Every once in a while, people got together and just talked.
That was now. When Buffy and the gang had come to L. A., they’d thought there was a major infestation of Burchells’ demons about to hit, led by a demon who threatened Armageddon (didn’t they all?) and they’d called Angel and hustled up there to help fight off the invasion.
Only there was no invasion. Just a demon who talked tough but had exactly two followers. After the combined forces of the Scooby Gang and Angel Investigations had dealt with it, Cordelia said, “Well, sheesh. We could have handle that one ourselves. No; I could have handled it myself.”
Buffy looked at Cordy, but she didn’t seem to be pouting; it was more like she was . . . expressing frustration. And irritation that everyone had wasted their time. “We didn’t know he was lying, Cordy.”
“I know,” she said. “Ooh. I know. Stay up here for a day or so.” Angel looked at her oddly. “Angel. We have the extra rooms. And let’s face it, you guys haven’t had a vacation in like, forever. And it’s been a while since we were able to just sit around and chat.”
Everyone looked dubious; Angel, Fred, Xander, Wesley, Giles, Buffy and Anya came up with numerous reasons why it was a bad idea.
Naturally Cordy got her way.
* * * * *
Early the next morning, Tara, Fred and Xander were out making a breakfast run (“I can let him do that. Be out with a cute woman he just met. I’m completely secure,” Anya said, though no one had suggested otherwise), the Host was upstairs sleeping, Buffy, Angel, Gunn, Giles and Wesley were talking about various recent adventures they’d had, and Willow and Anya were doing the same with Cordelia, only in their case they called it “dish.”
And Cordy seemed to have been right; everyone was enjoying the time off. Spike had kept an eye on Dawn, and had patrolled (though he hadn’t run into anything, or so he’d claimed this morning), and so Sunnydale was safe for the moment. So for right now everyone was happy just standing around chatting, relaxing, just being themselves.
But you know the rules.
* * * * *
Unknown to the good guys (because if they’d known they certainly would have done something about it) to them, the lead Burchells’ wasn’t completely dead.
.
Almost, but not quite
Also unknown was that he had actually had the means to pull off some of what he’d threatened – a powerful artifact that could curse his enemies, if not actually bring about the end of the world.
He woke up the next morning, feeling his life drain away, and reached for the rod he’d been carrying. With his last act he pressed a knob, saying as he did, “Rules change.”
* * * * *
Tara, Xander and Fred had a big bag of bagels and enough coffee to keep the Navy awake for a month, and were headed back to the Hyperion when Tara said, “Stop.”
Hearing the alarm in her voice, they both did so. “What’s –“ Xander began.
“Shh,” Tara said forcefully. “It’s almost like . . . near me! Now!” As Fred hustled over she spilled the coffee; when she went to pick it up Tara said, “Never mind.” Fred and Xander huddled around her, and she chanted for about ten seconds.
When she was done, Tara said, “Sorry. It’s just – look around. Some, something’s different.”
And it was. The neighborhood had changed, that was sure, though none of them could tell exactly how. Xander maybe came the closest when he said, “It seems less real. More . . . like we just got put into the movie of our lives. More colorful. I hope they cast someone good as me.”
“They seem to have cast you,” Fred said.
“An excellent choice.”
Tara said, “We’re, we’re not going to find out what happened by standing here. We need to tell the others about it.” They began walking again; they were only a couple of blocks from the Hyperion. “Maybe Willow or Giles can . . .” she trailed off as they rounded the corner.
The Hyperion was – well, not gone, exactly . . .
But it didn’t look like a hotel anymore either.
Xander said it first. “Tell me,” he said. “Does that look like the Hall of Justice to you? Because something about that place just screams SuperFriends.”
“Only one way to find out,” Fred said, not exactly striding forth boldly.
“Whatever answers we need are inside. So . . .”
But when they got twenty feet from the door, an alarm began to blare. “You have not identified yourselves, “a computerized voice said. “Please do so immediately or –“
“Never mind,” Buffy’s voice said strongly. “We’ve got it.” They all looked up and standing there were Buffy, Anya, Giles, Willow, Cordelia, Angel, Gunn. Wesley, and Lorne . . .
Every one of them in superhero costumes.
NEXT PART BOX: Why are Lionheart, the Scholar and the Little Lamb acting so strangely? And what WAS that mysterious artifact the demon was holding? Find out next part!
Part 2
LAST PART: The Slayerettes and the Fang Gang teamed up to fight an incipient demon invasion – only to find out it wasn’t what they’d thought. During the downtime following the battle, the leader, who’d barely survived, pressed a button on a rod he’d carried – and changed things! But how?
And why were Lionheart, the Scholar and the Little Lamb wandering around like they didn’t know what was happening?
Pay attention, readers! This is going to get interesting!
Los Angeles, California
Xander, Tara and Fred looked at the people arrayed in front of them; it was only through sheer force of will that they didn’t gasp in disbelief.
