DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, cept my computer
AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is the story that takes place after "I Love You", and is yet my final and last story where the season finale did not take place. Angel got his soul back without getting sucked into the hell thingy. He didn't even try to destroy the world :) The song used in this story is to be viewed from both Angel and Buffy’s point of view. In the first 3 secenes…its mostly from Buffy, but in the last scene…it’s from both POV’s. And now...without further adieu, "Leaving Love (or the midnight sun)
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The wind was cold, considering it was the middle of august.
thought Buffy gloomily.
She hadn’t seen Angel scince that night, a week ago at the bronze…when she’d finally broken down and cried in his arms. He had left her standing there and when she had called after him that she loved him, he had only paused. Maybe it was hard for him too, Buffy had thought. That had to be the reason. But Buffy’s confidence wasn’t what it used to be.
It was a little too quiet for Buffy’s liking. No vampires, no demons, no evil looking people waiting to turn into giant insects. It was too quiet.
thought Buffy,
* * *
He hated this place. The walls were too gray and cold, even for a vampire. The little Buddha in the glass case stared accusingly at him, as if saying "you should have known better" and Angel agreed. He should have known better. He should have stayed in the back alleys, eating rats. He should have never gone to Sunnydale, fallen in love with the slayer…should have never asked her to get under his covers to get warm.
"A little too late for regret," Angel thought aloud. He was going to take Buffy’s advice and do everyone a favor. He was going to get out of town. He wasn’t sure for how long. Buffy still loved him…and was still afraid of him. Xander growled at the mention of his name, Gile’s stared blankly and Willow quivered. It was for the best, he decided. If he truly loved Buffy (which he did) he would leave her, so that she could have some sort of normal life. Without another thought, he went into his closet and pulled out an old, musty suitcase and began to pack.
* * *
Buffy walked and walked and walked.
thought Buffy,
She stopped in front of a church. The 16th one she’d passed that night. Too many churches. They made her feel guilty. She wore the symbol of the church for protection against evil, yet she had no real devotion to one particular faith. Did she need one? No...she didn’t need anyone. She fingered her silver cross. The light coming out of the stained glass windows fell on Buffy, drenching her in an eerie blue light. She took a step forward, up the steps.
"What am I doing?" Buffy pondered aloud, "it's probably not even open…"
But, nevertheless, Buffy continued up the steps and found herself opening the door and stepping in.
"In a place like Sunnydale, I guess people need 24 hour church service" she mumbled.
*As I watch you flickering slowly
In the shadows, nothing to hold
It's as if I don't recall our time before
And would it be so wrong- not to remember?
Candles lit the church, giving it a medieval appearance. Sighing, Buffy plopped down into a pew and rested her head on the pew in front of her.
thought Buffy, quoting a song.
Buffy whirled around as a hand touched her shoulder.
"What?!" she cried, "I didn’t know you were closed…I’ll come back tomorrow" she stuttered, as she rose up and headed towards the door.
"We’re not closed," the man smiled, "a house of God is always open"
*But you pull the mountain from under me
Look, I'm dangling up in the blue
And it's a cartoon kind of eternity
Before I drop down to you
What am I supposed to do now?
The man was a preacher who appeared to be in his late 20s. He had a warm smile that instantly calmed Buffy’s nerves.
"I think I could be safe in assuming that something is bothering you?" said the preacher. His voice was soft. Buffy instantly liked the man.
"Nothing’s wr……" Buffy sighed, why fight it? "Ya, I’ve got an inner demon or two that needs some major ass kicking" Her hand flew over her mouth. Was it a sin to say "ass" in a church?
The preacher laughed. "Don’t worry about it. My names John"
"Oh, hi…my name’s Buffy"
"So what’s bothering you, Buffy?"
"Oh I don’t know," moaned Buffy, "I’m not exactly the most religious person…in fact I’ve only been in a church once…and I’d rather not think about that particular experience" Buffy shuddered, remembering how she had pulled the knife out of Angel and Dru’s hands.
"Well, this church is pretty normal...not exactly exciting, but there’s worse. So is there anything I can help you with?" questioned John.
