THE LIGHT AT THE END
Written by “Painbow”
A/N: Thanks and cookies to the ever-lovely spikeNdru who beta’d this. Good thing too, otherwise I’d have to buy spectacles and blue hair rinse for Dawn :)
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters except Heather. Mutant Enemy does. Please don’t sue me. :)
TEASER
SCENE
The inside of the office seen in “Novus Res.” A Man is sitting in a desk chair, staring out of his window. His face is not visible, but he gives the impression of being deep in thought.
Behind him we hear the door opening and the sound of footsteps entering the room. The Woman enters. She stops in the middle of the room and clears her throat.
MAN
Yes?
WOMAN
Sir? Angel…
MAN
What about Angel?
WOMAN
Well, he’s fighting the mind control spell. He’s started to realize that he’s being held captive.
MAN
And?
WOMAN
(confused) Don’t we want him to think he’s died?
MAN
That was the original plan, but this has a certain charm too.
WOMAN
Well, what if he finds a way to escape?
MAN
He can’t. Balance. It’s all about balance. He can’t leave unless there’s someone there to take his place. He knows that. (Pause) Be sure to monitor him closely.
SCENE
Angel wakes up with a start. He looks around the room wildly for a moment, then calms down.
ANGEL
How often am I going to do that?
WESLEY (O.S.)
I really don’t know. (He walks into view) It is getting a little tiresome.
ANGEL
Wes? What are you doing here?
WESLEY
Looking after you. (He moves closer to the bed) It’s my turn. I dare say I’ll do a better job then you did. After, you just let me die…
ANGEL
Wait…this isn’t how it goes. (Sounding bored) I’m supposed to have a perfect day of bliss before the torture starts. (Sarcastically) Isn’t that the pattern, Wes?
Wesley sits down on the bed and picks up a pillow.
WESLEY
Oh, I don’t know, Angel. (He begins to smother Angel) Patterns can be broken.
CREDITS
DAVID BOREANAZ as ANGEL
JAMES MARSTERS as SPIKE
J. AUGUST RICHARDS as GUNN
AMY ACKER as ILLYRIA
ANDY HALLET as LORNE
SARAH POLLEY as HEATHER
GUEST STARRING
SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR as BUFFY
ANTHONY STEWART HEAD as GILES
MICHELLE TRACTENBURG as DAWN
ALEXIS DENISOF as WESLEY
CHARISMA CARPENTER as CORDELIA
VINCENT KARTHEISER as CONNOR
GLENN QUINN as DOYLE
ACT ONE
SCENE
The inside of Giles’ apartment. The gang is gathered around a seated Heather, who is trying to come to terms with the rather long and complicated explanation she has received about Angel.
Spike is leaning on a wall, arms folded, looking frustrated. Illyria is examining the fichus next to the couch, Lorne is still channel surfing, Buffy looks as frustrated as Spike, and Giles and Gunn look expectantly patient.
HEATHER
Ooookay. So this Angel guy’s a vampire with a soul, fighting for his redemption by killing other vampires? (Pause) Wow. How lame is that?
Spike scoffs to himself, earning a glare from Buffy and Gunn.
GUNN
Want to watch that cough, soul-boy junior?
Spike smirks at Gunn. Heather looks around to see if she can continue. He gaze stops at Spike and she gives him an appreciative once-over. He raises an eyebrow at her and she looks away.
HEATHER
So, some evil law firm called Wolly and Hurt—
LORNE
(Not looking up from the TV) Wolfram and Hart.
HEATHER
Whatever. This evil law firm tortures you guys for years and then finally locks the vampire with a soul in an alternate dimension where he’s being tortured by being surrounded by clones of all his dead friends?
GUNN
Pretty much sums it up.
HEATHER
(Giving every one a Look) You guys ever heard of Anne Rice?
GILES
I know it sounds…far fetched, but we need your aid to help Angel.
SPIKE
(pushing himself up off the wall) What we need is to get started! I’m sick of all of this yammering! If new girl doesn’t get it, then we’ll have to make do without her.
Heather stands up, batting her eyelashes at Spike.
HEATHER
Oh, I’m sure I could get it if you helped me…
Spike stares at her and then rolls his eyes. He turns to Gunn.
