Disclaimer: Inside my head, there are lots of voices. They tell me what to write, and I have to listen to them. So I am temporarily borrowing the characters of Buffy & Co., as well as the general storylines and some dialoge from the BtVS, adding my own ideas on the "What if" side of things. Everything but my ideas belong to the evil genius Joss Whedon & his cohorts. I am a minor, and I get ten dollars a week for allowance, most of which I spend on Buffy stuff. Translation: don't sue me!
Author's Note: Flames don't encourage me, but constructive criticism helps me write better. So please email me - alwaysangelsgirl@buffymail.com.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jenny was running down the D Hall of Sunnydale High School with every muscle pumping, every vein charged with adrenaline. One of her high heels was hurting her ankle, and she cursed this morning when she had decided to wear a skirt instead of a pair of pants.
She was running from Angel, no- Angelus. She of all people knew there was a difference. Really, his change had been her fault; if only she had been honest with Rupert and Buffy in the first place, told them who she really was. She had never meant to hurt any of them.
And now, the very thing she had been sent to keep from happening would happen to her - Angelus would kill her.
She looked back, trying to gage how long she had, where she could run to. And she ran right into him. In his eyes was a look of pure evil, one that Jenny would never forget. But she knew she wouldn't hold it against Angel - this wasn't him. The thing that was in his body laughed, and reached for her. In one brutal twist, he snapped her neck, and everything went dark.
Jenny found herself in a empty white space, completely unsure of anything. Where she was, what she was, how she came to be here, even how large the space was. She remembered being chased by Angelus, running for her life. And then she remembered.
He had snapped her neck. She was dead.
She was dead, she repeated. She was in- the afterlife was a big white room?
At one end of the space, a small area grew fuzzy and distorted before her eyes. She walked toward it, tentatively reaching out with her slender hands. Well, her hands still looked the same. She looked down for a moment and her body - it too looked the same. She was even wearing the same dress that she had been this morning - or whenever it was that she had put it on, the morning before Angelus killed her.
Then she looked up again, fascinated with the distortion. She could see something forming, it was as though the ripples in a lake were subsiding and then she would be able to see a reflection. The question was, what was the reflection of?
She kept walking towards it, finally reaching it. But the room seemed to stretch on forever. From where she had been standing when the thing first appeared, it had looked to her like it was hanging on the wall. But now that she stood next to it, she could see that it was suspended in midair, just floating there. And the confines of this white place stretched on and on, with no end in sight.
So, she turned back to the distortion. It reminded her of a television screen. She stood there, watching it dissolve, and then she could see the two of them. Rupert and Buffy, fighting Angelus while Spike and Drusilla watched. Jenny watched the entire scene unfold. Rupert had gone to avenge her. She watched the factory burn around them, watched them escape none too soon, and her heart sighed in relief.
She continued watch the rest of their lives fold out before them. It was though she was mesmerized by this thing. By the life story of the man she had loved and betrayed, and his Slayer and her friends. She had cared about all of them, even Cordelia, as much as she was surprised to admit. And now she was reduced to a memory of their lives.
She watched as Rupert returned to his home, finding still the yellow crime scene tape and a lifetime full of painful memories.
She watched as Buffy grew feverishly ill and had to face a violent child-killing demon in the hospital.
She watched as a ghost haunted the high school, possessed several people, including Buffy and Angelus, and saw an illustration of how much Rupert cared for her - he was in denial. He wanted it to be her haunting Sunnydale High, just so he could see her again. Eventually, though, they found what it really was, and they stopped it. They always did.
She watched as the group investigated the strange goings-on with the Swim Team.
She watched as Kendra was killed, Willow restored Angel's soul, and Buffy had to kill him anyway, to close the mouth of Hell. She wanted to comfort the girl, seeing her pain and knowing that she could have prevented it. She could have stopped it.
And she continued watching. All that summer, she watched as the rest of the Slayer's friends tried to fend off the vampire population of their hometown, and she watched as Buffy dealt with her grief so far away from home.