Buffy was wearing an all-black outfit, sleeveless, with a big cross on the front, and a black facemask. She was holding a long stake. Angel had a black outfit covering his entire body, and a long, flowing cape. (It seemed appropriate, somehow.) Giles had somehow designed a superhero costume from tweed, and was carrying a sword and wearing a brown facemask. Willow’s outfit was tight green spandex, her facemask was yellow, and her breasts seemed to have grown to the point where Xander was wondering how she wasn’t falling over. So had Anya’s, for that matter; her outfit was similarly spandexy and a darker green, though, and was covered in dollar bill signs – and she had a full hood, like Angel’s, with eye and hair holes.
Gunn looked like Gunn – street clothes, though with a bandanna and a black facemask. He was wearing two guns. Wesley looked ridiculous in two-tone brown spandex, though his bow and arrows and his knives probably stopped people from laughing at him. There was a stylized arrow on his chest. The Host actually wasn’t wearing a costume at all; in point of fact, he wasn’t wearing ANYTHING but a pair of shorts.
Purple. Of course.
And Cordelia –
Wow. No other word but wow. While still looking exactly like Cordelia, she had become a thing of almost ethereal beauty, dressed in flowing white robes that nonetheless showed off both her legs and her figure. She was carrying a staff.
Her voice had the same unearthly tone. “There is something wrong,” she said. “With our friends.”
“Did you have a vision, Dreamboat?” Wesley asked. For a second Xander was confused; then he guessed that that was probably Cordy’s superheroic name.
It fit. Hoo boy, did it fit.
“No, King Missile,” Cordy said. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“You got that right,” Buffy said. Then, coming over to Xander, she said, “You guys know better than to come back here this way when you’re not in costume.”
“Indeed, Slayer,” Giles said. “It’s as though they didn’t know about the Hyperion Building’s subterranean entrances.” (Last seen in FANG GANG #41 – Reliable Rob)
“Yeah, imagine that,” Xander said, exchanging a worried look with Tara and Fred. “No help for it now; let’s just get inside and hope none of our enemies saw us.”
“Better had,” Gunn said, “They followed you back I’m gonna kick your Lionheart ass before they kill us.”
“Oh, pish tosh, Gunman,” the Host said. “No harm, no foul, and by using my superhearing I can be quite certain no one’s listening in.”
“You don’t hear anyone, Falsetto?” Willow asked.
“Not an eavesdropper in range, Cyberwitch,” the Host answered.
“Just to be on the safe side -- Willow dropped her arms theatrically, closed her eyes, and said, “Forget!” Xander felt a spell effect pass. “Now let’s get inside. That spell reduced my WitchPower more than I would have liked. And our enemies ARE everywhere.”
“Including the LA County Jail,” Buffy said as they walked in. “Remember the Renegade?” (She’s talking about Faith in the unforgettable crossover The Return of Renegade – TALES TO SLAY #68-69 and FANG GANG #13-14 – Rob)
“Please don’t remind me,” Wesley said. (King Missile was tortured by the Renegade – Rob)
The lobby of the hotel was more or less the same shape, but the walls were a stark, metallic white, and there was a giant table in the middle of the room with a stylized set of vampire fangs on it.
“The walls,” Fred whispered.
“I know, sweetie,” the Host said. “I’ve tried to talk them into something a bit more tasteful – I know, I know, this coming from the green guy wearing the purple shorts. But what are you going to do?”
“I’m, I’m thinking of fainting,” Tara said.
“Try not to crash into me,” Xander said. “I’ll already be on the floor.”
Right then Cordelia closed her eyes; an eerie white glow surrounded her. After a few seconds, she fell to the floor, and Angel ran over to help her up. “I saw – I saw THEM,” she said, pointing to Xander, Tara and Fred. “They were going to destroy the world!”
NEXT PART BOX: What does Dreamboat mean? Lionheart, The Scholar and Little Lamb are good guys . . . aren’t they?
What happened to them on that bagel run?
Find out in the exciting part 3!
Part 3
No time for a last part box this time! Let’s swing right into the action!
Everyone in the room immediately stepped towards Xander, Tara and Fred. Giles had his sword out, and Gunn had drawn his guns.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Xander said. “No plans for armageddon. Promise. Now put the toys away before someone gets hurt.”
“Like us,” Fred said.
“Well, yeah,” Xander said.
“Dreamboat is never wrong,” Giles said. “And she ALWAYS tells the truth.”
“True enough, Ripper,” Lorne said. “But remember, I can use my mastery of sound to tell when someone is lying. Our friends are not lying.”
“Xander wouldn’t do that!” Anya said, walking up and putting an arm around him. “Not before our wedding!”
“Your judgment may be a bit clouded, Moneygirl,” Giles said. “And the Scholar and the Little Lamb? They have done very little, if any, talking.”
Tara and Fred both swore to God above that they weren’t planning to end the world in any way, shape or form, and The Host confirmed that they were telling the truth.
Buffy said, “Yeah, but maybe your powers are being fooled. Cybe?”
