppy-dog eyes, Xander discreetly watching Buffy in lessons. Buffy dancing with Xander in The Bronze, but not only dancing, she was practically throwing herself at him. That hadn't happened!? Was it a premonition? She didn't like the idea of that.
"That I'm talking to myself / And not to him / "And although I know that he is blind / "Still I say there's a way for us."
Buffy was with Angel. Couldn't Xander see that? Buffy said that she thought Xander was a great friend, not anything else. Buffy only had eyes for her vampire. That wouldn't come to pass, a Vampire Slayer in love with a vampire. It couldn't work. But if it didn't, Xander was in with a chance. Why is life so unfair?
"I love him / And when the night is over / He is gone . . ."
Back to Buffy.
"The river's just a river / Without him the world around me changes."
Willow shivered as the wind changed direction and icy rain stabbed into her. She couldn't hate Buffy, Buffy was one of her best friends.
"The trees are bare / And everywhere the streets are full of strangers."
Willow looked up from the pavement. She hadn't the faintest idea where she was. Weeds were growing up between cracks in the pavement. The buildings on both sides of the road were boarded up and covered in graffiti. Not a nice area. She turned around on her heel and started to retrace her steps. She must be on the other side of downtown. She had walked miles.
"I love him / But everyday I'm learning / All my life I've only been pretending."
She realised that nothing would come of this. She could hope and wish, but miracles do not happen in Sunnydale.
"Without me / His world were go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I will never know."
She sighed . the wind was whipping the rain into her face. It mingled with her tears that were running hotly down her cheeks. She sniffed and rubbed her face. Her tears did not stop, though.
"I love him / I love him / I love him / But only on my own." She faltered as she came to the end of the song. She sighed again. It was so quiet now she had stopped singing.
She walked, oblivious to everything around her. She sunk deep into depression. If only she was pretty like Buffy, or popular like Cordelia, or celebrated Christmas, or had a social life outside school. If only she wasn't who she was. But that was something she couldn't change.
She was Willow Rosenberg, computer hacker extraordinaire and complete geek. No wonder Xander's attention was turned towards the more glamorous Buffy. But she did not realise how much Xander liked her. Buffy was too focused on Angel. Even Giles had noticed. Is life going to be as complicated as this forever? Probably.
Eventually Willow got back to her neighbourhood. She saw someone, dressed in black standing on the corner of her street. It was raining so hard that the figure was too blurred for Willow to recognise. When she got closer she saw it was Xander. Her heart fluttered. He turned round when he heard her footfalls and when he saw who it was he smiled.
"Coming to The Bronze?" Xander asked. They were both soaked through.
Willow smiled. "OK."
Xander took her by the hand and they walked into the pouring rain. Under the streetlights the pavement shone like silver.
THE END
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