SPIKE
Look, Charlie-boy, can you get the troops assembled and ready for when I get back?
GUNN
(confused) Where you going?
SPIKE
Out.
GUNN
Out where? Look, Spike, there’s still some stuff I’m not clear on. Like, how we’re supposed to leave with Angel? There always has to be a balance with these dimensions. If we take him with us, someone has to stay.
SPIKE
You want to volunteer?
Gunn looks away.
SPIKE
Right, then. I have a plan.
Dawn enters from the kitchen where she has been tidying up.
DAWN
Hey, Spike, while you’re sorting out that part, why don’t I go out too? There’s something I need to pick up.
Spike gives her an intense look.
SPIKE
I dunno, Bit. I don’t fancy you wanderin’ around by yourself…shopping.
DAWN
Well, it’s something that needs to be done.
HEATHER
Ooh! Shopping! I like shopping. Can I come? Why are we going shopping?
Buffy shifts her glance between Dawn and Spike.
BUFFY
(skeptically) Good question.
Dawn looks at Buffy and realizes Buffy’s not totally buying it.
DAWN
Sorry, Heather, but I’m not going to be window browsing. (Turns to Buffy) And what else can I really do? C’mon! I need to get this done.
Heather pouts and sits down on the chair, arms crossed.
GILES
It’s no matter, Heather. You have some training to do as it is. You haven’t time to flit about at the mall, You have a sacred birthright to protect mankind.
Heather looks downcast.
HEATHER
I can already tell this gig is going to suck.
BUFFY
(muttering to herself) You don’t know the half of it. (Louder) I dunno if I want you going alone, Dawnie…
DAWN
What is this, three years ago? Fine…Lorne can come…as chaperone!
BUFFY
Fine.
Lorne doesn’t even look up.
LORNE
Find someone else, crumb cake. Ooh, look, M*A*S*H* in Italian.
Dawn walks over to Lorne, standing directly in front of Alan Alda.
LORNE
Hey! Hawkeye was just about to make a speech about the pointlessness and stupidity of what they’re doing in Korea. Kinda well timed, don’t you think?
DAWN
(Ignoring him) Please, Lorne? (she sings) It won’t be any fun without you.
Lorne looks up at Dawn’s pleading look and sighs.
LORNE
Always was a sucker for big, puppy eyes. Alright, Pop Tart, lets go.
Dawn gives him a half smile at the nickname. She grabs her purse and they exit.
Everyone watches them go, and then Spike heads for the door.
SPIKE
Well, I’m off for the nearest sewer entrance. I’ll be back soon. Get everyone ready Charlie-boy.
GUNN
I’m still not totally clear on—
SPIKE
Back in a jiff.
Spike leaves and everyone looks a little confused. Gunn snaps out first.
GUNN
Ok, Giles you get Heather caught up, Illyria, you keep working on that crystal mojo stuff, and Buffy—
Gunn looks to where Buffy was standing, and notices that she too has left. He sighs.
GUNN
I guess that means I’ll look for weapons.
SCENE
Lorne and Dawn are walking down the stairs to the lobby of Giles’ building when suddenly Dawn stops.
DAWN
Oops, almost forgot.
She mutters a few words in Latin and suddenly Lorne looks human.
LORNE
Hey! What the hell was that!?
Dawn grins.
DAWN
Better then a dorky hat, don’t you think? Now people won’t stare.
Lorne’s face is motionless.
LORNE
I happen to be very proud of my green skin, thank you.
Dawn’s grin fades a little.
DAWN
Oh, I didn’t…you think I?…Not at all! It’s just, it can’t be comfortable in all this heat to have to wear gloves and a fedora, so I thought, hey! A small illusion wouldn’t hurt, and he’d be all surprised and happy and then he can walk around without people staring at him…not that there’s anything wrong with green skin! If I were green, I’d want to be your shade…
Dawn’s babbling tapers off when she sees Lorne’s face fall.
DAWN
What’s wrong?
Lorne straightens up.
LORNE
Nothing. Let’s just get this trip done, ok?
SCENE
Spike is striding down a dark, dank sewer tunnel, when suddenly he stops.
