A/N: This is another songfic (can you tell Im experimenting?). The song is ATWA by System of a Down.
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They brought me back. Like ripping a sleeping person from their bed with a branding iron. I woke from a peaceful dream full of love, and hope. I was done. I was complete. My life meant something, and I was done. They brought me back. They couldn't leave me because they couldn't live without my protection. They were so afraid of this big bad world, and the big bads in it, that I couldn't just be done. I couldn't finally get some rest. They brought me back.
Hey you, see me, pictures crazy,
All the world I've seen before me passing by,
I've got, nothing, to gain, to lose,
All the world I've seen before me passing by.
This place is cold. And it's bright. It glares at you, it stabs you with fire and pain. It's full of death. And it stinks. God, does it stink. It smells so petty and useless, its dank and pungent with rotting lives, people who can't bear to think that moving on can be any better. Can't bear to think that maybe there really is something better beyond. Its such a far fetched idea, that even the dead can't sleep anymore.
You don't care about how I feel,
I don't feel it anymore,
You don't care about how I feel,
I don't feel it anymore.
The sun still warms my skin. Beads of sweat still catch the light and sparkle like a star. But it's so hot. It feels like Hell. It is Hell. The sun shines in the window, reflecting in my mirror, it lights my hair and looks almost like a halo. I can't look. It hurts my eyes. But I have to look again. I have to paint my face to hide the bags under my eyes. Months of sleep under cold earth, and now I can't even get an hour a night. My eyes water and it looks like I'm crying. But I can't cry. I don't even think I have the ability anymore. People still walk outside, I can look at them and know that not a one of them really understands what it's like. To be in Hell. And God forbid I ever get the chance to tell them that they wander aimlessly through Hell everyday.
Hey you, are me, not so pretty,
All the world I've seen before me passing by,
Silent my voice, I've got no choice
All the world I've seen before me passing by.
My friends don't notice. I couldn't bear it if they knew. They love me. That's why I'm here again. My sister is so happy. I can see the spark in her eyes. She sees me as the only hope in this world. They love me. Willow is so proud. If it weren't for her, I would be dead. Maybe I should hate her for that. But I can't. They love me. I keep telling myself that.
You don't care about how I feel,
I don't feel it anymore,
I don't see,
I don't hear,
I don't speak
I don't feel.
I have to get dressed. I have to cover myself. I realize now that fashion doesn't matter, I just need to hide myself from the fire and burning. I have to go on. I have to keep going, when all I want to do is give up. I want to go home. I want to go back to my Mom, to the waiting arms of the people that I couldn't save, but still have nothing but gratitude because of the people that I did save. So selfless and pure, so warm, so peaceful. So home. I want to go home.
Hey you, see me, pictures crazy,
All the world I've seen before me passing by,
I've got, nothing, to gain, to lose,
All the world I've seen before me passing by.
I flick out the light and check once again in the mirror. I look the same, don't I? I try on a smile, and prepare my muscles to do it again. They love me. They brought me back. I'm grateful. I try it again. Grateful. Thank you. I love you. Words still seem like a dream. A meaningless communication tool. Thank you. I love you. I have to go on. I have to live. Because they can't do it without me. And because I know that I will live now so that I can go home again. Home.
You don't care about how I feel,
I don't feel it anymore,
I don't sleep,
I don't eat,
I don't live,
I don't feel.
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biscuit07
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