A/N: This story is A/U, it will be obvious why later. Set post Not Fade Away.
“That was... fun?” Willow asked after the former Sunnydale gang had averted yet another apocalypse.
“Can we go to Disney Land now?” Xander asked.
“Maybe later,” Buffy said as she looked down at the bodies of the army of Genericdemonname demons.
“Oh, hey,” Willow said suddenly. “There’s a creepy guy wearing a white cloak walking towards us. And he looks like he has a purpose.”
Buffy raised her sword threateningly.
“Trust me,” the creepy white cloaked person said, “you don’t want to kill me.” He paused and turned toward the author. “And I’m not a creepy white cloaked person ” He cried.
“Sorry,” the author said.
“Why should we trust you?” Buffy asked. “And who were you just talking to?” She asked, looking in the direction the man was looking in. (A/N: Of course she didn’t see me because I was hiding behind a tree:) )
The man sighed. “Because I am here to offer you your reward.”
“Reward?” Buffy asked. “Like money, or something?”“
“No,” the man said, annoyed.
“And who are you anyway?” Willow asked.
“Hey!” Buffy said. “I was gonna ask that!”
Willow rolled her eyes. “Fine. You ask him!”
Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she looked at the man. “Who are you?”
The man glared pointedly at the author. “My name is Creepywhitecloakedman,” he said, resigned.
Willow burst out laughing.
“At least I’m not named after a tree!” The man cried defensively.
“Oh yeah,” Buffy said. “At least she doesn’t have some mutant form or Alexander for a nickname!” she told the man.
“Yeah!” Xander agreed, then thought about it. “Hey!” he cried. “At least I don’t have a girly name like ‘Buffy,’” he said.
“News flash!” the slayer said. “I am a girl!”
“With a stupid name,” Xander said countered lamely.
The man sighed. “Ok, now that we have established that none of us have a normal name, can we get on with it?”
“Fine,” Buffy said. “What’s our reward?”
“You each get one life altering wish,” the man said, thinking once again that that was so original he could kill himself. And recalling the conversation he had had with the author about it earlier.
Flashback from thirty-seven and a half minutes ago....
“This life altering wish thing is played out, lady,” the man said.
“And your point is?” The author asked.
“Are you going to be a follower the rest of you life? Can’t you even come up with one original idea?”
“Following is fun, besides... Where’s the originality in writing a fanfiction about a tv show that has been off the air for a while? I’m too overcome with grief at the ending of my favorite tv show of all time to be original.”
“Fine,” the man said. “We’ll do it your way, but when you end up getting really bad reviews, be warned. I’ll be there to laugh in your face with an I-told-you-so.”
The author glared at him.
“Ooh,” the man went on, “maybe you won’t get any reviews at all. That would be hilarious!”
“Do you want to write this story?” the author shouted.
“I could probably do it better than you,” the man countered.
“I created you,” the author said. “I can uncreate you just as easily.”
“Oh, please. Don’t do that,” the man said sarcastically. “I’ve had such a fun life so far. It would be a shame to end it so soon.”
“Just do as I say,” the author said.
...End flashback
“Life altering wish,” Buffy contemplated. “Can I have some time to think about it?”
“I’ll just come back to you later,” the man said. He then turned to Willow.
“Uh,” Willow said. “Come back to me too.”
The man rolled his eyes and moved on to Xander.
“Well,” Xander said. “I know what I’m not gonna wish for.”
The man crossed his arms. “And what is that?”
“A big fat burrito.”
The man looked at him like he was insane, so Xander explained.
“You know, that movie with Daffy Duck, Yosemite Sam, and Speedy Gonzales where they’re on that island with the wishing well and they only have three wishes. Speedy wishes for a big fat burrito, Daffy wishes they burrito was stuck on the end of his nose and...”
“We know,” Buffy said, cutting him off. She turned to the man. “How do we know we can trust you? We haven’t exactly had the best luck with the whole wishing thing in the past.”
“I could give you my word,” the man offered.
“Not good enough,” Buffy said.
“I figured as much,” the man said. “How about I give each one of you a free wish?”
Buffy and her friends thought it over, then talked it over. Their conversation was boring so the author is choosing not to include it. :)
Anyway, the decided it would be alright.
