Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy and company, they belong to a cruel and spiteful man named Joss Whendon, I'm just borrowing for the time being and they WILL be returned shortly, don't sue.
Author's Notes: This is the first in a series I'm calling Dear Journal, I'm a new writer, so go easy on the feedback. These stories in this series are where the characters take time out to look at everythings that happened. Enjoy, feedback please, I need it.
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Dear Journal,
The other night may have been the best and last night of my life. It was the night that Angel and I finalized our relationship.It prooved our love for one another. It was wonderful, I can't imagine a better place to be one my 17th birthday.But it was all gone, in an instant. As I write this all down now I wonder how I've made it throught the day. Sobbing and shaking uncontrolably, my stomach churns when I remember how long I spent in the bathroom, throwing up what little food I had ate all day.Oh god, I can't believe everything thats happened even as I write this, my tears soak the pages.
We had just escaped from Spike and Dru's lair, and we had come up through a man hole. It was pouring the rain, and we were drenched by the time we made it to Angel's apartment.He handed me some clothes, told me to change in to them and get under the covers, just to get warm. Thats my Angel, always the gentleman. I sat on his bed and began to undo my shirt. His back was turned until I drew in a deep breath. He began to turn, but stopped himself. He asked me what was wrong, and I said nothing, just a cut.Then, he said,
"Can I...Let me see."
I clumsily said ok and covered up my tank with my cardigan. He sat behind me, pulled my strap down and told me that I was alright, it was already closed. It was then that I leaned back against him, tears beginning to stream down my face. We began to talk about the days events, silently telling each other how desperatly we needed each other. Then he told me something I'll never be able to forget.He told me he loved me, he tried not to, but can't stop.I said the same, and we began to kiss, but he pulled away and said,
"Buffy, maybe we shouldn't."
And then I cut in and said,
"Shh, just kiss me."
I remember every detail that followed, I'll never forget, and then when we were lying in his bed drifting off to sleep, he kept telling me over and over that he loved me and never wanted to lose me.I soon fell asleep, safe in his arms that night after our bodies had truly became one.
The next thing I knew, I was lying in Angel's bed alone.I was kind of in a daze the whole day at school, I didn't even tell Willow what happened.Atferwards, I went to see him, and he was..different, somehow. His eyes no longer held love, compassion and sorrow, but mockingness and hatred had replaced them.
I soon found out that Angel's curse had a clause, and one hell of one at that. If he has one single moment of true happiness, contemptment, his soul is gone.Thats right, you guessed it, Angelus is back. You win..torture, and an eternal life in hell. Lets face it, I can't kill him, he has my Angels face, how could I? The end of the world could come and there won't be a damn thing I can do to stop it. Buckle your seatbelts folks, its going to be a bumpy ride.
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