SPIKE
You might as well come out. I know you’re there.
Buffy appears from a side tunnel.
BUFFY
Alright, caught me.
Spike sighs as he turns back in the direction he was heading.
BUFFY
(With false brightness) So, what have you been up to? You know, not being dead and all.
SPIKE
Subtle.
BUFFY
Well, I just—
SPIKE
Could ask you the same thing. How’s the “Morty”?
Buffy glances sideways at Spike and blushes a little.
BUFFY
That’s…he’s nothing, really. We hang out…it’s just sex.
SPIKE
Just sex, is it? And what about us, Buffy? What did we have?
Buffy smiles ruefully.
BUFFY
Well, I did say I wanted to talk. And look! A sewer! (She sighs) Perfect.
SPIKE
Answer the question.
Her smile fades.
BUFFY
We…you…you were in my heart.
SPIKE
So you loved me?
BUFFY
I…
SPIKE
(He laughs humorlessly) You can’t even say it. Well, while I’m going to live, that is.
Buffy stops dead. She looks like she’s been slapped. Spike sighs and walks back towards her a little.
SPIKE
Look, pet, I’m sorry. I just…I’ve been on my own since I got back, and it’s taught me a few things, given me some perspective. (He moves closer to her) You and I…well, I spent the last year trying to move on, and I think I finally did. I’ll always love you (he touches her face), but I’m not in love with you anymore.
Buffy pulls away.
BUFFY
Oh, and that’s it, is it? You get the last say and then you walk away from me? I…I l…
Buffy stops, face puzzled. Slowly she breaks into a sad smile.
BUFFY
You know, you’re right. I can’t say it. I haven’t been able to since—
SPIKE
If the next word outta your mouth is going to be “Angel,” don’t. I’ve just gotten to a point where I can stand the ponce, don’t remind me why I hated him.
BUFFY
And if I could say it? What then?
Spike sighs.
SPIKE
Even then, luv. The mission is what matters. I have one now, for the first time, and I actually care about it. (He frowns) It’s a little weird, actually.
Buffy smiles at him.
BUFFY
I’m glad. Almost really. It makes me sad that you’ll be leaving, though. You’ve been around for so long…
SPIKE
You’ll miss me? Why, slayer, who’d a thought?
Spike grins at her, and Buffy walks over and hugs him.
BUFFY
I will miss you, Spike.
Spike sighs and hugs her back. They embrace for a little while longer, when suddenly Buffy squeaks and jumps back, holding her bum. Spike grins rakishly.
SPIKE
Sorry, pet. Couldn’t help it.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
SCENE
Lorne, looking very human, and Dawn are sitting in a bar. Lorne is nursing a seabreeze and has a forest of glasses in front of him. Dawn is nursing a coke craning her neck around like she’s looking for something.
LORNE
Take it easy, sugarplum. He’ll be here and you can carry out your diabolical plan…the part of it that didn’t involve roping me in to help you against my will.
Dawn looks over, raising an eyebrow at Lorne.
DAWN
Well, it looks like you’re having a good time anyway.
LORNE
(deadpan) Oh yeah…it’s a real fiesta.
Dawn gives him a hard look.
DAWN
What happened, Lorne? The way people tell it, you were always the life of the party. Now…well, that unconscious guy over there is livelier.
LORNE
Not in a mood to share, crackerjack. Can we just get our scrumptious package and move on?
DAWN
What are you doing? Looking at a menu? Pop Tart I can live with, but crackerjack? (She pauses for a bit and asks softly) What did you call Fred?
Lorne looks up at her for a second. He looks away and then points.
LORNE
There’s your guy.
Dawn twists her neck to look in the same direction as Lorne. She spots something and grins.
DAWN
Let’s go collect the package.
SCENE
It’s later in the day back inside Giles’ apartment. Gunn is sitting next to a fairly substantial pile of weapons. Illyria is back standing next to the fichus, studying the crystal. Giles walks in reading a book.
GUNN
Anything good?
GILES
(Looks up) Hmm? Oh, just reading up on Hell dimensions. As you are aware, we need to leave a replacement when we rescue Angel.
GUNN
Yeah, I’m aware.