Willow shook her head. “No active spells. Lamb DID cast one about fifteen minutes ago . . . but it doesn’t look like anything big, just a shielding spell.” She looked at Tara. "Why would you need a shielding spell, sweetie?"
"I'll explain later," Tara said; none of the three missed the green flash of irritation in Willow's eyes.
“Fair enough," Wesley asked. “Though the vision -- I mean, Dreamboat is never wrong –“
“Thank you,” Cordelia said in her unearthly, compelling voice. “But as you know, I cannot fully control my dreams. They are always right – but they are seldom easy to understand.” She nodded at Xander, Tara and Fred. “My apologies.”
“None, none necessary,” Tara said earnestly.
“Never mind,” Angel said, pulling the hood over his head. “This is obviously one of those matters of interpretation. And since there doesn’t seem to have been any harm, we can hash that out when we sit down.” And then everyone in the room, as one, dashed to seats at the big table.
A bit bemused, Xander, Tara and Fred followed them. No sooner had they taken their seats when an alarm rang throughout the building. “What is it?” Angel yelled, pulling on his hood.
“Fang Gang! Glad you’re there! A horde of demons is attacking the National Museum of California! They just got in the shipment of Egyptian artifacts –“
“Right,” Angel said, “We’re on our way!”
Within seconds, the only people left in the building were Xander, Tara and Fred.
“It’s like we’re the Super Friends, or the Avengers, or even the PowerPuff Girls,” Xander said, throwing up his hands. “Any second now I expect to see Captain America running by yelling “Avengers Assemble.” He sighed. “So what the hell do we do?”
Tara asked, “Fred, do you know anything about comics?” She shook her head. “Me, me neither. Now, somehow we’ve gotten shifted into another universe –“
“I don’t think so . . . the universe seems to have changed around us,” Fred said. “I’ve been into alternate worlds. This didn’t feel like that. And wasn’t that spell a protection spell? The one you cast?”
“I see your point,” Tara said. “Okay, okay, then I’m going to try to work on figuring out what happened – Fred –“
“I’m a scientist, not a witch,” Fred said. “But I’ll do what I can.”
“Xander, this leaves you. Since you know comics –“
“Yeah. One thing I’m sure of is that the other Super Friends have gone into action and it’s gonna look real suspicious if we don’t hustle after them.”
“Right,” Tara said. “Hold still.” She muttered a phrase. “This, this should let them see us in costume.”
It had worked. Fred was wearing goggles and a dark red costume, with a mortarboard hat. Tara was wearing a witch costume, although it was all-white and she didn’t have a pointy hat. And Xander –
Well, he didn’t want to know. “Avengers assemble,” he sighed as they ran outside to follow the others.
Other comics shipping this month:
WEREWOLF AT LARGE #31 Oz faces off against the Watchers Council in part 2 of “An American Werewolf in England!” (Also this month, because YOU demanded it! THE LONG WAY HOME TPB from WEREWOLF AT LARGE #1-7, bookended by TALES TO SLAY #62 (“Wild at Heart”) and TALES TO SLAY #74 (“New Moon Rising”)!)
RILEY FINN, AGENT OF G.O.O.D #10: Riley Finn takes on his toughest assignment yet – meeting Sam’s parents! Will things go smoothly? Not if the Polgara Demons can help it, in part 1 of “The Parent Trap!”
IDOL #14: While The Slayer’s away, Spike will play . . . but his evening is complicated when Key Girl gets exposed to tyrana powder! Now he has to stop her from hurting people . . . and still find time to win a poker game that may mean his life, in “Shut Up and Deal!”
RENEGADE #22: A change of pace for Faith; all she has to deal with are her own demons. But sometimes they can be the hardest of all . . . “A Day in the Life,” the issue that may change Faith’s life forever.
THE POWER AND THE GLORY TPB, Collecting the climactic battle against the evil hellgod Glorificus, from TALES TO SLAY #97-100.
Part 4
FEATURING A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE FROM HAMMERHEAD ELLIS, AGENT OF G.O.O.D.!
Last Part Box: Our heroes talked over Dreamboat’s prediction of armageddon – but they were interrupted by a frantic call to action! And what was that mysterious conversation between the Little Lamb, Lionheart and the Scholar all about? Stay tuned!
All things considered, it was a short fight.
By the time Xander, Tara and Fred reached the scene the battle was more than half over. Buffy was pounding a Burchells’, and Giles was busy carving up another one.
“Burchells!” Buffy said. “Didn’t we just deal with these?” (Sure they did – last ish! Reliable Rob)
Two of them tried to sneak away. Gunn twirled his handguns and pointed them at the fleeing demons, saying, “And where do you think you’re going?”
“To catch the crosstown bus?” one of them ventured.
“Catch this,” Anya said, bringing down a bag of coins on their heads.
“There’s something . . . familiar about those artifacts,” Tara said, pointing to the bag of goodies the demons had apparently been trying to nab. She walked over to take a look at them.
