SLOW THIS TIME
"Get out," Buffy said, coldly.
''We have to talk," Spike said, evenly.
They were in Buffy's bathroom and Buffy was getting ready for her bath.
''We have nothing to talk about,'' Buffy said, tears in her eyes. Her back was to him so Spike didn't see them.
''Will, I have somethings I need to say to you, before I leave,'' Spike said.
''Whadda you mean 'before you leave'?" Buffy asked, turning to him.
''I needed to tell you somethings and I wanted to see the Nibblet before I left," Spike said, again.
''Where are you going?" Buffy asked, trying to swallow her tears before they started to slid down her cheeks.
"Don't know. I just wanna give you some space,'' Spike said, softly.
Dawn was in the hall and her tears were cascading down her face but she didn't make a sound.
"You... You're leaving me?" Buffy whimpered, no longer able to keep her tears in.
"No. I'm leaving town. You left me already," Spike said, bitterly. "You told me you didn't love me. Somewhere in he back of my mid I knew that. You said it was because I didn't have a soul. I didn't need a should to love you or to not kill you these last few months. I don't know what a soul is to you, but if it means being someone like Angel, no wonder no one wonders want to be with you.''
With that Spike left the bathroom and found Dawn downstairs, hysterical.
"Nibblet," Spike said, softly.
Dawn nodded and gave him a hug. Spike hugged her enough so her bones didn't break, and her tears soaked his t- shirt. Spike rocked her back and forth as some of his own tears flowed down his cheeks.
"It's not fair!" Dawn wailed.
''Shhh. It's better this way. The slayer need me to get out of her way for a little while. It's too hard for us to be near eachother,'' Spike said, wiping her tears away gently.
Somewhere in the midst of their crying, they had collapsed to the floor. Spike and Dawn were on their knees facing eachother, much like the position Dawn and Buffy had been in when Dawn tried to bring Joyce back.
''I need you,'' Dawn said, softly.
''I know," Spike said stroking the girl's hair.
''I'm gunna miss you,'' Dawn whimpered, tears welling in her eyes again.
"I'm gunna miss you too, Nibblet," Spike said, helping her to her feet.
''I don't want you to go," Dawn said, tearfully.
"I don't want you to go either," Buffy said, from the top of the stairs.
Dawn and Spike looked up as they heard her voice.
Buffy descended the stairs and walked up to Spike. "You were right. For the longest time I wanted someone like Angel. But you changed that. Angel never once thought about the consequences. He just made a choice and it didn't matter if I got hurt," Buffy said.
"Well, I can't do that to you, so I can't be Angel," Spike said.
''I don't want you to be Angel!" Buffy yelled, startling Dawn.
"Then what do you want me to be?" Spike asked at a loss.
Buffy stepped closer to him. "I just want you to stay. If you love me as much as you say, and I believe you do, then stay."
"Buffy.." Spike began.
Buffy leaned in and kissed him gently. She snaked her arms around his neck and his went around her waist.
After a few moments, they broke apart and looked at Dawn. Dawns smiled and got in between them. ''So, you stayin'?" Dawn asked.
Spike looked down at her, then at Buffy. "Yeah, I'm staying."
Buffy and Dawn hugged him tightly and Buffy took the two of them to the couch and they snuggled.
Dawn cuddled up into Spike's lap and Buffy sat next to him. She rest her chin on his shoulder while they looked into eachother's eyes.
Buffy smiled at him, knowing they had to talk about personal stuff. Spike knew the look and smiled at her. He squeezed her hand letting her know that he wasn't leaving.
Dawn and Buffy soon fell asleep and so did Spike, with his head resting on Buffy's.
They were all awakened when the front door slammed open.
"Buffy! I found Warren! Actually my face found him!" Xander paused when he saw them in the living room.
Dawn eased out of Spike's arms to inspect Xander's nose.
"What's going on? I thought it was over?" Xander asked.
"It was, but I realized I was wrong. I broke it off because I thought I was using him and I didn't think that was right. I don't care what anyone thinks about it. I wanna be with Spike, and everyone else just has to get over it," Buffy said, squeezing Spike's hand.
Willow and Tara came running downstairs. "What's with the yelling? Spike? What are you doing here?"
Tare just smiled at Buffy.
"Enough!" Buffy yelled. When she had everyones attention she continued. "Spike and I are together. I don't care what anyone says."
Xander had a look of disgust and anger. Willow had a look of support and confusion. Then Dawn and Tara were beaming.
Buffy switched to business mode. "You found Warren? Did he do that to your face?"
"Yeah. He's gone all mighty mouse. Emphasize on the might," Xander said, as Tara pushed an ice pack to his nose.
''He's planning on scoring some serious dinero," Willow said. "Tara and I found encrypted blue prints on discs."
Buffy sat at the dining table with Spike next to her. ''I can't do all these at once."
"That's okay. There's one they plan on hitting tonight," Willow said.
They sat and discussed battle plans. After, Buffy found Spike and Dawn laughing on the front porch.
"Hey guys," Spike said, sitting next to Spike.
"Hey, Luv. Gettin' ready to go?" Spike asked.
"Yeah. Just wanted to see you before I left," Buffy smiled.
Dawn smiled. "Listen, I'm gunna go in and let you guys do your thing," she said, smiling.
Buffy looked at Spike. "You okay?"
"Don't know. Why?" Spike asked, looking at her.
Buffy was still smiling as she snuggled up against him. "You've been kinda quiet," she said softly.