GILES
So, have you given any thought to who you are going to put in Hell in place of Angel?
GUNN
(Looks down at the weapons) Spike’s taking care of it.
GILES
Need I remind you that Angel’s replacement will suffer an eternity of torment? Torment meant for Angel?
Gunn stands up, menacingly.
GUNN
So what are you suggesting, Jeeves? That Angel deserves what he’s got? That we should just leave him there after all the good he’s done? Wait, you already suggested that.
GILES
Well, what about his replacement? Who are you to judge who deserves that kind of punishment?
GUNN
Well…isn’t this just nice for you. You can stand back, make the moral judgments, without having to worry about getting dirty. (Pause) Maybe it ain’t right, but I have to believe that it’s for the best. ’Sides, weren’t you listening? Spike said he was getting a demon. You gonna take it’s side now?
Giles watches Gunn for a moment and then walks over to Illyria.
GILES
How are your focusing exercises going?
ILLYRIA
Satisfactory. I am now able to channel the energy of the crystal without fail. During the previous tests, I was not certain I would be able to maintain control for long periods of time. I am more confident now.
Giles nods and calls to Heather, whose voice can be hear from one of the rooms.
GILES
And how are your exercises going?
HEATHER (O.S.)
(sarcastically) Ooh! Just great! I wish I’d know how fun it was to stare into rocks sooner. I can’t believe I’ve been missing out. (Whines) When is Spike getting back?
Giles sighs.
GILES
When he’s back. Please continue with your crystal exercises. They are very important.
Heather can be heard muttering from the room, however the exact content is not audible.
Buffy enters the room, looking around.
BUFFY
Where is everyone?
GUNN
I thought Spike was with you?
BUFFY
Well, he was, but then he had to go finish what he went out to do so secretively.
Gunn sighs.
GUNN
Well, I wish they’d hurry up. I want to get this thing over.
The door opens immediately after Gunn’s statement, revealing a smiling Dawn, a morose Lorne, now returned to his regular appearance, and a tight-jawed Spike carrying a large duffle bag.
Buffy eyes the bag.
BUFFY
What’s in there?
SPIKE
Our replacement. (He looks at Gunn) We ready?
GUNN
Sure…I figure we all run in and distract the clones while you drag Angel through the portal.
Spike grins.
SPIKE
Sounds like a plan, Charlie-boy.
GUNN
Really? Cause to me it sounds like something I pulled out of my ass.
Spike pats him on the back.
SPIKE
That’s how you can tell it’s a good one.
SCENE
A beautiful day in Angel’s Personal Hell. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, squirrels are frolicking in the grass along the boulevard.
A portal opens in the middle of the picturesque scene and Spike comes through, tossing his duffle bag carelessly a few paces ahead. Gunn follows, carrying two axes, one which he passes to Spike. He is followed through the portal by Buffy, Giles and a reluctant Lorne. Buffy has brought her scythe, Giles has a sword, and Lorne is disinterestedly carrying a crossbow. Illyria walks through the portal last, crystal in hand.
Gunn looks around, frowning.
GUNN
This is a different spot from where we came in last time.
GILES
Perhaps entering the portal at a different point in our dimension has caused us to enter this dimension here instead of where you found yourselves last time.
SPIKE
Yeah, right, whatever. (He points to a house at the end of the block) I think that little piece of suburbia is Angel’s.
BUFFY
Alright, let’s go.
Illyria closes the portal with a look of concentration.
Buffy turns sharply to look where the portal used to be.
BUFFY
Umm…why’d you do that?
SPIKE
Gotta say, Blue, don’t enjoy this lovely trapped feeling.
ILLYRIA
It is not necessary for me to hold the portal open while we search for Angel. I will open it again when we retrieve him.
Gunn looks nervously where the portal used to be.
GUNN
(to himself) Oh yeah, this is a great plan.
The gang moves quickly towards the house on the end of the block, keeping their eyes peeled for possible attackers. As they approach, they slow down and Spike and Buffy go on ahead a little to scope out the entrances. After a quick sweep around the house, they come back to where everyone else is waiting.
BUFFY
Looks fine. I thought I saw Angel inside, but I could be wrong.
SPIKE
It was Angel, but I also smelled a whole crowd of people in there with him.