“Watch out!” Xander said, pushing her out of the way as a Burchells’ tried to take her head off with an axe. Angel bodyslammed it into a display of ancient weaponry. To Tara, Xander said, “Look where you’re going. These fights tend to be a bit more . . . freeflowing than the ones we’re used to.”
“Understood,” Tara said. She made her way, more carefully, to the relics, while the fight continued around them.
But by the time Xander stood up, little was left but mop-up. Buffy, Angel and Giles were piling up the Burchells’ bodies in the center of the room –
When two of them burst out of hiding and sprinted in opposite directions. “I can’t get them! Cybe?”
“I think –“ Willow said. “Give me a minute –“
“Never mind,” Wesley said, taking out a weapon of some sort. “If you’d all please get down – ah. Thanks.” Then he threw the boomerang so that it knocked out first one demon, then the other.
“Can boomerangs do that?” Fred asked.
“Here, they can,” Xander said.
Willow held out her hands and the demon bodies floated to the pile. Right then a man dressed in dark green suit came up and said to Angel, “Nice work, Fang Gang. And I see you brought some company.”
“These are the Slayerettes, Hammerhead Ellis,” Angel said. “You’ve met the Slayer and Cyberwitch before.” (The Slayer was in town in FANG GANG #7 and #14, and Cyberwitch came for a brief, sad visit in #44 – Rob)
“So I have,” Ellis said. “Well, G.O.O.D. has a place for these fine specimens of demonhood, so we won’t keep you.”
“Thank you, sir,” Buffy said. “We were happy to help.”
And then everyone left, Xander, Fred and Tara bringing up the rear again. “Did you get something from those relics?’ Xander asked.
“I think so,” Tara said. “I’m going to need to do some research to find out, if I can . . . but I think they’re something like that rod the head demon was carrying last night.”
“Terrific,” Xander said. “What else can go wrong?”
Some rules are universal.
That you never say, “What else can go wrong,” may be the most important.
ELSEWHERE:
A man sat in a chair resembling a throne. He wore a metal facemask (covering his entire face) and a green cloak, and read through a book. The walls and floor of the room he sat in were stone; the floor was covered by an ornate rug, and the walls were lit with torches.
After a few moments, a minor demon burst through the doors. “My lord,” he shouted breathlessly, “I have news –“
The man held up a hand. “Hold.” The demon immediately went silent. A short time later, he closed the book and said, “Have you ever read Shakespeare, Shay?”
“No, lord –“
“Pity. Alone among authors, he seems able to access the pure spirit of chaos unleashed. And even he, not often. What news do you bring?”
“The ruse worked, my lord,” Shay said. “They attacked Lord Quagga and he was able to activate the trap.”
The man nodded. “Excellent. Did Lord Quagga survive the attack?”
“Unfortunately not, lord.”
“Shame,” the man said. “He made an excellent underling. Ambitious enough to crave power; not ambitious enough to try to undermine me or my authority.” He flexed his hands, which were encased in green gloves. “Notify his family. If they exist, and you can locate them. Convey my regrets.”
“I will do so, lord,” the demon said. “Also, I regret to inform you –“
“That the assault on the National Museum of California has failed?” Shay nodded. “I knew it would. I was merely . . . testing their strength levels. Though they cannot match my intellect, they can be formidable foes. Ripper, especially, bears watching. Remember this.”
“I will, my lord,” Shay said.
“Now go. Leave me to my planning.”
“At once.” And the demon backed out of the room, bowing and scraping all the way.
The man stood up. “So, once again we will face off, my old adversary . . . but this time, the victory will belong to Dr. Janus!”
NEXT PART BOX: Oh no! It’s Dr. Janus! The most powerful, twisted foe of the Slayerettes and the Fang Gang! What’s he doing here? Find out in the exciting next part!
Part 5
(ERRATUM! I need to point out that Oz – everyone’s favorite Werewolf at Large, appearing monthly in his own comic – ALSO has been to LA to visit the Fang Gang, all the way back in FANG GANG #3, part two of the story “Indestructible!” – Apologetic Rob)
Five of them piled into a sleek, black car, with Buffy at the wheel. “If she calls it the SlayerMobile,” Xander muttered to Fred, “I’m leaving.” Wesley and Gunn hopped onto a motorcycle, and Angel took out a grappling hook and began swinging from building to building. Willow hugged Tara, and they flew off.
They. Flew. Off.
And THAT wasn’t as odd as Cordelia, who serenely floated away, or Lorne, who began singing and rose into the air.
Then they roared off at velocities that should have gotten them killed, never mind pulled over for speeding, and made it back to the Hyperion in something under two minutes. The car and motorcycle pulled into a secret garage, and – of course – when they got back inside everyone else was waiting.
Tara looked quite shaken. When Xander asked if she was okay, she answered, “Did I, I ever tell you I was afraid of flying?” Xander shook his head. “That was because before tonight, I wasn’t.” She looked around. “Now if I could only figure out how to research these . . .”
