Walkabout
by TheShawn
Willow, Xander and all characters within are not mine, they belong to JOSS and company. Sue me not, for I will cry!
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Xander Harris walked through the school late at night, not a very Xanderish thing to be doing. He didn't want to be there, and he didn't really HAVE to be there, but Xander had a very bad feeling, and wanted to check up on it. That meant a visit to the resident know it all, good ol' Giles. < He'll know if I'm wiggin' or if the Hellmouth is doin' the whacky. > Xander thought. < I just hope... Hello? What's that? >
Xander's thought process was interupted by the sound of quiet sobbing. Looking around, he finally saw a small form huddled up at the end of the corridor. Nerves going on end, Xander decided to aproach cautiously, making sure this wasn't any vamp trick. However as he got a little closer he started to recognize the red hair and the small body. < Oh God, Willow! > He looked around and found nothing, so these had to be tears of sorrow rather than fear. < What did I do now? I don't think this is my fault, but then again I seem to have a knack for making her life miserable. > Taking a few more steps forward, his heart sank. It killed him to see her like this. His fault or not, whether she'll be happy to see him or yell at him, he had to try and make her feel better.
"Wills? What's wrong?" Xander asked softly as he sat down beside her crumpled form. She looked up at him for a second before wrapping her arms around his body and crying into his chest. That split second he had seen her had been enough to see the large bruise across her face. A myriad of emotions flooded through him. Anger, pain, sorrow, hate... However, he shelved them away for the moment. Willow needed a strong and supportive Xander, not a mean and vengeful one. He held her as she cried, gently stroking her hair and telling her it would be all right. Xander couldn't help but sniff her hair and relish the aroma, and even though most of him knew it wasn't right, a small part of him loved the feel of her body against his. < Whoah! Down boy. Wrong time and place for that. > The young man thought, finally pulling Willow away so he could talk to her.
"Willow what happened?"
The red head sniffed and looked up at her oldest friend. Opening her mouth, she at last had the strength to speak. "Xander... Oz and I were doing some research, and I started talking about you, and the time you fell off my roof 'cause I tossed my frisbee up there..." they both shared a small smile at the mention of that memory. "... When he just spazzed. He was yelling at me for talking about you. He said that he didn't really trust me around you anymore..."
Xander's heart sank. Once again it was his fault that Willow was in pain. Him and his stupid kissing lips. "Look Will, I'm sorry... again."
She shushed him with a look and continued. "He asked me not to see you anymore. He wanted us not to hang around, not be best friends anymore. Xander, I care about him, lots, but that was way too much to ask. When I told hime I couldn't do that, he kinda snapped and slapped me hard across the face." Once again Willow was crying freely, clinging to Xander. "I was sooo scared, I ran away and lumped down here. What am I going to..."
She was cut off by the sound of a clearing throat. Both her and Xander turned to see Oz standing there. He looked haggard and worried. "Uh, Willow, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to... hit... you. I'm so..."
Oz was interupted by Xander jumping up and slugging the musician as hard as he could. The little man fell backwards and landed in a heap. Xander stood over him, but remained unmoving. Willow had let out a gasp, but hadn't moved at all. Oz slowly rose to his feet and wiped away the trail of blood that ran from his nose.
"Nice shot Xander. You know, I'm kinda getting tired of you messing up my life. Why don't we settle this like men?"
Xander stiffened. "Fine by me. It's your ass."
Willow could only stare in shock as the two men she cared the most for in the world were about to tear into each other, possibly even kill one another.
Oz gave a thin lipped smile as he spoke. "Oh by the way..." Suddenly Oz threw back his head and growled, as his whole body shifted, growing large and hairy. Within seconds, Oz was no longer recognizable, the beast form of the werewolf grining an odd lupine smile. "...I've learned a new trick." Came a phrase, barely more than a growl.
Xander staggered backwards and Willow let out a scream. < This can't be good. > Xander thought as he ducked, narrowly avoiding the razor sharp claws. < Gotta stay in front of Willow, make sure she don't get bit or slashed... > The self defence Buffy had been teaching him was paying off, already twenty seconds and still not a scratch.
