Disclaimer: Giles belongs to Joss, the thoughts belong to me.
Author's Notes: Thanks to the Watcher's Council, again.
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I lie here and wonder sometimes, about my Slayer not my own, and I wonder why, why she's still alive, when two others that have come after have failed, and I think to myself, why did they fail? And I drift back and think about a moment, a moment forever imprinted on me, when Buffy was about to leave to go to fight Angelus, as challenged, and Kendra, trained since the age of five, gives her a stake called Mr. Pointy, a stake Buffy possesses still, Kendra's legacy, if you would, and my Slayer answers that she has got to get Kendra a stuffed animal, only that's not possible anymore, since Drusilla the mad slew her with a fingernail across the throat, and I think, trained since birth, practically trained since birth, never with her family, no emotional attachments, just beginning to find her fire, and I realize that what killed her is that she never had a stuffed animal, never an attachment of any sort, as it would only distract her, weigh her down. In the end, she was alone. And then I think of Faith, the passionate, the violent, the uncontrollable, and good god what fire she had, what raw, raging emotion, it gave her such strength in the fight against evil, but it was unmanageable, completely and totally, and the same passion that destroyed so much evil in the end caused so much, she slept around because she couldn't bear to form an attachment with any male, she hated authority, and in her rage she killed an innocent man, and, unwilling to grab onto anyone, she deliberately plunged headlong into the abyss, something she was quite willing to do again and again, killing, slaying people and demons, all with the same fire and passion, and in the end, in the end, she deliberately threw herself from a rooftop, deliberately avoided grabbing onto anyone, and she too was alone, at the end.
And yet, and yet, I also was told, when Buffy fought Angel over Acathla, and he taunted her, saying no friends, no family, no nothing, what's left, what's left, what's left, and she too was alone, there at the end, but she caught the sword, though she was alone, and said me, I have me, and in the end for her, that was enough, which is why the end wasn't the end, even though she did go away for a while, the point is SHE CAME BACK, and I keep asking myself what was it about her, that let survive being alone, when neither Kendra nor Faith could? And the only thing I can think of is that she is the best of both, fire and limits, and I suppose that is why, alone among the hundreds of Slayers I have ever read about, alone, of all the Slayers I've known, Buffy and Buffy alone . . .
has graduated.
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