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Author's Notes: Enjoy.
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Xander and Buffy had agreed to spend more time together. So they had an all nighter at Buffy's house, Willow and Oz had gone away on a computer expedition. They both sat staring at the T.V. Which was now fuzzy.
Xander: Buffy? Do you ever wonder where life is going to lead you?
Buffy: You mean to whom?
Xander: Yeah!
Buffy: I don't know. But I just hope that he has a great dental plan.
They both laughed.
Xander: Truthfully Buff. Say in ten years. Who do you see yourself with?
Buffy: I told you. I don't know. What about you?
Xander: In ten minutes. I see myself with a small blonde. Not to small. Beautiful and brainy with a nocturnal social live.
Buffy: (stuttering) Xander? You've just described someone that digs graves. Or..
Xander: You! I know. That's who I want to be with. You and only you.
Buffy: Yeah but not only me. There must be someone else out there?
Xander: There isn't. Buffy? You are all I want. From now until eternity.
Buffy: (trying to change the subject) So do you want to watch a movie?
Xander: Don't change the subject. I have to tell you how I feel about you.
Holding up a hand.
Buffy: No Xander you don't. I know how you feel. Do you think I don't see you staring at me all the time? That I don't see why you come patrolling with me every night. Even though it's dangerous. Or how you are always there even when I have rejected you many times. I just feel sorry that I can't return the liking that you have for me.
Xander: (confused) Buff? I don't like you.
Buffy: (shocked) What?
Xander: (taking her hand in his) I love you. Always have and always will.
She pulls away from him.
Buffy: (avoiding eye contact) Let's just watch a movie. Okay?
Xander: Okay Buff.
She leans over him and grabs the movies. Looking through them. Xander can smell her perfume. He smiles to himself.
Xander: ‘Just grab her and take her in your arms and kiss her' No! I can't.
Buffy: (she stops) Can't what?
She's inches away from his face.
Xander: Nothing.
She shrugs and continues to look.
Buffy: So Xand? Are we in a thriller mood? A horror mood or a romantic mood?
Xander: A romantic mood. Definitely.
She looks up at him again.
Xander: ‘I need to do this'
He grabs her and kisses her. She's surprised.
Buffy: Xander? I can't do this.
Xander: If that's what you really want.
Buffy: (pulls away) It is.
Xander: I'm sorry Buffy. I'll go. (Stands up)
Buffy: No! (pushes him down) We're both adults. We can deal with this.
Xander: (seriously) Are you so sure about that?
Buffy: (taking a deep breath) Yeah. (looking into his eyes) I am.
Xander: (smiling) Then so am I. (looking away) Now put on a film. A good one.
They return to normal.
Buffy: Okay. What one?
Xander: Anything. I don't care. As long as it passes the time.
Buffy: What about ‘The Craft'?
Xander: What's it about?
Buffy: (reads the box) Four girls that are into witchcraft. Reminds me of Willow.
Xander: (laughing) Yeah it does.
She puts it into the video and lies on her stomach at the bottom of her bed. Xander right beside her, Staring at her. Watching and observing her every move.
Buffy: (fifteen minutes into the film) Xander?
Xander: Yeah?
Buffy: Stop staring at me.
Xander: I can't help it. You're just so beaut…
She puts a finger to his lips.
Buffy: Please. Don't..
Xander: Well then. I can't do this Buffy. Pretend that everything is alright. When it isn't. I can't be here or around you. I have to go. (avoiding eye contact)
He gets up and pulls on his shoes.
Buffy: Xander? Don't be like that.
Xander: What do you want me to be like? I can hold my feelings in. I can stop staring at you every minute of the day. Well I can't.
Puts his jacket on.
Xander: I gotta go. (staring her in the eyes) Bye.
He walks to her bedroom door. Buffy jumps up and stands in front of him. Blocking his way.
Buffy: So what you're saying is that you can't be around me ever? (rage in her voice)
Xander: Yeah. (waits for her to move) Y'know I don't walk through people.
Buffy: I'm not moving until you tell me that you can still be near me. I don't want to lose you.
Xander: And I don't want to lose you either. But if I'm going to get over you or stop loving you. I can't do it when I am around you. (moves closer to her. Hoping she'll move. She doesn't) You'll be standing there along time.
He reaches out his hand to move her. She doesn't budge. She just stands there. Looking into his brown eyes. She notices how deep his eyes are. They're filles with love. Love for her.
Xander: Buffy? Don't do this to me. What do you want me to say?
