Disclaimer and all that stuff: I own nothing! All Buffy characters are owned by Joss (we bow to the creator, "we're not worthy!" yada, yada) and Mutant Enemy Productions. (And probably a few other companies too) The play is based on the events leading up to the Trojan War, supposedly, and was written in my Drama class. So I guess, in a way, I kinda own that. Also, thanks ever so much to Robyn the Snowshoe Hare, cause I am bluntly taking her idea. (With presmission, of course) And, she Beta'ed this thing to boot. I grovel at this corrupting little bunny's feet. *grin* Now, read, enjoy, hopeless LMAO, y'know....
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Members of the Buffy World, both past and present, milled around in the high school autitorum.
Xander shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe Robyn TSH got someone *else* doing this! I mean, I actually used to like Gabe . . ."
Willow sighed as she sat down beside the teenage boy. "Well, she said she wasn't doing Shakespeare. That's good, right?"
"If she pulls out "Monday After the Miracle" I'm staking someone," Buffy declared.
"Hey! Isn't that one with the young guy and sex and . . . I am so shutting up now," Willow concluded after embarrassing herself thoroughly.
"We better get quiet. Gabe just got on stage," Giles commented, taking a seat.
All the people in the room rather reluctantly quieted and got into their seats as the fanfic writer went over to the microphone.
"Okay guys, I finally decided on this Greek Tragedy "A Fair Wind for Troy", taking place before the Trojan War. And I finally figured out parts."
Faith rolled her eyes, and stood up. "No way I'm doing this again."
"Everyone sits, stays, and participates, or I start pulling out the Austin Powers crossovers," Gabe stated calmly. "Faith, how would you like Snyder considered the most sexy man alive?"
"Gabe, have you no sense of decency?" Xander asked sadly as Faith took her seat again.
The writer ignored Xander, and promptly started to list off parts.
"Okay, Tyndarius, Helen's Father and King of Sparta will be played by Giles."
"This isn't too bad so far," Giles commented.
"The all mighty Odysseus: Oz."
"Quiet. Clever. I can handle him," Oz stated in his-err, well . . . Oz way.
"All righty . . . Agamemnon. Husband to Clytemnestra, who is Helen's sister, and King of Mycenae, that'd be Xander."
"Hey, that sounds pretty cool!"
"Umm, Xander? You end up sacrificing your daughter for wind, and when you get home from Troy, your wife kills you," Willow told him.
"Remind me to get both Robyn and Gabe when this is over," Xander muttered, slumping farther into his chair.
"Anyway. Menaleus, the younger brother of Agamemnon, and husband to Helen. Angel."
"Xander's my older brother!?! But, God, I got two centuries on him, easy!" Angel burst out.
"Down boy. It's only a play," Gabe told him. "Now, pressing on. Clytemnestra is Willow."
"I-I hafta kill Xander?" Willow asked uncertainly.
"Nah, we don't go that far. You call him pure evil, maybe curse him to Tartras. That's about it. Now, Helen would be Buffy."
"See Angel. It's not so bad, you marry me!" Buffy commented happily.
"Now, because of the abundance of male roles, and lack of males, I had to double cast. So, Paris, youngest son of Troy, and guy who steals Helen will be Xander."
"I steal Buffy from Angel!? Okay, so this is getting better," Xander commented with a grin.
Angel was having to be forced into his seat by the Slayer. "Angel! Remember, Austin Powers. Snyder!" The sickening thought finally calmed the vampire down.
"Okay, Achilles, the great War hero, yada, yada, will be played by Spike."
"What?! Oh bloody hell, you have me as a hero!?!" Spike cried in rage.
"Suck it in Roller boy," Gabe replied calmly. "And Iphigenia, daughter of Clytemnestra and Agamemnon will be Drusilla."
Xander's and Willow's heads sunk into their hands. "Where did we go wrong?" Xander asked.
"Now for the Gods. Faith will be Hera--"
Faith grinned. "I can get used to this."
"Athena will be played by Kendra."
"I just want to stay dead!" The former Slayer wailed.
"And Aphrodite will be portrayed by Cordelia."
Cordelia smiled. "Am I the only one liking the casting at the moment?"
"Once again ,with the double casting, Angel will play Hermes--"
"What!?! You're having HIM play the God of Wit!?! I'm insulted Gabe, I really am," Xander huffed.
"Look Xander. I'm giving you the girl in "Changes". I have you save Buffy from suicide in "Was It Worth It?". You can't win them all!" Gabe told him. "Now, and a special guest appear as Zeus. Joss Whedon himself."
Everyone turned to see the creator in awe as the he walked onto the stage. "Always happy to help, Gabe. I really love how the rewrite of The Wish is coming together, by the way."
"Thanks Joss, but I really hafta get through the rest fast, or this play will never get on on time," Gabe said. "Okay, in the third act we need an Old Man, who will fittingly be played by Snyder. Now, for all the small roles. Ajax and Diomedes will be played by Scott and Owen. The Priest of Poseidon and Calchas are both being played by Ted. Eris, Goddess of Discord will be played by Darla. Johnathan is a messenger. And several different Ladies in Waiting are split up between Anya, Harmony, and Ampata. All servants are vamps. Okay, since you guys all took so darn long to get through this, we gotta hurry up and get in costumes. C'mon people, let's go!" Gabe rattled off quickly so no one could get a word in edge wise. The now rather large cast all reluctantly headed off to costume and makeup, wondering if Austin Powers wouldn't be as bad as it sounded.
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