“Just ask,” Fred whispered as everyone else sat down at the table. “I don’t think you’ve ever been here before.” (She hasn’t! Reliable Rob)
“So,” Angel said before Tara could speak. “Two separate Burchells’ attacks. Coincidence?”
Tara opened her mouth, but Giles said, “Coincidence? Hardly! Burchells’ just aren’t that common. It has to be –“
“Here we go again,” Wesley said, rolling his eyes.
Giles ignored Wesley and said, “It has to be the work of the notorious Dr. Janus!”
“Isn’t he in military prison?” Willow asked. (He was – but he escaped in RILEY FINN, AGENT OF G.O.O.D. #5! Still, our heroes don't know this . . .)
Tara once again tried to speak, and once again was interrupted, Buffy said, sighing, “Ripper, the sink back at the SlayCave broke last week. You thought THAT was the work of the notorious Dr. Janus.”
Intensely, Giles said, “Can you prove to me it wasn’t?”
Everyone laughed – except, of course, for Xander, Tara and Fred.
When the laughter died down, Gunn said (interrupting Tara) “Now what do we REALLY think the connection is? Maybe ol’ Lord Quagga had more followers than we thought?”
Lorne noticed Tara’s frustration and smiled sympathetically.
“It’s possible, I guess,” Buffy said. “But robbing the museum! I mean, what’s the connection?”
Before anyone could say anything else, Lorne cut loose with a single note, held for ten seconds, that caught everyone’s attention. “Sorry about that,” he said, not apologetic in the least. “But Lambikins here has been trying to talk for the last two minutes and you people have NOT let her speak!” Then he gestured to Tara. “Go ahead.”
Tara took a deep breath and said, “Thank you. Now do, do you remember that rod that Lord Quagga was holding?” Everyone nodded. “It was Egyptian. Not, not only that, it had some of the same glyphs on it as some of the artifacts the, the Burchells’ in the museum were trying to rob. I, I need to see if there’s a connection – do you have somewhere I –“ a cleared throat – “Where Fr, I mean the Scholar and I can do some research?”
“Of course,” Angel said. “Our lab is back that way.” He pointed to a large set of double doors in the background. Then, “Falsetto, get me the National Museum of California.”
“Do I look like a pay phone?” The Host said pleasantly.
“No,” Anya said, “But I bet I could find a few places to jam these quarters.” She held up a roll she’d produced from – Xander would have sworn – thin air.
Lorne laughed. “I bet you could, sweetcheeks.” He yelled to the air. “National Museum. Get me Dr. Hawk, please.”
“This is Dr. Hawk,” a voice came a few seconds later; and Xander could tell that that voice belonged to a bespectacled, stoop-shoulder old man with white hair, probably in his late ‘60s. It had to. (It does! –Rob)
“Hello, Dr. Hawk. We were wondering if we could borrow some of those artifacts for a few days. They’re vital to an ongoing case.”
“Certainly, Angel! I’ll have them sent right over –“
“No need,” Willow said, waving her hands theatrically. Seconds later the artifacts had appeared on the table in front of Tara.
“Thanks, Dr. Hawk! We’ll get them back when we can.” Then he looked at Tara. “Will that help?”
Tara nodded; she and Fred scooped up the items and ran to the back room.
When Xander made as if to join them, Buffy grabbed his arm. “Where do you think you’re going? It’s 10 AM – time for our combat practice session!”
Wesley stood up. “Everyone to the Training Rooms!”
Xander let himself be dragged along.
What other choice did he have?
NEXT PART BOX: What’s the mysterious connection between Lord Quagga and those other artifacts? And what does Dr. Janus have to do with all of it? Find out in the simply thrilling part 6!
Part 6
ELSEWHERE
Dr. Janus went into a room that looked like a mad scientists’ laboratory, though one designed by a practicing magician. Potions bubbled hither and yon, and projects of various sorts lay around the room in various stages of completion.
After Dr. Janus put his book of spells back onto a shelf, his eyes came to rest on his current experiments, involving various Egyptian-themed items. One of them was a rod very much like that used by the late, not especially lamented Lord Quagga. His eyes skimmed over it onto the final project he was working on: A rebuilding of Rameses’ Ankh!
Rameses’ Ankhs had only been constructed by five magicians in history; three had been killed attempting the final spell and the other two perished when they gave the Ankh a command it didn’t feel like obeying.
They had been fools. Rameses’ Ankh was not fit for dabblers; only those with a true mastery of magic and chaos could hope to control one.
He, of course, would have no problems.
The items the Burchells’ demons failed to obtain from the National Museum would have proved useful, but ultimately they were not essential to the construction of the Ankh. It meant that he would have to do without the fripperies; but Dr. Janus was not one for fripperies.
One more item, and the Ankh – which was in fact a collection of smaller artifacts – would be complete. Dr. Janus had purchased some of these items, where it was convenient; stolen them, where it was not.
This final one could be neither purchased nor stolen; it needed, in fact, simply to be recovered. Through use of much research, bribery and threats, he had determined that the piece lay in a vault in an office building in Los Angeles, where even its owners had forgotten its existence.