Buffy: That you'll still be my best-friend. That I don't have to worry if you're okay. That I can see you. That you'll find a way to be around me. Because it's gonna kill me. You not there. You're a major part of my life Xander. And if it leaves. So does my soul.
Xander: (hangs his head) I can't, it's too complicated. Buffy don't make it any harder. (looks away) Just move and let me go.
Buffy: (angry) No! I'm not budging Xander. Even if have to carry me away from it. (tears form)
Xander: Don't make it come to that. (he trys to out wit her by going one direction, then going another. She's too fast for him) I can't stop loving you. Therefore I can't be around you without looking at you or watching over you. God or even smelling your perfume.
Buffy: Please for me. Try! I don't want to lose you. For willlow's sake.
Xander: Buffy? Don't make me feel guilty here by bringing Willow into the conversation. Please move or else I'll have no option but to do something that I'll regret later.
Buffy: (crossing her arms) And what's that?
Xander: Going out the window. (He turns and runs for the window.) ‘Thank god it's open'
Buffy: (Going after him) Oh no you don't.
She grabs his jacket. He lets her pull his jacket off. Grabbing it. She falls to the ground. His jacket in her hands.
Buffy: Xander? Don't make me hurt you. (she stands and gets a hold of his leg) I didn't want it to come to this.
Xander: Just let me go. I'll be out of your life forever. I'll even avoid you at school. A bonus. (He pulls his leg free) Yes. Freedom.
Buffy: ‘Not if I can help it.' Just come back in and we can talk.
Xander: No! I know if I go back in you'll persuade me to keep my feelings bottled up. I can't do it anymore Buffy. I've done it for to long. But not anymore. I can't see you anymore without thinking “That's the girl who has my heart”. “That's the girl who has rejected many times but I still can't let go of her” or “The girl who has the knack of using force on you.”
She laughed at that. But continued to follow him out of the window. Once he climbed down the tree. He was home free. Buffy was behind him. He jumped to the ground and wasted no time in running. She ran after him. He turned to see her behind him. She looked so beautiful.
Xander: This isn't happening. Why is she doing this to me?
He saw the sign for the graveyard and followed it. Intending on hiding behind a gravestone. Until she gives up looking and leaves.
Buffy: (shouting) Xander? (tears ran down her face. Tears of anger and fear. Fear of losing her best-friend, And anger of dumping this on her.) I won't hurt you. ‘I hope.' I just wanna talk to you.
Xander was scrunched behind a headstone that read ‘William Chester. Always be remembered'
She couldn't see him ahead. She crept up slowly behind gravestones. Making sure she didn't stand on anything.
Xander was nervous. She hadn't shouted his name in a minute or so. Did she know where he was? He took deep breaths. Trying to calm his beating heart. No matter how much he thought about it. Even if she didn't get him tonight. She would get him in school tomorrow. If not. The next day or the next day.
Buffy: Xander? Please!
She could see him now. He was scrunched behind a gravestone. She smiled and walked slowly over to the gravestone. Leaning down. She could see his head.
Buffy: Found you.
He jumped up.
Xander: Ahhhhhh! Stay away from me. You're psycho.
He started to back up. She followed him. Making sure she could grab him if needed.
Xander: Okay Buff! Stop there!
She did and stared into his chocolate brown eyes.
Buffy: Xander? I just want to talk to you.
Xander: Tell me why you followed me?
She played with her hair. Twirling it around her fingers.
Buffy: I couldn't let my best-friend get away like that. I love you. As a friend. We talk about everything. You make the jokes. The party starts when you arrive. Xander you can't go.
Xander: (walking closer to her) I have no other chioce. This is hard for me to y'know. Not seeing you is like fish out of water. I love you too. But more than you could never know. It's killing me to do this. But it's either that or…(he looks away)
Buffy: (walking to him) Or what?
Xander: (gazing at her) Leaving Sunnydale. That was actually my first option. I thought I couldn't go everyday not seeing you. But it was either that or leaving my family and my friends behind. But I figured I have two months until graduation. So! Now I'm thinking the leaving idea should have been first. Although, I wasn't actually gonna tell anyone.
Tears formed in Buffy's eyes. She wiped them away from her eyes. Drawing closer to Xander, she wrapped her arms around him and held him close to her. Xander returned the hug. Finally pulling apart, they looked into each others eyes.
Xander: Buffy? You can never be to me what I want you to be. I always be the guy who loves you. But can never have his love returned.
Buffy: But you don't have to leave. There must be some way to work around this.
