Disclaimer: Inside my head, there are lots of voices. They tell me what to write, and I have to listen to them. So I am temporarily borrowing the characters of Buffy & Co., as well as the general storylines and some dialoge from the BtVS, adding my own ideas on the "What if" side of things. Everything but my ideas belong to the evil genius Joss Whedon & his cohorts. I am a minor, and I get ten dollars a week for allowance, most of which I spend on Buffy stuff. Translation: don't sue me!
Author's Note: This is me venting a little. Flames don't encourage me, but constructive criticism helps me write better. So please email me - alwaysangelsgirl@buffymail.com.
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"Alright," said Buffy, snapping off the television with a click, "I think it's time we had a *talk* with Joss." She moved to roll the television cart back to the Video Lab.
"Oh, Buffy, we don't want to hurt him... Especially after what Spike did to him a few monthes ago for writing it in that Drusilla left him. I think his arm is still in traction."
"Willow, you've seen it. You've seen it all... except Earshot. And this wait is really driving me crazy. Don't they know that once they've shown the preview, everybody foams at the mouth until they get to see it? You know, there are actually a few good fans who are waiting to watch it when it comes on tv live..."
"Well, that certainly is loyalty," observed Giles, stepping out from his office, into the library area. "Although the fans who went and downloaded cannot be consituted as anything less, either." He finished.
Angel cleared his throat. "One poor girl..." His voice trailed off.
"What?" asked Xander, his voice cracking a little from the strain.
"She was going to wait, but it... it was starting to drive her insane." The rest of the group looked shocked.
"What about the poor hapless fans who don't have computers to download it from?" Willow was ever the computer-minded of the group. Oz placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
"I'm with Buffy on this one," Cordelia said, casting her vote on the subject. "Me loosing all my money?! What's up with that?" She rolled her eyes. "I hope Joss & Cynthia [Bergstrom - costume designer] don't get it in my head that I'd look good in those stupid 'peasent-style' blouses. Those things poof way too much, and unless their off-the-shoulder, they make you look like a four-year-old."
"And the one's that are off-the-shoulder are quite useful for when you work your night job as a bar maid," Xander quipped, eliciting a glare from his ex-girlfriend. "Hey!" He exclaimed. "Don't look at me that way! It could kill me, and then who would distract all of the screaming fans so your hair doesn't get messed up in a scuffle?"
"Come on, guys," Buffy begged, "We don't have to hurt him... just *convince* him."
"I must say, I quite agree that Joss does need a good talking-to," Giles agreed, taking off his spectacles and rubbing his eyes. "The mere fact alone that I've lost two jobs in the past few monthes, even though I was doing an excellent job at both of them..."
"And that weighs in as more important than my boyfriend leaving me?" Buffy exclaimed.
"That was just on the tv show, Buffy," Angel said, putting an arm around her.
"True, but it was still a crappy plot twist," she said, snuggling up against him.
"Please you two, for the sake of the younger children reading our dialogue, could you not get so...*physical*?!" Xander looked a little green. Buffy and Angel both turned to glare at him, and still in the same, calm voice, Angel warned him: "Xander, I would like to remind you that should I choose to, I could easily rip your spine out."
"Thanks, Angel... sometimes I need reminders." Xander decided to turn away, not wanting to endanger his life.
"Yeah, well, even though I'm getting more screen time now, with my part in the spin-off," Cordelia announced, "I really need to talk to Joss... that whole thing with Wesley was way to kinky. I think he may have taken more crack than usual, or something."
"Oh, okay..." Willow sighed, giving in. She secretly wanted to hurt Joss too... why couldn't he have utilized her potental and sent her to a better school than U.C. Sunnydale?! The others in the gang could have followed her. Or she could have gone to Crestwood College - from that second season episode "Reptile Boy." At least that was an Ivy League college.
The entire group stood from their different positions around the Library, and followed Buffy and Angel out towards Joss's trailer; they had the biggest bone to pick with him.
"Okay, first of all - Angel leaving me. This is a subject that requires careful consideration." Buffy had crossed her arms across her chest and was glaring at Joss, who was seated on the other side of his desk.
"We felt that the character Angel could be exploit-er... used to tell more metaphor-laden stories, as well as persue the interesting opportunity to have the first television show starring a murderer as the main character-"
"Cause the inmates just haven't been tuning in the same as they used to," Xander inserted.
"While we're on the subject of my new series," Angel started, "Couldn't I please wear something besides leather pants for once?" He gave Joss his puppy-dog eyes. "Those things are so tight and itchy. Sure, great for impressing Buffy, but really, don't you think I could have just one pair of comfortable jeans or something?"
"This is more important than you leaving me?" Buffy raised her eyebrows at him.
"No, just a sidebar. Sorry to interrupt." Angel allowed his girlfriend the floor again.
"Okay, first of all," she said, "Don't you think that when Angel told me that I should be able to have sex, I would have said something a little more intelligent than 'I don't care about that'...? Of course I care about that! But that's not the point. Since it is physically impossible for us to have sex, we dont. End of story. Like I would want to just run off and have sex with some other guy. That kind of cheapens it, you know?"
"I have to say, I totally agree with her." Xander voiced. "Even though I really don't want to hear about Buffy and Angel's sex life... or lack of one, for that matter, cheap sex is a cheap shot. Okay, so maybe since Faith waved it right under my nose... what harmonal teenage boy could resist!" He smiled weakly. "But, yeah, Buffy values sex a lot more, and I'm thinking that since Angel gets so hurt when I even *dance* with her, I really can't see him saying, 'Hey, I think you should find someone else to have sex with!' It's just not realistic."
