Disclaimer: "Buffy" and its characters belong to Joss Whedon.
Author's Notes: I need feedback :). It's really, really nice. But I ramble. For the 'lics and the Spectrum kids, as always.
Teaser: The last few minutes of Buffy's life, from Angel's POV.
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She's breathing slower, now, every breath she takes more labored than the last.
Every breath becoming everything to me.
Her eyes are filled with tears of agony...I can't imagine a worse way to die.
I can't imagine a worse way to watch someone die.
What did she do to make Fate think she deserved this? *I'm* the one this should be happening to, not her. Never her.
She opens her eyes, and I know that doing just that hurts her. I swallow hard and hold her eyes on mine. Tears in my voice, I ask, "Will you wait for me?"
A single tear courses down her cheek as she nods, slowly. "I promise," she tries to say, and even though she can't say anything I understand.
Everyone is waiting outside the room, their faces as blank as the white-washed walls. This is the one part of the hospital they don't spend time decorating to look cheerful, because they know that no one ever spends a long while in here. This is where people come to die.
"Angel," she breathes. Once she's caught my attention, she locks her gaze on mine. "When...when am I going to die?"
I want to whisper something that will maybe bring her a little hope. You won't die, I want to say. I won't let you.
But empty, hopeful words mean nothing now. I can't protect her any more. This is the end, and we both know it.
I avert my eyes. Soon, I know, but I don't want to tell her that.
Trembling hands she reaches out, puts her hand on my cheek. It takes so much effort for her, just that small movement.
I choke on my tears and put my hand on top of hers, holding it to me.
How could this be her?
This shadow, bruised and bloody, translucent skin, dirty hair...she's only recognizable now by her eyes that still hold on to a little bit of her light. But even that slips away now.
I've tried to keep all thoughts of her mortality in the back of my mind until now. But what did I expect? I knew she was the Slayer...and I knew she was destined to die young. But I couldn't keep away from her. And I loved her.
I still do.
I'll live with this pain, this unbearable aching of loneliness until the day the world takes its last breath.
And it almost frightens me to realize that I'd suffer through an eternity of this torture so long as I could keep all my memories of her.
My ears strain to hear her heartbeat amidst the humming of the machines that surround her. It's so slow, so quiet, I can hardly hear it now.
She slips her hand out from my cheek, and pulls mine down with it, holding it to her heart.
Perhaps she can still read minds...
Or maybe she just knows me too well.
Tears finally spill out from under my tired eyelids, and I lean down and kiss her forehead, gently, as she closes her eyes.
What the world will lose tonight is the most incredible human being I have ever met.
The only one I've ever cared for, or ever will.
Slower now...
This black void, this limbo, is where I'll remain, for now, at least. Until we can finally be together...and I'll actually be a whole person again. Not too soon, I hope anyway...there's so much he can still do, and I hope he does. And I'll watch every step of the way. And hope that maybe he can find some peace. The unselfish part of me hopes that he finds it with someone else.
But that's not what I hope...because once it's all over, I want him here with me. And I'll wait for him. As long as it takes.
A single thought etched itself into the darkness.
< I will wait for you. >
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