Buffy led Spike to her house and up to her room. Spike argued with her but she eventually got him in her bed where he fell asleep.
Downstairs, Dawn and Xander were in the living room in complete silence. Dawn stood up as Buffy came down. “Buffy? What’s going on?”
“Spike has a soul,” Buffy said, softly.
“Oh please. He probably only said that to get into your pants again,” Xander growled.
“Xander,” Buffy snapped. “You don’t know. The things he said. The tone of his voice. He draped himself over a cross. You saw him!”
“Buffy that doesn’t mean anything,” Xander said. “He’s a killer. You cant keep letting him slide.”
Buffy scowled at him. “I believe him. I need to take care of his burns,” she said, disappearing back upstairs.
Buffy sat next to Spike with a first aid kit and gently rubbed salve over his burns. She didn’t realize she was crying until her hands had droplets on them.
“Spike, please be okay. I want to be able to fix what happened. So I hope you aren’t afraid of me,” she said and put the first aid kit away.
She changed her clothes and laid on the bed. She didn’t get to close so he would be overwhelmed when he woke up.
Buffy stirred the next morning and smiled at Spike’s sleeping form. She brushed her lips across his forehead. “I have to go to work but you don’t have to leave,” she said, softly.
Spike mumbled and snuggled deeper into her bed.
Buffy smiled and reluctantly left him.
When Buffy returned home the house was quiet. “Spike?”
“Yeah?” Came Spike’s voice from the kitchen.
Buffy went into the kitchen. “How was your day?” She asked.
“It was okay,” Spike said. “How was yours?”
“Pretty boring,” Buffy said, at the counter. “You okay?”
“Whaddaya mean?” Spike asked.
“With the whole soul thing because you know I’m here if you wanna talk,” Buffy said.
Spike sighed and carefully sat next to her. “Some nights are harder then others. Sleeping and eating are near impossible,” he said.
Buffy frowned in sympathy. “When is that last time you ate?” She asked.
“I don’t remember,” Spike said, avoiding her eyes.
Buffy moved closer to him. “Have you been sick?” She asked.
“Yeah. I don’t know why. I always throw up blood when its been days since I’ve eaten,” Spike said.
Buffy ran the back of her hand across his face and Spike flinched slightly. He relaxed when he realized she wasn’t going to hit him.
“Please don’t be afraid of me,” she said, softly. “I’m not going to hurt you ever again.”
“I’m not gunna hurt you either,” Spike whimpered, meeting her eyes.
Buffy pulled him into her arms. “Its okay,” she said.
Spike buried his face in her shoulder but didn’t cry. Just being in her arms made him feel better.
Buffy pulled away. “I have something to tell you,” she said, softly. “I didn’t know if you were coming back or even if you’d be in my life this way. I really want you to stay around though.”
She pulled him gently into the living room and they sat on the couch. “Spike about a week after you left and the whole mess died down with Willow I started feeling sick. I found out that I was pregnant,” she whispered, looking down.
“You’re pregnant?” Spike whispered.
“With your baby,” Buffy whispered, looking up at him.
“My baby?” Spike asked.
“Yes. Spike I wouldn’t tell you something like this if it was a lie.” She squeezed his hand lovingly. “Believe it or not, I want you around and in our life. As part of our family.”
“I’m gunna be a daddy,” Spike whispered, tears falling down his face.
Buffy smiled. “You okay with that? I mean I know you’re just getting back on your feet but can you handle this?” She asked, a little shyly.
“Yeah,” Spike said, standing and wiping his tears. “We’re gunna have a baby,” he whispered, walking around her living room. “I never thought I would be given a chance like this. Let alone the father of your baby.”
Buffy stood and went over to him. “Spike,” she said, taking his hands in hers. “This is our baby. My friends know its your baby. The only thing I was worried about is that you wouldn’t want this baby after everything that’s happened between us.”
“Buffy I never wanted to hurt you. That’s not why I was there,” Spike said, softly his voice catching a little.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Buffy asked. “Because I know it will be better for us to talk it out and be done with it. It’s not gunna change anything. I’m not gunna make you leave or anything and I’m not gunna hit you or kill you.”
