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Angel: The Series > AtS - Season Five
Help and Love by Spikes Queen
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Spike was sitting on the steps of Wolfram and Heart lobby, thinking about the loss of Fred.

The elevator door opened, and a blonde woman stepped out.

Spike’s head snapped up as her scent hit him. He stood up and face her, even though they were on opposite sides of the lobby.

Buffy’s eyes widened at the sight of the man, who had been haunting her for several months. He breath caught in her chest as she walked toward him.

Spike, however, was frozen stiff. He’d been waiting for so long to see here, and now, he couldn’t believe it.

Buffy couldn’t take it anymore. She ran into his arms and pounced on him. Her arms went around his neck and her legs went around his waist. “Oh god, Spike,” she whispered.

Spike pulled Buffy close to him and spun her around. “I missed you so much Buffy,” he whispered.

Reluctantly, Buffy unwrapped her legs from his waist. She stood in front of him, tears coming down her face. Her hands went to his face as she reacquainted herself with his exquisite features. “You’re really here,” she smiling through her tears.

Spike smiled and leaned his head against her forehead. “Yeah, I’m really here,” he said, stroking the small of her back.

Angel looked out his office window and noticed Spike talking to someone and stood up. He went to the lobby and his eyes widened. “Buffy?”

Buffy reluctantly looked at Angel. “Hi,” she said, softly.

Angel went toward her. “What are you doing here?” Angel asked.

“Giles told me you freaked out on him,” Buffy said. “What’s going on?”

“We should probably talk in my office,” Angel said.

In Angel’s office, Buffy and Spike sat in the chair across from Angel’s desk. Buffy sat in Spike’s lap and he held one of her hands.

“Angel?” Buffy asked.

“Fred had an accident,” Angel said, softly.

“The cute southern girl who runs the science department? What happened?” Buffy asked.

Angel looked down. “Someone sent a sarcophagus to the science department. The essence of the demon inside the sarcophagus, got in Fred’s body. It began liquefying her organs, and hollowing her out. Spike and I went to England to find a way to save her. If we brought the sarcophagus back to England, we could have saved her, only if we killed everyone between here and England. We couldn’t do that,” Angel said.

Buffy turned to look at Spike who had just as much grief on his face as Angel. “You guys okay?”

Spike looked up at her. “I’m better,” he said.

Angel smiled a little. “I don’t know. I lost Cordy and now Fred. I’m not gunna give up though,” he said.

Buffy turned back to Angel. “There is one more thing we need to talk about,” she said, the tone of her voice giving away the topic.

Angel sighed. “I know,” he said.

“Why am I just finding out now? How come no one called me?” Buffy asked, her eyes going to Spike.

“Didn’t want you to know,” Spike said.

“Why? How could you not want me to know?!” Buffy cried.

Angel stood up. “I think I’m gunna leave you two alone for this one,” he said.

Buffy got off of Spike’s lap as Angel left, and moved away from him. She sniffled and wiped her tears.

Spike stood up as well and sighed. “Buffy you more then anyone should know why,” he said.

Buffy turned and flared at him. “You found out, not one hour after Dawn found me! I didn’t have the strength you did, so I went to Europe. Six, seven months makes a huge difference from an hour, Spike. I told you what happened to me. You knew I wasn’t okay. I trusted you with something that was tearing me apart. How come you didn’t trust me enough to tell me?

“Spike, when Angel and Riley left me, I never really understood why. You died and to find out that you came back and didn’t tell me, makes me feel like I’m not important to you anymore. I don’t understand why people keep doing this. For you to do this, makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong. I love you and I trust you. I thought you did too,” she said, turning around.

Spike’s own eyes filled with tears. He approached her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I do love you and trust you,” he whispered.

Buffy leaned up against him. “Then why didn’t you tell me?” She asked.

“Because I died. I sacrificed myself for you. Now that I’m still here, it didn’t mean much. You had a new life and I didn’t wanna ruin it,” he said.

Buffy turned in his arms. “Dawn and I needed you. I don’t know how to live without you. It might not have meant anything to you, but I meant the world to me and Dawn,” she said. “You could have called as soon as you could and I would have come to you. Even if you didn’t want me to, I would have just to make sure you were okay.”

“Buffy, its not that simple,” he said, softly, as he wiped her wet cheeks.

