Dawn found Buffy in the kitchen staring out the door, where Spike was on the back porch.
“Buffy, why are you watching Spike smoke?” Dawn asked, with a raised eyebrow.
Buffy snapped to attention at Dawn’s voice. “I’m not,” she said, flushing bright red.
“You really hurt him you know. Then you went through the portal and he lost control,” Dawn
said.
Buffy looked down at her feet. “I didn’t mean it,” she said.
“Yeah well, I don’t know if that’s true. How could you want the old Spike back? What’s wrong with him now?” Dawn asked.
“He was a better fighter,” Buffy said, raising her eyes.
“He’s a better man now. He doesn’t focus on saving the world. He’s trying to be a good person. I’m not gunna blame him for anything anymore. The Spike I know wouldn’t have done what he did to you. Which means that something else went down with you two before it happened. And don’t you dare say it’s because he slept with Anya. It didn’t mean anything to either of them.
“Buffy, Spike loves you with everything in him. That’s why he wont deny you anything. The demon threw him through the roof but he got back up and killed it for you. I love Spike and I like having him around. He’s not gunna abandon you during battle, but don’t drive him away,” Dawn said.
Tears welled in Buffy’s eyes. “What am I supposed to do? He’s angry at me. He’s not just gunna let it go,” Buffy whispered.
“Then you don’t know him at all. You haven’t even looked at him since you yelled at him for no reason,” Dawn said, her eyes widening in realization. “You love him.”
Buffy’s eyes widened. “What?”
“You love him. Why else would you act like this?” Dawn asked.
“Dawn… I don’t… I cant,” Buffy said.
“Why?” Dawn asked, crossing her arms.
“Because I’ll just do something to him and he’ll leave,” Buffy said, softly.
“When has Spike actually left?” Dawn asked.
Buffy looked toward the door. “Never,” she whispered.
Dawn smiled. “Well then.” She pushed her sister out the back door. “Now, you can fix it,” she said, smiling before going in.
Buffy looked at Dawn then at Spike. “You probably heard everything,” she mumbled.
“Didn’t mean to,” Spike said. “Couldn’t exactly ignore it.”
Buffy sat on the steps and held her head in her hands. “My life is falling part,” she whimpered.
Spike sat next to her. “It’s not falling apart,” he said.
Buffy got up and went to the middle of the yard. “Yes it is,” she said, turning to look at him. “My house was invaded by teenagers that I cant stand. I cant patrol with you anymore, I cant sleep, cant eat, cant even sit down for 5 minutes. I’m being mean to you, I’m being hard on those girls, I don’t even get to do anything for myself.” She stopped to breathe as tears slid down her face. “I didn’t mean to be so mean to you, but I have no idea what’s going on or how I’m gunna win this. I’m tired and I’m scared. I am about ready to snap and its not gunna be pretty.”
Spike’s face softened. He stood up and went toward her. “You’re doing fine. And you are going up to bed and you are not gunna worry about anything ‘til 9:00 tomorrow morning,” he said.
Buffy looked down. “I cant,” she whispered.
Spike lifted her gaze. “Why?” He asked.
Buffy sniffled. “Just because. Spike, I haven’t slept since before I came back. Probably since before Riley left.”
“I’ve seen you sleep lots of time,” Spike said, softly.
“That’s was only with you. We don’t sleep in the same bed anymore. Believe me, if we did, I’d be gung-ho for sleep,” Buffy said, then blushed.
Spike backed away from her. “Buffy,” he sighed.
“Spike, look I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel,” she said.
“Buffy, we cant repeat last year,” he said, softly.
“We’re not,” Buffy said. “This is new and I like it. Just.” She walked up to him. “I hate not being able to sleep with you beside me. It sucks and it hurts.”
Spike sighed. “What am I supposed to do? No wait, don’t answer that,” he muttered.
“No, I’ll answer it. You should, no, you can come up to my bedroom and sleep in the same bed with me. I’m not gunna make you if you don’t want to, but on the negative side, I’m not sleeping if you don’t, so…” She backed off a little to give him some space to think.
“Buffy, that’s not fair,” Spike said. “If I don’t sleep next to you, you’re not gunna sleep. I mean, yeah I’d give anything to just hold you in my arms, but that’s not what you want.”
“Don’t you dare tell me what I want!” Buffy flared. “I know what I want and if I want you to spend the night with me, then you get to decide whether or not YOU want to,” she said.
“Buffy it’s not that I don’t want to…but.”
Buffy placed a finger over his lips. “No, if you want to, then come on,” she said, leading him into the house.
Spike allowed her to lead him to her room and he shut the door gently. “Buffy,” he said, unsure of what to do next.
Buffy smiled and slid her hands up under his duster. “I’ve missed this coat. I think it makes you part of who you are,” she said, sliding it off his shoulders.
Spike allowed Buffy to throw is duster on her chair and her hands traveled to his jeans as she undid his belt. “Do you trust me?” She whispered.
“Yes,” Spike said, as her hands traveled underneath his shirt.
Buffy smiled. “Good. Then just let me do the work,” she said, kissing him softly.
Spike rested his hands on her hips and kissed her softly.
Buffy pulled away slightly to pull the shirt over his head. She guided him over to her bed and laid him down. She took off his boots and climbed up his body. She rested her weight on her arms and looked down at him.
Spike watched as her eyes sparkled with happiness. “You okay?” He asked.
“Just looking,” she answered. “Never just took the time to look at your eyes. Now I see a lot of things in them.”
Carefully, she settled her weight on top of him.
She wrapped his arms tightly around her.
Buffy sighed at his touch. “I missed you,” she whispered.
“I’ve been her for some time, Pet,” he said, trying the nickname.
“Yeah, but I missed talking to you like we used to. I was so worried about you when you were kidnapped. Then when I rescued you and then when the chip was misfiring. I always seem to worry about you more then anything although I know you can take care of yourself. Habit I guess,” she said, pushing herself up. “I have to go changed, but I’ll be back,” she said, kissing him softly, before sliding out of bed.
Spike watched as she disappeared into the bathroom and tried to figure out what brought this new Buffy on.
Buffy smiled as she changed her clothes. She liked the fact that he was finally sleeping in her bed and letter her touch him and kissing him again.
She went back to her room and found Spike sound asleep.
Buffy smiled and carefully climbed in the bed. She pressed her back to his chest and sighed in pleasure as his arm encircled her waist.
“Goodnight Spike,” she whispered.
Spike buried his face in her hair and began purring.
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