"I guess I’ve just been a little confused lately" sighed Buffy, "I just feel let down…and alone"
"God is always there for you, you know"
"Humph," snorted Buffy. "where was he when Angelus was draining my friends, or snapping their necks?" she thought to herself.
"Most people think you have to be in church for God to help, but he’s always watching" said John.
*There are times I look at you differently
Like I've never seen you before
After all we've done
You could be someone
I don't know at all
Don't know you at all
Catch me I don't want to fall
"Ya, well…" began Buffy, "He may be watching, but that doesn’t give me any comfort. I feel more alone than I ever have before…what kind of God would allow that?" she was near tears now, "what kind of God would ever forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made" cried Buffy, referring to the one and only time she had made love to Angel. Just that one time had turned everyone’s lives upside down and inside out.
"God forgives everyone," said John. He patted Buffy on the shoulder comfortingly, "You have to learn to forgive yourself"
Buffy looked up at him through glossy eyes, "I don’t know how," she said in a whisper, "I’m not sure I even believe in God"
John laughed gently, "You're wearing a cross aren’t you?"
"It’s more for protection…though lately it hasn’t helped much"
"Maybe it needs a recharge," said John, "Maybe you need to have some faith"
"You think so?" asked Buffy.
"I know so" answered John.
Buffy gave a small smile. "Thanks a lot, John"
"No problem," said John, "That’s what I’m here for…and the same goes for God…he’s there for you"
*Here is something beautiful shining
In the hollow knot of your head
If only for a while it seemed to come from the sky
But it's in your head
Yes it fills your head
Buffy turned headed out the door. The wind had disappeared and had been replaced by a gentle, warm wind. The stars shone incredibly bright, "Like spotlights from heaven," thought Buffy, "wonder if there’s one on me". Sighing she continued her walk, not sure of where she was heading.
* * *
*You and I don't always fly
Let me go I want to fall
Deep into the dark
But I'll come back to you
Angel strolled silently through the graveyard.
"I wonder what its like to be in one of those," he pondered aloud, looking down at a grave.
"Probably pretty gross, I mean, you gotta take the bug factor into account" said a voice from behind him.
Angel spun around to see Buffy propped on a tombstone, "Buffy," he said.
"Hey,"
"Isn’t it a little late…even for slayers?" he said softly.
"Well, I guess, but I wasn’t very sleepy," said Buffy, "So I thought I’d tire myself out by hunting…there’s a pro to everything"
"I’m leaving," said Angel.
"Blunt aren’t, we?" quipped Buffy. "Why?"
"It’s for the best…you said so yourself" offered Angel.
Buffy nodded silently.
"Xander hates me, so does Giles, not that I blame him…and Willow is so scared. Let’s face it…I hurt a lot of people," said Angel, "including you" added Angel, barely audible.
Buffy was standing now, arms folded across her chest. "when are you coming back?"
"I don’t know," said Angel, "When you say I can…when I feel I can"
Buffy’s eyes were tearing up again. thought Buffy, But to Buffy’s suprise, Angel’s eyes were quivering with tears ready to spill over as well.
"I don’t know what to say…" he choked, "I could say I’m sorry, which I am…but that doesn’t help...nothing helps…nothing will make this go away ever"
"Time will make it easier" said Buffy, tears running down her face. "I have to forgive myself too"
Angel swiped at his eyes with his hand. Buffy noticed something flash. His ring. He was still wearing it…heart facing him.
"I’ll come back one day," said Angel.
"What if I’m gone?" asked Buffy, "What if I’ve moved…or if I’ve…" she didn’t need to say it. Angel starred at the sky, so Buffy couldn’t see the tears. Buffy stepped close to him and gently put her arms around him and whispered, "How will you find me?"
Angel put his arms around Buffy.
"Write me," said Buffy. She let go of Angel and started to walk away. "I still love you" she called softly to him.
*And I'll always know how to find you Cause you shine like the midnight sun
This time Angel returned the remark, "I still love you too" Angel watched her walk across the graveyard and down the street until she rounded a corner and was gone. "I’ll always know how to find you…because you shine like the midnight sun…" he said to himself. He walked to a tombstone and grabbed his suitcase from behind it and walked off.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO...E MAIL ME!
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