Axel is sitting behind a desk the size of a Lincoln Navigator. Across from him sits Alex Wert, who is interviewing for a job with the show, and Diamond Dave for some reason.
AXEL
Welcom, Mr. Wert. Thatnks for applying. We've been having some... off camera issues... with the current crew, and we'd like to have, a few more bodies to finnaly put this problem behind us. Before we get started, I'd like to talk to you, about an issue, with your resume. Its very impresive, but here, it says, after you name, BSc, SSc, and SA. Please tell me, that SSc doesn't stand for 'silver swimming certificate.'
WERT
And if it does?
AXEL
Not a good start, man. What about this SA? Your not a Nazi, are you?
WERT
Definitely not.
AXEL
Then what does it stand for?
WERT
(degectedly) Sandwich artist.
DIAMOND DAVE
Cool! Does that mean we get free subs?
WERT
No.
AXEL
Why don't we get free subs?
WERT
I got fired.
AXEL
So, Mr. Wert. We'll do the standard, intreveiw deal-ie. (He pulls out a 600 page book of cliched interview questions, closes his eyes and picks one at random) Here we go. We're lookign for special people to join our team. Why did you, want to join Axel's Arean?
WERT
I wanted to see the Oompa-Loompas.
DIAMOND DAVE
Man, you gotta get a better answer than taht! Bibad bop!
WERT
Hey! You're David Lee Roth! God, you've aged horribly.
AXEL
(to himself) Why the fuck, is everyone so obsessed, with Oompa-Loompas? Okay, Mr. Wert. Given that our Back-From-The-Dead machien is broken, and, assuming you get axcepted here at the Arean, who would you most like to intreveiw?
WERT
Nina.
For several seconds there are the sounds of crickets chirping.
AXEL
FOR GOD'S SAKE, MAN! WHY?
DIAMOND DAVE
Everyone hates her!
AXEL
She has no character development!
...and so on for many minutes.
AXEL
She was only brought in, so Angel could have a love interest again!
DIAMOND DAVE
And she besmirches Buffy and the memory of Cordelia!
AXEL
There's absolutely no value to interviewing Nina.
WERT
True. But she has a great rack and she's naked in every episode.
AXEL
I'll give you that one. (he scribbles something in the margins of his book. It looks like a doodle of a penguin) Well, I've tabulated, the verdict. You suck. but you're still better than Zeke. Congratsulatons.
WERT
Ive goten, teh job? Thatnks! Ive been, dremign about, this day since I first started, to wright. And now that, Ive finnaly gotten it, I can live my dream!
DIAMOND DAVE
That's a funny, thing to say.
WERT
I'm lookign fourward, to intreveiwing people, on Axel's Arean. See you on, the set, hu?
AXEL
Hey! Are you making fun of my spellling?
WERT
No! No, no. Absolutely not. I wouldn't dream of it. Never. Well, yes.
AXEL
Hey, look over there! It's an Oompa-Looma!
WERT
(turning around) Where?
Diamond Dave takes this opportunity to club Alex Wert over the head with a wiffle bat. Wert falls to the ground, suitibly concussed.
AXEL
That'll teach the bastard, to make fun of my spelling. Dave, I want you to dispose of the body. Make him some cement shoes, and dump him in the river.
DIAMOND DAVE
But Axel, I'll have to drive all the way to Home Depot, then mix up a wheelbarrow full of cement and stick his feet in it. Then you'll make me carry him to the river, and my back isn't good.
AXEL
Fine, you panzy. Dump him in a ditch, then. As long as the cops, can't find him.
Diamond Dave hefts Alex Wert's carcass over his shoulder and starts to walk out of the office.
DIAMOND DAVE
You know, boss, you're spelling is pretty bad.
AXEL
Hey, Dave. Can I see your wiffle bat for a second?
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