Spike sighed shakily. “Are you gunna scream at me?” He asked.
“If I do, I don’t mean to. But we are gunna have to have this out eventually and it might as well be now,” she said.
Spike went over and sat on the couch and rubbed his face.
“Why did you come to the bathroom that night?” Buffy asked, standing away from him.
“To tell you that what happened between me and Anya didn’t mean anything. It was an accident,” he said.
“I think somewhere in my mind I knew that I was just really hurt when I saw you two,” she said.
“We’ll you hurt me also but I wasn’t trying to get back at you,” Spike said. “I was trying to find a spell to make the pain stop.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Buffy said. “After things got out of control I got scared. I thought you were just trying to get into my pants then I thought you were gunna leave. I don’t think I could’ve handled it. It hurt so much when you left and we weren’t together. I cant imagine what I would’ve been like if I had loved you and then you left.”
“I didn’t want to leave,” Spike said. “When you stopped me and I realized what I was gunna do, I had to leave. The look on your face, broke my heart. I wanted to be a cold blooded killer again so that you would kill me. I got my soul and I just wanted you to know how sorry I was. I never thought you’d forgive and I never thought you’d be carrying my child.”
Buffy smiled. “I found out just after you left and I was so heart broken. Do you know about Tara?” She asked.
Spike shook his head. “No what happened?”
“Warren shot me and a stray bullet hit Tara. She was killed and Willow got consumed with dark magic. She tired to destroy the world she almost
killed Dawn,” she said.
Spike’s eyes widened. “Tell me everything.”
“Well I took Dawn to your place so you could watch her and you weren’t there. Clem said you weren’t gunna be back for awhile and I had I not been so focused on Dawn, I probably would have broken down. If you had been there to watch dawn she wouldn’t have gone looking for Willow and I would have been able to tell Dawn myself what happened between us and why her best friend wasn’t here to protect her,” she said.
Tears welled in Spike’s eyes. “I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me,” he whispered.
“She will. She’s really mad at you but if you talk to her, she’ll forgive you in time,” Buffy said, comfortingly. “Come on. Lets see if we can get you to eat.”
Spike followed Buffy to the kitchen and sat at the counter as she warmed up a little bit of blood. The microwave beeped and Buffy handed the mug to him.
Spike sniffed the blood and almost gagged.
Buffy saw his discomfort and wrapped her arm around his shoulders. “Are you okay?”
“I cant Buffy,” he answered softly. “Sorry.”
Buffy kissed his temple and guided his arms around her waist. “It’s okay. I might be able to help. Close your eyes,” she instructed softly.
Spike closed his eyes and Buffy moved away from him slightly. She grabbed a straw and put it in the mug. “Try not to smell anything,” she said, slipping the straw into his mouth. She saw Spike’s chest stop rising and falling with unnecessary breaths and smiled. “Try to drink now.”
Spike drained it easily.
“See? That’s good. I just have to give a little at a time,” Buffy said, as Dawn came in the front door.
“Hi Buffy,” she said, and paused when she saw Spike in her sisters arms. “You’re still here.”
Spike looked at Dawn and tried to read her emotions. “Dawn.”
“No,” Dawn said, tears in her eyes. “Don’t say you’re sorry, Spike. Tara died and Buffy almost did. You left us to deal with this and I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life. You promise you would never leave me and you did anyway.”
“Dawn..” Spike said, trying again.
Dawn shook her head and ran upstairs. Spike looked at Buffy before going up after her. He heard her sobs coming from her bedroom and he knocked on her door. “Dawn?”
“Go away,” Dawn whimpered.
“Dawn please,” Spike said, his own tears, choking him. “Just let me explain.”
The door flung open and Dawn glared at him. “Spike Buffy was pregnant and you left. Willow tried to kill us and where were you?”
“Africa,” Spike said.
“But you could’ve said goodbye to me to at least make me feel like you love me,” she whimpered.
“I do love you,” Spike said, firmly.
“I felt like you were abandoning me. Do you know how that makes me feel?!” Dawn flared.
“Dawn,” Spike said, softly. “I had to go.”
