Christ, he shit himself. You know, time was that I would’ve taken this little bundle, upended it like a keg and then see how far I could punt the body. I was good at it too, could kick a dead baby two city blocks if I wasn’t drunk. Instead, I’m taking the baby back to his family and then going off to my almost certain death. “Maybe I should take a leaf out of your book Junior.” I murmur to the infant curdled with one hand against my chest.
But I’m not going to shit myself, not by a sodding long shot. The truth of it is, I like to fight. Hell, I love it, but that can’t be the only reason I’ve signed on to this suicide mission, can it? I’d like to trot some well worn excuse; Buffy, there’s an oldie but a goody. It’d be all too easy to make her my motivation- a noble suicide mission in the name of a beautiful woman I’d loved and lost. I wonder how Buffy’ll react when she finds out that Angel turned his post as CEO of bad guys inc. into an opportunity to kill the board of directors of the apocalypse. As usual, the big poof will get all the credit. Of course, I can blame myself for that being as I never actually told Buffy I was back.
Finally, I’m at the address Angel gave me. Upscale- guess horrible demons know the best real estate agents. I walk to the front door and knock gently, I’m waiting a good few minutes, contemplating on knocking again when a woman opens the door. She’d have been pretty if not for the obvious lack of care for her appearance and the tired stare in her red rimmed eyes. Bollocks, she’s been crying. “Hi.” I begin nervously; suddenly aware of the bloody slashes decorating my face “Amanda, right?” She nods. “Yes.” Her eyes dart briefly to her baby in my arms and I can see the briefest glimmer of hope there. “I’m here to return your son.” She grins, broader then any smile I’ve ever seen. “Jim!” She hollers into the house, all signs of her previous melancholy are gone. “Come here! Our baby’s home!”
I didn’t think humans could move as fast as this man did. He’s at the door in a flash, taking in the sight of his son and hugging his wife tightly. As soon as their embrace is broken she takes the baby from my arms and looks at it with this unconditional love. She’s crying again but it doesn’t make her look worse anymore on the contrary she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Second most beautiful anyway.
She passes the baby to her husband a moment later and hugs me tighter than any one ever has. “Thank you.” She says. The breath from her words brushes pleasantly against my ear. A million cool, de-attached, responses run through my mind but I don’t use any of them. Instead, I just say “You’re welcome.” in a quiet voice. She takes the baby back from her husband and the man extends a hand to me. “Thank you so much he says.” I nod in response and clasp the man’s hand. “The fell won’t come back for him will they?” Amanda asks, for the first time she sounds scared and I realize how much this woman must’ve hated herself these the last few weeks for giving away her son. I merely shake my head. “They’re all dead.” I turn to go, I want to leave these people alone with their child when she calls at me one last time. “Wait, please just tell us your name.”
I turn and face them. “Spike.” I say. For the first time in over 100 years I don’t speak with any arrogance or cocky-ness, just simple pride. Pride in what I’ve done, in who I am. If they think it’s a strange name they don’t show it, the husband puts his arms around his family, ‘Thank you, Spike.” He tells me.
I merely nod again and keep walking away.
Once I’m around the corner I lean against a lamp post and light a cigarette, probably my last one as a solid citizen. Now I realize why I’m doing it- fighting, bleeding, dying. It’s for people like them the circle of the black thorn takes families like that and tears them to bloody pieces. Every demon I’ve killed tonight along with the large number that in all probability I’m going to kill before I die would hurt more people like this. I don’t believe they deserve that so I’m going to do as much as I can to stop it. If that means dying then so be it.
I’ve started walking again and the cigarette’s reached the filter faster then I thought. Fuck it, I light another one and fill my dead lungs with smoke. I’m grinning to myself now, glad it took me only two years to figure out what Angel needed 100 to get.
Angel.
It kills me to admit it, but the bastard knew what he was talking about. To be a champion is to pick up a cross and never put it back down until you’re nothing but ash. Before I left to go to Italy I told him he could have this destiny, regardless of how little he deserved it. I was wrong on both counts. I don’t want it to be just his, and he deserves it just as much as I do. The way I figure it, once this is over we’ll be dust in the same wind. And that’s the way it should be. When this is over, each and every one of us is going to be a bloody hero, and I’m not being the least bit arrogant when I say we deserve it.
Well that’s that, I’m drawing near the alley now. It’s time to die. Funny how ok I am with that, but there’s one thing I need to do first. I pull a cell phone out of my pocket and dial the number Angel gave me. I’d been gearing up for a fight to drag it out of him and words can’t describe my surprise when he’d merely said “Ok” the first time I asked and gave it to me. Really must be sure he’s going to die.
I wait, with every single ring the knots in my stomach tighten and the urge to just hang up grows stronger. Then she picks up. “Hello?” I’d imagine Angel’s have a voice like Buffy’s. That single word is powerful enough to send chills down my spine. “I love you.” I tell her quickly. As I’m hanging up I can her say. “Spike? What-” I crush the plastic phone in my hand before she can call back, I’ve said what I had to. I can hear Angel coming now. I smell the blood in the air, his and Hamilton’s along with the scent of a thousand angry beasties coming right for us. It’s going to be a flood. I grab my sword a little tighter and get ready to step into the light, reflecting on something I told Buffy years ago.
“Always knew I’d go down fighting.”
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