The snarling beast was unrelentless, following Xander as he dragged Willow into a classroom in front of him. Grabbing a chair, he thrust it at the wolf, knocking it down. It was up quickly, though, and knocked the chair from Xander's grasp. The werewolf was about to go in for the kill when suddenly a large and heavy book was slammed down on its head. Turning around, it growled and approached Willow, slowly stalking her. Two identical cries came through the night. One male and one female. "Willow!" Xander, for the fist time, was faster. Launching himself at the creature he thought only to use his body as a shield to let Willow escape. Easily catching Xander in mid air, the wolf formerly known as Oz heaved him as hard as could across the room, the small of his back hitting the corner of a desk, causing Xander to lapse into unconsiousness. As the wolf turned around though, it was greated by the sight of a none too pleased slayer, who hefted her fist and slugged the beast with all her unearthly might. Landing in a heap, the wolf didn't move and slowly returned to it's human form.
"Willow, what on earth is going on here?" Giles asked stepping out from behind Buffy.
He got no answer however, as Willow had jumped over to Xander's side, placing a pair of fingers to her best friends neck. A single tear fell down her cheek as she annonced, "He's not breathing."
Buffy jumped past her immediately and began performing CPR. Giles ran to his office and called 911. Willow simply sat beside Xander, brushed his hair with her fingers, and cried.
* * *
The ride to the hospital had been uneventful. Willow had ridden in the ambulance with Xander, while Buffy had went with Giles after they had locked Oz up in the book cage pending further study. When they made it to the hospital, however, Willow was wisked away to answer some questions as the doctors tended to the still unconsious Xander.
His parents being out of town, Willow was the closest thing to family around. She answered every question patiently and was then told to sit in the waiting room, and... wait. Buffy and Giles arrived some ten minutes later, both inquiring on Xanders condition. Willow, not knowing any more than them couldn't bring herself to speak.
< He was trying to defend me. > she thought. < This is all my fault. Please don't die! I need you. >
The three had been sitting there for hours. Giles and Buffy doing their best to keep Willow calm. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity and six minutes, a doctor came over to speak them.
"Miss Rosenberg? I'm Dr. Zeas."
"Xander, is he ok? He's not gonna... Die, is he?" Willow asked, her body tremembling.
"Alexander suffered a serious injury, he was bleeding internally, but we have taken care of that. All signs point out that he'll survive."
Willow let out a sigh of relief, and was turning to her friends when the doctors hand fell upon her shoulder.
"Miss Rosenberg, I said he'll survive, however, I'm afraid that he has broken his 3rd vertabrae. Your friend is paralyzed from the waist down. Even with extensive physical therapy, and modern practices, I'm afraid that short of divine intervention, he'll never walk again. I'm sorry. You can see him anytime you want, but please, keep your visit short, he needs his rest."
Willow collapsed into her chair as the doctor walked away. Trying to catch her breath, she is only vaguely aware of the two people beside her. < Xander will never walk again... > Slowly, with the help of her friends, she rose to her feet. "I-I'll be all right. We have to go help Xander now, he's gonna need us."
Buffy stared at her best friend as she walked away. Buffy was holding back her own tears, as she marvelled at how strong Willow was being. Feeling Giles's hand on her shoulder, she turned to follow the red head down the hallway.
* * *
< Damn hospital beds, with all the lumps and bumps, and straps. Why on earth did they strap me in? I ain't goin' nowhere. If my head weren't spining so much, I'd undo 'em.>
As Xander was trying to find a comfortable position, the door to his room burst open, revealing a virtual whirlwind of Willow. Jumping over to the side of his bed, Willow took Xander's hand into her own and proceeded to to give him a huge hug. Xander couldn't help but smile, noticing how well she fit into his arms.
Pulling away, Willow looked into his eyes, and was almost shocked at what she saw. Not an once of resentment, just a sense of content, and... maybe even love. Instantly the guilt returned. "Xander, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. This is my fault, you shouldn't be here, yo-"
She was shushed when Xander placed his hand over her mouth. "Willow, Willow, Willow, come on, you know me better than that. Your probs are my probs, we take care of each other, that's what we do. And, uh, speaking of which, could you please undo the straps on my legs, this whole not moving thing is kinda not comfy."
