Chapter 2: Miles to go
I always thought it was a pity we never got to see Willow and Faith talk out their differences and similarities on the show. So this starts out in a car between LA and Sunnydale, and also between "Orpheus" and "Dirty Girls". This was originally a one-shot, but when I started on the previous chapter I figured this would make a nice chapter 2.
After they said goodbye to Angel and the gang, Willow's smile had faded pretty much the second they stepped out of the hotel. The car was quiet as they left LA and got onto the freeway.
Faith felt weird. She'd spent a lot of time thinking of what she might say to Buffy (and never came up with anything good) but sitting here with Willow wasn't something she'd prepared for. She knew the other woman had hated her guts for years – long before Buffy had, even.
You're just a big selfish, worthless waste.
I wish those council guys would let me have an hour alone in the room with her. If I was larger and had grenades.
Well, here they were, in a tiny little room for the next two hours, and judging from what had happened in LA Willow might not have grown any larger but she did pack some serious firepower these days. So Faith figured it was probably a good idea to keep her mouth shut –Willow certainly didn't seem eager for conversation – but some things needed clearing up, and there really was no easy way to start. Oh, what the fuck. Just jump in. Like you always do.
"OK, I'm guessing it's a female someone."
"What?!?" Willow almost lost control of the car for a second.
"You told Fred you were seeing someone. So was I right about that last time we met?"
Willow didn't answer, just kept her eyes on the road... but she didn't deny it, either.
"Wow. Cool. And to think I was mostly just trying to be mean to... Sarah?"
"It's Tara. Drop the subject."
OK, sore spot. "So we're not gonna do the small-talk thing?"
Willow answered by not answering.
"OK, fine. I'll do the talking. What you said about needing me in Sunnydale... are you sure it's a good idea? I mean, I was in jail for three years before Wesley busted me out, and in all that time exactly one person... well, vampire visited me. Ever. I kinda got the hint."
Willow stared at her incredulously for a second. "Well, I hate to break it to ya, but..."
"Whoah, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. People want to forget about me, I totally get that. And I'm not trying to chicken out. I'm just saying I need to know if you really meant it, or if B's gonna want to slit my throat and shit down my neck the second I walk in that door. Because in that case, I'd rather save all of you the trouble and go back to my cell. The way I figure, the last thing you need right now is someone who'll just open a lot of old wounds."
Willow looked at the slayer again, and saw that she was serious. She turned her eyes back to the road. "OK, the last time I was honest with you you went psycho and pulled a knife on me, but seeing as you just saved Angel's life I guess you deserve the truth. We're up against something that makes everything we've ever fought look like a grumpy kitten, we're probably all gonna die, and we need every fighter we can get. But just so you know..." Willow took a deep breath. "The last person in Sunnydale who even liked you, Faith, turned into a snake and went kablooie four years ago. No one has forgotten what you are and no one will be turning their back on you. You won't have to worry about anyone on our side attacking you first; but there will be plenty of beasties lined up to do that. If you're up for it, that's what you can expect. If not, I'll drop you off at the prison gates right now. 'Kay?"
Faith nodded. "Fair enough." Then she pointed to the neon sign of a diner looming up ahead. "Listen, could we get something to eat first? I haven't had a bite since yesterday, I almost died twice since then and this really isn't something I want to decide on an empty stomach."
"OK, I'm used to slayer appetites, but... damn." Willow nodded at Faith's half of the table, loaded down with dozens of plates with just about everything the diner offered.
"Yeah. Thanks for paying, I'd totally forgotten about... you know... money."
Willow watched with astonishment as Faith started packing away greasy food like a sumo wrestler coming off a diet. "Jail will do that, I s'pose... I hear Stockton's supposed to be really tough. Was it really tough?" That last question sounded way too much like gee-I-really-hope-you-hated-every-second-of-it, but Faith didn't seem to notice.
"Actually, most of the time it wasn't that bad. After I showed some people that I could take care of myself and spent much of the first six months in solitary, everyone pretty much left me alone. All in all, it wasn't the worst three years of my life."
"Sounds downright cosy."
"Except... funny thing about prison, Red: everyone is innocent, no matter what you're convicted for. They got set up by the cops, it was self defense, their lawyer was incontinent..."
"I think you mean incompetent."
"Whatever. I'm just saying I've made enough excuses, you know? The last thing I need is to start telling myself I'm innocent." Faith emptied a bottle of ketchup over a huge plate of fries. "Most of the time it was just... boring. Tons of free time and nothing to do."
"Don't they have a library?" Faith shot her an amused look. "Oh. Right. Sorry."
"Also, you know, being cooped up with nothing but women becomes frustrating..."
"I could think of worse things."
Faith gasped in pretend shock as she raised her second king size Coke. "Was that a joke, Red? Did you and I just share a joke?"
Willow just raised an eyebrow and shrugged. Faith ate, and the waitress topped off Willow's coffee mug.
"So are there any other changes I should know about in Sunnydale? Just so I don't give anyone any more reasons to hate me..."
Willow thought about it. God, three years... a lot of things had happened, most of which she really didn't feel like sharing with Faith. "Just... y'know, demons, government conspiracies, stuff like that..." Then she thought of something. "Joyce died about two years ago."
Faith stopped eating and stared at her. "Wha... Oh shit, I'm really..." She stopped herself as everything came flooding back again, and looked down at her food. Don't say you're sorry. You got no right. Joyce took you into her home, you almost killed her, and you'll never get a chance to make up for it. Or anything else. "Fuck it, Re- Willow, maybe this isn't such a good idea. I mean, it's not like I just spilled ketchup on B's favorite shirt or something. It's way too late, I can't... it's..."
"What?" Willow interrupted, raising her voice, then lowering it again when she saw the other guests eyeing her. "Like you lost control and let everyone down? Like you killed people, and then tried to kill the ones who wanted to help you? Like you can't expect anyone else to trust you since you don't even trust yourself, and nothing you say or do will ever change what's happened... am I in the ballpark?"
Faith looked at her, taking it in, then thoughtfully started on her third burger. "So, you too, huh? Lemme guess: none of my business?"
The redhead grimaced, but calmed down. "Not really."
"But you're going back there anyway? Try to be a good guy?" What she really wanted to know was if they had taken her back, but even if she'd thought Willow would answer she didn't think the same rules would apply to her.
"I kinda have to, y'know?" Willow was gazing out the dark window, past her own reflection. "If I don't... then nothing good I ever did matters. The darkness beat me, that's all I was good for... and I never deserved her. I couldn't live with that."
The slayer nodded. For a while, the only sound was that of Faith wolfing down a basket of blueberry muffins. "So you're saying we're all gonna die?"
"Yup, that's pretty much the plan."
"Fine. Long as I don't have to listen to Barry Manilow again, I'm in." Faith finished her milkshake, then sat back and unbuckled her belt. "Man, I'm full."
"You sure? I think they have pie..."
"Nah, I'm good."
"Well... I guess we'll see about that, huh?" Willow offered something that might have been a smile as she got out her wallet and paid the waitress. Faith made sure to walk in front of Willow as they returned to the car. They drove the rest of the way in silence.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
- Robert Frost
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