“Well, I’m making it that simple. I love you, Spike,” she said, softly. “No matter how complicated things may be, we can work through it.”

Spike’s arms tightened around her and he leaned his forehead against hers. “It’s different now,” he said, softly.

Buffy pulled away. “What? Do you now love me anymore?” She asked.

Spike cradled her face. “It’s not that because I’ll never stop,” he said.

“Then what! Spike, don’t push me away,” she whispered. “Please?”

Spike sighed and moved away from her. He looked out the window and spun his thoughts around in his head.

Buffy looked at his back and swallowed her tears.

Spike turned to face her. “Buffy, I’ve been trying to get things back together. I’m confused, I’m lost, and I cannot stand to be here. Being within 20 feet of Angel, drives me nuts, because he’s always rubbing it in my face,” Spike said, a lump forming in his throat.

“Rubbing what in your face?” Buffy asked.

Spike looked at her with a look of ‘duh’.

Buffy frowned and went over to kiss him. Her arms went around his neck and she molded herself against him.

When she needed air, she leaned her forehead against his. “You cant tell me that didn’t mean anything.”

Spike sniffled. “God, I missed you so much,” he whispered.

Buffy twined her fingers in the hair at the base of his neck. She kissed him lightly. “You believe me now?” She asked, softly.

Spike pulled away. “Buffy, I didn’t want you to have that on your conscience. I didn’t want you to feel obligated to say that because I was dying. wasn’t fair to you,” he said, moving away from her.

“I wanted you to know,” Buffy said, desperately. “You deserved to know. I was not gunna be able to live with not telling you on my conscience.” Buffy sniffled. “I cannot keep doing this Spike. I love Angel and lost him twice. Riley, didn’t even give me a chance to love him. Then you, God.” She looked up as tears flowed down her cheeks. “you didn’t believe me or say it back to me.”

Spike frowned. “So we sit here and fight about who’s right and who’s wrong?”

“No,” Buffy said. “You tell me what I’m supposed to do because I don’t know.”

“Its not up to me,” Spike said.

“So you wont argue with me, no matter what decision I make?” Buffy asked.

“I’ll support you no matter what. Not my job to make choices for you,” he said.

Buffy went over to him. “So if I wanna stay, you wont make me leave?” She asked.

Spike shook his head.

Buffy wrapped her arms around him. “Then I’m gunna stay,” she whispered.

Spike wrapped his arms around her. “If you stay, I’m never gunna be able to let you go,” he said.

“I’m okay with that,” she said, softly.

The doors opened and Wesley came in. “Spike, Angel said you were in here,” he paused. “He failed to mention you had a visitor.”

Buffy pulled away and turned around. “Hey Wes,” she said.

“Hi Buffy. What brings you by?” Wes asked.

“Angel freaked out on the phone when he was talking to Giles,” she said. “I’m sorry about Fred.”

Wes smiled a little. “You should meet Illyria. Teach her a thing or two.”

Buffy looked at Spike who smiled. “The demon?”

“Wes, you underestimate Spike. He’s been through things that you cant even conceive of. I think we can find a way to bring Fred back. I told Giles to have Willow call me as soon as she was on our plane of existence,” she said. “Willow’ll come up with something. We always do.”

“I already told them that, but no one would listen to me,” Spike said.

“Correction. Angel never listens to you. The rest of us do pay attention,” Wes said.

Buffy smiled a little and then her cell rang. “Hello?…Yes. She is? OK….. Thanks Giles,” she said, hanging up the phone and looking at Wes. “Willow’s on her way.”

“Good. We need all the help we can get,” Wes said. “Anyways, I cane here to give you this,” he said, holding out a key to Spike.

“What’s it to?” Spike asked, taking it.

“Your new apartment. We couldn’t get a single suite but I don’t think that you’ll be disappointed,” Wes said, smiling. “It’s two doors down from Angel’s.”

“Thanks Wes,” Spike said.

Wesley smiled and left them alone.

Up in Spike’s apartment, Buffy was in awe. She only glanced around for a few seconds before going up to Spike. She leaned up and kissed him softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered, pulling back. “You look tired.”

“Just a little,” she said, smiling.

Spike scooped her up and by the time he had her in bed, she was sleeping. He climbed in next to her and soon they were sleeping peacefully.




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