Willow could only stare open mouthed. < They haven' told him yet! Ohmygod! I have to tell him the truth, I owe him that. > "Xander, there aren't any straps."
The young man gave her a funny look, and then looked past her to the slayer and her watcher standing by the door. "Will, you haven't gone wacky on me have you? Come on, I can't move my legs so could you please take 'em off me. Um, Willow, hello, earth to cute spunky red head?"
"Xander, listen to me." The tone in her voice froze him. Willow didn't often sound like this, but when she did, it was damn good advice to sit back and listen. "You're not strapped down. When O- When the wolf threw you into that table, you hurt your back. You shattered your- Xander, you can't move your legs because you're paralyzed from the waist down. The doctor said that it can't be fixed. You'll be in a w-wheelchair for the rest of your life." Finally completing the most painful speech of her life, she collapsed on top of him, sobbing. At the same time, Buffy and Giles made their way over to the bed hoping that they could comfort the pair.
< Paralyzed? No, this can't be right! > "No Willow, I'm not paralyzed, I can't be. I'm not para..." He looked into her eyes. Every person ordinarily goes through phases when faced with a crisis, normally starting with denial. But, looking into the eyes of the one person he truly trusted, he knew she was telling him the truth, he knew that she would never lie to him. The day he couldn't trust Willow was the day that he lost the will to live.
It was too much. Like anyone would, he broke down sobbing. Willow held him for all she was worth. Quietly crying along with him. Gently, Buffy and Giles joined the pair, knowing that words could never be enough, they let their presence speak volumes.
"Willow? What am I going to do? I'm scared Will. My parents are gone on that cruise, at least for a month. I'm all alone.."
"Never, you'll never be alone as long as I'm around. You're stuck with me. I don't know how we can get theough this, but I'll tell you that we do or we don't together."
Xander had nothing left to say. His life had pretty much ended, he needed time. For what he didn't know.
A short while later, a nurse had come in to tell them that Xander needed to rest. Through a whole lot of coaxing, they managed to convince her to allow Willow to spend the night. Buffy and Giles wished Xander a good night and gave their assurances before leaving. Willow and Xander looked at each other for a second before she crawled into the bed with him. The bed being so small, she practically had to sleep on top of him. He held her close, relishing some small comfort, in a night filled with misery.
* * *
Early in the morning, Xander awoke to find an odd weight on his chest. Willow was laying right on top of him. At first, it was very discomforting, since he was only aware of her presence from his torso up. Shifting slightly, Xander stared into her sleeping face, marvelling at how beautiful she was. Xander was flushed with thoughts of her, and then looked down to his waist. < Well, > he thought, < at least little Xander seems to be working at normal levels. > The thought almost made him laugh, until he realized the enormity of his situation. While he had come to accept the fact of his condition, he still hadn't realized all that it implied. A lifetime in a chair. He'd have to rely on other people for the rest of his life. Reaching down slowly, Xander pinched his leg. If he hadn't known that he had performed the action, he would never have noticed. Half of his body was dead. Unable to stand it anymore, he let the tears fall, not caring.
Willows eyes opened to find her Xander crying. Instinctively, she reached out to wipe the tears away. He looked up to her, his eyes apologetic.
"I'm sorry Willow, I didn't mean to wake you. I just thought of something. The next you time you roof your frisbee, someone else will have to get it for you."
His intention had been good, he had hoped to make her smile, or even laugh. However, the tears that ran down her cheek told him that he had failed.
A knock on the door shattered their weeping, and a young orderly came into the room pushing a wheelchair in front of him. It was time for Xander to get used to his new mode of transportation. He knew that he would hate that chair, hate it with all his soul. Willow and the orderly helped down into the chair, and pushed Xander out of the room, into a new life.