GILES
(looking at Buffy) What do you suggest?
GUNN
I hope you can come up with something, cause my ass is empty. (Gunn pauses while everyone stares at him) Can we just pretend I didn’t say that?
SCENE
Inside the house, Angel is surrounded by his “friends.” Connor is sitting at the end of the table with a cake in front of him. Cordy is glowing.
CORDELIA
I can’t believe you got a hockey and an academic scholarship to Notre Dame! Oh, Connor, we are just so proud! Who could have thought you could get more then a 4.0?
Cordy wraps her arms around Connor in a fairly soggy hug. Angel is watching the faces around the table a little warily.
ANGEL
Congrats, son. Couldn’t be prouder.
Connor beams at him through Cordy’s hug. Wes and Doyle reach over and pat him on the back available through Cordy’s embrace, Gunn gives him a thumbs up, and Fred and Lorne beam at him. Angel half-smiles at everyone, and then glares at Connor and Cordy like he expects them to either die horribly or start having sex right there. He glances out the window and notices a flash of peroxide-blond hair. He sits up straighter.
ANGEL
Um…Cordy, honey, I think I just heard someone at the door.
Cordy looks up from her Connor-hug.
CORDELIA
I didn’t hear anything.
ANGEL
(covering) Yeah, well, I have great hearing…vampire.
WESLEY
But, Angel, you remember, you’re not a vampire anymore. You’re human.
ANGEL
Right. Well…my vision has been getting a little fuzzier lately, so maybe I’m just compensating. (He stands up) I’ll go get that.
Fred looks sharply at him.
FRED
I didn’t hear anything either.
Angel backs towards the hallway.
ANGEL
Really?
Suddenly he turns and makes a break for the door. He opens it to finds Spike kneeling with a bobby pin in hand. Spike looks up, surprised. Angel looks down and the shot moves behind Spike.
ANGEL
Spike! I’m so glad it’s you! (He frowns) What are you doing down there?
SPIKE
Helping you!
ANGEL
Well, get up!
Buffy rolls her eyes.
BUFFY
Let’s get going, ok?
She looks behind Angel and her eyes widen. Cordy and Wes are standing in the hall behind Angel. Both are holding onto vicious looking axes and have looks of rage on their faces. Angel turns around at Buffy’s look and quickly turns back to face her.
ANGEL
Yes, let’s get going…now!
END OF ACT 2
ACT THREE
Angel, Spike, and Buffy run out the door and around the corner of the house, an enraged Cordelia and Wesley hot on their heels. They run past the rest of the group, who had staked out the back entrance. Giles’ mouth opens to call out to them when he sees Cordy and Wes. He shuts his mouth and begins to run after the trio. Gunn and Lorne follow suit, and Gunn looks quickly over his shoulder to see that Connor, Fred, a smaller brunette guy, and a blonde, female vampire have joined the chase. He turns his head slightly to Illyria.
GUNN
Hope you can get that portal open fast.
ILLYRIA
Do not worry about the portal.
Illyria closes her eyes and suddenly the portal opens right where it had before. Gunn looks relieved until a hand clamps down on his shoulder and pulls him down.
Gunn yells as he’s pulled down by Fake!Cordy. Spike is almost at the re-opened portal, dragging Angel by the arm, when he hears Gunn yell. Spike whirls around and sees that Gunn has been jumped by both Fake!Cordy and Fake!Connor, and that all of the other clones are not far behind.
Spike shoves Angel unceremoniously through the portal and dashes back with Buffy to help Gunn.
Illyria turns and sees that the angry clones will reach Gunn before Spike and Buffy have any chance of helping him. With a wave of her hand, she slows down time. Everyone moves in super slow motion as Illyria walks to Gunn and throws the clone Connor and Cordelia away from Gunn. Suddenly she doubles over, clutching her stomach. Time is restored to its normal flow.
Gunn looks up, surprised to see Illyria right next to him.
GUNN
You ok?
ILLYRIA
I cannot maintain the portal and slow time simultaneously.
She straightens and joins Gunn, Giles, Buffy, and Spike who prepare to attack the oncoming crowd.