This building, unfortunately for him, was the L.A. Coliseum. The former owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, a man named Walter O’Malley, had brought it with him from Brooklyn as part of a collection when he had so foully uprooted their baseball team, and had placed it in his office in the stadium. (He admired O’Malley for his ruthless dedication to self-aggrandizement and self–enrichment.)
That office was now sealed up, and the nature of the artifact was such that any attempt at calling it magically would not only fail, it would destroy the artifact and everything around it in a two-block radius. This would be undesirable for many reasons, including the loss of life. While he wished to turn the world over to the forces of Chaos, he was not particularly bloodthirsty.
Therefore, Dr. Janus would have to go search for it himself. As he gave the unfinished Ankh a final once-over, his eyes once again slid over the rod . . .
Wait.
Something was not right here.
For some reason, he could not focus on the rod in question. He knew it was there, but no matter how hard he tried to look at it, his eyes would simply not hold their position.
Nor could he pick it up; his hands, too, slid over it.
Frowning, Dr. Janus attempted for the next five minutes to try to directly perceive or hold the rod, but he could not do so. A puzzling conundrum.
And one that would have to wait. He needed the final part of the Ankh more than he needed to solve this odd problem.
He summoned his demons and they made their way to the ancient stadium.
* * * * *
THE LAB OF THE HYPERION BUILDING
This kind of research wasn’t what Tara was used to; while there were books along the walls, the vast majority of the works were in computer terminals with readout screens as big as any giant-screen TV, set against white metallic walls. (The computers were installed by The Angel and later modified by The Scholar, in Fang Gangs #24 and #46! – Reliable Rob)
“Well, what would you have expected from someone named Cyberwitch?” Fred said. She’d figured out the computer system a little more quickly than Tara had, and after teaching her went to look up information about, well, them. Not that they planned on staying in this reality one second longer than necessary, but they needed to avoid any more embarrassing mistakes.
Tara was skimming over a book on Egyptian rituals when she came across the rod she was looking for. As she’d suspected, it was a Sceptre of Ra, a very rare and powerful item. After reading over the information, she called Fred over. “Fred,” she said. “Come, come here.” Fred came over from her screen and looked.
“I think I see what this did,” she said somewhat excitedly. “Ra I think was the Egyptian creator-god, and what this item does is let someone recreate the universe – though I don’t see anything here that says how you’d control it, or reverse it . . .”
Tara turned the page. “You can’t, using the, the original rod. They only work once; right now it would make someone a good backscratcher. What we need to do is find another one . . . and break it. Unfortunately, I have no idea where one would be. There might not even be another one.”
Fred said, “I may not have read too much comics or watched too much of it but one thing I know is that there’s always a way out in the comics. There’s going to be another one out there; we just need to find it, I think, I only wish I knew how we could . . . oh, by the way, that’s my power. I mean, the Scholar’s power. I know how to do things. Not everything at once, but if you need someone to pick a lock, or do tae kwon do, or build a nuclear power plant, I’m your woman. Or build a Sceptre of Ra, I guess, it’s just too bad I’m not the actual Scholar. You, by the way, you’re the Little Lamb, and you’re a witch but you can’t use your powers aggressively.” (Blame Clan McClay for that one! We first saw Clan McClay in TALES TO SLAY #80 – Rob)
“Xander?” Tara couldn’t help but ask, flipping through the online pages to look up the artifacts on bizarre loan from the National Museum.
“No powers at all.”
Tara smiled ruefully. “That figures. Anyway – Oh, oh, oh. This, this, this is not good. Not good at all. I’ve heard of these even, even in our world. Those pieces are part of an item called Rameses’ Ankh.”
Fred asked, “What’s a Rameses’ Ankh?”
NEXT PART BOX: What’s a Rameses’ Ankh? As if the Scholar didn’t know! (We think she’s just trying to help you, the reader. Isn’t that sweet?) Anyway, find out for yourselves, next! Plus! What's happening to Lionheart down in the Training Room?
Part 7
Right back into the action, folks!
Tara closed her eyes. “A Rameses’ Ankh – in OUR world, anyway, and I have no idea how, how it’s going to translate here, but it’s probably not, not going to be good – is a powerful artifact. If it’s in the hands of the right – or, or, usually, wrong – person, it can do practically anything the user wants. It, it channels magical energy; its limitation there is the person using it. I don’t know much about comics, but, but I’m guessing that would make it something almost omnipotent.”
“I’m going to take a wild guess here,” Fred said, “And say that this isn’t really a good thing.”
“No,” Tara said. “The one thing in our favor is that has to be used by someone pure in intent. That’s, that’s not pure of heart, unfortunately; but not that many people have pure intent.” She sighed. “The, the question is, who HERE would do this?”