* * *
Giles had picked up Buffy early in the morning, in order to check up on Oz. Giles took one look at the young slayer and grimaced. She obviously hadn't slept, and looked to be wanting more than a verbal confrontation with the werewolf. They rode in silence, neither one certain as to what they could say that would make the situation any better.
Walking into the library, they found Oz already awake, and looking quite confused. Giles put a hand on Buffy's shoulder just to make sure she didn't run over and kill the boy, at least before he had the chance to speak.
"Um guys, care to share? It isn't full moon time and I appear to be in the cage with a big headache?" Oz asked, his face doing that normal Oz thing of showing little emotion.
"Um, you don't remember last night?" the watcher asked.
"Well, some of it. I remember being in the library with Willow, arguing, mmmpphhh..."
"What was that?"
"I remember hitting her," the slayer took a step forward, until a look from Giles stopped her. "Then I remember meeting with Xander, he slugged me and I wolfed out, after that, it's pretty much a blur."
"This begs the question, how the hell did you do it?"
"Well, I was looking through a book in the library, it was about strange and exotic cults, and one was a werewolf cult. They had learned how to control the changes, to shift whenever they wanted. It wasn't hard, so I thought it would be useful to know."
Giles face paled. "The Rahunstic! You fool boy, don't you understand how savage they are? Every time you change into the wolf, a bit of the wolf personality seeps into you. Eventually you cannot tell the difference between you and the werewolf, you'll become nothing more than a savage animal, like you demonstrated last night."
It was now Oz's turn to go pale. "What did I do?"
Buffy then pushed herself forward, right in front of the cage. "You wanna know what you did? You almost killed Willow and Xander. Xander's in the hospital right now, and guess what, he ain't never gonna walk again. He's gonna be in a wheelchair for the rest of his fucking life, because of you."
"Oh, God, I could of killed Willow... How could I put her in danger like..."
Oz was interupted as the slayer snarled and rippped the cage door off its hinges. Grabbing Oz by the collar, she looked him straight in the eyes. "Did you hear me? Xander can't walk. Because of you his life is completely different. The only reason I'm even here instead of being at the hospital is because I know that Willow was there all night taking care of him."
Suddenly, Oz pushed Buffy away. "She was with him all night, I'm sure he loved that. He prob..." Oz was quieted as the slayer's fist made contact with his mouth, knocking him out cold.
"Buffy, you really have to work on your people skills. Nevertheless, the problem is a simple one. The way he is transforming at will involved a small spell, all we have to do is the counter spell, equally simple, and the change should be instantaneous. Hand me that book by the shelf will you."
The slayer handed the book over and watched as Giles lit a candle and spoke some gibberish. It took less than a minute, and when it was done, she saw Oz start to stir.
"Ow... Buffy, please stop hitting me, it ain't as fun on this end." Oz said, gently rubbing his jaw.
Pushing forward, Giles stared intently at the boy. "How do you feel? Any wolf or anger issues?"
Grimacing, Oz collapsed to his knees. "No, I'm me again. And I have to live with scaring Willow and crippling Xander." Tears trailed his face, looking somewhat odd on the usually unemotional teenager. "I never meant for this to happen, I just thought it would be usefull if I could be a werewolf whenever I wanted. How could I have been so stupid?"
Seeing the genuine pain on Oz's face, Giles reached down and placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to reasure him. Buffy stared for a second, seemingly unsure as to what she should do. Taking a step closer, she knelt in front of him and looked him in the eyes.
"Forgiveness will have to wait, from me anyway. Right now, Xander needs my help a lot more than you do, so if you feel guilty then you'll have to deal. I suggest you talk to Willow and Xander. IF, they want to talk to you."
Nodding silently, Oz rose to his feet, and out of the now doorless cage. The three of them left the school, two to see their fallen comerade, one to seek mercy.
* * *
Gently pushing Xander down the hallway, Willow already noticed a difference in her best friend. He was trying to be casual, trying to joke and be normal, but his eyes gave him away. He looked beaten.