SCENE
In Giles’ apartment Angel is laying on the floor, dazed from Spike’s shove. Dawn looks up at him, face carefully blank.
DAWN
Hey, Angel.
Angel looks up from his position on the floor.
ANGEL
Hey, Dawnie. How’ve you been?
DAWN
Alright…you?
ANGEL
Can’t complain.
SCENE
Giles is taking his sword to Fake!Cordy. Illyria is surrounded by the clones of Doyle, Connor, and Wesley. While she has no problem beating on Doyle and Connor, the blows she delivers to Wesley are not as enthusiastic.
FAKE!WESLEY
What’s wrong? Having trouble? I would have assumed a God King would have more strength.
ILLYRIA
You are not Wesley.
FAKE!WESLEY
Aren’t I?
Illyria stares at him for a moment and then punches through his head.
ILLYRIA
You aren’t.
Gunn is taking on the clone of himself.
GUNN
Well, this is definitely a trip.
FAKE!GUNN
Isn’t it just?
GUNN
Hey, I don’t think I want to hear from Bizarro-Gunn.
Gunn swings his axe and takes off Fake!Gunn’s head.
Lorne, who has been hanging back, notices that one of the clones is sneaking up on Giles. He aims the crossbow and then notices that it’s Fred’s. He freezes. The Fred clone jumps on Giles’ back, and Gunn rescues him. Lorne stares as Gunn hits the fake Fred in the stomach with his axe. Lorne blinks and drops the crossbow. Abruptly he turns away and walks through the portal.
Gunn notices Lorne leaving.
GUNN
Lorne!
He moves as if to follow, but is recalled to the fight when the Doyle clone launches at him.
Spike and Buffy are attempting to take down the vamped version of Buffy, but are having real difficulty. She is much stronger and faster then both of them. She grins evilly.
VAMP!BUFFY
What’s wrong? Can’t take out little old me?
Buffy kicks her in the face.
BUFFY
Sure we can manage.
Vamp!Buffy laughs sends a flying kick at Buffy, sending Buffy soaring through the air. She then turns and punches Spike, who is knocked back. She gets ready to launch another attack when she notices that all of her support has been killed. She stops, still in attack position.
VAMP!BUFFY
Well, this can’t be good. I mean, I’m still wicked strong, but I don’t like my chances against all of you…I could be fighting for close to an hour. (She shrugs) Ah, well.
Vamp!Buffy lunges at Giles, who barely manages to dodge in time. She manages to knock all of her attackers back several times and kicks Giles against a tree, knocking him out.
She sends Illyria flying again and turns to Spike and Buffy.
VAMP!BUFFY
Ooh, it’s you two. Kinda hoped it would go this way…just wish my lover coulda joined us. You’re both in for a big bang.
Spike rolls his eyes.
SPIKE
So did you lose your ability to quip when you were turned? I mean honestly…
He punches her in the gut, but she retaliates by picking him up to throw. Suddenly Spike drops through a pile of dust. When it clears Gunn can be seen holding a stake.
GUNN
I still love doing that.
SCENE
Giles’ apartment. Angel is sitting on the couch, fingers on his pulse with a disappointed look on his face. Heather is sitting on the opposite end of the couch, eyeing him. Illyria has again taken up residence next to the fichus, Dawn is at the table, Giles is next to her with an ice pack on the back of his head. Gunn and Buffy are standing near the door. Spike is in the entrance to the kitchen.
ANGEL
I mean, I was human! You’d think that wouldn’t just go away!
SPIKE
Thought you’d shanshu’d, eh?
GILES
I suspect it was just a part of the dimension, like that startlingly real Cordelia who attacked me.
Angel sighs.
ANGEL
I just thought…
Buffy walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. She smiles softly.
BUFFY
I know.
Angel puts his hand on hers and smiles back. Buffy looks at the hand and smiles wider. Slowly her smile begins to fade and she pulls her hand back. Angel frowns.
SPIKE
So where’s green jeans? He made it out, yeah?
DAWN
(worried) He just came walking out of the portal all calm and said he was going to get a drink or ten. Then he walked out the door. (Dawn sighs) I think I’d better go get him. (She looks at Heather) Want to come?
Heather looks up from where she’s been ogling Angel.
