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As he was about to have a shower before retiring to bed, Rupert Giles was startled to hear a knock on his door. Buffy was away for the night in Los Angeles, visiting her father, and there was no imminent apocalypse looming, so he wasn't expecting any visitors. Looking through the view port, he was surprised to see Cordelia standing there with a large suitcase. Wondering what the Hellmouth had in store for him this time, he opened the door and asked tentatively, "Cordelia?"
Cordelia said crossly, "You take long enough to answer your door. It's not as your apartment was huge or anything." She came in and deposited her bag on the floor. Giles regarded it with trepidation as if it were an alien life-form. She walked over and sat down on the sofa. Giles followed her, still completely puzzled and bemused. "Cordelia? Perhaps an explanation would be in order?" he said.
"Yeah, I know. Do you have a spare bed?"
Now completely nonplussed, Giles replied with growing concern, "No. Why?" He glanced at her bag and started to feel rather alarmed.
"Can I stay here for a couple of weeks? I'm going to move to LA, but I don't want to stay at home until then."
Giles noticed a slight bruise on her cheek in spite of her make-up. He gently touched it and said, "What happened?"
She shrugged and sighed, saying, "My parents are in serious marital melt-down mode. I made the mistake of trying to play peace-maker when objects were flying. You know, I should get one of those peace prizes."
"One of them hit you?"
"No, they were aiming at each other. One missed. I think I'll leave them to it."
"Cordelia, I'm sorry."
"Not your fault. Can I stay?"
"Umm, do you think it's proper?"
"I don't care for proper at this point. I'm too tired to worry about it." She bounced on the sofa, testing it, and said, "This is all right for tonight. I can buy a futon tomorrow." Suddenly she noticed that he was wearing his dressing gown. She looked at him with a curious interest.
Giles cleared his throat and said, "I'm about to have a shower."
"Well, don't let me stop you." She jumped up, "I'll make you some tea while you shower." She gave him a winning smile. Giles looked now distinctly unsettled. Catching his look, Cordelia put her hands on her hips and insisted, "I do know how to make tea, you know. I've never actually done it, but I've seen you do it. Anyway, how hard can it be?"
Giles shook his head despairingly and said, "You can boil the kettle. I'll make the tea."
Cordelia looked indignantly at him as he left the room, muttering darkly about the Boston Tea Party and Americans using cold water to make tea. Nonetheless, she put the kettle on, grumbling in turn about people always underestimating her abilities and her layers. A short time later Giles reappeared in his dressing gown, towelling his wet hair. He went into the kitchenette and made the tea.
Cordelia sat at the bar and sipped her tea. She looked at him and asked, "So, is it all right?"
"What?" he asked.
"If I stay."
"Oh, right. Well, I can't very well send you back to a battle-zone, can I?"
"Thanks." She drooped a little and then said, "I know that I'm not one of your favourite persons, so thanks."
Giles said, "Cordelia, I ..."
"It's okay, Giles. I'm not supergirl or computer wizard. But," she said, eyeing him appraisingly, "I do have a very good fashion sense. You could let me dress you."
Giles blushed and replied, "I-I d-don't think that will be necessary."
Noticing the colour of Giles' face, Cordelia let out a little snigger, and said, "I didn't mean *literally* dress you."
"No, I-I didn't think you did," he said, sipping his tea evasively.
A slight smile crossed her face, and she said, "But now that you mention it ..."
Giles cleared his throat and quickly said, "Well, now there's the question of where you're going to sleep."
Cordelia went over and bounced on the sofa again. "This is okay for tonight. I'll have a futon delivered tomorrow." She looked up at him and added, "And while I'm at the mall, we can do something about that dressing." She appraised him and remarked, "I think we might be able to come up with something tasty."
"Uh," Giles said, fighting a descent into utter speechlessness, "I'll get you a pillow and some blankets."
"Thanks, Giles," she said.
* * *
The next morning, Giles came down and put the kettle on and glanced over at his guest who was still asleep. he thought.
Hearing the noise, Cordelia cracked open an eye and sat up. "God, I am a martyr!" she exclaimed.
"Tea?" Giles asked, "I don't know what you normally have for breakfast."
"Juice," she replied
Giles brought out a carton of orange juice. Cordelia looked at him and sighed, saying, "I'm going to have to do some shopping." She smiled at the thought, "Shopping."