Fred said, “I’ve been reading through the files, like I said earlier, and one of the things I’ve been reading over is the list of enemies – in case we needed to know, and it looks like we do. Anyway. There’s this vampire named O’Bedlam, someone called Gorch, and a lot of world conqueror types – the Night Mayor, the Master, Glorificus . . .” (Lyle Gorch was in TALES TO SLAY #24 and #39, and the Night Mayor’s saga can be found in the collections A RENEGADE’S FAITH and THE ROAD TO GRADUATION – Reliable Rob)
“I’ve, I’ve heard of them – or some of them,” Tara amended. “But, but they’re dead – the conquerors, I mean.” When she saw the look on Fred’s face she said, “They’re, they’re not?”
“Not in this universe,” Fred said. “The Master seems to be, but the Night Mayor was brought back by some kind of secret spell, and Glorificus was banished into some prison dimension. I don’t think it’s them, though; I think Ripper, I mean Giles, was right . . .”
Tara and Fred looked at the file together. “The notorious Dr. Janus,” Tara said.
Fred added, “Otherwise known as Ethan Rayne.”
* * * * *
Wesley grabbed Xander by the hand and flung him into the wall. Instead of bouncing off, Xander decided to just quietly fall.
This “training room exercise” had mainly been an exercise in getting beaten up. Xander had been hoping for something less like the X-Men’s Danger Room, and more like the Avengers’ training facilities – in other words, working out, not combat situations. His hopes had not come true.
First Buffy, then Giles, and now Wesley had slapped him around from one end of the room to the other. He wasn’t a bad fighter, and he knew it; but as he had to force himself to remember, these were superhero rules, and under those rules even the weakest costumed character could beat the snot out of a civilian. Of course, they never would, that being against their code of conduct.
No, really; it was listed on the wall in big words, right under #4, “We do not accept monetary rewards for our services,” and above #6, “We will be ready to respond to calls to action at all times.” (Written by the Gambler in FANG GANG #3 for their old headquarters! – Rob)
As Wesley walked over and hauled him to his feet, saying, “You’re considerably off your game today, Lionheart; I should never be able to defeat you in physical combat! Is something the matter?” In the background, Gunn and Willow played an odd kind of game; Willow created little paper birds, and Gunn tried to shoot them down. Giles and Cordelia fought, and though Cordelia was blindfolded her staff blocked Giles’ sword every time. Meanwhile, Buffy and Angel were lifting weights –
Twenty tons for Buffy. Twenty tons. Call Xander crazy, but if the real Buffy could benchpress dumptrucks she wouldn’t have been wasting time fighting vampires; she could have simply ripped them apart. Of course, noticing that Angel was lifting ten tons himself, maybe not.
Remembering that Wesley had asked him a question, Xander said, “Yeah—“
Before he could make something up, Wesley did it for him. “Ah. You still worry about Dreamboat’s vision.”
Nodding his head, Xander said, “That’s it.” Anything to avoid more combat training.
“No need,” Wesley said. “I’m certain the way you destroy the world will prove symbolic.”
“You’re probably right,” Xander said, suddenly realizing exactly what Cordelia’s vision had meant: He, Tara and Fred WERE planning to destroy this world, by changing it back to the way it was supposed to be.
“Splendid!” Wesley said. “Perhaps now you shall be truly up for the challenge of fisticuffs!” And wearily, Xander began circling –
Until the alarm sounded. “Hurrah! A call to action!” Within seconds everyone had fled the training room, leaving Xander trudging along behind them. “Ouch . . . ouch . . . ouch . . . ouch . . .”
“Gang!” he heard Giles say when he got upstairs. “There’s a group of demons tearing apart the LA Coliseum! The police are powerless! It looks like the work of –“
“Don’t say it,” Anya muttered.
“—the notorious Dr. Janus!”
“I knew it!” Giles said smugly. “To battle!”
Everyone ran off. Tara, Fred and Xander followed them. “Ouch . . . ouch . . . ouch . . . ouch . . .”
NEXT PART BOX! Oh no! Lionheart IS planning to destroy the world? But what did he mean by ‘the way it was supposed to be?’ And what does Dr. Janus have to do with it? Find out next!
SPECIAL BONUS! AN EXCERPT FROM THE OFFICIAL ME-VERSE GUIDEBOOK!
O’BEDLAM
Full Name: Drusilla (last name unrevealed)
Occupation: vampire; super-villain
Identity: private
Legal Status: Citizen of Great Britain with no known criminal record, deceased
Aliases: None
Place of birth: London, England
Place of Death: London, England
Cause of Death: Turned into vampire
Marital status: Single
Group Affiliation: Former associate of Angelus, Idol, and The Born-Again
Known relatives: Unknown number of relatives (deceased), The Master (vampiric great-grandfather), The Born-Again (vampiric grandmother and daughter), Angelus (vampiric father), Idol (vampiric son)
Base of Operations: Sunnydale, California
First Appearance and partial origin: TALES TO SLAY #15
Remainder of origin: TALES TO SLAY #33 and #85; FANG GANG #29
Height: 5’4”
Weight: Unknown
Eyes: brown
Hair: black
Strength Level: Bedlam possesses the strength level of a normal vampire of her height, weight and build who engages in moderate regular exercise, enabling her to press approximately five tons.
