Title: I’ll Always Save You
Author: Pagan Pylea Princess
Characters: Buffy, Spike, Dawn.
Summary: Buffy has dreams and nightmares about the circumstances of Spike’s death, and tries to draw conclusions about what they mean.
Disclaimer: Characters. Not mine y’know.
Feedback: Ta. Please.
****
The crater was smaller than this, she knew that. But right now it looked like a hole in the world.
It seemed like she was standing on the brink of death, the tang of copper in the air made her eyes water. The pitch black made it difficult for her to see. She could make out distant lights on the other side from a nearby town. The stars looked so bright, and the moon shone down upon her. She looked up and let it bathe across her face for a moment.
Soon, she felt a presence beside her and turned to see Dawn standing there. The girl was wearing the same attire she had the day they had buried their mother. A plain black top and jacket, with her hair down around her face. She was looking out across the void that was Sunnydale, and Buffy saw the tear tracks streaking down her face and rolling off her chin onto the dusty ground at her feet.
“Dawn-“
“Don’t.” Dawn snapped.
Buffy sighed. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“You did it!” she said, in a deep, angry voice, “filthy whore!”
Buffy turned and frowned.
“Dawn, I – “
“DON’T… don’t tell me you’re sorry!” she sobbed. She’d turned to Buffy. A feeling of cold dread ran down the Slayer’s spine.
“Dawn.” She said, tears of fear in her eyes.
“How could you?!” she screamed, “How could you do it?!”
“It wasn’t my fault, I didn’t know…” Buffy stammered in tears, backing away from her advancing sister, getting closer to the crater.
“Can you feel the blood on your hands Buffy?” She muttered angrily, raising an axe which dripped with blood already.
“CAN YOU?!” she screamed, racing toward her sister.
Buffy’s eyes widened and on an impulse, without even thinking, she pushed her sister away. Dawn lost her footing and slipped. The ground at the edge of the crater crumbled away so that she tumbled over and down into it.
“BUFFY!” Dawn screamed.
Buffy dropped to her knees and watched her sister plummet into darkness.
“DAWN!!” she yelled, then shut her eyes tightly in despair feeling nauseous and dizzy.
“BUFFY! I’M UP HERE!” Dawn’s voice echoed from above.
Buffy opened her eyes. “Dawn.” She muttered quietly.
Suddenly, she bolted from the ground and up the tower, as quick as she could. The metal creaked and swayed but she ignored it. Once she reached the top, she saw her sister tied to the end of it.
“Dawn!”
“Buffy!” Her sister cried back in despair.
In a hurry, Buffy raced to the end of the tower to retrieve her sister. Dawn sobbed in dull pain. Buffy looked down and noticed that blood was trickling over her sister’s feet.
Buffy heard a crackling of energy behind her and shut her eyes, hoping it would go away. She pushed her sister ahead a little.
“Go!” she said reassuringly, but Dawn stayed put.
“Buffy, It’s started.” She said, tears coming to her eyes.
“It doesn’t matter.” Buffy said supportively. Dawn tried to run past her and Buffy held her back.
“W-What are you doing?” She said frightened.
Dawn looked at her sister in despair “I have to jump, the energy!”
“It’ll kill you!”
There was a pause and then Dawn spoke. “I know.”
Buffy stood back a little in mute shock.
“Buffy I know about the ritual, I have to stop it!” She yelled hysterically.
Buffy shook her head, “No.”
“I have to, look at what’s happening!”
As if to point out Dawn’s case, a screeching dragon erupted from the sphere and flew out around them and off into Sunnydale.
“Buffy, you have to let me go! Blood starts it and until the blood stops flowing it’ll never stop!” Dawn cried, voice wobbling.
“You know you have to let me.” She said defeated. She’d begun to cry. “It has to have the blood.”
Buffy’s mind flashed back as she shut her eyes.
Cause it’s always got to be blood
It’s Summers blood. It’s just like mine.
She’s me. The monks made her out of me.