Then she started to eye him again. Giles nervously poured some water on a teabag in a cup and got some milk. "Y-yes," he said, "we can arrange a time for your futon to be delivered."
"We can do that together," she said avidly, reaching across and taking hold of his tie, "after we dress you. Where did you get such gross ties? Or is this a Watcher thing?"
"They're not gross!"
Cordelia rolled her eyes and Giles retreated into his cup of tea. Cordelia let him drink it and then said, "First, we'll check your wardrobe - see if any of it is in this century." She started up the stairs.
"Cordelia!" Giles exclaimed in dismay, following her.
"Come on," she said continuing into his bedroom. She walked across to the closet and opened it. Giles came up behind her, fidgeting in disconcertion. "Some shirts aren't too bad, but you don't have anything casual," she remarked critically. "Ah, what's this?" she exclaimed as she spotted an old leather jacket at the very end of the rail. "Giles, you've been holding out on us!" She took it out and appraised it.
He muttered, "Sentimental value."
"Nice," she said. She turned around and looked him over again and then reached up and touched his ear. "And you used to wear an earring!"
"Sins of youth," he muttered.
"I think earrings on men are sexy," she said.
Giles blushed. She said, "I'm going to change and do my make-up. Then we can hit the shops." She left and Giles sat on the bed, somewhat weak-kneed, wondering what he had let himself in for.
Some time later, he found himself being taken around the mall. Cordelia first arranged for a futon to be delivered and then led a reluctant Giles into the men's store. She sized him up again and picked up a pair of black jeans which she handed him. Then she headed to a rack of casual shirts and picked out a blue one and a green one. "Mmm," she said, "blue or green."
"I like blue," Giles mumbled.
"But the green goes with your eyes," she stated. "Go on," she ordered, pushing him towards the changing room, "try them on."
Giles went to the changing room and said to himself, "This is an experience." He put on the jeans and the blue shirt and emerged. Cordelia eyed him critically and unbuttoned a couple of buttons at the top of the shirt.. "Not bad," she said, "let's try the green."
Giles went back to the changing room, followed by Cordelia. He unbuttoned the shirt as Cordelia held the green one. He put the blue shirt back on the hanger and turned around to Cordelia who was blinking, gazing at his chest, "Wow," she said.
"Sorry?"
"Wow, like Giles you should wear less clothes. Of course, if you did, the library would probably have become too popular." Giles looked at in confusion, "Why?"
She helped him into the shirt and said, "Because they would notice that you are seriously hot."
Giles blushed, "H-hot? Well, that's a redundant question because I no longer work at the library."
"Mmm," she murmured, buttoning the shirt. She suddenly chuckled a little wickedly as an idea came to her and she looked up at him. "You don't have any leather trousers to go with the jacket, do you?" she asked.
"What? No, of course not." He looked at her in alarm, "Cordelia..." She put her hands around his waist and then his hips. He pulled back in alarm and stammered, 'C-cordelia, w-what are you doing?"
"Getting an idea of your size. I have an idea which involves ... well, I'll tell you later."
"What is it?"
"Telling you would only spoil it. Let's go with the green."
Giles began to feel alarm bells ringing ever louder as he noticed a certain predatory look in Cordelia's eyes.
***
The futon arrived while Cordelia was still out and Giles moved it into a suitable place in front of the fireplace. He put the other packages which had arrived with it - a duvet, pillows and sheets - beside it. He wondered just what Cordelia was up to. He was beginning to have a very bad feeling about this.
Cordelia finally arrived later that evening, looking very pleased with herself. "Are you ready to go out tonight, Giles?"
"Out?" he asked in bewilderment.
"I have a little surprise planned."
"Surprise? I'm not sure..."
"It will be fun - trust me." She took hold of his arm and started to pull him upstairs, "Come on, we've got to get ready."
"I'I..."
"No argument." Leading him into the room, she promptly went to the closet and brought out the leather jacket and the green casual shirt. She reached into the bag she had with her and pulled out a pair of leather trousers. "These should fit you. And get out your earring."
Staring at the trousers in her hand, he turned stubborn, "Cordelia, I am NOT going out wearing leather trousers."
"Yes, you will." She looked a little impish, "Besides, can you imagine their faces when you walk into the Bronze wearing these?" she held up the trousers.
