“Yo Angel you got a visitor.”
Cordelia's voice waifted up the stairs jogging Angel from his deep thoughts. He made no move to get up and see who it was. Maybe, he thought, if I sit here long enough they will all go away and I’ll figure out why the hell I have been so different lately. And that’s just what he did. He sat there and debated with himself what could so off in him that would make him stumble and barely make it through each day. Angel was half way through trying to convince himself that maybe it was his reward but he didn’t get very far. All of a sudden a certain red head passed by his door.
“Willow? Is that you?”
“Angel? Where are you? I think I’m lost.”
“Back up one door.”
“Oh there you are.”
She looked much older then the last time that he had seen her. But then again he hadn’t seen her in almost two years. People change a lot.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to drop this off to you. I found it while I was cleaning and figured since it was addressed to you with specific instructions to hand deliver it to you I figured that that’s what I would do. So here I am.”
“Who’s it from?”
“Read it and you’ll find out.” And with that she dropped the letter on his desk and left.
Just as he was about to flip the envelope over to see who it was addressed from Cordelia walked into the room.
“What did Willow want?”
“If I knew Cordy I would tell you.”
“Well what did she say to you?”
“That she found this letter while cleaning and she figured since it was addressed to me with instructions to hand deliver it to me she figured that that was what she would do. So she did and now that brings me back to the present.”
Cordy just gave the look that usually told him that she was thinking that this had something to do with Buffy. But he knew she was wrong. Him and Buffy hadn’t spoken since her mother’s funeral and that’s how he planned to keep it. It was just too much pain and heartache to go and see her and know that in the end each time he would just end up leaving her again and causing her more heartache and misery. So he planned to stay away.
“Hello. Angel? Did you even hear a word of what I just said?”
“What? Oh sorry Cordy just thinking.”
“Yeah I noticed. You have Buffy face.”
“I do not.”
“What ever. I’m just gonna go now and let you get back to your mystery letter”
“Thanks Cordy.”
“What ever.” She mumbled under her breath as she left. And with that Angel was once again left alone with his thoughts and memories and this mysterious letter.
Oh well there’s no time like the present to read it. And with that he turned over the envelope and for in his undead life he just about fainted.
There on the front of the envelope written in her neat flowing handwriting was his name. Seeing whom it was from, Angel gingerly turned it over and opened it slowly, and pulled the pages that it held with in. He immediately unfolded them and began to read:
My dearest Angel,
If you are reading this then it can mean only one thing. I have left this plane and moved and that Willow has started to finally go through my things. I am truly sorry for never having told you how much I truly appreciated you coming to be with me and Dawnie when mom died so ill do it now. Thank you.
But that is not the reason for this letter. I figured that since we could never be honest with each other when both of us were on the same plane that this would make it easier. So here it goes.
I love you Angel. I always have and I always will. Know that no matter where either one of us are at or what form we are in that my love for you never died and it never will. I have always trusted you and trusted in you. You were always my light at the end of my dark and long tunnel and that whenever I have ever needed you or have been in great pain or sorrow you have always came to me. You sheltered me and provided me with the warmth and security that I thought I had lost after becoming the Slayer, but you proved me wrong. You showed me that even though the things that go bump in the night and that lived under my bed were real that I could still be loved. And for that I will be ever grateful of. I just wanted you to know that even through all of the heartache and pain and misery that we have been through and even with me sending you to hell that I never gave up on you.
Never did I give up on the hope that one day you would come back to me or that you would show me that it was ok for me to move one. Even when Giles and the Gang tried to convince that it was useless for me to hope that you would come back I never gave hope, and then you did. You came back to me. You will never know the emotions that ran through me or that I felt that first night that I saw back. But know this they were real and true and grew stronger with each moment that I knew you were back. But then you left again.
After the battle with the mayor you left me and I felt as if the earth underneath me and the air in my lungs had been sucked out. I felt as if though I had been unworthy of you that I had in some way I had mislead you. But I eventually realized in some bizarre way that you were right. Only on certain things though. I knew you were right when you said that I deserved better then the darkness and the demons but what you failed to realize was that to me you were never the darkness and you were never a demon. Yes one of the most terrible demons resides with in you but that is not who you are. Everyone has his or her own personal demons but to me you were never any of those things. To me you were the light and the goodness and the normality that you kept telling me I needed. And I now know that you weren’t the only one who had a say in the part of you leaving I know that my mom talked to you and yes at first I was mad and I was angry and I was upset. I couldn’t believe that you had listened to her. The person that thought actually believed that you were my tutor. But I forgive you and I forgive her. Know that no matter how many times I screamed at you or yelled at you and told you that I didn’t love you that I couldn’t love that I was wrong.
It was just the opposite. I could never stop loving you and I never will. I hope that one you see your reward again and that we’ll be together again. Know that no matter what happens in the future that I love you and that I will always be with you. Just promise me one thing. That from time to time you will check in on the others. Make sure there ok and that my crossing over hasn’t done them in for good. Especially Dawnie. Ask her one day to tell you what happened. I know you’ll understand
I am so sorry I never told you this before but I figured that since you left that you didn’t want to hear it. But my heart wouldn’t let it drop So I decided to tell you this way. Please know that this isn’t the way that I hoped it wouldn’t happen. But it is so here it is. Know I’ll always love you. So for now goodbye and I love you.
Yours Always,
Buffy
It took Angel a few minutes of thinking and rereading and thinking on what buffy said before it truly dawned on him what it meant. She was gone. Really and truly gone, he would never get to see the sunshine that radiated off of her in waves or see the smile that put the sun shame and on top of all of that he would never get to hear her tell him how much she loved him. How could he have been so stupid? He knew she loved him but it was his stupid dream of her being normal that pushed him away. And he finally realized it. But it was too late. He now realized what had been so off in him
The part of his soul where she had been placed has been torn away. He should have known what it was the day he felt it.
“Well there’s only one thing left for me to do now.” He commented to the wall. He picked up the phone and dialed the number that over the years he had memorized.
“Dawn? It’s me Angel. When’s the next time that you’re free? I need to talk to you about your sister.”
~~~ ~~~ ~~~
I know that that is kind of a cliff hanger but some time in the future i will pick this story back up and we'll find our tragick hero on the greatest quest of his life. Find his mates soul and tell it how much she meant to him and maybe even try to bring it back. who knows but the powers do owe him one. So for now this story is complete until either i finish my other fic or i get in the mood to write more mushy stuff. so for now later.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
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