Willow sat in her room staring out of the window. The sun had set over an hour ago and still she hadn't moved. She should be getting on with her homework but she had other things to think about. Affairs of the heart were much more important than Biology questions.
She sighed and turned away from the window. She went over to her CD player and popped a CD in. It was a gift a friend from England had sent her a couple of days previously and she had not had chance to listen to it yet.
As the music filled the room, Willow turned back to the window and stared out at the darkened streets. She was so confused. She loved Oz but she had kissed Xander and she'd liked it. A lot. She had loved Xander all of her life but when she found out that he didn't feel the same way she put him behind her and turned her attention to Oz. She knew Oz cared very deeply for her, but . . . .
The thoughts faded out of her mind and she let the music wash over her.
Time passed as she forgot about the real world.
A new song began on the CD. For some reason it caught Willow's interest and she listened to the words.
"I guess I'm not too good at keeping love alive for long / I think I found the answers but the answer's always wrong / My first love was my true love and it should have been my last / The only time I'm happy's when I'm dreaming in the past . . ."
That's so true, Willow thought. He was my true love but he didn't realise it. Maybe I should have made it more clear to him. Images of the night he wiped ice cream off he nose filled her mind's eye. She smiled.
"Sometimes you turn away from what your heart tells you is right / And so you settle for whatever gets you through the night / The flame you thought was dead may suddenly begin to burn / And broken heart's can be repaired, that's something that you learn . . . ."
No that's not right, Willow thought. I haven't turned to Oz on the rebound. I'm very fond of Oz. But do you love him? A little voice in her head said. I don't know! Willow anguished, I don't know what the think. I'm getting over him, I know he can't be mine, even when he's been out with every other girl in the world he still won't notice me.
A single tear ran down her cheek betraying her feelings.
"I've relived every moment that I ever shared with you / What fools we were to end a dream that looked like coming true / Next time you fall in love / It better be with me / The way it used to be / Back then, was when / We touched the Starlight. . ."
The music carried on playing, but Willow wasn't listening. She was lost within her sadness, trying to resolve her feelings but knowing within her heart there was no easy answer to find.
The tears rolled down her cheeks. Memories flashed unbidden through her mind, her and Xander, her and Oz. Who would she choose? Could she Choose if she had to make the choice? Willow knew with certainty that she couldn't.
Willow looked up at the stars that were slowly appearing in the sky. "Starlight, starbright, first star is see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, grant this wish I wish tonight. . ." she closed her eyes tightly and wished.
* * *
Across town Xander stared out of his bedroom window at the stars. He was very confused. For years he had seen Willow as his best bud, his confidante, not as a love interest. She was Willow not Ms. Love. He frowned and flopped down on his bed. What had he done? It was his fault. He shouldn't have kissed her. He'd broken all the rules. "I'll understand if Oz comes round to kill me," he muttered. His love life had been confusing enough before this, what with his feelings for Buffy and his love for Cordelia, the woman he'd hated for most of his life.
"It never rains but it pours," he muttered, again.
There was a knock on the door. "What?" he asked, irritably.
"Your dinner's ready," his mum's voice came through the door.
"I'm not hungry." Xander turned back to the window and stared out into the night. He could hear his mother go back downstairs again. He watched a cat leap out of the shadows and run across his street. He considered his options for a couple of moments then made his mind up. He pulled on a jacket and grabbed a couple of stakes (just in case) and ran downstairs.
"I'm going out," he told his mother and ran out of the door.
He did not meet anybody on his way to Willow's house. As he reached to top of her road his resolve faltered. He was actually scared to go to Willow's house! He took a deep breath and started walking. He came to a stop in front of Willow's house. There was a light on in her window and music was drifting down. He concentrated to make out the words.
"I guess I'm not too good at keeping love alive for long / I think I found the answers but the answer's always wrong / My first love was my true love and it should have been my last / The only time I'm happy's when I'm dreaming in the past . . ."
He didn't recognise the song, but he could work out how Willow was feeling from the words. His heart went out to her, he pulled it back in quickly. He didn't want to make a bad situation any worse.
He saw a shadow move into the window and he instinctively ducked into the shadows. He saw it was Willow, she looked very unhappy.
"What have I done?" he whispered.
He watched her stare up at the stars and saw her lips move, "Starlight, Starbright . . ." he watched her get to the end of the rhyme and close her eyes tightly. He took the chance to dart out of the shadows and up to her front porch.
* * *
Willow finished wishing. A chill breeze blew in through the open window, she shivered and closed the window. The CD reached the end and stopped. She went over and put the last song on again. It suited the mood she was in.