She watched as Buffy returned, dealt with what she found there, and the whole group moved on, together.
She watched in amazement as Angel returned from Hell, and she felt the pain the Buffy was going through when she was given a Claddagh ring by another boy. She watched Buffy care for Angel, nurse him back to health. And, as Giles and the others found out, she wanted to stop them from the confrontation that only brought them more pain.
She watched the entire rest of the year fold out before them, felt the fatherly love Rupert had in his heart for Buffy when he went to rescue her from Kralik despite the orders of the council. Saw the strength in all their characters as they faced what unfolded with Faith and the Mayor.
She watched until she felt so tired, so bitter, that she could no longer stand it. And yet, she still continued to watch, until they had defeated the Mayor and stopped his Ascention. She wept bitter tears as Angel left, and then she turned away from the distortion. She could watch no more.
"It is hard, is it not? ...To see everything that you lost, everything you might have been a part of." A young woman stepped out of the whiteness around Jenny, holding her palms outstreached in a gesture of understanding.
"I too watched for many years..."
"If only I had told them before, if only I had been honest with them. I could have stopped all this." The sadness in Jenny's voice surprised even her.
"You have lost greatly, yet you do not mourn for yourself. You mourn for the pain you have caused those you love, and that is a noble thing." The young girl still stood some distance away, but Jenny could see her more clearly now, thought she recognized her.
"Yes, I am she," the young woman replied to Jenny's thoughts. "You know me not by conciousness, but unconsiousness. By the knowledge that exists in everyone, in everything. By intution." The woman's blonde hair shimmered under unknown lights, and her skin was translucent.
"They have decided that your desire is unselfish, and your cause worthy."
"They?" Jenny did not understand the feeling of excitement and relief she had then, but she knew this was a good thing.
"Yes. They have decided you may go back with the knowledge of the future and the consequences that you now possess. It will not be permanent, but in order for you to fully move on from this life, you must say goodbye to the last." With that, the woman was gone, and Jenny stood alone in the whiteness for what seemed like an eternity. Or it could have been merely a few seconds.
Then her surroundings changed, and it was a year and a half earlier. She stood in an outfit she had forgotten, stood in the halls of Sunnydale High on a nameless day and date. She suddenly felt very lost in this life.
"Miss Calender!" she heard a familiar voice call, one that she recognized as Buffy's. She turned around against the flow of students, and waited for the girl to catch up with her.
"Hi. Do you know where Giles is?" Buffy was wearing a white jacked over a black and white dress. It suddenly struck her where - when she was. Tomorrow night was the night that Buffy and Angel would make love, and he would lose his soul. Unless she could prevent it.
"No," she heard herself say, the words familiar on her lips. "Why? What's going on?"
"I had this dream about Angel..." Jenny remembered the dream. She remembered everything, more than they could ever understand now. But she had to pull herself into the present.
"What happened?" They continued to walk down the B hall as Buffy detailed the dream. She still seemed to be shaken up about it, but then, as they were coming down the stairs toward the Lounge, Buffy told her that she had checked up on Angel this morning before coming to school.
"He's okay, then?" Jenny asked, and from that moment on, she still had the knowledge of her death and the furture, but she was fully in the moment, just as the others were. As though this knowledge of what was to come was only a dream or an idea.
"Yeah, he was. He was very, um, reassuring." Jenny knew what that meant.
"Oh, there's Rupert," she mentioned, and they walked towards Giles and Xander, who had been talking. Probably about the surprise party they would hold tomorrow night for Buffy, Jenny surmised.
"Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on." Xander rubbed his hands together in anticipation, and Giles gave him a funny look.
"I'd curb that impulse if I were you, Xander." Jenny had felt clever saying that the first time. Now, she delighted in it her second time around. It was so good to be alive, to feel and breathe. She appreciated everything.
She and Buffy sat down at a table in the lounge and as Giles joined them, Xander continued his little joke, saying into his shirt: "Check, cancel spanking." Then he joined them in sitting as well.