They had made a tour of the hospital, floor by floor, Willow pushing him when Xander's arms got tired. Willow felt a certain air of awkwardness, it seemed like Xander was no longer an equal partner in the friendship, that somehow she was his superior. It was a feeling she hated. She wanted things back to normal, wheelchair or no wheelchair, she wanted an emotionally whole Xander.
Wheeling back into his room, the two stopped and looked at each other. Xander, popping a wheelie, was really hoping that he was reasuring Willow that he was all right, even though he felt devasted. They were barely in the room for five minutes when a blond head popped in and smiled.
"Hey guys!" Buffy greeted, walking into the room. "How ya feeling Xander? I see you have pep and pep would seem to be a good thing."
"Well Buffs, I'm trying to get used to this gizmo, but all in all, I'm coping. My lovely assistant here has been the finest of company." Suddenly reverting from Xander mode to sincere mode he turned his head toward Willow and gave a loving smile. "Seriously Buffy, I'm only doing this good because of Willow. She's my rock. I know I'll be fine as long as she helps me." He reached out and took Willow's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, loving the huge smile that split her face.
Buffy too was smiling. She had thought that Xander might be doing a lot worse, but this just proved what a good dose of vitamin Willow can do. "Well, I'm glad to hear that. However, Giles needs to talk to your little nurse for a bit, so I hope my company is acceptable in the meantime."
"Your company is always welcome my good slayer." Turning to Willow he added, "Try not to let Giles keep you around forever... please?" The look was almost pleading.
"I'll try to be fast Xander. I'll be back." Willow squeezed his hand and left the room.
Watching her leave, Xander let out a sigh that didn't go unnoticed to the keen hearing of the slayer. "So Xander, I'm glad to see you appreciate Willow, she's being a great friend about this, oh yeah, do you love her?"
The question had come out so fast that Xander hadn't even had the chance to think it through. "Yes... I mean no, no love, just friends, yes, friends." Slowly he turned and looked his friend in the eyes. "There isn't a chance in hell you believe that, is there?"
"Sorry boyo, nope. You love Willow, I wanna know how long and what you plan to do about it."
Looking towards the ground, Xander wrung his hands nervously. "I've been feeling this way ever since her coma. Well, probably longer, but that's when it really struck me, how great she is. Beautiful, fun, and I know her like I know myself. But, I'm not gonna do anything. I can't tell her, so that's that."
"What do you mean you're not gonna tell her? You have to! It isn't fair to her that she doesn't know the one guy she loved her whole life loves her back!"
"I can't! I can't tell her, I can't be the man she deserves! Even before I wasn't good enough for her, and now? Bah. Please, what can she expect from me, a life of dependence? Being held back by her crippled boyfriend? No, Buffy I won't let her spend the rest of her life living less than she deserves."
"Xander, she doesn't see it that way. You know she doesn't care about this. You owe her the truth, after all you've been through, you owe her that much!"
Xander sighed ans looked at his blond friend. "Okay Buffy, I hear you. At least let me think about this for awhile, gimme a little time to work things through. Just promise you won't say anything to anybody, please?"
"Time I'll give you." Buffy wrapped her arms around her friend and held him tightly. "Just don't wait too long, cause I'm horrible with secrets, just look at all the slayerettes!" The two shared a small smile and sat in silence.
* * *
Willow left her friends together and made her way out to the waiting area. Truth be told, she was dreadfully tired and could have used a good nights sleep. Sharing the bed with Xander had been... enjoyable... but not very condusive to rest. Looking for the king of tweed, she quickly spotted him... right next to an extremely guilty looking Oz. She stopped dead in her tracks, completely unsure of what to do. Both men rose to their feet when they saw her, but Giles told Oz to sit back down, and approached Willow.
Completely numb, Willow allowed Giles to sit her down and explain what had been figured out. Willow could only nod her head repeatedly, Giles telling her the facts in a clam and logical manner. When he had finished, Willow looked past him, and saw Oz looking at her with hope in his eyes.
"Willow," Giles said, "What you do know is completely up to you, but I would recomend that you don't judge him too harshly. He wasn't in control of himself, and his original intention was good, he merely did an incredibly stupid thing. Follow your heart on this."