Buffy went first. “Ok, life altering. Does that mean we can wish that someone that died was alive again?”
“Sure,” the man said.
“Ok,” Buffy said. “Then I wish my mom was alive.”
“Done,” the man said.
“Buffy?”
Buffy turned around and saw her mommy standing behind her. “Mom?” The slayer rushed to her mothers waiting arms. They shared a tearful reunion.
“Next?” The man asked.
“I wish Anya was alive,” Xander said.
“Xander?”
Xander turned around and saw Anya standing there.
“What’s going on?” Anya asked.
“Oh, there was this wish thing and I wished you weren’t dead.”
“Oh,” Anya said. “Thanks.”
“No problem,” Xander said.
“You’re not gonna want sex now, are you?” Anya asked.
“No,” Xander said.
“Good,” Anya said. “‘Cause this doesn’t change anything. We already had the breakup sex.”
“Right,” Xander said. “I remember.”
“Anyway,” the man said. “Next?”
“Tara,” Willow said. “I wish she was alive.”
“Willow?”
***Except for Xander and Anya, there were lots of tearful hellos and stuff, but I’m not in the mood to write them, so I will move on. It is now a couple hours later.***
“Well,” the man said. “Do you think you can trust me now?”
“I guess,” Buffy said. “So, do we make our real wishes now?”
The man nodded.
“Do we still get to keep our free ones?”
“Yes,” the man said bitterly. He was very angry at the author for screwing up his game like this. But he was going to have to live with it because the author threatened to change his name to princess panther-butt. And he doesn’t really want to be referred to as that. Who would?
“Ok,” Buffy said. “I’m still a little unclear on this whole wishing thing. Can I wish for more wishes?”
“No,” the man said defiantly, “and, just so you know, you should now start referring to me as Princess Panther-butt.” He sighed.
Buffy looked at him. “You’re not going all goofy on us, are you?”
“No,” Princess Panther-butt said. “I just... can you just make you wishes now so I can go home and... do I even have a home? This is all so confusing...”
Buffy ignored his rant. “Can I wish for a vampire to be human?” She asked.
“Sure,” the man ( a.k.a. Princess Panther-butt) said.
“Hm,” Buffy said. “Ok, Andrew told me that Spike was alive again, or more literally, undead. Even though I am really angry at him for not calling me, I wish that he and Angel were human again and they live long and happy lives.”
Princess Panther-butt turned to glare at the author. “Done,” he said.
“Ooh,” Anya said. “That was a loaded wish. You go girl!”
“Me next!” Xander said. “Even though I don’t know she’s dead, I wish Cordelia was alive!”
“Done,” Princess Panther-butt said.
“Hey!” Willow cried. “If we’re doing it that way, I wish that Fred was never taken over by Illyria and that Wesley was still alive...”
“Fine, don...”
“Wait,” Willow said. “I wasn’t finished.”
“Fine,” Princess Panther-butt said. “Finish then.”
“Ok,” Willow said. “I wish that Fred was never taken over by Illyria and that Wesley was still alive and that Miss Calendar and Jesse were still alive.”
Princess Panther-butt waited. When Willow didn’t say anything else, he said, “Is that all?”
Willow nodded.
“Done,” Princess Panther-butt said.
***
This is where the author gets strange, so... be warned...
It is four months later. Buffy dated Spike and Angel for a while, but ended up choosing Spike because he loved her even when he didn’t have a soul when Angel(us) tried to kill her.
Xander and Cordelia dated for a little while, but broke up. Like they usually do. Then he and Anya got back together and actually got married this time.
Angel and Cordelia finally realized they were meant for each other, even though they looked bored when they kissed on screen and got married too.
Of course Willow and Tara were together. Kennedy said she understood, but she was a little bummed out. But, not to worry, she found love with some unknown slayer that they found last year in like Rome, or something.
Giles got back with Miss Calendar, even though they were never really together on the show, but hey, I can dream. But, I want Giles and Joyce to get together... This really sucks. Ok, make that Giles and Joyce got together.
I know, Jenny and Jesse got together. There we go. Is that everyone? I hope so, I’m tired of typing and probably not making any more sense anyway.
The end.
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