Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Willow, Giles are any other character in the Buffy, The Vampire Slayer universe, but I promise not to break them, so please don't sue Warner Brothers, I'll be careful.
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Another stressful day had finally concluded. Now, that doesn't rule out a stressful night, Willow thought to herself. She looked over the desk. It still felt terribly odd, at times, sitting where Giles had always sat. Practically becoming the Watcher during Giles hospital stay had been rather, well, enlightening, to put it positively. Completely horrifying was a strong first for negatively. But, that wasn't going to be the case for much longer, she assured herself. Giles was going to come back tomorrow, and she could finally retreat back into her nice, safe shell of existence. Vampires, Demons, and Other Very Bad Things not withstanding.
"Hey, what's up almighty secondary source of supernatural knowledge?"
Willow's head shot up in startlement from a large musty book.
"Oh, Xander, it's you..."
Xander glanced around the library, "Um, yes, I do believe it's just you, me, and the book you've gotten your nose lodged in...speaking of books...what *is* that book you've been writing in for the last two weeks, anyway?"
Willow swallowed convulsively. "Book ?, oh, you mean that book...Oh, it's nothing really, nothing of any importance at all..."
Xander looked at Willow a little suspiciously. "You're sure Willow? I mean, the last time you went digging through Gile's books you discovered that the Vampires were about to go on a bloodhunt for Buffy, not that that was a bad thing to find out ahead of time, mind you, but..."
Willow shook her head firmly, although her voice wasn't quite as sure. "Oh, no, no, I don't *think* anything is supposed to happen tonight, I've scanned through the historicals, and all of the previous Watcher journals I could find, and today is a very dull, ordinary day as far as supernatural occurrences are concerned."
Xander sighed with relief. "Good, so...the Bronze, to celebrate?"
Willow looked up quizzically, "Celebrate what?"
"Celebrate what? I mean, Willow...we just survived *two weeks* without Giles, I would say that would be cause for some kind of celebration! That, and, well, Giles has to buy a new car..."
Willow smiled, closing the book so it rested in her lap. "Yeah, it is kinda funny, considering that of all the terrible events that happens around here, that Giles just suffered from an everyday accident in the rain."
Xander glanced at Willow and then glanced around the library... "Does that sound...."
"A bit too ordinary when you happen to be located on top of a Hellmouth?" Willow helpfully added.
"Yeah, actually...it kinda does." Xander said rather uncomfortably while scratching his back absentmindedly. "Maybe..."
"I'll do some extra research." Willow volunteered. Xander started to respond, but Willow cut him off. "Oh, no...it's alright, I mean, I'm sure you and Buffy will have a great time without me, no, well, I mean, Giles will come back tomorrow, and we can all celebrate together then,...right?"
Xander stared at Willow for a moment before replying. "Yeah, I guess, I...you're sure you want to stick around here? Like you said, Giles will be coming back tomorrow."
Willow nodded emphatically. "I don't mind, really...were you planning on meeting Buffy there? I mean, not that I would be worried about Buffy being along at the Bronze or anything, but Angel does seem to show up there...."
Xander froze in place momentarily..."Buffy, and Angel, at the Bronze, alone...I-I-I'll see you later, okay Willow? You do that research thing..." he said as he headed for the door.
"Okay, Xander..." she called out as the door swung shut from Xander's hasty exit. Willow smiled to herself as she reopened the book in her lap. She may not be happy about Xander's crush on Buffy, but it did make some things in life *so* much easier...
* * *
Journal Entry
(Date to be determined)
My father is insisting that I write in this journal he provided me. He says that it will aid me when I prepare to train the next Watcher. I still don't comprehend why our family line, of all the those in existence, is *destined* to watch over some young woman who's duty it is to protect the human race! The very idea is preposterous. I wouldn't believe it myself except that I've seen the journals of my father, and my father's father, and so on until I thought my head would never stop aching from reading the archaic English. I must admit, however, that some of the aspects of this Watcher business are rather fascinating. The tradition of choosing the next Watcher is particularly curious. Apparently, there have been occasions when a viable candidate was unavailable within the current family line. In every case where this has occurred, a suitable candidate has always been found working in close association with the current Watcher, even if this person may not immediately present themselves as being Watcher material. My great-great-grandfather was apparently brought into the Watcher tradition in just such a fashion. While being of no blood relation to the current Watcher, he did accidentally become aware of the Watcher's duties, and began to assist him and the current Slayer. The current Watcher of the time, having no children of his own to teach, began grooming my great-great-grandfather for the position. Since that time, it appears that the Gile's family line has been rather replete with capable offspring, as the Watcher tradition has been passed down successfully to myself. I wonder, however, what will occur in my future, if I will have some child to raise to this tradition? My father didn't begin my education in these matters until the middle of his third decade. It seems that is some kind of millstone in the life of a Watcher, for no Watcher without children at that time has ever passed the tradition to someone within his own bloodline.