"Just thinking," he said, resting his head on top of hers.
"When I get back we're gunna talk. I don't wanna do it with Dawn hovering, that's why I haven't said anything," Buffy said.
"Well, go kick Warren's arse, I'll be here waiting for you," Spike said, kissing her hair.
"Okay. I won't be long," Buffy said, kissing him lightly before leaving.
About an hour later, Buffy stumbled through the door. Spike was at her side instantly. "You okay Luv?"
Buffy smiled. "Yeah. Where's everybody/"
"Willow and Tara went out. They said they wouldn't be back 'til later. Xander left and Nibblet's in bed," Spike said.
"Really? Hmmm," She leaned up and kissed him. Spike returned it with equal passion. "Wanna take me upstairs?" She teased.
Spike smiled and scooped her up. He carried her to her bedroom and they slept in eachother's arms.
In the morning, when Buffy woke, Spike was stroking her hair. She sighed in contentment and snuggled deeper into his embrace.
"Morning, Pet," he said, softly.
"Mmm. Morning," Buffy said, dreamily.
"You okay?" Spike asked.
"I'm fine. We do need to talk though," Buffy said, pushing herself up. "I want us to get all this out and start fresh. I know there's things you need to say tome, but I need to go first." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I know that I was mean, abusive, and a lot of other things, but I'm sorry. I got scared when you always told me you loved me. I believed you but I didn't want you to know that.
"We're pretty much stuck to eachother for life. I've accepted the fact that you love me. I don't know if I'll ever say it back because I don't know if I'll the strength to lose you. I was always telling you that I wanted you out of my life, but it never occurred to me before that you might that actually leave.
"You're supposed to be the one who stays with me. I let Angel and Riley walk away from me. I couldn't let you walk away too." She paused to collect herself.
"I've never been good with getting my feelings into words. I don't know whey you slept with Anya, and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I care that much anymore.
Buffy's gaze went somewhere other then his eyes for the next part. "When we were together, you always wanted tender, but I pushed. After Willow brought me back, I didn't feel anything. When we kissed the first time, I almost thought it was the spell. If felt so good and too real to me, so I figured it was a side effect. Nothing is supposed to feel that good. I'm not supposed to fit you, but I do. Once things became more intimate between us, the feeling started to ignite in me again.
''I kept going back, lying to my friends, lying to you, and even to myself. I didn't wanna open up to far because I thought you'd leave just like the rest.
''My heart has been ripped apart just as much as yours has. Everytime you were there for me, and my heart mended a little more. I was happy. I wasn't living in this world, I was living in ours.
''I feel at peace with you. I feel safe. I don't have to hold back with you. You let me take out my anger and frustration, even though I didn't do it in the best way, you never held it against me or stopped loving me." She paused and smiled at the last part.
''I don't want that kind of relationship anymore. I was telling the truth when I said it was killing me. I just didn't know how to fix it. I'm still shaky, but I'm happy." Tears welled in Buffy's eyes. "If you leave, I don't think I'd be okay. You've never broken a promise, never hurt me or my friends, except Xander. The minute you leave, that's the minute everything I've put in you is gunna be destroyed.
''I won't trust you and I won't take you back. In fact, I might have all my emotions shut down and I'll kill you. If you leave then you're no better tan Angel." Her tears started sliding down her cheeks.
Spike frowned and pulled her into his arms. "I'll never leave you. I promise. If you tell me, then I'll go," Spike said, stroking her hair.
Buffy's cries eventually stopped and she tucked her head under Spike's chin as she relaxed. "Spike, I know you have things to say to me," she said, quietly.
"Buffy, Angel left. He made it clear that he's not coming back. I know Angel hurt you terribly, but I can't fix what he did. I can only try to make you happy.
''After Riley left, you shut down. I could see the way you acted. You pushed everyone away. Then the mess with Glory, you went on total auto pilot. Dawn needed you and you weren't there as a sister for her. Just the slayer.
"I tried to be what you wanted, but you obviously didn't know what you wanted. I really tried to protect Dawn and failed. Dawn was the only thing that kept me going. She didn't blame me and neither did the gang but I felt responsible. I always thought I killed you," he whispered, raggedly.
He felt Buffy squeezed him. "It wasn't your fault," she said, quietly.
"I never totally forgot about it, I just thought I could let the past go. I honestly didn't know Willow would do something like tat. If I had known, I would've stopped her. I learned to leave the dead alone the hard way.
''I just wanted you to be okay. Even if it meant that you had to do all the things you did. I didn't know how to help you, and wouldn't tell me how.'' Spike rubbed her back as he felt her tears again.
"I'm sorry," Buffy whimpered, clutching.
"Don't be. It's okay," Spike whispered.
"No it's not. I was horrible," Buffy choked out.
Spike pulled away and looked into her eyes. He leaned down and kissed her gently. He pushed her on to her back, as Buffy tangled her fingers in his hairs.
When Spike pulled away so she could breath, "Spike not yet. It's too soon," Buffy said, panting slightly."That's okay. I can wait," Spike said softly.
Buffy smiled and kissed him softly.
Spike pulled away slightly. "Pet, you should get some sleep," he said, softly.
"You're gunna stay with me though, right?:" Buffy asked, with wide eyes.
Spike smiled and nodded. He kissed her one last time before laying next to her. Buffy snuggled up against him and sighed happily.
"I love you, Buffy," Spike said,.
"I know," Buffy said, and kissed his chest. "I know," she whispered, before drifting off.
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