HEATHER
Hmm? Sure, why not.
Heather and Dawn grab their coats.
DAWN
We’ll be back, hopefully with a big, green demon in tow.
They leave.
Spike gets up too.
SPIKE
A drink or ten doesn’t sound too bad. I think I’ll go help them find him. (he stops next to Angel) Glad to have you back, Peaches.
Angel smiles.
ANGEL
Glad to be back. Thanks.
SPIKE
My pleasure…please don’t tell me we hug now?
Angel looks uncomfortable.
ANGEL
(changing the subject) So how did you get me out? I thought there had to be balance?
BUFFY
Yeah, what was in that bag?
SPIKE
(As he exits) Oh, that? Just a demon.
SCENE
In Angel’s Hell the duffle bag begins to move. The zipper opens to reveal the grinning faces of Angelus and William the Bloody.
ANGELUS
Why, William…look what we have here.
William licks his lips.
WILLIAM
Oh, I’m looking, Angelus.
Angelus pulls out a crossbow arrow. He looks down at it, then up at the Immortal.
ANGELUS
So, Immortal are yeh? How much of that Immortal life d’you think it’ll take me to shove this wee stick up your arse?
END OF ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
SCENE
Dawn, Heather, Spike, and Gunn enter the bar where Dawn and Lorne found the Immortal. Spike slaps Gunn on the back.
SPIKE
Glad you decided to come along, Charlie-boy.
GUNN
Yeah, well the idea of a drink or ten sounded really good after that fight. Taking myself out…that image’ll stay with me.
SPIKE
Not if you drink enough.
Heather cranes her head around and points.
HEATHER
There he is.
Dawn cranes her neck around also. Lorne can be seen sitting at the bar across the room, another forest of glasses in front of him. The gang approaches and sits next to him at the bar. Lorne ignores them.
LORNE
Barkeep! Another seabreeeze, if you please.
SPIKE
(Sitting down) And a pint of Guiness, with a side of Jamesons.
GUNN
What the heck, same for me.
HEATHER
I’ll get a strawberry blond.
DAWN
Coke please…someone needs to drive you all home.
Lorne sighs as the drinks arrive, pulled in yet again.
SCENE
Giles and Illyria are in Giles’ study. Giles is looking through books while Illyria stares at a wall.
GILES
What is it like?
Illyria looks up.
ILLYRIA
To what do you refer?
GILES
What is it like inhabiting a human shell? From what I’ve read, Illyria was once a great power controlling legions. This world must be a terrible disappointment.
Illyria stares at him for a moment, and then looks away.
ILLYRIA
If you are going to tell me that I do not belong in this world…you need not. I am already aware. My place is now in Los Angeles serving a master. (she scoffs)
She stares at the wall a moment longer.
ILLYRIA
Why did you choose this colour?
GILES
What?
ILLYRIA
This colour for your dwelling? This green is sterile, and yet similar in pigment to mould that can be found on your older foodstuffs.
GILES
It…it came with the apartment.
ILLYRIA
I see. It was a poor choice.
GILES
So you’re a decorator now?
ILLYRIA
Perhaps. (Pause) What is a decorator?
SCENE
Buffy is pacing Giles’ now empty living room. She looks up when Angel enters. She is clearly flustered as she watches him take a seat on the couch.
ANGEL
Ok, so what the hell was that back there?
BUFFY
What was what?
ANGEL
Well, all the mixed signals, and Spike not batting an eye when you gave me the “true love” comfort gesture.
BUFFY
Spike and I… (she trails off)
ANGEL
Uh huh?
Buffy looks more flustered.
BUFFY
Angel, I… (she trails off again)
Buffy paces for a little while longer. She looks as if she’s about to say something and then stops. She smiles softly at him, but the smile slowly fades. Finally she stands next to Illyria’s fichus, jaw set.
BUFFY
I’m…I’m like a pie.
Angel sighs as Buffy continues.
BUFFY
On the outside I’m all golden and flakey, but on the inside…well you can’t see it, so it’s difficult to tell what—
Angel cuts her off.
ANGEL
Buffy, since the last time you cooked was Thanksgiving four years ago, can we stop with the baking analogies? Just say it. You don’t know what you want.