“I know that. You could’ve came and told me instead of just taking off. I would’ve been more forgiving if I had heard what happened from you or Buffy not Xander,” Dawn said, coldly.
“Harris?” Spike asked, confused.
“Xander found me on the bathroom floor crying that night. I had a bruise on my leg,” Buffy said, softly.
Spike bowed his head with guilt. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“I know you are,” Buffy said. “I forgave you, ‘member?”
“How can you forgive him that easily?” Dawn asked.
“Because what he did doesn’t even come close to what I did to him,” Buffy said.
“But I never hurt Spike” Dawn said. “I don’t know how to forgive him that easily. What was I supposed to be suffering for?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Spike said, looking at her with tears in his eyes.
“But you did,” Dawn said, softly. “Whether you meant to or not, Spike, you did. I cant just forget it.”
“I’m not asking you to,” Spike said.
Dawn sighed and crossed her arms. “When I forgive you, I’ll let you know,” she said.
“Okay,” Spike said, as Buffy squeezed his hand.
“Come on. Lets leave Dawn alone. I wanna show you something,” she said, pulling him to her room.
Spike sat on her bed as she pulled out a little book. “I made a list of baby names but I don’t know your last name,” she said, sitting next to him.
“Why do you need to know my last name?” Spike asked.
“Because I wanted the baby to have your last name,” Buffy said.
“Mattison,” Spike answered.
Buffy smiled. “I like it,” she whispered. “I was thinking Rebecca Joyce if it was a girl or William Anthony for a boy.” She looked at him. “Is that okay?”
“They’re wonderful, Buffy,” Spike said, fondly.
Buffy smiled. “I wanted my mom included somehow and I didn’t know if you were coming back but I wanted you included no matter what,” she said, softly.
Spike looked at her and realized their lips were inches apart. “Buffy?”
“Hm?” Buffy mumbled, unconsciously moving her lips closer to his.
Their lips touched softly and Spike shifted slightly.
Buffy slid her arms around his neck and deepened their kiss a little so she didn’t scare him
away.
Spike rested his hands on her back. “I love you,” he mumbled softly against her lips.
Buffy pulled away a little and looked into his vulnerable eyes. “You do?” She asked. “Still?”
“Always,” Spike said, softly.
Buffy leaned in and kissed him softly. “I think one day I’ll be able to say those words to you but not today. Is that okay?”
Spike nodded. “It’s more then I could ever ask for,” he said, softly.
Buffy smiled and kissed him with more passion. She set her book aside and threw her legs over his lap.
Spike slid his arm around her back and slid to the side of her.
Buffy rolled him onto his back and climbed on top of him. She pushed herself up and tried to control her breathing. “We should stop,” she whispered. “Neither one of us are mentally ready for that yet.”
Spike nodded. “I know its just… I missed you,” he said, softly.
Buffy smiled and stroked his cheekbones. “I missed you too,” she whispered.
Spike smiled and pulled her gently into his arms. “It feels so good to hold you,” he whispered.
Buffy tucked her head under his chin and
snuggled into him. “It feels go to be in your arms,” she whispered. “Things were so bad between us and I don’t want that again.”
“What do you want?” Spike asked.
“You,” Buffy said, picking up her head.
“You already have me,” Spike said. “But you have to start letting me in. We cant keep secrets from each other anymore.”
Buffy nodded and slid next to him. “I’m tired and I haven’t had a good nights rest in ages,” she said.
Spike smiled. “Me neither,” he whispered. “Goodnight Buffy.”
“Goodnight Spike,” Buffy said, softly.
Dawn laid awake in bed almost until midnight. It was a Friday night so she didn’t have to get up in the morning. The next morning she slid out of bed and peeked in her sisters room.
Spike was sound asleep in her sisters arms and Dawn had to smile. She slid in quietly and climbed in behind Spike. “I forgive you,” she whispered, before falling asleep next to him.
When Buffy woke she smiled at a female arm around Spike’s waist. Instinctively, she knew it was her sisters arms. She carefully slid from Spike’s arms so she didn’t wake him and he turned over into Dawn.
Buffy winced when he whimpered but he appeared to be okay once he was in Dawn’s arms.
Dawn wrapped her arm around Spike’s shoulders and smiled her sleep.