Xander: (wiping her tears away) I wish there was Buffy. I really do. But I can't stick around here. Knowing that you will never be mine. (tears trinkled down his face) Don't make this hard for me.
Buffy: You can't leave me Xander. Who's gonna make me laugh when I'm crying, or make me happy when I'm sad?
Xander: (chuckling) I'm sure you can find someone else. They're not that hard to find. I'm gonna miss you.
Turning to leave. Buffy stops him.
Buffy: You're hurting me Xander. Don't go. Please!
He moves her and carries on out of the graveyard. Not looking back to a distraught Buffy.
Buffy: No! Xander?
Willow hears a knock at her patio door and groans.
Willow: Who is it?
Buffy: Will it's me. I need to talk to you.
Willow gets up automatically and opens the door. She sees a shaken up Buffy.
Willow: Oh my god. Buffy? What happened?
Buffy: Xander's leaving Sunnydale.
Willow gasps and hold on tightly to Buffy. Who is shaking. She sits her on her bed and comforts her.
Willow: Why?
Buffy: It's all my fault. He told me he loved me. I told him I couldn't love him the way he love me. And now the only way is for him to leave Sunnydale.
Willow: (cuts in) Buffy you're his world. We need to find him.
Buffy: I tried and did. He won't stay. I tried talking to him. Willow? What are we going to do?
Willow: Do you love him?
Buffy: (shocked) What?
Willow: Don't get me wrong Buffy. You are acting like a love stricken woman who's about to lose the love of her life. Do you love him?
Cleaning her eyes. Buffy stares at the floor. Hoping it will give her the answer she wants.
Buffy: I don't know. I've never thought of Xander like that before. But when he kissed me..
Willow: (wide-eyed) He kissed you?
Buffy: (smiling) Yeah he did. I felt like a new person. What does love feel like?
Thinking off Oz. Willow smiled. Oz was everything to her and she was to him. They were in love. Bigtime. Where ever Oz was, Willow would sure follow. They were inseperable. The feelings she had for Xander were gone. Yeah she still loved him. But as a friend.
Willow: Love is when you can't go two minutes without seeing him. When you close your eyes. He's there. And when you kiss. It's like the world stops. That's love. And when you lose him. You fee like you can't go on living. A part of you is empty. A part that only he can fill. Is that what you feel with Xander?
Buffy: I think it is. What am I going to do? He's going to leave soon.
Standing up. Willow grabs Buffy and pushes her out of her door.
Willow: Find him. Before you lose him forever.
Buffy: (protesting) What if he won't talk to me?
Buffy: Then make him. Don't let him go. Don't lose him like you lost Angel.
Buffy thought back to the time when Angel was with her. She was so happy with him. Even though he was a vampire. She loved him. Xander hated him. He called him ‘Deadboy'. Buffy laughed to herself.
Buffy: You're right Will. Bye.
She started to walk out. But heard Willow shout.
Willow: (shouting) Find him!!
Buffy had gone to Xander's home. He wasn't there. Where is he? She thought of where he could be. The airport. No! he didn't have that much money. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. The bus station.
When she arrived at the station. She was right. She saw Xander sitting on a bench. Staring into space. She walked slowly over to him.
Buffy: Xander? (whispering)
He looked up at her and smiled.
Xander: Hey Buffy. I figured you'd find me here. Just waited for you.
Sitting down beside him.
Buffy: Are you having second thoughts?
Xander: Yeah I am. I mean Sunnydale's my home. Everyone I know is here.
Buffy: Then don't go.
Xander: (making eye contact) It's more complicated than that..
Buffy: (cuts him off) No! it's not. Just come home.
Xander stands up as the bus draws in. Picking up his bag.
Xander: Goodbye Buffy. Tell Willow I'm sorry for everything I've done.
When the door open he walks to them. Taking the first step. He hears Buffy call to him.
Buffy: I love you!!!
He turns around. The driver gets impatient.
Driver: Hey kid? Are you coming?
Xander: Yeah just give me a minute.
He drops his bags and paces towards Buffy.
Xander: What?
Buffy: I talked to Willow. She made me realise. (pausing) I love you Xander.
Xander: This isn't some joke to make me stay.
Buffy: (getting closer to him) No! No joke.
He hugs her.
Xander: I love you too. It feels so good to say that.
Driver: Hey kid? Are you getting on the bus or not?
Xander: (turning to the driver) No I'm not.
Buffy smiles. He picks up his bags and clasps Buffy's hand.
Xander: Come on. Lets's go.
They both walk home.
The End - Please send feedback
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