"You alright, Buffy? You seem a little fatigued." Giles's concern for her was evident.
"Rough night," the girl told him. "I had a dream that Drusilla was alive and she killed Angel. I-it just really freaked me out."
"You fear it was more of a, a... a portent?" her Watcher asked. Xander and Jenny remained silent.
"See, I don't know. I don't wanna start a big freakout over nothing."
"Still, best to be, uh, on the alert. If Drusilla is alive, i-i- it could be a fairly... cataclysmic state of affairs." Jenny smiled at Rupert's choice of words, and Xander chose to comment on them:
"Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'we'd be in trouble'?" At that, Jenny wanted to laugh outright, but she surpressed it, and even managed to look fairly serious.
"Go to class, Xander." Rupert's voice was a little tired, Jenny noted. But you have to tell him soon, a voice inside her head said. Despite all her selfish desires that she now retained because of her human life, she knew the horror that would come if she didn't tell them. She knew she didn't have much time left. But now was not the time, here was not the place.
Xander made his exit, remarking again on the wordy tendencies of the British, and Jenny watched as Rupert stood, reassuring Buffy. They she, too, left them, and he sat back down.
"Her dream may very well be prophetic, but I'm sure..." Rupert started. Jenny tried to wade carefully, to stop it indirectly:
"I guess it makes sense. I mean, all of Buffy's senses are heightened. Why should her intuition be different?"
"Precisely," he replied. "It's not unheard-of for the Slayer to strat having prophetic dreams and visions as she approaches adulthood."
"Adulthood?" Oh, no. Buffy being an adult meant making love was acceptable, and that was not a good thing for Angel's soul. Or any of the people Angelus would kill once Angel was gone.
"Buffy's seventeen tomorrow, Rupert. Don't rush her."
"I'm not the one rushing her. While I'm loathe to say it, the fact is, the Slayer rarely lives into her mid-twenties. It follows that she'd exhibit signs of maturity early on. Her whole life cycle is accelerated." Oh, this was not good. Growing up early meant that Buffy was capable of real, adult love, just as Jenny, in her heart, knew that that was what the Slayer had for Angel.
"Still, you should be careful about treating her like a grown-up. Like-- this thing with Angel. Have you even talked to her about it?" She was hoping that Rupert would get the picture.
"I... I suppose I try not to pry."
"Maybe you should, a little," she prodded. "The way she talks, it's clear she has intense feelings for him."
"Well, yes. They're friends..." Giles was in denial-land. This was not a good thing for the situation.
"They're more than friends, and you know it."
"I'm not her father, Jenny."
"She looks up to you. She'll never actually say that, but she does. And I just think, at her age, it's easy to get in over your head. She could make some bad choices here. Trust me on this one." She tried to emphasize her last statement. But the fact that her worries were so deep flew right over his head.
"I'll keep an eye to it. Right now, I'm worried enough trying to think of the right birthday present." He smiled at her then, a smile that made her heart melt. She hated the fact that she had to cause him pain, but there was no other way. It was clear he would not intervene, at least not in time. She would have to tell them outright.
The next night, at the surprise party for Buffy, she tried one last time, knowing her attempt to get Angel out of the country would fail. Spike and Dru's men ambushed them, just as they were sharing a tender goodbye. Just like Jenny knew they would.
As she dropped Buffy off at the school, then drove Angel back to his place to get him dry clothing, she knew she had to tell him.
"Angel, there's something-" She stopped.
"What?" he asked, concerned that something was going on around them.
v"I have to tell you something," she said, squaring her shoulders and stopping the car.
"I'm not who you think I am. Not who any of them think I am."
"What? What are you talking about?"
Jenny looked down at her hands on the steering wheel. "I'm a Romani."
She heard him suck in his breath. "Maybe we should all hear this together," he said, almost gently. She felt a tear cloud her eye. "I never wanted to hurt any of you... I don't want Rupert to know. He won't trust me..." she pulled herself together. "You're right. They all need to know."
She started the car again, and drove the rest of the way to his apartment in silence.
