You know, after having been a vengeance demon for a few hundred years, you would think that everything would make sense. But then, you're on a routine wish granting, and suddenly you find yourself failing history, which you have lived most of, and thinking that perhaps mathematics was invented by some particularly nasty chaos demon centuries ago.
High school is a modern method of torture, and not the good kind. Prepubescent boys carrying notebooks around to discreetly hide their overactive crotches,and the girls flaunting themselves shamelessly. The boys thinking that the girls are within their league, then eventually breaking their fragile hearts,thus creating more work for me. Or at least it did, in the good old days.
Then the school year comes to an anti-climactic head near the beginning of summer, a busy time for me once. Now a time for me to find a boy to accompany to this prom of theirs. There are so few who are worthy, really. All drooling, horny pictures of teenage hormones, saying one thing, but meaning another, constantly fixing their gazes squarely on your chest. Especially when you feel the need to take a deep breath.
I will be going to the prom with a boy named Xander. The same boy who scorned the girl whose wish eventually lead to my lack of powers. He is friends with the Slayer, who, according to most demons, is the enemy. Another of his friends,Willow, is also an adulterer. Having attempted fornication with Xander, despite the fact that they were both involved with other people. Her scorned lover is a guy, meaning not within my previous jurisdiction.
Although, I don't understand Willow's boyfriend at all. She was ready to go to bed with another man, and yet he has chosen to forgive her. Certainly not the logical choice if you ask me. She should have a million flesh-eating locusts devour her slowly. But for some unknown reason, this man named Oz has forgiven her. I don't understand.
Cordelia is a smart girl. She dumped the cheating boyfriend after finding him in the arms of another woman. She even wished vengeance on him, although not directly. I think it would have been better if she wished for penis boils or something, rather than wishing that Buffy Summers, the Slayer, had not come to Sunnydale. That only succeeded in losing me my powers, and not much vengeance on her part, really. Well, it also provided me with a suitable date for the prom.
The music at the prom is loud and the lights blinding, the millions of bodies swarmed around like bees to a hive. I tried to drown out the noise by sharing my tales of deliciously gruesome vengeance with Xander, but his friends keep interrupting. I hardly see how their boring small talk could compare with the interesting stories that I could share. I'm sure that their stories don't even involve puss oozing boils, or men being turned into slimey creatures. There is nothing interesting about that.
The awards portion of the evening was only moderately exciting, resulting in Xander losing against some strange boy with balloons on his head. Xander was not pleased with his loss, but it wasn't until he explaind the dubious honor of "Class Clown" that I understood why. But the strangest part about the awards was that one was given to the Slayer. "Class Protector." It's amazing that a group of people, seemingly only concerned with makeup tips or having sex, could stop to notice that they weren't being killed by fanged demons, and that one little girl was the cause of the continuation of their boring lives. It was almost touching to know that the human race has grown up over the past few centuries.
The music slows down and the people pair off into a slower buzzing. Willow and Oz are off to the side of Xander and I, dancing with their bodies pressed against one another. Xander and I start to dance as well, close to each other,swaying with music. This dance has no steps.
Behind us, I see a tall man enter the room. The blond Slayer sees him too, and walks to him. They exchange a few words and dance. His name is Angel, and he and Buffy had been seeing each other until recently. He told her that he was going to leave her. And he is a vampire.
The Slayer and a vampire. Romantic isn't it? Well, romantic until he crushed her heart beneath his tall broody boot. There is the makings of some qualityvengeance. If I had my powers, I could help her to make him spend all eternity trapped inside of a "Welcome to Sunnydale" snow globe. And yet, as they dance, I see no anger on her face. Just contentment. She is dancing with the person who has hurt her the most, and all she seems is thankful for this one last moment with him. I don't understand this! He has broken her heart into millions of shards of glass, and yet she dances with him.
I find that there are many things that I don't understand about being human.Thoughts, feelings, emotions. Being a demon, I met vengeful humans, and helped them all to hurt the people who hurt them. I guess some of them are more forgiving. I will have to get used to being around humans, and to being one.
"This isn't so bad," I say to Xander. It really isn't so bad at all.
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