Suppressing a smile at the thought of the reaction they would elicit, he said, "Well..."
"And imagine the expression on Xander's face. And Willow's. And Buffy's ..."
A slightly wicked smile started to spread across his face. "All right ... but no dancing."
Ignoring the last comment, she said, "I'm going to get changed." She looked at him critically, "Then I'm going to do something with your hair." His expression turned to alarm again as she marched out. Looking at the leather trousers, a smile spread across his face. It might be quite amusing to surprise them - in a controlled situation - just this once. He changed into the trousers, which he found actually did fit him, and the green shirt and dug out the earring which he had last worn after eating the Band Candy. As he was putting the earring in, Cordelia came in wearing something he vaguely recalled hearing referred to as 'skanky'. It certainly left a lot of skin exposed.
She had a comb and a tube in her hand, "Sit down," she ordered. He sat down on the bed. "Glasses off," she ordered again. He obeyed and she squeezed a gel into her hand and started to work it into his hair and style it with a comb. She stepped back and shook her head in amazement. "Cancel the glasses when we get there."
He nodded hesitantly and she ordered, "Let's go." He picked up the old leather jacket and put it on. She immediately adjusted it on him with a critical eye. Holding on to it, she looked up at him and smiled a little wickedly. Then she reached up and lightly kissed him on the mouth.
"What was that for?" he asked in confusion.
"For looking like a dish. Possible ammunition."
"Oh," he remarked in mild consternation, wondering what on earth she meant.
* * *
They walked arm in arm into the Bronze - or rather Cordelia had firmly grabbed hold of Giles' arm to ensure that he didn't bolt and guided him into the club. However, he did balk after they had cleared the doorman and just before they were about to actually go in. Cordelia gave him a yank on the arm, "Come on, Giles. At least you'll avoid a coma in here. Oh God, did I say that? No jinxes."
Caught in between a sense of mischief and causing a bit of shock and the terror of making a fool of himself, Giles took a deep breath and let Cordelia lead him into the Bronze. Almost immediately he spotted three pairs of eyes staring at him, accompanied by three gaping mouths. Cordelia had spotted them and a look of satisfaction gleamed in her eyes, particularly at the sight of Xander's astonishment.
There was some slow music playing and Cordelia turned and pushed Giles onto the dance floor. "Cordelia, I said I was not dancing," Giles insisted.
"All you have to do is sway. Even you can manage that. Try imagining someone has hit you on the head again," Cordelia said, placing his arms around her waist and then wrapping her arms around his neck. As Giles tried to keep her away from him, she looked up at him and said crossly, "You're meant to dance close. Just think of sex or something."
Giles choked slightly and said, "Cordelia, I think I can truthfully say that I've never thought of ..."
"Crawl out of the stacks for a moment. I mean, I realise you're old, but I'm sure you've heard of sex."
Giles was beginning to feel rather aggrieved as well as annoyed and decided Cordelia needed to be put in her place. "I have indeed," he stated, "and I know a great deal more about it than you do." He pulled her hips into his and started to slowly grind into her. Cordelia's eyes widened and she said, "I didn't mean that you ..." Deciding that she needed to be silenced, he grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head back and kissed her.
Cordelia was initially shocked and then thought, "Geez, he can really kiss," and tightened her arms around her neck and decided to give as good as she got.
Meanwhile, Buffy, Xander and Willow were experiencing what could only be described as profound shock which was growing deeper by the moment. Speechlessness reigned. Willow managed to squeak, "That is Giles, isn't it?" They nodded in silence.
"Maybe he's possessed or something?" Xander asked.
"Whoa, I wouldn't mind being possessed like that," Faith spoke up from behind them. She licked her lips, "I love a man in leather. B, I told you he was a hottie."
Buffy blinked, "That's not Giles. It's an anti-Giles or a Giles clone or Giles after Band Candy ... not Giles." She looked at Faith and then back at Giles, who was nuzzling Cordelia's neck."
Faith chuckled in appreciation and said, "I'm going to cut in. I want a piece of this!"
She walked up and tapped on Cordelia's shoulder. Cordelia looked at her and remarked, "Ah, the street urchin."
"I'm cutting in."
"No, you're not. Go play with Xander or something," she retorted, hanging possessively onto Giles.