He went in and changed quickly, and they returned to the school as fast as possible. They didn't say much on the return trip either.
They returned to the library as quickly as possible, and found the group doing research on the Judge. Jenny remembered this night so vividly, but now her memories were about to change.
"Rupert," her quiet voice drew the attention of Willow, Xander, Cordelia, and Buffy as well, who were seated at the table. Angel stepped from behind her and stood behind Buffy, kissing her softly on the head. She gave him a small smile, but then turned her attention back to Miss Calender.
"Rupert, I-I have to tell you-" The man she loved looked at her inquiringly.
"Did you find something out?"
"Not -not exactly. Rupert, I... I'm a Romani. I've told Angel this much already; in the car, on the way here."
"Romani... the people that cursed you?" Buffy turned to Angel, looking for affirmation, and he nodded. But he remained silent, letting her finish.
"I was told... Oh, god," she whispered. But she couldn't let herself back down now. "I was sent here to watch Buffy. They told me to keep Buffy and Angel apart, but they never told me what would happen."
"Jenny!" Surprised and confused, Rupert Giles, usually so together, so sure of what was going on, was at a loss for anything more to say. She couldn't look at him.
"I'm sorry, Rupert. Angel was supposed to pay for what he did to my people."
"And me? What was I supposed to be paying for?" Buffy's voice had harded, but she backed down as Angel put a restraining had on her shoulder.
"I didn't know what would happen until now. I swear I would've told you before." She glanced up at Angel, who had left his hand on Buffy's shoulder.
"What are you talking about? I don't understand." Giles asked. He had taken his glasses off, and he was rubbing his eyes.
"The curse," she replied. "If Angel achieves true happiness, even just a moment of... He will lose his soul."
"Oh," Buffy said in a small voice. She didn't look at anyone, but kept her eyes cast downward. Willow shot her a symphathetic look.
"Why wasn't I told?" Angel's voice was quiet, but she could hear the anger behind it.
"I don't know." Jenny shook her head. "They just told me what to do. When I saw that you were saving lives, helping the Slayer, I... I thought. I could tell that you two really love each other, too."
Even Xander did not say anything.
"Yes, well, why are you telling us this now?" Giles asked, his voice a little strained.
"Because Angel was going to loose his soul. I can't explain how I know, I just know." She looked at Buffy and Angel, meaningfully. "It was going to happen tonight. I had to stop it - that's why I was sent in the first place." She paused again. "Rupert-" He looked away from her. "I know you feel betrayed..."
He faced her squarely and said, "Yes. Well, that's one of the unpleasant side effects of betrayal."
She looked down. "I was raised by the people that Angel hurt the most." She looked at all of them, then turned back to him. "My duty to them was the first thing I was ever taught. I didn't come here to hurt anyone," she looked away, "a-and I lied to you because I thought it was the right thing to do. I... I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know I was gonna fall in love with you." She couldn't believe that she had said that.
"Uh, hey, I hate to interrupt all this amazing bonding, but the Judge?" Xander said, breaking the gaze between Rupert and Jenny.
"Right. We need to take care of this..."
The differences in all their lives were amazing.
Angel went with them to face Spike, Drusilla, and The Judge. He confronted Drusilla while Buffy went after Spike and the others picked up the pieces of the Judge:
"You spoiled our fun," Drusilla pouted, but a smile on her face. The sprinkler system was drenching the two of them. "Soon, you'll be with us again."
"Don't count on it," he promised. "I know about the curse." A frown crossed her face, but was gone just as quickly. Then he pulled a stake from his belt and stepped closer to her.
She only grinned at him, and he remained frozen, his arm still raised.
"You cannot do it You've hurt me too much already," she whispered gleefully. "You cannot kill me." She reached up to stroke his face, but he shoved her away.
"Give me time," he said as he turned and walked away.
Spike, too, succeeded in escaping that night, after having some of his minions distract Buffy.
Buffy and Angel had a long discussion about what the curse and his vampirism meant for the two of them:
"You deserve something more than this. Someone who can take you into the light, give you a normal life."
