Joss owns 'em, which means I don't. I'm just borrowing them, and promise to return them in better condition than when I got my hands on them. 'Let Me Into Your Heart' is owned by Mary Chapin Carpenter.
Words between - - are song lyrics
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I held her until she fell asleep. In my arms. The Slayer. My beautiful Slayer.
I've killed two of 'em. Never thought I'd love the third. Yeah, that's right. I love her and am *in* love with her. The feelings I have for her are stronger than anything I ever felt for Dru.
- You're like a cool breeze to a hot spell
You're like a long drink to a dry well -
There must be something in the blood in Sunnyhell. Something that makes me feel like this. I made choices I normally wouldn't make, like choosing Buffy Summers, Vampire Slayer, over Drusilla, my Black Goddess. And I chose Buffy over Dru because that's what my heart wanted. Damn muscle.
- Oh I know by now there's no use thinking
That it's something in that water I've been drinking
'Cause I would not need even one more drop
If you'd just let me into your heart -
Her smile. I used to live to see that smile wiped away as I killed her; now I want nothing more than to see that smile light her eyes when she looks at me.
She's strong. And I don't mean physically. Angelus lived to torture her after he lost his soul. He killed her friends, tried to destroy her life. But it only made her stronger.
- You're like a blue sky to a gray day
You're like a new try to an old way -
I need her. I need her strength, her smile. She fills that part of me that's been empty since I became Spike. She gives me something to live for and something worth dying for: her.
I'd die for her. And do it with a smile on my face. Anything, as long as she's safe. When Angel shot her, when she died, and I thought she was really gone, I would have sat in that cemetery until the sun rose.
I'd give the life I spent two hundred years trying to protect, if it means she'll smile again. Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe I'm just in love.
- Oh I never needed much convincing
'Bout that something in my life that's been missing
But I think I know where to find that part
If you'd let me into your heart -
I'll never achieve sainthood. I know that, and I'll never be Angel. She knows that. I've killed people in bloody and horrific ways. And I did it because I liked it. I still like it, the feel of blood on my hands.
But I haven't killed since that night in the cave. The night she kissed me, and I fell under her spell. I told her the truth about what I did before the change, before the demon. About the people I killed, tortured. She's accepted me, demon without a soul.
And I hope she loves me, but I don't know if she does.
- I got a past baby, now who doesn't
I won't ask you to think that I wasn't
Who I was back then, yea it's true
But that was when I didn't know you -
And so I sit next to her in hospital bed, her head resting against my chest. I can feel her chest rising and falling as she breathes; I can feel her heart pounding against mine. Its then I notice she's awake.
"Slayer?" I whisper, glancing down at her. And she's watching me through half closed eyes.
"Hmm?" she murmurs, eyes opening wider.
"You need to sleep," I reply.
"Can't. Don't want to."
"Slayer...." I trail off, knowing its useless to argue with her.
"Spike, I need to tell you something." I wait, wondering what she needs to say. "You may not want to hear this, but I have to say it." Her voice is weak, and I know the painkillers are slowly kicking in.
She takes a deep breath. "I love you."
The words are quiet, and I'm not sure if I heard them right. But deep in my body, I know what she said. I pull her to my chest, holding her to me. I'm afraid to let go, afraid she won't be there anymore.
"I love you, too," I mutter, then I look down. She's already asleep, and I'm not sure she heard me. But there's a small smile on her lips. So maybe she did.
- 'Til the end of time, baby I can start
If you'd just let me into your heart. -
*Fin*
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