Willow looked at the librarian as though he were some all knowing sage, and then turned to her boyfri... Oz. Slowly she walked over to him and sat down. "Giles explained, but I don't know what to do. Oz, I know that, well, you weren't in control, but the damage is done. I..." Willow simply trailed off.
Oz leaned close and whispered into her ear, "Will, I know that I can't ever make this up, but please, I can't stand the thought of you hating me. I love you, d-don't lock me out. I need to know that you don't detest me for all of this, I never meant for any of it to happen."
"Oz, I still care for you, I can't simply stop. No, I don't blame you, we don't blame Angel for what Angelus did, so I can't blame you." Willow reached over and put her arm around the small man, and leaned her head against his. "Every man deserves a second chance, especially you. But you have to understand that Xander needs my help right now, he has no one else, and that I'm gonna be there for him."
Oz smiled at her. "I know, I expect no less. Since it's my fault, I wanna be there too. Xander's going to need help, even mine. At least I can be there for you. I want us to be like we were, I know it will take some time, but I'll do whatever it takes."
"One step at a time Oz, right now, I've been gone from Xander too long, he's gonna miss me. Why don't you come see him, tell him what you told me." Seeing his hesitation, she reached out her hand and clasped his. Giving a reassuruing smile, she dragged the boy towards the hospital room.
When they reached the door, she peered inside and saw Buffy and Giles quietly chatting with Xander. Knowing how difficult this was going to be, she politely asked them to step outside. Alone with Xander once again, she sat on the edge of his bed and looked at him. He looked content, as though she could make everything better. If only.
"I was getting worried Wills. When Giles came back solo I was thinking maybe you had tired of me." Before she could protest however, he added, "just kidding."
"Look Xander, there's someone here that wants to talk to you, please just let him say his piece."
Xander paled considerably when Oz stepped in. His fists clenched and unclenched as his whole body shook. In Xander's mind, Oz's presence was vile, an abomination, which was only made worse when the young man walked over and took Willow's hand.
"I know I can never make this up, I know you hate me and probably will forever, but I was hoping that for Willow's sake you could at least live..." Oz never had a chance to finish.
"GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM!" Xander's scream rang out throughout the entire hospital.
Willow quickly jumped in and in as little words as possible, told the story as Giles had explained it. When she was done, there was no visible difference in Xander's demeanor.
"Ok, because he was under some self imposed spell none of this is his fault." the words were hissed out, reaking of venmous intent. "If I could Oz, I'd kill you. Damning me to that fucking chair for the rest of my life is bad enough, but the fact that you hit the woman you're supposed to love, that's the lowest thing anyone can do. Get out of my room now or I'll do my damnest to toss you out."
Both Willow and Oz were shocked by the force of his words. Willow then made a big mistake. "Stop this Xander, you know it was an accident." Xander's head snapped towards her as she spoke, and what she saw chilled her to the bone, but somehow she continued. "I don't know why I bother, sometimes Xander, you..."
"Please leave." Xander pleaded, this time speaking to the two. His face no longer had anything to it but utter defeat. Spinning around quickly to turn his back and hide his tears, Xander miscalculated and his wheelchair tipped over, spilling him to the ground. He struggled vainly for a second before both Willow and Oz moved to help him up. Xander swatted at them, yelling obcenities until they left the room. Willow fled, crying hysterically, trying to figure out what had happened and how she could fix it.
* * *
Buffy was surprised to see Willow run into the waiting area, a facefull of tears. Buffy immediately ran to comfort her friend, and to figure out what the hell had happened. After a whole lot of piecing together, Buffy decided to have Giles drive Willow home, and she would see to Xander.
"What should I do?" Oz asked from behind Buffy.
"Go home, you've done enough." With that she left to go to Xander's room.
Walking in, she saw Xander trying to crawl back into his chair. Quickly reaching him, she easily hefted him up and sat him back down. Kneeling down in front of him, she tried to make eye contact. "Xander, are you ok?"
