Dear Diary,
I started writing to you years ago. A little piece here and a little
piece there. Nothing special, it was usually about Xander's clowning
around, or the latest discovery on the net. I was living in bliss, and
completely unaware of the dangers that lurked right outside my window.
Up until my sophomore year, it was just Xander, Jessie, and my
computer. Perfect simplicity. Until she came.
Buffy came into our lives with a bang. Or I suppose I should say a
stake. She first caught Xander off guard with a stake, which she made
some comment about it being used for self-defense all over
Los Angeles. She was kind to me. Talking to me even though her
popularity was at risk. She chose me over Cordelia Chase and her
cronies. I was shocked, but happily so. It was that very night that
I met my first vampire. And it was the next day when I found out that
my friend, that Xander's best friend, was dead. Or, at least, he was
a vampire. From then on, I have helped in the fight between good and
evil.
In the beginning, I felt ignorant, childish. For I was looking at the
situation with child eyes. I thought it unimaginable that there were
horrors in the world worse than a busy Internet line. But, soon and
with great speed, I became hardened. Through the death of
Ms. Calender, the hate that emanated from Angelus, and the times I've
had to kill the monsters I have become a different person.
We had all changed, I think. Even Buffy. Her times with Angel changed
her. I don't think it was entirely for the best, but she knew love, at
least. We all found a little love. Or lust. I suppose now it doesn't
matter. I'm sorry. I'm not writing; I'm babbling. I'll try again.
The events of last night have overwhelmed me. I am sitting right now
half-numb. All I have been through- listen to me. Diary, I'll have
to share everything with you. You have to understand. Because no one
else will. If they find you, my parents will read this and not believe
a word. The authorities will chalk me up as a crazed teenager, and
close my file. Well, let me begin.
It had started as a calm day, unusual in fact. School was pleasant
(of course it always was for me) The teachers seemed to all be in a
good mood. Xander was eating it up of course. Even Buffy seemed
willing to take in a little information. Oz met me at lunch, and we
had a romantic lunch. Well, as romantic as it could be considering
that we were at school. The day passed quickly, and, it being Friday,
we all decided to meet at the Bronze. Buffy was going to show up after
a light patrol. There hadn't been many vampires in town. They were
becoming more and more scarce. Not that any of us were complaining at
all. We all had been affected by the rash of them a month prior. Now,
it was almost as if we were living a normal life. Well, except for
Oz's monthly change. And the training we all received by Buffy and
Giles. We had to learn the art of combat if we were to be real
slayerettes. Oh, and the constant prophecies I was looking up. Other
than those things, life had gotten back to normal.
We had been at the Bronze for at least two hours. Oz and I dancing; he
had actually gotten me to dance. Xander and his new love interest Amy
(I was still in shock over those two) spent the night trading jokes,
and occasionally kissing. I was in the middle of dancing when I felt
this sudden surge of energy, and realized that Buffy hadn't shown up
yet. I shrugged and went back to dancing. It wasn't too unusual.
Finally beginning to become really worried about Buffy after another
half an hour went by, I walked over to Xander, dragging Oz behind me,
and demanded that we look for her. Faith had shown up by that time,
and offered to go with us.
We drove around town using Oz's van, starting at her house (her light
was off) and ending up at the graveyard. There was no moon that night,
so the cemetery was especially ominous. We called out her name a few
times, and we searched throughout the graveyard, but there was no sign
of her. Oz suggested that she had gone to the Bronze, and though I
had doubts, we began our way back. That was when Faith pointed out the
open mausoleum.
As soon as I turned my eyes to it, my body went cold. For some reason,
I didn't want to go in. At the time I attributed it to my first
experience in one. So, pushing my fears to the side, we ventured in,
one by one.
The sight horrified me. A vampire, bigger than I had ever seen before,
draped over a body. He glanced up, saw us, and ran for the wall. He
exploded through the thick cement wall. We were all shocked. We had
never seen a vampire before with such strength, not even the Master.
Faith jumped out after it. I had my eyes on the hole that the monster
had made. Then I heard a gasp. I looked down at the body. And realized
that it was Buffy.
Xander grabbed Buffy, and held the body close to him, weeping. Amy
knelt by his side, knowing not to talk. She put an arm around him, and
let him cry. I stood there, staring at the body that had been my best
friend. She had been one of the most important people in my life. She
had opened my eyes to the bad, and good, in this world. She had been
my strength. And now she was dead.
Oz hesitated, but finally drew me close. I screamed, and threw him
off. Literally threw him off. He flew through the air and crashed into the
opposite wall of the mausoleum. I ran out of the crypt, and proceeded
to destroy whatever I could find. Tomb stones, flowers, anything. I
ran into the night, running from my pain and my loss, and ran directly
into the arms of a vampire. Enraged, I threw him against a tree, and
he immediately turned to dust, a broken branch had pierced his heart.
At that moment, I broke down, and finally began crying. The tears felt
like they surged straight from my soul. The pain was so intense that I
flung myself down on the grass and wept.
Oz found me, and picked me up. He walked to his van, drew open the
side door, and gently put me down. He told me he'd come right back.
He didn't.
Stirring from my realm of agony a little while later, I realized that
Oz hadn't been back. I looked out of the van's windows, but saw no
one. Fear crept into my stomach. I mumbled a few words I would
normally never have said, and slowly opened the door. There wasn't a
sound except the usual noises emerging from the woods outside the
cemetery. I crept forward carefully, trying not to make much noise.