When Spike about an hour later, Dawn was awake and looked at her questionably.
“Hi,” Dawn said softly.
Spike smiled softly. “Hey. Sleep okay?” He asked.
Dawn blushed and sat up. “Yeah. I’m sorry about yesterday,” she said.
“I deserved it,” Spike said, getting out of Buffy’s bed.
Dawn followed him downstairs. “You deserve a lot of things but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get them,” Dawn said, going to the kitchen.
Spike smiled. “Where’s Buffy?” He asked.
“I don’t know,” Dawn said, rummaging through the fridge.
Spike paused and listened for signs of Buffy. “I think something’s wrong,” he said, going upstairs.
Spike paused outside the bathroom where he heard Buffy throwing up. “Buffy?”
“Yeah?” Came her weak voice.
“Are you okay?” Spike asked, his hand on the doorknob.
“Spike…” Buffy whimpered.
Spike opened the door and went over to her. He held her hair away from her face and rubbed her back soothingly.
After a few more heaves, Buffy collapsed against him. “God,” she whispered.
Spike flushed the toilet and grabbed a wet wash cloth off the counter. He wiped her forehead and smoothed her sweaty hair back. “Do you need anything?” He asked, softly.
“Can you talk me to bed?” She asked. “I usually have to drag myself out of the bathroom.”
Spike scooped her up and carried into her room. Gently he laid her in bed and tucked her in. “Do you always get morning sickness?”
Buffy nodded weakly. “Yeah and it hurts really bad. The doctor said it was normal even when I throw up blood.”
Spike kissed her forehead. “I think you should just rest for the day,” he said.
“Where are you going?” Buffy asked, softly.
“To talk to Dawn,” Spike said, looking at her. “I gotta have a long talk with her then I’ll be back up. I wont leave so don’t worry,” he said. “Promise.”
Buffy smiled. “Okay,” she said.
Spike smiled and went downstairs where Dawn was watching T.V. “She okay?”
“The morning sickness is really difficult for her. Did you know it was so bad?” Spike asked.
Dawn shook her head. “No, but you know Buffy. She’s gunna tell everyone that she’s fine and I’m not one to argue with her,” she said.
“She doesn’t want people to worry,” Spike said, sitting next to her. “I wanted to talk to you.”
Dawn turned off the T.V. and bowed her head. Her brown hair flowed over her shoulders, making a curtain around her face. “I’m still mad at you,” she said.
“I know and I don’t expect you to not be mad at me for awhile,” Spike said. “I neglected you last year and it wasn’t fair to you.”
“Buffy told me what happened between you two last year. I cant really blame you for last year. Buffy takes full responsibility for everything that happened except for the bathroom. She told me how much pain she was in and you were only trying to help,” she said, looking at him.
“It doesn’t make it right,” Spike said.
“No, it doesn’t,” Dawn admitted. “But there’s no excuse for what Buffy did either. The three people who had nothing to do with her coming back are the three who got hurt the most. She didn’t care that Willow did it. She treated me like crap and you wonder why I got into so much trouble.”
“I should have been here though,” Spike said.
“Spike, you took care of me when Buffy was gone. Its only natural that you’d think that I wouldn’t need you when she came back,” she said, softly.
“But you did need me,” Spike said, softly. “And I needed you.”
Dawn smiled a little. “We both made mistakes last year. You came back to us though. You have no idea how heartbroken she was when you left. We thought we would never see you again. You came back with a soul no less. You’re gunna be a father and you didn’t run out on Buffy when she told you,” she said.
“Made that mistake once,” Spike said. “I’ll never do it again.”
Dawn leaned against him and he hugged her tightly. “I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too,” Spike said.
“You should go upstairs and be with Buffy. She’s gunna want you around when she wakes up,” she said, pulling away.
Spike smiled and kissed her forehead. “Thanks Dawn,” he said, standing up.
“You can call me Nibblet,” Dawn said.
Spike smiled again at her before going upstairs.
Buffy was shivering despite the heat and Spike climbed in next to her.
She snuggled up against and relaxed instantly.
Spike smiled and fell asleep. ‘Unlife just got a WHOLE lot better.’
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