Rupert Giles
"No Watcher without children..." Willow mumbled the last line of the journal entry out loud. "No Watcher without..." Something, some idea that should be *terribly* important to her was flickering in Willow's mind. Something about Giles.
"Giles doesn't have any children."
Willow slammed the book shut, pulling open a drawer in Gile's desk so hard it felt as if she would tear the handle off, and shoved the book back where she'd found it, pushing the drawer closed with far more force than was necessary.
The journal entries he had asked her to make while he was in the hospital. How he had...had, *coached* her into finding the answers to the problems at hand...well, except for that little problem with the rats, but how was she supposed to know that was related to the full moon, the relationship of Saturn to Mars, and the full tide? Not that it made any sense now than it did then, looking back on it...but what she was trying to get her brain to realize was...
"Giles is trying to make me into the next Watcher..."'
No, Impossible, her mind screamed. This is a bad thing, a very, very, very, bad thing. Giles wouldn't pick *her* to be the next Watcher...it was all some...great misunderstanding on her part...after all, there had never been any female Watchers before. There, she *couldn't* be the next Watcher, because all Watchers were male. And those journal entries? Those were exactly for what Giles had said he wanted them for, so he would have something to look over, to add to his own records as to the events that had occurred during his doctor enforced hospital stay. No female Watchers meant no Willow as Watcher. She hoped.
In her panicked state of mind, she failed to notice the library door swing open, and it wasn't until she heard her name called that she realized she wasn't alone in the library.
"Willow, I didn't expect you to be here?"
The familiar rich British voice seemed overly loud in the library's quiet confines, although it did not resonate with it's usual energy. Surprisingly enough to Willow, she *didn't* startle.
Willow looked up from behind Giles's desk, feeling more than a bit uncomfortable now that the proper inhabitant of that position had returned. "Giles, what are you doing here? I thought you weren't going to be released from the hospital until tomorrow?"
Giles moved rather stiffly to one of the chairs in the library, and with little aplomb sat down in it. His reply was muffled slightly as he ran his hand over his face, taking his spectacles off to clean them. "Yes, I had thought so myself. However, I managed to convince the doctors that I was perfectly capable of bedresting at my own residence..."
"Which is why the first place you came to was here?" Willow replied, wondering at the daring tone of her voice, well, daring for her anyway.
Giles smiled briefly, before wincing due to some pain as he moved. "Yes, I suppose that doesn't show my appreciation for the advice of modern physicians very well, now does it?"
"Not exactly Giles, you did receive a concussion..." Willow smiled then. "I remember we had to tell the doctor that your favorite thing on earth was old B-Rated horror movies, it was the only way to explain why you kept talking about vampires..."
Giles paled suddenly, although his voice maintained a relatively mild tone. He slowly replaced his glasses to their usual position before speaking. "Really, I-I don't recall that...did I mention anything else while I was incapacitated?"
Willow replied quickly, deciding that Giles didn't need to know Everything that he'd talked about. He didn't need to know that he'd mentioned several times how much he worried about Buffy, and herself, and Xander, how he felt particularly responsible for not having reached Buffy sooner, and therefore allowing Xander and herself to be placed in continuing risk. And he definitely, Definitely, didn't need to know that he'd mentioned Miss Calender in anyway shape or form, particularly relating to body piercing... "No, no...not really. You seemed to dream a lot, but that's supposed to be normal in head injury cases..."
Giles relaxed then, seemingly relieved. "Yes, I do recall some rather vivid dreams."
"Giles?"
"Yes, Willow?"
"There's never been female slayers, right? I mean, the whole idea is just...just preposterous, Imeanit'sobvious.."
The words tumbled from her mouth at increasing speeds until Giles finally spoke.
"Actually, Willow, that isn't quite accurate."
Willow thought she could hear her heartbeat echoing in her ears. She turned away from Giles, somehow certain that he was going to read her mind, confirm her fears if she met his gaze. The sound of a chair sliding against the floor seemed unnaturally loud. Then footsteps, walking towards her, stopping behind the chair. The sense of a moments hesitation before he knelt down next to her, tentatively resting his hand on her arm, looking up at her.