Known superhuman powers: Those typical for vampires, plus both a precognitive power (which seems to kick in at random intervals) and the ability to hypnotize people with her gaze. She is quite insane, but this is not a handicap.
Abilities: Some knowledge of the occult and the supernatural, particularly fortune-telling methods.
Part 8
From where the Hyperion stood, Xander knew darn well that the LA Coliseum was a good distance away. But they got there in five minutes. (Most trips, unless they were trips into outer space, lasted no longer than two panels. Xander supposed five minutes was the equivalent when you were actually living through it.)
There were enough police outside the ancient stadium when they got there to haul off the population of Columbus, Ohio, and they were setting up some kind of high-tech weaponry Xander was fairly sure had never been dreamed of in the real world.
A police captain came up to them as soon as they arrived. “Sergeant O’Halloran,” Angel said. “What’s going on?” If the man had been any more an Irish cliché he would’ve been talking about his Lucky Charms.
“It’s that so-and-so Dr. Janus,” O’Halloran said. “Showed up about ten minutes ago, he did, with a horde of those whaddaya call’em, Bushels, Parcells . . .” Good lord. They must have gotten this one directly from Central Casting. (Sergeant O’Halloran’s been The Angel’s contact ever since Detective Kate Lockley moved to New York, way back in FANG GANG #37 – Reliable Rob)
“Burchells,” Cordelia said, voice as unearthly and haunting as ever. “We need to get in there. He’s well on his way to building a Rameses’ Ankh.” Xander knew that. He didn’t know how he knew that – he guessed Tara and Fred had puzzled it out in their research – but he knew it.
“Thankin’ you kindly, Dreamboat ma’am, though I’m not quite sure what a Rampaging Ankh is,” the officer said. “There were a dozen or more, easy! The poor security guard got off one frantic phone call before Janus cut him down.”
“How, how is he?” Tara asked.
“Alive, thank God,” O’Halloran answered, “Though no thanks to that murderin’ sorcerer. He blocked us all out with one of his spells, but we’ve got a spell of our own.” He pointed to the weapon. “That’s a neutron cutter. It can slice its way through solid steel; it should be no trouble at all cuttin’ through a force field.”
“It’s not going to work,” Xander said. Everyone looked at him.
“And how would you be knowin’ this, Lionheart boyo?” O’Halloran asked.
“They never do.” Fred and Tara exchanged glances but said nothing.
Willow said, “Don’t worry. I’ll prepare my own entry spell just in case.”
“He has ages more experience,” Giles said. “Just – be careful.”
Willow smiled, though there was a little anger in her words. “The spells I know are very powerful. I’m very powerful.” Buffy looked up for a second at Willow’s words, like she’d heard them before. But it didn’t sound like the Willow Xander knew, so he dismissed it.
“Turn it on!” O’Halloran yelled. A scarlet beam shot out, hitting the shield and turning it the same color. Thirty seconds later, “Turn it off!”
The magical shield, of course, was as strong as it had ever been.
Xander refrained from saying “I told you so.” Willow said, “Right. Allow me a turn.”
But right as she was about to start, Xander thought of something. “Hold it!”
“What?” Willow said irritably.
“G- Ripper. Tell me the origin of Dr. Janus. The four-panel version.” At Giles’ look of confusion, Xander said. “Thirty seconds or less.”
“As you know full well,” Giles said irritably, “Dr. Janus and I were roommates at college in England when I discovered him preparing a dangerous spell to summon a powerful, evil demon called Eyghon. I pointed out an error in his calculations, and he told me “Begone, fool! No one knows sorcery as I do!”
Xander finished, “. . . and the room exploded and scarred his face, and ever since he’s blamed you?” (As originally told in TALES TO SLAY #20 – Reliable Rob)
Grumpily, Giles said. “If you knew –“
“I just had to get something straight. Cyberwitch. Isn’t Dr. Janus famous for knowing how to counter his opponents?” Willow nodded. “Then he’s expecting you to break down this shield. I think the Lamb should do it.”
“Me?” Tara asked, a little startled. Then she whispered to Xander, “I’m not sure I’m powerful enough –“
“You stopped a spell that changed everything else in the world from changing you, me, and Fred,” Xander said back. “You can do this.”
“A wise precaution,” Wesley said. “Splendid idea, Lionheart! Well, Lamb?”
“I’ll do my best,” Tara said.
As soon as Tara’s spell touched the shield, she recoiled and then laughed. Moments later, the glow faded and everyone charged in except Xander, Willow, Fred and Tara. “What – what happened?” Willow asked.
“It, it was designed for you. What he showed was supposed to be your worst fear. But, but I knew it wasn’t true.”
“Nice work, Lionheart!” Willow said as she went inside.
“What did it show?” Fred asked as they entered the Coliseum.
Tara smiled. “Me cheating on her.”
NEXT PART BOX: FINALLY! A big fight with Dr. Janus!
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