"I'll never have a normal life," she said tearfully, watching as he slipped away from her.
"All the more reason for you to have something outside of demons and darkness. Someone who can make love to you."
"I don't care about that," she insisted.
"But you will."
"Angel - I don't want to have sex with someone I don't love." she looked a little surprised that he wouldn't have known this. He just looked at her, so completely in love yet knowing he could hurt her more than anything.
"I want my life to be with you," she told him.
"I don't." She ignored his last statement, and kissed him. And the deal was done. He could do nothing but stay.
Angel accompanied Buffy and Giles when they went werewolf hunting, and he practically punched the hunter Cain when the crass man suggested that Buffy and Giles were together in the forest for things... before he had seen Angel there with them. Once they discovered that the werewolf was Oz, he and Buffy take their turn watching him together. The other two nights, Willow and Giles had the late werewolf shift.
Since the spell that Xander had Amy cast cause most of the chaos during the day, Angel only witnessed the tail end of the mess. Later, when Buffy was telling him about being a rat, he couldn't help but laugh. He and his girlfriend led a strange life.
Through all this, Giles and Jenny continued to grow close, and Buffy gave her roundabout approval. Jenny relished the opportunity to change things, and to live again.
When Buffy grew feverishly ill, it was Angel she had been patroling with, and he took her to the hospital. He and Xander took shifts to guard against Spike and Drusilla paying her a visit; Cordelia was still jealous. But in the end, they defeated der Kindestod.
When the sprits were possessing people in Sunnydale High, Giles had no distraction in Jenny's death - it not having happened - but in the end, the spirits ended up still possessing Buffy and Angel before they were able to find peace.
The groups adventures continued with the Swim Team, and then with Spike and Drusilla trying to call forth Acathala. Angel and Buffy went to meet with Spike after recieving the immolation-o-gram at school, leaving the others doing a binding spell. Drusilla killed Kendra, Willow was put in a coma, and Giles was taken. Jenny and Xander were only knocked out and left for dead.
That same night, after they had returned to find the bodies of their friends and ran from the police together, they hit the mansion on Crawford Street, where Angel was finally forced to face his past and kill Drusilla to keep Acathala from opening the Vortex.
Even though her mother tried to kick her out of the house and she was expelled from school, Buffy didn't run away that summer. She stayed with Angel a few nights, then when back and confronted her mom again.
It still took a long time for Joyce to adjust to the fact that her daughter was the Slayer and that she had a vampire boyfriend, but she did adjust. She even got to know Jenny a little better, and between the two of them and Giles fighting the school board and Snyder, Buffy was reinstated into school in no time.
When Scott asked Buffy out the next year, she was able to truthfully respond that she was seeing someone. Somewhere in the middle of the year, Rupert asked Jenny to marry him. The rest of their senior year was peachy, with the exception of what happened with Faith, and the Mayor's Ascention, as well as the normal demonic action. After Buffy forced Angel to feed off her to be cured, he decided that he needed to leave for a while to protect her. He promised her he would be back though.
And then Jenny awoke in the white again. It was all as it had been before. If she had been honest, they all could have been much happier. "The truth will set you free," she whispered into the emptyness, and wept bitterly. She could do nothing now. Nothing ever lasts forever, and now it was too late.
|
|
|
|
Rave
Barbie Girl (Becca)
biscuit07
Filmtheory (Jim)
Malice (Jess)
MebbtheScribe (MichaelB)
Reset (Allie)
Shay (Marrisa)
somnambulist29 (Shea)
Stephanie Loss
Wendyness (Wendy)
Questions?Contact Us
|
|
All stories on this site have been archived with the authors' consent. Do not copy these stories for your own uses without the express consent of the author themselves. Buffy the Vampire Slayer TM and Angel TM are © UPN, WB, Fox and its related entities. All photos on the site are © UPN, Fox, Warner Bros, and/or their respective owners. No profits are being made by use of these images.
Powered with the assitance of eFiction.
|
|
|