Slowly he turned his head back around and faced her. "Oh God Buffy, it hurts." He collapsed into her arms. "How could Willow do that? How can she just expect me to forgive him? I thought I meant more to her than that."
The slayer slowly stroked his hair and looked about the room, hoping to think of something to say. Instead she found a basket of roses with a hearyfelt message from Cordelia, and a beautiful package of chocolate from Angel. Two people who could arguably be called his worst enemies and they were even saddened by his condition. Somehow finding strength there, she spoke. "Don't give up on Willow yet, give her a chance. After all the ones she has given you, she deserves one of her own. She made a tactical error, but she's trying to make things better. You know that she'd never hurt you on purpose. Let things cool for a bit and then the two of you can talk."
To Xander, she was making perfect sense. < I can't condemn Willow, I love her too much for that. > Sighing, Xander looked at the blond, "You are right as always my dear. Now how about a sponge bath?" Taking a small slap from her, he smiled and relaxed a bit.
* * *
Two days later, Xander was released from the hospital. He had to stop by every second day for tests and physio, but things were on the up. He and Willow were back to being happy, and had a no Oz agreement going on, so all was cool. Willow was staying with Xander at his place, and basically waiting on his every whim.
"Hey Xand, how do you feel about Bronzing it tonite? Buffy and Angel are going, so I thought maybe me and you could go and have a good time."
Xander was about to politely refuse when he saw the hopeful look on her face. Unable to say no to her, he agreed. The gleeful look she gave him sent a quiver straight to his heart. The two spent the entire day together, watching movies and laughing. Like a scene from their childhood, the two were friends beyond compare.
During the movie, The Princess Bride, which was Xander's choice believe it or not, Xander stole fleeting glances at Willow. After a while, she caught him and asked what was wrong.
"Nothing at all Willow, everything is great." He stroked her hair as she lay across his lap. "I was just remarking at how beautiful you are, and how much you mean to me."
Blushing a wonderful shade of crimson, she quickly got up. "Um, I'll get supper started, be right back."
< A little more time Buffs. > he thought. < This is pretty damn hard. > With a little difficulty, Xander lifted himself from the couch and into his chair. Wheeling his way into the kitchen, he hoped that he would find the strength to tell her soon.
* * *
Entering the bronze together, Willow and Xander quickly spotted Angel and Buffy at the usual table. Making their way over, Willow took a seat while Xander parked in front of the table, farther from Willow than he would have liked.
Angel spoke his apologies to Xander, which the boy took remarkably graciously. After getting a drink (thanks to Buffy) Xander relaxed and tried to enjoy himself. The converstation was light and fun, with Xander making his usual Xanderisms. After a while however, Buffy and Ange got up to dance, leaving the young friends alone.
Sitting alone, they didn't speak. The presence of the other was more than enough. Taking Willow's hand into his own, Xander smiled a smile that he hoped would tell her what he was feeling. < If only I could dance with her, she always laughed at my dancing... >
< What is he thinking? He looks like... > Willow's thought was interupted by a tap on her shoulder. Turning around, she came face to face with Oz. Glancing at Xander, she saw the rage on his face, so she led the little man away.
"What do you want?"
Looking somewhat offended, Oz responded, "I just wanted to see how you were doing, I want to make sure that you're doing alright. "
"I'm sorry, it's just that Xander doesn't need this right now. I'll talk to you at another time, when things are more better." With that Willow turned back to her table to find a very missing Xander. She quickly ran around the Bronze, hoping to find some hint of him. Failing that, however, she ran to where Buffy and Angel were dancing.
"Guys, come on, Xander's MIA, we gotta go find him."
They would have protested, but seeing the resolve face firmly set in place, they thought better of it, and left with Willow.
* * *
The vamp was quickly dusted, but not before it had the chance to do its damage. Xander was laying on the ground, a crumpled heap, his battered wheelchair laying several feet away. He was coughing up blood and his neck was leaking the precious fluid in amazing quantities. One look at him would have told anyone that he'd never survive the trip to the hospital, even a sobbing Willow who would have given anything for it to be otherwise.