Buffy opens her mouth to continue, but Angel cuts her off.
ANGEL
Did you talk to Spike?
Buffy looks confused.
BUFFY
Umm…yes.
ANGEL
Did you compare yourself to a strudel?
BUFFY
Well, no.
ANGEL
So why do I get all the carb-rich imagery?
Buff sighs.
BUFFY
I dunno. With him I always know what to say, granted it’s usually “you’re a pig, Spike,” but at least it’s something. With you…I dunno.
Angel sits down and sighs.
ANGEL
We’ve been apart for so long. I had feelings for Cordy, you had…something best left un-described with Spike. We’ve grown up since high school. Buffy, you know I still love you. I always will, but…
BUFFY
Stop there. I know this one. “I’ll always love you, but I’m not IN love with you.” How’d I do?
ANGEL
Um…really well, actually.
Buffy half-smiles. This time it doesn’t fade.
BUFFY
Well, not only did I get the same speech from Spike, but…I think it’s what I’ve been trying to say…granted through slightly off-putting metaphors, but…we’re over, aren’t we? (She sits down next to him)
ANGEL
Yeah (he looks up at her), we really are.
SCENE
The lobby of the Hyperion. It still looks as it did in “Novus Res,” old and uncared for. Angel, Spike, Gunn, Lorne, Illyria, and Heather enter. Heather looks around and sneezes. Lorne sighs.
LORNE
Home sweet Hell.
Gunn looks at him sideways.
GUNN
Didn’t you say that about Pylea?
LORNE
And I stand by it.
ANGEL
Well, maybe it’s a bit of a fixer upper…
GUNN
Again.
LORNE
Not what I meant, Angel-cakes. I’ll be in my room.
Lorne climbs the stairs. Heather looks around.
HEATHER
Well, can I find a place to crash too? My bags are super heavy.
SPIKE
And you with super-strength.
HEATHER
A gentleman would have carried them.
SPIKE
Well, we’re sorely lacking in those.
Heather rolls her eyes.
ANGEL
What d’you say to a quick patrol?
HEATHER
Ooh! I just have to change! Wait for me.
She runs up the stairs.
GUNN
What she said, but…more manly.
Angel stares.
ANGEL
She’s…lively. It’ll be great to have a slayer around again.
SPIKE
Yeah…
GUNN
Uh oh. (He grins) You two better watch it. Wouldn’t want to fall in love with another one.
Spike and Angel look horrified.
GUNN
Ah, the other kind of lively, then. You sure about training a slayer?
ANGEL
Well, I have Connor. This is the same idea.
GUNN
(As he walks up the stairs) I know you're NOT trying to use your son, who was kidnapped, raised in a hell dimension, tried to kill himself, and was dropped in a fake life as an example right?
Angel glares after him as Gunn follows Lorne and Heather.
SPIKE
Oh, lighten up, Peaches. It was just a joke.
ANGEL
I know, it’s just…all that Connor stuff is still with me, you know?
SPIKE
I do.
They share a look, and then there’s an awkward silence. Spike tries to lighten the mood.
SPIKE
But, hey! We got you out of that Hell dimension, so now you have all this free time to brood about it!
ANGEL
How did you do that anyway? You never did tell me who my replacement was.
Spike grins.
SPIKE
Let’s just say that now Rome is definitely lacking in romantically ambiguous moral heroes with…Immortality.
Angel stares. After a few moments he bursts out laughing. He and Spike lean on each other’s shoulders.
ANGEL
(Through gasps of laughter) Buffy’s gonna kill you!
SPIKE
Isn’t she just. (He grabs his side)
HEATHER (O.S.)
Ok, I’m ready!
Spike and Angel look up, whipping tears from their eyes, to see Heather standing at the top of the stairs in a frilly, pink sundress, matching shawl, and heeled, strappy sandals.
HEATHER
Don’t you just love it? Perfect for patrol, huh?
Spike and Angel stare open-mouthed.
HEATHER
Oh, and will one of you guys hold my purse? I don’t want it to get dirty…
Spike and Angel stare for a moment longer, and then at the same time turn and walk out the door.
END OF ACT 4
END OF EPISODE
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