disclaimer: we all know who owns the characters, and i didn't need to dream up any of my own characters for this one:)
author's note: okay...this is kinda different from my other stories. i basically wanted to find a way that i could use some of my favorite dialogue from the show in a story.:) so anything that you recognise from the show isn't mine:) if you've read any of my other stories, you know my whole take on Buffy and Angel:) and though i try hard to make my stories interesting enough that even those who detest Buffy/Angel will enjoy them, i wanted to write something that was just Buffy and Angel. ( and this probly won't be the last!) but writing this has inspired me to write something like this for each of the couples/groups:)so you can probly expect more in the "Remembrance" series:) anyway... enjoy! and if you read any of my other stories i would really really like feed back!!! BlueDawn3@aol.com
Buffy stared at the ceiling, lying on her back on the soft, pink carpet of her room. The only sound in the room was her soft breathing. It was a Saturday night and Willow and Xander had gone to the Bronze. They had invited her to come, but she wasn't really in the mood. They would be going back to school Monday, and then vacation would be over until mid-winter break. That didn't really put her in the mood for partying....and then there was Angel.
She had been really good about not giving him too much of her thoughts lately. But, then again, it was only recently, after that whole incident with Spike, that she gave any conscience thought and energy to stop herself from thinking of him. But after everything that happened on Christmas....she needed a little time to figure out how things were going to be now.
She could still remember the feelings of hopelessness, abandonment, and loneliness she felt when Angel had been taken away from her and she had been force to send him to the Nether World. Heck! She still felt that way!
Buffy sat up, bringing her knees up to her chin, remembering the first time they had met.
< " Is there a problem, ma'am?"
"Yeah. Why 'you following me?"
He laughed easily, slightly wheezing from the weight on his chest.
"I know what you're thinking. But don't worry, I don't bite."
She brought her foot off from his chest. He rose slowly, his hand searching the back of his head for any bumps. He looked her up and down. He suddenly chuckled at his own hidden thoughts.
"I thought you'd be taller, bigger, muscles and all that. You're pretty spry though." he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
"What do you want?" she snapped at him.
"I want the same thing you do."
She put her hands on her hips and blew out a frustrated breath. "Fine. What do I want?"
"To kill them. To kill them all."
"Sorry, wrong answer. But you do get this lovely key-chain and a years supply of turtle wax, what I want is to be left alone!">
She looked over to her dresser, searching for the glittering silver of the cross he had given her that night. She loved that cross, for many reasons. It was simple, yet beautiful. It had saved her life more then once. It represented everything her calling stood for, everything she risked her life daily for. And Angel had given it to her.
She Looked down to her fingers. She gently touched the smooth skin where the claddage ring had once been. She smiled sadly, remembering how shy he had been giving it to her.
<: " I have something for you."
He brought a small, black, velvet bag out of his coat pocket. He opened it and the small silver ring slipped out easily. Buffy looked down at it and then up into Angel's face, her cheeks glistening from her tears in the moonlight.
"I was going to give it to you earlier, but..." he shrugged softly. " My people, before I was changed, exchanged this as a sign of devotion. Its a claddage ring." he looked at her for any sign of recognition. " The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty, and the heart..." She looked up at him innocently and he blushed slightly. " Well, you know. Wear it with the heart facing towards you, it means you belong to somebody." He smiled down at her, but his eyes betrayed the true pain he was feeling.
"Put it on." He whispered, taking her hands in his. >
Buffy sighed into the silence of the room, her expression showing deep sadness. She wanted to be with him...neede to be. What was it she told Cordelia?
< " I know what its like to be hurt. Hurt so badly, you don't think you're gonna make it..." >
But this was the right thing to do. She had to think of who she was responcible for. It wasn't her place, or even her right, to give into what she wanted. She had proven herself right once before; want isn't always the right thing to do.
She knew she was hurting him, though. She had seen the pain in his eyes.
< " I was wondering when you would come." He smiled shyly at her.
"I'm not coming back." He grew visibly weak, his eyes clouding over. She rushed on. " We're not friends. We never were. I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends, but I can't fool myself," she smiled sadly, " or Spike for some reason. What I want from you I can never have. You don't need me to take care of you any longer, so I'm gonna go."
"I don't accept that." He said, his voice low and choked with emotion.
Her face softened, her love growing stronger as she realized how much he needed her.
"You have too."
He stepped towards her, pleading with her. " Look, there's got to be a way that we can still see each other."
She straightened. " There is. Tell me that you don't love me." >
He couldn't. He will never be able to deny his love for her. He already proved that to her, this last week, on Christmas day.
< " Because I wanted too! Because I want you so badly. I want to take comfort in you, and I know it will cost me my soul, and a part of me doesn't care. I'm weak, I've never been anything else. Its not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy, it's the man." >
It was so hard for him, knowing what he had done to her, but still loving her...needing her. He had forgotten how to live without her. And it was hard for him to understand how she could still love him, even after all that he had done.
< " The world want me gone."
"What about me?" she squeaked through her tears. It was time to show him how much he had hurt her. " I tried to make you go away. I killed you and it didn't help."
She pushed him off from her, and rose half onto her knees. He landed hard on his butt, and sat crying, his shoulders lurching in the intensity of the moment.
"And I hate it! I hate that it's so hard..." her voice rose with emotion, the tears falling harder, " and that you can hurt me *so* much. I know everything you've done, because you did it to me." She looked across the landscape and shrugged, as if surrendering to something. " I wish I wished you dead. But I don't." Her voice lowered to a desperate whisper. " I can't!" >
Buffy got up and walked over to her vanity, sliding gently into the plush chair. She looked at herself in the mirror, taking notice of her tear stained cheeks. She hadn't even realized she had been crying.
She jumped when she heard a soft knock at her window. She turned to see Angel watching her, waiting patiently to be let into her room. She walked over and sat down on the small ledge. She slid the window open easily and looked at him, her eyes asking all the questions for her.
" I- " he looked into her eyes and then looked down at her hands. " I know that I'm supposed to stay away..." Buffy tensed and he looked back up into her face. " I just had this feeling...that you felt so alone tonight....and that you just needed me to be here."
Buffy smiled softly. She let herself fall closer to him, and they embraced. Both finding comfort for the deep pain they shared.
She laid her head on his shoulder, feeling the soft comfort of his cotton shirt. She didn't feel guilty about this closeness. There wasn't any passion in this embrace. It was just a simple hug; two people who love and care for each other so much, trying to ease each others pain. She closed her eyes. That was a comforting thought.
The End
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