"Did...you have a particular reason for asking, Willow?"
She risked a glance at his face, seeing eyes that were intensely focused upon her own. She opened her mouth, wanting to say anything that might make him look away from her, cast that gaze on someone or something else.
"Giles, I can't be the next Watcher."
She waited, wanting, expecting him to say something, to react. He knelt, and looked, and she didn't notice if he blinked.
She jerked her eyes away from his gaze, looking at nothing as she spoke again.
"I..I know that you....that you *need* to start training someone to the tradition, Giles, but I can't possibly be the correct person...being a Watcher means being...confident, and knowledgeable....and strong. I...I'm none of those things."
A blush of humiliation spread over her face, as Giles still didn't answer. Thoughts raced through her heads...was he disappointed in her, that she wasn't standing up to her duties? Was he upset at her, disgusted with her excuses and her childish ...
A hand on her chin interrupted her thoughts, as Giles slowly turned her face to his. His face, much to her surprise, did not contain any of the emotions she had expected. She blinked her eyes several times, not believing her first impression of his expression. He wasn't angry, or disgusted, he seemed to be...smiling at her. Not in a cruel way, but just, gently smiling. And when he spoke, it was softly, with no trace of malice or disappointment, just, sincerity, and perhaps, a trace of humor, well concealed.
"Willow, I believe you are laboring under several misconceptions. A Watcher...isn't just chosen out of the population because he or she happens to be handy to the current Watcher...I take it you know that much from reading my journal entries, correct?"
Willow nodded, not trusting her voice.
"I don't mind Willow, I'm not going to call you to task for reading those. If you would recall, I gave you permission, as soon as I was clear headed, to access *all* of the Watcher journals...that would include my own."
"But.."
Giles raised a hand, silencing Willow's voice instantly. Giles looked away momentarily, as if considering his next words, then he turned back to Willow.
"A Watcher must be...*many* things Willow. It is best if they are confident, and knowledgeable, and strong, Yes, but more importantly, they must *willingly* and *without reserve* accept the position. No one can be *forced* into being a Watcher, Willow."
Willows face mirrored the confusion in her mind, and when she spoke, it was obvious in her voice.
"But I thought you..."
"That I was forced into becoming a Watcher, myself?", Giles completed her statement, nodding once himself in response to Willow's own confirmation.
"I admit, that at the start, I did refuse the idea, but by the time I had started writing in my journals, while I may have continued to ....what is it I heard you call it the other day...to....to gripe ? about it...I had already decided that being a Watcher was what I was meant to do. I wasn't forced into this Willow, it's not a position that one *can* be forced into."
The logic of what Giles was saying began to filter through to Willow.
"I can't be *made* into the Watcher. If I don't want to be the Watcher, there's no way that I can be."
Giles nodded again, sighing as he brought a hand to rub at his face.
"Yes. It would be, disastrous to attempt to force one to the position, it's nothing that a Watcher...it's nothing that I would ever try to do to you or anyone else, Willow."
Relief reflected on every feature of Willow's face. The strangeness of the moment, however, of the time and the words spoken, provoked a very old response in Willow. Escape while you can.
Abruptly, Willow rose from the chair. Giles tried to take a step backward, surprised by the sudden movement, and swung out an arm to latch onto the chair, trying to regain his balance.
"Willow!"
"I'm sorry Giles, I....."
And she turned and walked, quicker and quicker, trying very hard not to break out into a run as she left the library, feeling as if she had just escaped the proverbial lion's den.
Giles managed to regain his balance without landing on his rear, and stood slowly. He looked towards the door where Willow had made her exit, and sighed. With an even greater lack of energy that he had felt when he had arrived at the library, he allowed himself to fall into his familiar chair, and rest his head on his hand, gently massaging an aching temple. It was doing so that he saw Willow's journal laying open on his desk. She had undoubtedly forgotten it in her eagerness to leave.
He flipped through the journal slowly, skimming the various entries...a certain line made him break into a chuckle, it was certainly a true enough statement about Buffy. Another entry sobered him, she was quite true in identifying herself and Xander as risks in the equation of Vampires and Slayer.
He closed the journal then, picking it up and putting it next to Willow's other school things she had left behind. She should have the journal, to keep writing.
After all, it had taken him several years before he had wanted to be a Watcher. He could wait.
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