As they continued to argue, Willow swallowed hard and said, "Well, that's something I never expected to see. Cordelia and Faith fighting over Giles on the dance-floor in the Bronze."
Buffy stretched out her arm to the red head, "Pinch me. This is a bad dream."
"I wish I was dreaming it," Xander muttered, "and where did he get the leather?"
"Beat it, Cordelia," Faith stated, "Slayers first."
Giles stopped, deciding to forestall any trouble, and said, "Look, one dance with Faith and," he said, looking sternly at Faith, "no violence."
Faith grinned and Cordelia stepped back. Faith eagerly wrapped herself around Giles. "Hey, G, I've been itching to do this for some time."
Willow looked at Buffy, "S-s-she's ... what's Faith doing with his ear!"
Buffy crossed her arms and scowled, "This is carrying single white female too far."
Willow looked confused, "Um, Buffy, I don't think that applies to this."
"I mean he's *my* Watcher - ex-Watcher - whatever. And why isn't he stopping her from doing that!" As she noticed Faith hitching her leg around Giles', she stood up and said, "That's it. I'm putting a stop to this NOW."
Xander said, "Ah, Buffy, maybe Giles wouldn't appreciate that. I mean, he doesn't seem to be in trouble or anything. And if he's got some special cologne or spell, I want some. Or it. Or whatever."
The song ended and Giles managed to disentangle himself from Faith - with some difficulty. Cordelia marched up with her hands on her hips and re-assumed possession of Giles, stating, "Giles, if you're finished slumming..."
Faith glared at her. Cordelia simply looked her up and down and moved in to put her arms around Giles' neck. She said to him, "Well, you dance better than Xander," she admitted. Giles looked down her cleavage and blinked, wondering what he was getting himself into. He noticed Buffy standing glaring with her hands crossed and suddenly felt a little malicious. He looked down at Cordelia, "Pay back?"
She nodded smugly. He grinned and said, "With interest then," and bent over and started a long, lingering kiss. Cordelia pulled her arms tighter, and responded in kind. Through his lashes, he stole a glance at Buffy and friends. Buffy sat down and crossed her arms again, fuming. Xander looked slightly ill while Willow was staring in unabashed disbelief.
Faith's expression could best be described as a leer. She bent over and nudged Buffy in the ribs, "Missed out there, B." Buffy just glared back.
Harmony walked by at that point, "Looks like Cordelia's moved on from you losers. Where'd she find him?"
"In the library," Willow put in it.
"Got lost, did he?" Buffy glared at her and spat out between clenched teeth, "Get. Lost."
"PMT much?" Harmony retorted as she walked off.
Cordelia now had her head against Giles' chest and he could feel a slight shaking coming from her. "Are you all right, Cordelia?" Giles asked in concern.
"Super," she choked out, "did you see Harmony? This is even better than I thought."
"Harmony?"
"An air-head. Now green with envy."
"Can we go now?"
"Don't you want to say hello?"
Giles took a deep breath as he glanced over at the table. He said, "On one condition: you stay between Buffy and me. She won't hit you ... I think."
"Come on then," she said, putting her arm around his waist possessively and directing him over to the table.
Buffy glared at him and demanded, "What was that? Have you been eating that chocolate again?"
"No," he replied, "Cordelia's idea."
"It's so quiet at Giles' place," she said smugly, "I decided we needed to get out."
"We?" Willow asked a little weakly.
Giles said, "Cordelia's staying at my place for the moment because ..."
"...because it's much more convenient," Cordelia said.
Giles blinked, thinking this was going a bit further than he intended - in fact, quite a bit further. He noticed that Willow was staring at his trousers. She suddenly realised what she was doing and said in a fluster, "Ah, ah ... I didn't know you had leather trousers."
"I didn.."
"He can't wear them in a high school, can he?" Cordelia purred.
Silence followed this remark.
"Well, we're going now, "Cordelia announced and propelled Giles towards the exit. As they left, she said to him, "That wasn't too hard, was it?" Cordelia stated.
He shook his head and they made their way to her car, which Giles insisted on driving, and then back to the apartment.
Cordelia burst in laughter while Giles looked at her oddly. "What?" she asked, noticing his look.
"I don't think that I've ever seen you genuinely laugh."
She sniffed, and then remarked, "That was wonderful."
END
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