"Not to mention the fact that I don't even want to leave her." Angel continued with their arguement. Usually, Xander wasn't inclined to encourage any kind of Buffy-and-Angel togetherness, but when they talked to Joss, they stuck by each other. Otherwise it really would turn into a bloodfest, and that would not be pretty. Some of them might end up without jobs.
"Why would I listen to the Mayor? We already established that he was evil, and should not be thought of as a mentor of any kind."
"Especially when he tried to *eat* us all!" Cordelia finally spoke up, and the others nodded. They knew their turn would come.
"Plus, there's the age difference. I was twenty-seven when I was turned - you established that for the new Angel series. And that's plausable, seeing as how that actor who plays me on the show - David Something-or-Other, isn't it? - is 29. Buffy's only 18, so we can easily stay together for another nine years and just break even. And add to the fact that it's the nineties, so nobody cares if shes thirty and dating a twenty-seven year-old. We could have had another twelve years together, by which time the series would be over and I would somehow be human and living happily ever after with Buffy, because we all know she's going to escape that Slayer's longevity curse!"
Joss considered. "That is an interesting angle, one that we may even explore. However, we needed to create some conflict in the season finale that would take a while for the characters to resolve in the new season-"
"Yeah, what's up with that?" Buffy interrupted. "I've never spent a summer in Sunnydale before, and when I finally do, Angel leaves? We couldn't spend *one* summer together, roasting marshmellows, going to the beach... just generally having a nice time? Why is it that you can't leave the characters in a happy place over the summer? Why must you always torture them? That whole 'Angel in Hell for the summer' thing was enough!" Buffy finished her tirade, then commented, "I'm done now."
"My turn," said Willow, jumping into the fray before anyone else had a chance. "I would have liked to use more of my potential," she told him, and related her idea about Crestwood College. "Oz and I could have gone to Crestwood, and Buffy still would have been around at U.C. Sunnydale..."
"I'm sorry, Willow," Joss told her, "With us making the sets for Main Street last season, and the new sets for U.C. Sunnydale this year, plus all the incidental sets needed for each individual script, it just wasn't in the budget-"
"Is that why you cut my credit card access?" asked Cordelia, royally angry. "Cause if I'm stuck wearing last year's labels from the Salvation Army, I'm not gonna be happy. And remember the line you gave me, Joss? 'You get me mad, what do you think I'm gonna do to you?'"
"Yes, well..." Joss swallowed, much in the fashion of Giles. "I know that your fashion sense is very important to you, but certain things have to be sacrificed-" Cordelia glowered, but before she had a chance to say anything more, Giles stepped in.
"I'm extremely tired to see you abusing the late Ms. Calender. Despite the fact that she had some unsavory secrets, she still does not deserve to be repeatedly resurrected to suit your every whim. And please, do not stick me with Joyce any more." Buffy glared. "She is a wonderful woman in every respect, but she is Buffy's *mother* and as an responsible role model and authority figure in all these young people's lives, I feel that-"
"Jenny was one of Angel-Angelus's victems, so we used her for the Amends episode to make Angel feel guilty. I would have thought you would have been happy to have her on the set again." Joss had interrupted Giles's characteristically quiet assult, mostly because he knew that Giles had a way of making you feel guilty and ashamed without shouting, which was not a pleasent prospect to face.
"And Joyce," the creator continued, "Is a character that we are seeking to give layers to- add demensions-"
"And you do that by having her sleep with my Watcher?" the Slayer said, understandably outraged. "Of all the sick-minded..."
"That band. The one from Doppelgangland... K's Choice, right?" Joss nodded in the silence that followed Oz's interjection. They had all learned to be quiet when Oz spoke, because he imparted gems of wisdom that should not be missed.
"They were a little on the scary side." Willow nodded vigorously in agreement with her boyfriend. "Not bad," Oz cautioned, "Just scary."
"And the only episode where you really dealt with Oz's lycanthropy was in "Beauty and the Beasts," and it was mostly drowned out by the whole Angel comes back from Hell plot." Willow frowned.
"On top of which," Buffy added, "A lot of fans are *still* confused about the title. Some of them think it's called "All Men Are Beasts," which isn't true because I looked in TV Guide the week it was on."
"Also, the Willow-and-Xander thing, that was not good." Oz seemed to be finished now, and he sat back.
"Well, I tried to make everyone happy," Joss spread his hands expansively. "Usually it takes about till the middle of the season for you to get what you want, but I did do a lot of favors this year... Xander, you wanted to be an evil vampire, so I did that for you. Giles, you wanted Jenny back again, or a new love interest, and I gave you both - in a way," Joss amended as Giles took a few menacing steps forward. "And obviously I brought Angel back from Hell as a personal favor to both Buffy and Angel..."
"You only did that because you were afriad all the Buffy and Angel relationshippers and fan clubs were gonna kick your butt," said Cordelia, stating the obvious.
"Yes, well..."
"Look, the bulk of season 3 was good..." Buffy told him, continuing with, "All we're saying is that you've got some things to clean up. And Angel had better not be gone for *too* long. You know how it goes - get a Slayer cranky..."
"Yes, I believe I know the saying." Joss stood. "I'll work on some cross-overs for the two of you, although it will be difficult, because of scheduling - since you're both the stars of your own shows..."
"You're pitifulness never ceases to amaze me," Buffy commented, stepping towards the door.
"How is it that he got labeled a genius, again?" questioned Xander, each of them giving Joss one final look before leaving.
As they left, Joss could hear them commenting something about patroling, or the possibility of a stress-relieving game of darts. He shook his head. He didn't want to know.
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