Disclaimer : Buffy & Co. all belong to Joss Whedon and Mutent Enemy, I own two rabbits and a budgie so sueing my will achieve exactly naught.
This is my first fanfic, as well as my first Buffyfic (well, duh) and all feedback would be apprieciated at b.milthorpe@unsw.edu.au
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Willow stared in frowning concentration at the computer screen, involved deeply in the exact reasons behind its refusal to link her with her home computer and not involved at all with the exact reasons behind Sunnydales erstwhile Watcher’s steady gaze at her. Giles had been attempting to make some sense out of the chaos left by the scanning project when he had looked her way, and been hit by a wave of intense love and longing, stronger than anything he had ever felt; and had been staring with a slight frown on his forehead at her for the past twenty minutes.
Suddenly Willow became aware of several things at once; one, she hadn’t left the net on at her house as she usually did ; two, all sounds of movement behind her had ceased; three, Giles was staring at the back of her neck; and four, it made her feel strange, nice strange though, like she need something really badly but liked needing it With this far from comforting thought bolstering her courage she turned and returned his gaze with a stammered inquiry “G-Giles? Do you need something?”
passed through Giles brain, causing him to stammer more than usual as well, “N-n-no, Um, I-I was, um, well, just wondering, um...whether, um, you were....”
“Um, yes?” Willow asked with a slight ironical lift of her brows, pardonably pleased with her attempt at lightheartedness in such trying conditions
A slight smile touched Giles’s lips and he said “Sorry, I’m just a bit tired, all this sorting, and that Moloch thing.” and then instantly he regretted mentioning the demon who had almost killed Willow, as well as Buffy and Xander, a fact he knew she blamed herself for. “Oh god, Willow, I’m sorry, I-I just uh.......”
“It’s ok Giles, I’m .....” her vain attempt to reassure him, and herself, of her complete and utter fineness ended on a choked sob. Within seconds he was by her side, and he pulled from her seat into his arms and rocked her gently back and forth, making soft and totally meaningless comforting noises into her hair, while she sobbed.
“Oh God, Giles, it was my fault, Buffy and - and - Xander, they almost died, and its all because I didn’t think. Buffy, she - she even warned me , b-but I didn’t listen and.......it’s all my fault. I don’t deserve to have them as friends, they’re so good to me and I almost got them killed, and they pretended they didn’t care but I know they did, and I should die” she finished on a great sob and buried her face deeper in his collar while Giles sat there in shock. He hadn’t realised her feelings of guilt ran this deep, and while he knew she wouldn’t kill herself, just the thought of her dead sent a rush of horror through him, chilling him to the bone.
“No, no, shhh, it’s not your fault, shhh” he couldn’t think of a thing to say, and mentally cursed himself for the ineptitude of his replies.
‘Yes, it is, oh, it is!” she cried
“No, its my fault. I should never have left the book out and I should have looked through it before I left it to be scanned. You were just doing a job for me that’s all” the words came easily to his tongue as he realised that in his heart, he really did blame himself. When he had realised that Willows pen pal was Moloch, he had leaned against the rails in the library for support, equal parts of fear, denial and rage tearing at him. How dare the demon come near his Willow? And later, when he had read out the chant, it had felt good to be finally doing something, all his anger coming out in his cry of “Demon, COME!!!”
“No Giles it wasn’t your fau.......” she broke off as he caught her chin in his hand and forced it up so she was looking into his eye’s, her face barely an inch from his.
“No”, he said, and the force behind the words, as much as the look in his eye’s, froze her unable to do anything but look in mute amazement at him, “it was my fault, and I should have known better. And I most definitely will in the future. But there is no point in blaming ourselves over something that can’t be changed. And there is especially no use in your blaming yourself for something that was none of your fault ” He added harshly, then seemed to catch himself, wrenching his gaze from her to the floor.
Willow could feel herself trembling slightly, slightly whigged by the normally quiet Watchers outburst. But she knew she had to sat something, to comfort him as he had comforted her - but nothing came to mind. What could she say?
Willow shut out her warring inner voices and said the first thing that came into her head “Giles ?”
she gave her self a swift mental kick and wondered when she had turned schizophrenic.
Giles turned his attention from his bitter selfrecriminatitions and forced himself to look at her. What he saw there nearly knocked him out. She had always been pretty, but with unshed tears sparkling in her eyes and her straight hair mussled she was......she was.... he couldn’t find the words even in his mind. But this, coupled with her close proximity, didn’t do nearly as much damage to his peace of mind as the look of complete and utter trust in her eyes. Willow felt herself relax as she watched the the unusual bitterness drain from his eyes - then felt herself tense all over with confusion and a rush of other mingled emotions as he leaned forward and placed his lips on hers.
As a first kiss, it wasn’t earthshattering - no passionate embrace or murmured endearment’s but to the two people evolved, it was the most amazing thing they had ever experienced. After a few stunned moments, Willow relaxed into the kiss; her lips moving against his, and a few moments later, opening up to let his tongue slip into her mouth. They both sat, still in a state of shock, but desperately clinging to the others lips as if they were the only points of reality in the room. Giles would have liked for that to be true, vampires and demon robots nothing but a bad dream and Willow the only reality, but he knew it wasn’t so, just like he knew they could never be together, or even kiss again. It was too dangerous.
A couple of minutes later, they pulled back and stared into the others eyes, without, surprisingly, awkwardness. For a few seconds they sat so, then as if by mutual consent, they both stood up, Giles’s arms still around Willow and both of them still in the dream state.
“Would you like some tea?” Giles asked in a attempt to get some normality into the room.
“Do you have any chamomile?”
“Yes”
Willow made an assenting motion with her head, and he went off to make the tea, while she was left to mull over what had just happened while she attempted to fix the little make up she wore.
He had just finished brewing the tea when he heard the library doors burst open and the sounds of a cheerful argument echo throughout the library
“ No Xander, I will not enter a mud wrestling contest. Hey Will, whats up?”
“But Buffy, just think, your the Slayer. You’d win hands down”
Giles smile to himself as he heard the two girls chorus and annoyed “Xander!”.
“Hey guys, I was just here to download some files but I don’t think I left the net on at my house, so I couldn’t do it”
“Oh way bummer.” He heard Buffy move a pile of books and presumably then sit on the table “So where is our resident super librarian?”
Giles fixed the sternest expression he could on his face, and went out with the mugs “Here”, accompanying look at Buffy “I was just making some tea. Want some?”
“No thanks, I need some caffeine, so I’m going to grab a soda. Anyone want one?”
“Yeah I’ll come with you you,” Xander said.
“Not me,” Willow ventured a look at Giles, and silently agreed with him that they shouldn’t share with anyone that kiss - or even with themselves again.
“Will? Giles? Whats going on?” Buffy queried. The two remained silent “C’mon, you have a secret and that is not allowed!”
* * *
Okay, that’s it guys. All feedback would be appriciated, this is my first fanfic ever for anything, so constructive ctriticisms will be appriciated as well
Skye :) b.milthorpe@unsw.edu.au
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