Excerpt From the Demon Times (Written by editor, Clem):
Most of us are familiar with one of the most renowned vampires of our time, William the Bloody, more commonly known as Spike. He was once a one of the most cruel and merciless vampires of the ninetieth and twentieth centuries until the government operation centered in Sunnydale put a Co-Op “chip” in his head, making it impossible to harm humans. In this interview, we hope to find out why he spends his free time attacking the demon race and other little tidbits about his unlife. In order to keep all participating in the interview safe, we have hand selected a team of humans to interview him. Reported by Jessica Williams.
Jessica: So, Spike. I can imagine your surprise at being called up Willy’s Bar for an interview. This is for the Demon Times, I’m sure you’ve picked up a copy before. Now, let’s get right down to business. Most all of us know, you had a government “chip” embedded in your brain. What exactly does it do?
Spike: Sends a nasty splay of electric shock through my cranium and gives me the worst migraine for hours to come.
Jessica: Is it possible the “chip” could be reversed or removed?
Spike: I’ve tried, but no one seems to live long enough to do it.
Jessica: Now for a question that has been on all our minds as we’ve turned to the mortality section of the paper, why is it that you kill demons?
Spike: Mans got to get his rocks off somehow, hasn’t he? I don’t really care, but just for the record, it wasn’t always my intention to become a Slayer Pet Pal.
Jessica: Slayer Pet Pal? What do you mean by that? Are you a cohort of hers?
Spike: Not as you might be thinking, but I am in *league* with the Slayer.
Jessica: I need some more clarification on that, I don’t quite understand. You work with her?
Spike: Yeah, what of it?
Jessica: Is this more of a personal relationship or strictly work force to work force based?
Spike: Oh, I’d say more of a personal relationship.
Jessica: Really? Well, that’s interesting. So, this is a friend thing or has it gone a bit further than that?
Spike: Wouldn’t you like to know.
Jessica: Ooh. So it has. Tell us, does the Slayer just have a thing for vampires?
Spike: I would say so. She’s just a dirty girl looking for attention in all the wrong places and when she gets it, well, she usually gets it from guys more dead than the ones she buried.
Jessica: So, you know a lot about the Slayer?
Spike: Yeah. Why?
Jessica: Even maybe how to kill her?
Spike: Bugger this. She’s human! How do you think you’re going to kill her?
Jessica: Oh, right. Well is it true that you have attempted to kill her several times?
Spike: (Nods) But that was before.
Jessica: Before what?
Spike: Before I fell in love with her.
Jessica: Well, that’s very interesting. Do you feel the Slayer returns that same affection back?
Spike: She may not know it, but yeah.
Jessica: She may not know it? What do you mean by that?
Spike: Girl is blind. Can’t see a good thing when she’s got it right in front of her.
Jessica: All right, moving on. We are aware you are British. Where were you born and did you live there all your life?
Spike: London and all my life, well, life, yeah.
Jessica: There are rumors about the underground spread like wildfire that you’re a “momma’s boy”, is that true?
Spike: No! That’s lies, that is! Bollucks, I’m gonna rip whoever said that’s bleeding head off!
Jessica: Calm down, calm down. It was a rumor and now we all know it’s not true. Now, who was your Sire?
Spike: Drusilla.
Jessica: all right, and how did you earn your colorful nickname along with an equally as original duster?
Spike: Got my name in York when I started hammering railroad spikes into live people’s noggins. Stole my duster off a dead Slayer on a subway in ‘77.
Jessica: So you are an indirect decedent of the order of Orlisus?
Spike: Not indirect, no. First comes the Master, then Darla, then Angelus, then Dru, then me. That’s as long as a lineage is documented. So, no. Not indirect.
Jessica: Angelus. Isn’t that the souled vampire we now refer to as Angel?
Spike: Yeah, but Angelus is in the line. Angel is not.
Jessica: Is it true you were once good friends?
Spike: Oh, yeah. He was basically my Sire. My Yoda. But when he got a soul shoved up his arse, I kind got turned off a bit. So got myself the hell out of China and landed myself here in New York.
We hope this interview is sufficient enough to allow you to see the reasoning of one of the most skilled demon hunters in Sunnydale, please join us next edition when we interview the Slayer herself.
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