"I guess I'm not to good at keeping love alive for long. . ."
she had wished for the answer to her dilemma to appear. She reached for her phone and had just started to dial Buffy's number when the doorbell rang. Willow was the only person in, so she went down to answer the door.
* * *
Xander stood nervously on the porch. He hoped that Willow wasn't in so he could go home and just phone her instead of facing her. He saw someone approaching the door through the frosted panes.
* * *
Willow couldn't make out who was standing outside beyond the frosted glass. She opened the door. Xander was standing there.
"Uh, hi!" Xander said, trying to smile and failing miserably. She looked quite surprised to see him. Stands to reason, he thought.
Willow just stared at him, eyes wide.
"Can I come in, or do you want me to go?"
Willow blinked and came alive, she blushed a very deep red.
"Uh, what? Yes, yes. Come in." She flustered.
Xander followed her into the living room closing the front door behind him.
Willow was a little in shock. Fate moves in mysterious ways, she thought. She was half hoping Oz would be the answer to her wish, but she knew in her heart that it wasn't to be. Music drifted down the stairs from her bedroom.
"Next time you fall in love / it better be with me / The way it used to be. . ."
"Why've you come round?" She managed to ask. She knew the answer.
"I needed to talk to you. I needed to see you. I needed to be with you. What's going to happen?" Xander asked. He stared intently at Willow, who blushed again.
"I don't know," Willow paused, searching for the right words. "What we did was wrong, no it wasn't wrong, it was very nice, but we betrayed Oz and Cordelia, and I feel very guilty about it." Willow could feel tears poking the corners of her eyes, she blinked them away.
" I know," agreed Xander, "but I can't get it out of my head." He half smiled, then seeing Willow's face sobered again. "I think I . . ." he stopped himself.
"What? You think you what?" Willow asked. She guessed what he was going to say. " I don't believe you, Xander!" she said, exasperated. Xander looked shocked by her outburst. "Why do you have to discover this now!?"
"I - uh, - I -" Xander spluttered.
"Look, go, just go," Willow stood up and pointed at the door. "I love Oz, I got over you a long time ago and now you have the cheek to fall in love with me!" tears ran down her cheeks. "Go!" she yelled and ran up the stairs.
Xander heard her bedroom door slam. He stood there in shock, he'd made a real mess of things. Oh why did his Willow-hormones have to kick in now? He wnet up stairs and tapped on Willow's door.
"Go AWAY!" Willow's voice came through the door.
"Look Willow," Xander said through the door. "I'm sorry, I made a real mess of things, it was my fault, if I could turn back time I would." He paused and pressed his ear to the door. He could hear Willow crying, his heart went out to her. The song carried on playing.
"Next time you fall in love / It better be with me / the way it used to be . . ."
"Will," Xander begged, "please open the door."
He heard movement on the other side of the door and it opened a crack showing a sliver of Willow's tear-stained face.
"Will. . ."
"No, don't speak. I want to say some things first." She wiped a hand over her eyes. "I had been waiting for so long for that moment, even when you fancied Buffy, a praying mantis and a mummy AND Cordiela, still I waited in hope. Then I met Oz, and everything changed. Here was someone who loved me for who I was. I started to get on with my life, I stopped pining after you, I stopped being jealous of Cordy. . . then you go and do THIS! And all the feelings I thought I had exorsied flooded back. Damn it, Xander! Do I need to spell it out to you? I love you!" tears began falling again.
"Oh, Will," Xander reached out and brushed her tears away. "I'm so sorry. If I had known, things would have been so different." He sighed. "Willow what will we do? I think I love you too." There he had said it, but his heart didn't feel any lighter. He reached out and touched her nose, as if he was wiping something away. He smiled. "Remember the night we went out for ice cream?"
Willow smiled, weakly. "Yes."
Xander smiled back.
"I've re-lived every moment that I ever shared with you / What fools we were to end a dream / That looked like coming true / Next time you fall in love / It better be with me / The way it used to be. . ."
"Let's go for ice cream." He said
"Ok," Willow said.
"We'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes." Xander quoted. "No I don't know where that came from." He took Willow by the hand and led her downstairs and out into the night.
"I guess I'm not too good at keping love alive for long / I think I found the answer / But the answer's always wrong / my first love was my true love / And it should have been my last / The only time i'm happy's when I dreaming in the past / Next time you fall in love / It better be with me / The way it used to be / back then, was when / We touched the Starlight. . ."
THE END
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