Summary: This is another short story set in the future, Xander
thinks hes doing, the right thing, but he ends up in trouble again!
Xander watched as Buffy walked down the dark alley, waiting for her
at the end of it was a tall figure, a man Xander knew-Angel. He
cringed as he watched her fall into his arms, an kiss him over and
over again. This was the day he had been dreading, the day his
wife went back to her first true love.
Xander knew that Buffy loved him and their children. But Angel was
that first love, that deep true love. Xander had no idea it would
hurt so bad. It felt like somone had kicked him over and over again.
But he somehow accepted it, he loved her, he wanted her happy. By
this time Angel and Buffy were heading for Angels apartment. Xander
felt the moist tears running down his face.
"Xander, Xander, wake up!" Buffy was calling his name and gently
shaking him.
He awoke startled to find her next to him in their bed. She was
still there, it was just a dream, a bad dream. It had seemed so
real.
"Are you okay? You are crying?" she asked with concern. She had
not seen Xander cry often during their marriage. "What was the
dream about?"
"Nothing" Xander lied, he didn't like to lie to Buffy. He had only
told one other lie to her since they had become a couple. He had
not told her he knew Angel was alive all the time he was gone. Maybe
this was his punishment for that lie.
"That was not a nothing dream Xan. Come on tell me about it" she
asked gently. She was no stranger to nightmares.
Xander looked at Buffy, his Buffy and decided to tell her "I dreamed
that you left me for Angel, you were kissing him"
Buffy answered him in a sweet voice "Xander, I ame here with you. It
was just a dream." She put her arms around him and rocked him like
a child, stroking his hair and telling him she loved him until he
fell back into an uneasy sleep.
The next morning was Saturday, everyone slept as late as expected
in a house full of small children. Little Giles came in and joined
his parents in their bed first, Buffy took him downstairs and
explained that Daddy needed some rest.
She gave him his breakfast and turned on cartoons. She then went
to check on Xander. He was awake when she got there. "How are
you feeling?" she said as she hugged him.
"I'm fine, but we have to talk. I can't keep this from you any
longer" he blurted out.
Buffy was scared now thinking to herself "Whats wrong, has he found
someone else?" She then spoke "What can't you keep from me?"
"Buffy, when Angel left all those years ago. I knew he was alive,
he asked me to watch over you. I took advantage of the situation
and ended up with you." sighed Xander.
Buffy let out a sigh of relief, this could be forgiven. Angel and
Xander had been thinking of her happiness and she honestly could
not picture her life any other way now. "Oh, Xander. I love you.
All is forgiven!" she said with a smile.
Xander looked at Buffy in amazement "You love me even though I
decieved you?"
"I love you because you confessed and you love me, silly" explained
Buffy.
"Buffy, I will never understand you, I'll always love you. I am
willing to let you go back to Angel. I love you enough to let you
go, just like he did." Xander said quietly.
Buffy looked at him in shock "Xander Harris, do you think that you
and my children mean so little to me that I would leave you for
Angel?"
Xander looked at her uncertainly, he had never seen that much anger
in her eyes since they had been married. "Buffy, I just want you
to know I love you as much as he does, I want you happy. I didn't
mean to make you angry."
"Too late, Xander" said Buffy coldly and then she continued "I am
with you, I love you, I love our children. Angel is my past, you
are my present and future. I thought so anyway." She said softly
and left the room.
"Buffy, I..." Xander didn't know what to say.
Buffy stuck her head back in the room "I have to go check on my
children now"
The rest of the day passed quietly. Too quietly, Buffy had never
given Xander the silent treatment before. He didn't like it. He
went into the den and tried to decided how to apologize.
Buffy put all the kids down for a nap. She lay on the couch,
thinking to herself "I know that Xander loves me, but he still doesn't
get how much I love him. I guess he will always think he was
second choice. Why do all the men in my life, think that letting me
go is whats best for me? I should go talk to him, but he needs to
think about this."
Xander turned on the radio in the den, country music was still
his musical choice in bad times. He laid on the leather couch and
closed his eyes. An old Travis Tritt song came on "Foolish Pride"
He relives every word they said in anger
he walks the floor and punches out the wall
to apologize to her would be so simple
but instead he cries "I'll be damned if I'll crawl!"
If he losee her he's lost his best friend
and more than just a lover can provide
So he wrestles with emotions that defeat him
chalk another love lost up to fooish pride
Xander lets the words sink in, he slowly gets up off the couch and
walks towards the door.
In the livingroom, Buffy can barely hear the words of the song
Turn out the lights the competitions over
the stubborn souls are the losers here tonight
And while the bridges burn
Another hard, hard lessons learned
As in the ashes passion slowly dies
And this romance goes down to foolish pride
Buffy stands up and walks towards the door to the den.
They are so deep in thought, that they almost run into one another.
Buffy looks up at him with forgiveness and love in her eyes. He
looks down with acceptance and love in his.
"Buffy, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you think that we
don't mean as much to you as Angel does. I know you love us, I just
get confused. Forgive me?" Xander spoke his voice full of emotion.
"Xander, of course I forgive you. I know you know I love you, but
I feel like you think you are second choice. You aren't, you came
after my first love, but it doesn't mean you mean less to me. I
can't tell you I have no feelings for Angel, some part of me will
always love him, he was my first love. I can't change that. But
you are my love now Xander. You were there when Angel left, you
are always there for me. I love you" she said near tears.
Xander smiled at her and took her hand, he led her to the couch.
He sat next to her, holding her close. He whispered "I love you,
I guess I just always feel so lucky to have you. I don't deserve
you, and someday it will all dissappear."
Buffy returned his smile "Xander, I love you, even if you are so
goofy sometimes. You deserve me, you deserve better, but now you
are stuck with me!" she snuggled against him.
Xander kissed the top of her head. "Buffy" he said with a sigh.
"Yes" she replied.
"Next time we fight, could you just stake me,don't use the silent
treatment again!" he laughed as he finished the sentence.
Buffy turned to him and joined his laughter "Okay!" she said as he
pulled her into a kiss.
The End
