Disclaimer: Not mine, none of em. Wish they were.
Sort of set after episode "Doomed"
Spike stared at the cieling in exasperation. He was getting a sort of routine, but it was still uncomfortable and unusual to him. He was adjusting, just like Willow had said, but it was not an adjustment he was less than willing to make.
Xander was kindly enough, Spike wasn't entirely sure there was a reason Xander should be jumping all over himself to get Spike his boos and blood, but he was. Spike was expected to be doing a little. Like trying to fix the leak and make sure Xander's skivies didn't shrink on the line. It was more than enough. Spike knew it, whether he was willing to repay it, he wasn't so sure. He may have these new empathetic feelings, this new uselessness, but he was still evil and he planned to remain that way.
*Damn, who am I anymore? What would Dru think?* he asked himself. He wasn't sure that Dru would like what he had become, she had in fact, never liked what Sunnydale had done to him and this...this was worse than all the rest. His evil had been interupted, his maniless had been wrenched from his fingers. And who was to blame, as she always had been? Buffy and her shag man. The new boy, Riley, whom Spike wanted minimal contact with and was glad to say he hadn't had any yet.
Spike watched the basement with mock interest. It was homey, to him at least, and he was grateful to be here, taken care of, than back with Harmony, more alone than he had ever felt before, even when he was alone. He owed this bunch of lugs a lot more than he was willing to repay them with. It was almost as bad as having a soul, this chip. It kept him thinking and when he thought, the more he felt like helping Buffy, being near Buffy, touching Buffy....
Spike shook his head. *No, no lusting after Slayers, man. Get it together!* He felt his arousel go back down and he felt a little better. He didn't like Buffy, it was just she was a little slut and he had eyes after all...
*This is really taking a tole on you, man. You had better go out and find something to do. But what? Xander told you not to go upstairs, or leave the fenced in back yard... Better go hang in the fenced in back yard then. What? Does he think I'm dog? Spikey-wickey the puppy needs to stay in the yard and he can't go upstairs so his piss dosen't mess up the Harris carpeting.*
Spike was never quite comforted by his thoughts, but that was OK. He opened the downsatirs door and went out into the tiny Harris backyard. It wasn't much, but at least he had a few minutes relieve from his own thoughts and that was better than nothing. He smiled up at the moon, wondering what the scobbies were up to. *Probably talking about how much they hate me.*
It bothered him that none of them liked him. It was not quite fair. He had never *really* hurt any of them. *Oh, well. Grow up, man. This is not some high school popularity contest.*
In the corner of his eye, he saw someone at the edge of the fence. He turned around to face this person, going to tell them off for gawking at him, but the words disolved instantly from his mouth. It was Drusilla.
"I thought that was you, my pet. What are you doing here, like a restrained dog? Does the night air not mate with you the way it did? Not carress you and make you it's own?" she greeted him.
"No, Dru, it dosen't. I wish..." he replied, not looking up at her. He couldn't face her and let her know he really was just like a restrained dog.
"Ah, our boy has a chip. I thought it might be so. Angel..."
"Don't, Dru, don't remind me that you went off running to his sorry ass again..." Spike trailed off, his mind on his hatred for Angel.
"I didn't, luv. He ran to me and the safety I give. I will give it to you again, love, I promise. I will let you feel night. They can not keep my boy forever, he is not like the other dogs, my Spike. He is wild and he will break free of all boundries." Drusilla put his face in her hand and smiled at him.
"I wish it were that simple, Dru, but I can't. My bloody head feels like it will explode every time I touch a person wrong, every time I think about hurting someone. I can't do that, I can't hurt like that. It hurts worse than you leaving me, even and that was a pain I wish I couldn't remember." Spike was drawing away from her, he wasn't sure why, but he wasn't sure this is what he wanted to do.
"No, luv, if you come with me, come back, be free, it won't hurt, mummy will make it all better. You are a bad, rude man, luv, remember?" Dru didn't appear to want to give up that easily.
"No, Dru, I just can't! I won't! I'll stay here until I'm not welcome anymore! I'll stay here and I'll help the Scobbies!" *What the hell am I saying?*
"My boy, my sad confused child! You need mummy, you need to feel what mummy feels like again..." She put his hand on her breast, but he snapped it back.
"No, if you want to hurt me again, go ahead, because I'm not submitting to the torture of love again, not unless it's B..." He was about to say Buffy, but he had no clue why these words kept popping into his mouth. "I don't love Buffy! I don't, I don't! I've been dreaming every night Dru would take me back and here she is, taking me back and I won't say yes!!!!" he shrieked to himself. He fell into the spoft, black grass, sobbing.
"My poor boy, so lost, not even I can save him...Maybe some day, luv, you will be ready, maybe some day."
She left him there, comforted only by hte smell and feel of the grass beaneth is shaking body. His tears were colder than cold and he wasn't sure this was what he wanted. "Not as dark as you thought, Spikey."
|
|
|
|
Rave
Barbie Girl (Becca)
biscuit07
Filmtheory (Jim)
Malice (Jess)
MebbtheScribe (MichaelB)
Reset (Allie)
Shay (Marrisa)
somnambulist29 (Shea)
Stephanie Loss
Wendyness (Wendy)
Questions?Contact Us
|
|
All stories on this site have been archived with the authors' consent. Do not copy these stories for your own uses without the express consent of the author themselves. Buffy the Vampire Slayer TM and Angel TM are © UPN, WB, Fox and its related entities. All photos on the site are © UPN, Fox, Warner Bros, and/or their respective owners. No profits are being made by use of these images.
Powered with the assitance of eFiction.
|
|
|