Death is your gift.
Death?
Is your gift.
Buffy opened her eyes and suddenly everything was clear. She turned from Dawn to look toward the end of the platform. She watched as the early morning sun peeked up over the horizon, to bathe Sunnydale in sunlight, and felt at peace.
“And blood it shall have.”
Both Buffy and Dawn turned suddenly to look behind them at Spike, who stood by the stairs of the tower. He walked towards them a few steps.
Buffy frowned. “Spike?”
“I worked it out Buffy. You don’t have to be afraid anymore.” He said. He came to stand in front of her, with Dawn behind him.
Then he smiled. “And you worked it out too. Didn’t you.”
After a moment, she nodded.
“You’re blood deactivates the sphere as well.” He said, dejectedly looking out at the sunrise then looking back.
She nodded.
“Good job I got here in time then” He said softly. He moved his hand up and brushed a strand of her hair from her face, curling it around her ear. Suddenly, Buffy could see it in his eyes, feel it in his tone of voice. What he was prepared to do for her and Dawn.
And she smiled a little.
“Spike. No!” Dawn cried
He turned toward her, “Dawnie I have to.”
“No!” She said hysterically. He put a hand on her face to calm her and smiled.
“S’ok bit, I’m not afraid.”
Then he turned back to Buffy.
“Death is my gift.”
Then he kissed her, more passionately than Buffy ever remembered. When he looked into her eyes again, they were yellow and burning with evil.
He opened his jaws and Buffy leant her head to one side. When he bit her, she was violently reminded of Angel’s bite to save his life.
She felt a passion, a longing for him to turn her, and she had no idea where it came from. She felt a powerful rush of adrenaline. She looked up out over the edge of the tower and saw the sun’s orange tip.
His last sunrise.
Then saw her friends looking up…
It was soon over and, filled with her blood, Spike stood on the end of the tower. Dawn moved to Buffy and her eyes widened.
“Gotta move, lamb.” He said, saluting them and leaning over the edge.
Dawn’s scream echoed around, as Buffy, feeling nauseous and dizzy yet again, shut her eyes…
“Gotta move lamb. I think it’s safe to say, School’s out for bloody summer!”
Buffy opened her eyes, confused. She was in the Hellmouth, she remembered now. The ubervamps had been defeated, and everyone was heading up the stairs to escape the collapsing chasm.
“Spike!” Buffy begged him. The Amulet was causing him great pain, and she could tell he was doing his best to hide it from her.
“I mean it, I gotta do this,” he said gritting his teeth and putting his hands up.
After a moment, Buffy took her own hand and interlocked it with his, gently. He looked down and began to clasp his own hand with hers. Suddenly, their unified fists burst into flames.
Ignoring the fire they looked at each other. They understood each other without saying anything. Intimately.
Buffy was beginning to cry. She felt the hot tears slide down her cheeks and wanted to wipe them away, but she was frozen in his gaze. As though the world would hold it together just for them, she realised the chasm had stopped shaking and rumbling. Another tear slipped away. But Spike knew they were tears to show him how proud she was.
“I love you.” She whispered.
God, I couldn’t describe how much I love you. She wanted to add.
He smiled, peacefully. “No you don’t. But thanks for saying it.”
A quake rocked them and Spike pushed her away gently, with an affectionate glance. “Now go!”
She looked at him thankfully and bolted up the stairs.
“I wanna see how it ends.”
But as she raced up those stairs, across the school hallways, past bodies and rubble even past;
Oh god, Anya…
His face haunted her. She could see his burning skull in front of her, muttering her name pitifully as he died.
“Buffy…”
Buffy sat bolt up right, gasping for air. She shut her eyes when she realised it had been a dream and felt the hot tears on her cheeks. She got up and restlessly ran her fingers though her hair. She made her way to the motel-room window and opened it wide, letting the cool air drift over her face. She shut her eyes and listened to the busy sounds of the morning. Cars drifted past, horns blared in the distance, people walked up and down the street, birds were beginning to sing. She stood there a moment, watching the sun turn the sky gently from gold to pink to blue. It was going to be a beautiful day. Buffy wanted to look out and be thankful. She’d escaped the Hellmouth, she wasn’t the only chosen one any more, and she could live life how she’d always wanted to.