The mausoleum's door was still open. I heard nothing coming from the
inside. Taking a glance around me, I saw nothing.
My head shot up as I heard a loud moan from inside the tomb. I ran
inside, and saw Xander on the ground next to Buffy's body. He had
blood all over his shirt. He spoke in gasps. Oz had heard Faith
scream, and he had charged out to find her. A little while later, the vampire
came back, and after beating Xander badly, he had taken Amy. I helped
him up; my body having gone completely numb, and helped Xander to Oz's
van. I took out the spare key that Oz had given me in case of an
emergency, started the van, and drove to the one person who could
help. Giles.
I pounded on the door for almost five minutes before he answered. He
looked as though he had been sleeping. He knew something was wrong
immediately. Obviously, the blood on Xander's shirt gave him some idea
that there had been some trouble. But when I looked into his eyes, I
saw recognition. He knew.
He helped get Xander to the couch, and as we began bandaging him up, I
told him about the events of the evening. Everything. Except for an
absent tear that he quickly brushed away, it didn't seem to phase him.
I knew better. He was holding his feelings for another point in time.
He was waiting until it was all over to let loose the emotions he
felt.
Once Xander had been properly taken care of, Giles put him in his bed,
and he was out like a light, only crying out once or twice in his
sleep. Giles sat me down and asked me to go over everything again.
I started my tale, from what I had felt at the Bronze to my fury at
the graveyard. Once I was done with the story, Giles sat back. I went
into his kitchen to make some tea, to keep my mind off the tragedy of
the night.
The doorbell rang. Giles went to get it. When he came back into the
room, Angel was beside him, weeping. He had found the bodies of Buffy,
Amy, Oz, and Faith. My heart's pain screamed to be let loose, but I
held it in check. Giles hugged Angel, who looked as though he wanted
to give up on everything. The water whistled. I turned off the stove,
and brought it the table. I sat down, with Angel and Giles opposite of
me. As I poured the tea, I noticed Angel staring at me. I questioned
him, but he simply stared. I asked him again, and through the tears
he mumbled something. I couldn't quite hear him, but Giles did. He
swore, and asked me again about my actions after I saw Buffy dead. Once
I had told him, he swore again.
I asked what was going on, and I received the most shocking news of my
life. I, Willow Rosenberg, was the next Slayer.
I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. Me the next
slayer? Shy little me? I argued. I pleaded. But Giles and Angel were
certain. I had somehow taken over Buffy's role as slayer. Giles was
humiliated that he had not seen it before. He had been so overtaken
with Buffy that he had not realized my future. I wish it had stayed
that way.
Angel left as dawn was approaching. I opted to stay with Giles,
sleeping with Xander to make sure he was all right. I felt bad that
Giles had to sleep on his own couch, but with Xander's wounds it
could be no other way. I didn't go to sleep. I thought of the
destruction that had taken place. It echoed in my heart. I felt empty
inside. I felt, I felt lost. I didn't cry. I couldn't allow myself to
cry. I had to be strong. I had to be strong, like Buffy.
Day broke, and without waking anyone, I crept outside. First things
first, I thought. I drove over to Buffy's house. Her mother had been
up all night, worried. The moment she opened her door, she knew. She
wept with open grief. I held her as if she were my mother. I wanted to
take away her pain. But, I had more important things to do.
Bereavement would have to wait.
Next, I broke into the library. I continued to train as we had trained
before, but with more determination. I practiced using the different
weapons Giles had stored in his closet. I fought the punching bag, and
won; it's contents soon were strewn all over the floor. Lastly, I took our
entire supply of stakes. I brought two huge containers of Holy Water,
and picked up five crosses as well. I was planning for a
small army, but I actually only had me.
I heard a slight rustle behind me. Without thinking, I yelled that
nobody could stop me, least of all a librarian. The person whispered
that he wasn't trying to stop me, he wanted to join me. I turned to
see Angel, in his darkened corner. I nodded; I wasn't going to try to
stop him. His only true love had died; I could sympathize. He helped
me gather the rest of the supplies, and we headed into the underground
tunnels, to await nightfall. He knew I didn't want to tell Giles of
anything. He would only try to stop me; tell me I wasn't ready for a
creature this fierce. He's right, but I can't help that now. I can't
tell Xander anything either. He would only try to help as Angel is
helping, and he doesn't have the strength right now.
Xander, if you read this, I guess I'll be gone. I'm sorry for having
to leave you, my best friend. All that we have been through. All that
you have done for me. And I repay you by dying. Xander, you are by far
the most important thing in my life. You have meant so much to me. I
can't thank you enough for everything. All the thanks in the world
wouldn't be enough. But it will have to do. Thank you.
We've been waiting here for a long time, in this mausoleum. Waiting
for the sun to set. Waiting for the vampire with the super strength.
Waiting, perhaps, for our deaths. Having Angel beside me is oddly
comforting. We held hands for part of the day. Neither of us has
let our grief spill over, we are waiting. He has been so strong, I
guess we both have. It's weird, thinking of me being strong. Thinking
of me preparing for a fight that will most likely lead to my death. I
wish I could be afraid. I wish my body was full of fear and doubt. At
least it would be familiar. But the only thing I can think of right
now is my friends. Buffy, Oz, Amy, and Faith; who are dead. Xander,
who is badly hurt. Angel, who has suffered so much already. And me,
meek little Willow, who will never be the same.
Willow
5:28PM
