Buffy stirred and grimaced as her ribs throbbed painfully. She looked at Spike and smiled at him. Having Riley in town really opened her eyes.
Spike’s eyes fluttered open a few minutes later and sat up. “You okay?” He asked, looking down at her.
“I’m a little sore, but I’ll be ok,” she said.
“Buffy, I know I’ve asked you this many times but are you gunna tell your friends about us?” Spike asked.
“Spike,” Buffy said, softly. “I don’t want to.”
“Why?” Spike asked. “It’s not fair that I have to be your dirty little secret.”
“It’s not that,” Buffy said, pushing herself up.
“What is it then?” Spike asked.
“That my friends wont understand,” Buffy said. “I don’t wanna be treated differently.”
“But its alright of Xander to date a vengeance demon?” Spike asked. “And for Willow to date a werewolf or be gay?”
“I’m not like them, Spike,” Buffy said. “I don’t want to explain m life to them. I can do anything I want.”
“Then that should be your explanation to them,” Spike said. “You know I love you and I don’t like lying.”
“You aren’t the one lying,” Buffy said. “It’s just… its hard. With everything that I’ve gone through since I’ve been back, I cant take the accusations.”
“It’s pretty obvious that something is going on,” Spike said, softly. “The late hours, the bruises, the 2 of us disappearing at the same time. All the time. They’re gunna figure it out, Buffy.”
“Then I’ll deal with it in my own way,” Buffy said. “Please don’t pressure me about this. I can only deal with one thing at a time.”
“Then why are you trying to have a relationship?” Spike asked. “If you can only deal with one thing at a time?”
“Because, it’s the only thing that I have in my life right now that makes sense,” Buffy said. “Everything else is complicated and hard.”
“Life is hard, Buffy,” Spike said.
“And my life should be over, but its not!” Buffy flared. “You think I like being like this? You think I like being the way I am? To have my friends think I’m all happy when all I wanna do is die? You think I’m okay? Well, I’ve got news for you, I’m not. I’m far from okay.”
She got up to get out of bed but Spike stopped her. “Buffy,” he said, grabbing her hand.
Buffy paused but didn’t look at him.
“Look at me,” he said, gently easing her back onto the bed. He cradled her face and turned it towards him. He frowned when her saw tears in her eyes. “Don’t cry.”
Buffy sniffled but tears just flowed down her face as she began sobbing uncontrollably.
Spike wrapped his arms around her and gently lifted her into his arms. “Shhh,” he whispered. “I’m here.”
Buffy clutched him as her body shook. “Oh, god Spike,” she whimpered. “I hate this. I’ve tried to be okay but I’m not. I cant help it. I’m just not.”
“Buffy, I’m trying to make you happy,” Spike said. “But you’re making me feel like its not enough.”
“What you’re ding is more then enough but its not gunna take away my pain,” Buffy said. “I still dream about coffins and dirt and jumping. When I’m with you, none of that stuff matters. I don’t care about Riley or my friends. I just want to be with you.”
“Not a problem on this end but you should still talk to your friends,” Spike said, softly. “Tell them that you wanna be with me. It’s not their decision. If they know about is, we can be at home, with Dawn.”
Buffy thought about her younger sister who desperately needed her and Spike. “I guess its okay then,” she said, softly. “If we go home and tell the gang. And Dawn does really need us right now.”
“So you wanna go home?” Spike asked, kissing her hair.
Buffy nodded. “But I’m still hurting from the attack. My ribs are pretty messed up,” he said.
“I think you need a hot bath,” Spike said, gently helping her up.
Buffy closed her eyes against the pain but wobbly stood on her feet.
Spike gently slipped her into one of his shirts so she wouldn’t have to put the tight ninja gear on. He dressed quickly and wrapped her in his duster. Carefully, he scooped her up, and began the short journey to her house.
Spike opened the front door and everyone stared at Buffy in Spike’s arms.
“What’s going on?” Xander asked, going toward them.
“I’m hurt, Xander,” Buffy said, softly. “I need a shower and some clothes so can it wait?”
Spike didn’t even wait for an answer and took Buffy upstairs to the bathroom. Gently he set her on her feet and made she was ok before fixing the water. Carefully, he took of his shirt and helped in into the tub. “You okay?”
Buffy nodded and winced as the water hit her sore muscles. “Just stay with me,” she whispered.
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