But she couldn’t even raise a smile.
There was a knock on the door and Buffy muttered for them to come in. The door slid open quietly and Dawn shuffled inside.
“Hey.” She muttered, gingerly. She guessed her temper hadn’t been so great, because Dawn kept tiptoeing around her.
“We were gonna go down to breakfast. Wanna come?” She asked in the same tone, Buffy remembered, as she had used the night Buffy had come back from the dead.
Buffy stared out of the window. She’d missed LA. She wanted desperately to go and see Angel, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Too close family to Sp…
Too many memories…
“Err, I’m not that hungry. You go on ahead.” She said, rubbing her bare arms.
But Dawn didn’t leave. Instead she cautiously moved closer to look out of the window too.
“Seems quiet out there huh?” she asked.
Buffy didn’t move.
“You get no sleep again?” Dawn asked attentively.
“Err… i..it was just a bad dream. I’ll…be ok.”
Dawn rolled her eyes but kept her quiet, caring voice. “No. You won’t. Buffy, It’s ok to grieve you know, you don’t have to pretend.”
Buffy looked to her sister. “I’ll be fine.” She said impatiently and Dawn recoiled slightly.
Buffy paused and sighed, shutting her eyes a moment. She frowned. “I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t wake in a good mood.”
Dawn looked away and nodded. “Ok. Fine.” She moved to the doorway, “but if you do feel like it? We’re down at breakfast. Y’know. If you feel like it.” She slid out the door and Buffy sighed.
A fresh new wave of tears began to tumble down her cheeks.
It’s ok to grieve y’know….
Her sister’s words echoed in her head.
Despairingly she shut the curtains tightly to block out the gleaming sunshine and crawled desolately back into her bed. She pulled the great big quilt over her head and sobbed…
She felt so cold, in the icy depths. The sun she could see up above, would be warm and loving, she knew. But she was still in the cold. The ripples on the surface of the water fragmented the world above and she tried to scream for help. Instead she just bubbled in the darkness and lost air as she carried on slowly sinking further. She reached a hand out desperately for the sunlight, but it was disappearing fast.
Suddenly, a dark shadow appeared above rapidly. Buffy thought it could have been a small boat and she flustered about, trying to make waves on the surface to distract the driver. Her clothes flustered around her, trying to stop her making any advancements to the surface, as if they were working with the sea to drown her.
Things were starting to get blurry and she knew it was from lack of oxygen. She started getting dizzy and it began to get dark.
She saw a black shadow dive into the water beside her and reached out to them drowsily.
Without hesitation, the shape, a person she now realised, grabbed hold of her with a strong grip and swam to the surface.
Almost out of air she was relieved to feel herself getting warmer, the sun getting nearer.
When they reached the surface she gasped desperately for air. She still couldn’t bring herself to see properly in the bright harsh world yet.
He turned her in his arms so that she would be on her back when they swam, and she clung tightly to him.
Soon she knew that the water was shallower, but she didn’t let go. She didn’t dare. She would never let go again. They reached the shore, finally and they tumbled onto the beach. Dry land.
She looked up into her rescuers eyes. Those deep blue eyes she would never forget.
Spike.
She smiled at him blissfully. His shirt was open, the sleeves rolled up to the elbows. His hair was tousled and wet. The sunlight glistened on every highlight of his body.
She put a hand gently to his face and he smiled. Her heart raced at the sight of him again.
“You saved me.” She whispered.
“I’ll always save you.” He whispered back.
Already leaning over her, her leant in and kissed her. Buffy had missed him so much; she kissed back, sitting up slowly. She felt warm, and loved, and happy. Then gently she pulled away with a smile.
“Always?”
“Always.”
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