With the last onces of strength left in his mortal body, Xander rose up and took Willow's hand, and stroked it gently. Looking at her with his failing eyes, he drank in her image one last time. Offering her a sad smile, he spoke.
"Willow, no matter what [cough] I love you. More than a friend, more than anything, I love you with all my heart. You were my world..."
And with those last breaths, Willow Rosenbergs' best friend for life let out a last gasp, and died.
* * *
The funeral was small, only a small contigent of friends. Buffy gave a beautiful eulogy that summed up all of Xander. She spoke of losing a best friend, of pain and sorrow, and how she considered herself truly blessed for having known him. She cried freely the entire time.
Cordelia, Joyce and even Giles joined in, each remembering something different. Had it been after dark, Angel would have joined them. Willow never moved, never made a sound. She was led in by hand, and when the casket was buried, led out. Oblivious to the world.
* * *
3 days later
* * *
The slayer stands by the grave of a fallen comerade. She has refused to leave and is now on the last day of her vigil. She considers this a fitting way to say goodbye to a friend who died honourably, a lost comerade in arms. Until his soul ascends, she shall guard him with her life.
* * *
The watcher tries to forget the pain of losing. He hopes that reports and journals would be enough to keep his mind off of everything. He knows they are not however, somehow, they never are.
* * *
The uptown girl sits at home and tells herself that she does not care, that it meant nothing. However, she can't seem to let go of a tear stained photo of her and a young man.
* * *
In a dark loft, a fallen angel broods over his painting. There are no images or shapes, yet somehow he knows that what he is painting is right and fits the life of love that's lost.
* * *
The musician plays the music of the soul. A song of a trio falling from the air, a song that speaks of chevies and levies, a song dedicated to a man who lost the one thing the musician will never have.
* * *
In the darkness of her room, the young wicca writes in her diary. The first thing she has done in days. Also, for the first time in days, she smiles.
* * *
Dear Diary,
Last night I came to grips with everything. Xander is truly gone. I don't think that I could accept it at first. It's hard to face that the person you've been with your entire life is gone. For the past few days I've slowly withdrawn from the world, content to drift away. My point, however is to reflect on last night.
Unable to sleep, I spent the night staring at the cieling. Suddenly I found myself in the park near my house, only it wansn't. The place was serene, way too peaceful. Walking over to the swings, I found him sitting there, both legs working fine. Honestly I wan't surprised or excited, only happy. This may sound odd, but I can remember everything, every word, and I now that I always will.
"Hi Will, thanks for coming." he said to me, giving me his beautiful smile. "I knew you would, so please just listen for a second."
I could only stare at him. It was Xander, and it wasn't. He was so much more, something made me want to do what he said.
"I know you're hurting Willow, and I hate that, but you have to understand that I died when it was my time. You have to live your life for all it's worth, because it's so precious. You'll live and grow, and you'll love again, and you will have good times and bad. Don't hesitate to find someone else, love is an infinite force, and we'll always be soulmates. Don't hold back because of me, don't try and drag all of me around. You don't have to, a piece of me is always there Will, it always was, just like a small piece of you will always be with me. We never had the time we should have in life, but I want you to know that I love you, with every part of my soul, I love you."
At that point we both stepped forward and held one another, it was electric, it was perfect. I could barely whisper, "Don't leave me."
The look he gave me was the perfect blend of happy and sad. "Willow, I'm never gonna gone far, remember, you're stuck with me. I'll be waiting for you, we will have an eternity to spend together."
"I love you Xander."
"I love you Willow."
We both leaned forward and kissed. This one kiss would have to hold me for the rest of my life, until I was ready to meet my love again. I woke up before the kiss broke, and I cried. Slowly but surely, however, I came to grips with what Xander told me, and I at least now that for one fleeting moment, everything was perfect.
* * *
Willow closed the diary and looked around the room. Everywhere she looked was a Xander momento, something that sang of the greatest relationship her life will ever know. Picking up her coat, she leaves her house, going towards the cemetary to be with her two best friends, feeling that at least tonite she will be safe, that she has someone looking out for her. She knew, for the first time in a long time, everything would be all right.
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