NOTE: This story was written before the finale, so none of the events in the finale have happened. (Angel is still evil.)
As I creep through the woods, I am lucky that there is a full moon out to guide my way. My thoughts are dark enough to dim this small light, though. I think of everyone. All the ones that have died.
First, Jenny. It must have been horrible for her. She knew she was probably going to die when I showed up at the school. I think that’s why she saved the disk. Hid it. So that, maybe there would be a chance for them to help me even after she was gone.
Next, Willow. She had been walking home from the Bronze. It was a full moon, as it is tonight, so Oz was not with her. She was walking, somewhat frightened, down the street on the way back to her house. She had wished Buffy was with her, but Buffy had decided to stay home. I can still remember the fear in her eyes as I drained her blood. But I wasn’t stopping there. No, that would be too easy for her. And too easy for the others. I practically forced her to drink my blood. She cried more than I’ve ever seen anyone do. It must have been so hard for Buffy to finally stake her. Poor Buffy.
Then, Xander. He was so easy to kill. Mourning in the loss of Willow, all I had to do was sneak up to his bedroom window late at night. I scratched on it or something and he opened the window to see what was out there. I grabbed him by his neck and hung him with a rope I had brought with me. He didn’t even put up a fight. It was actually almost more like he wanted to go. That is the one thing that gives me consolation now.
After Xander, there was Oz. Werewolf boy was at the Bronze with Buffy. Not actually going out—just as friends. They were talking about Willow when I showed up. Just to make them mad, I jumped in the middle of the conversation. I said, "Oh, her blood tasted so good." They both jumped up from the table and chased me outside. I led them to the warehouse were Spike and Dru used to live before it almost was demolished. There were still remains of it though. I held Oz there, tied him up, and burned him alive. The look of horror on Oz and Buffy’s faces was—well, horrible. But I reveled in every minute of it.
Next, Cordelia. Buffy, Giles, and Cordy—all that was left of the Slayer gang—were at the library. They had found the disk that Jenny saved and were trying to get past the password. They needed Willow for that. I got some of the rest of the vampires to come and help me. They crashed in all the windows and kept Giles and Buffy busy while I turned to Cordelia. With the knife I had brought with me, I began to stab her. Not quickly, in the heart. That would’ve been too easy for her. I started in the stomach. And then legs, arms. She had fainted by the time I finalized it with her heart. It must have been so painful.
Giles was a different story. He put up the greatest fight. He was used to training with Buffy, so he wasn’t actually in that bad of shape. It was Jenny who really got to him, though. I started talking about her. Telling him exactly what it was like to kill her. How good it felt. Anything to make it harder on him. I had a basin full of water. I held his head under there long enough so that I was sure he wouldn’t be waking up. I once read somewhere that drowning is the worst way to die. I think that’s why I chose it for him. But I was only building up for my grand finale. Little did I know that Buffy, this angry, powerful Slayer, was building up a plan, too.
I went to the library on her eighteenth birthday. It had been a year since I changed. I can’t believe she lasted that long. The irony of it still surprises me now. I was so cruel to her. I charged right in, no one else with me. She was sitting at the computer. I figured she was still trying to figure out Jenny’s disk. They had only found it a month before. I had held off too long before killing Giles and Cordy. I needed to have everyone out of the way for Buffy’s eighteenth birthday.
I charged in and she looked up at me. Softly, she began to chant. I didn’t know what the hell was going on. She obviously had this chanting thing memorized because she slowly moved away from the computer and locked the door I had just come in from. Only then did I realize that all the doors were now locked and surrounded by garlic, crosses, and holy water. I was trapped. I snarled and lunged towards her. I was going to do what I had come there to do. Nothing was going to stop me.
She had stopped chanting. I knew from my previous experience that it would take a few minutes for the ritual of restoration to actually work. We struggled for a while, then I pinned her down. I held her shoulders down to the ground and straddled her body with my legs. She was fighting the whole time. Then I did something that I will never be able to forgive myself for. I raped her. She was crying the whole time. She kept saying, "No, Angel, this isn’t you."
After I was done I felt the good Angel start to take over. This was no good. I had to kill Buffy. Here. Now. I sunk my fangs into her neck and drank. I am ashamed to say that, even now, the taste of her blood does something to me. I lay on my side, convulsing in pain as the soul returned. Finally, I was Angel again. I looked at her tearstained face—she was still alive, but barely—and saw her faintly smile. She looked up into my eyes and did something I will never understand. Quietly, she whispered, "Angel, I love you." Those were her final words.
Now as I step out into the clearing where I buried her body, I feel fresh tears start to run down my face. How many times I have cried since I regained my soul, I do not know. I sit down by the lone grave—the others were buried in a real cemetery—and lean against it.
"Well, Buffy," I whisper, "I’m here. I want you to know something. I never really stopped loving you. Even when I was killing off all of your friends. I guess our love is something most people wish to have. If they only knew how much pain comes with true love, I don’t think they would want it anymore." I look up at the sky. I have about five minutes. "I always wanted to watch the sunrise with you. And now, here, I have that chance. If vampires go to heaven, I hope to see you there. If not, well, I’ll never forget you. You are a part of my soul, Buffy." I pause and take a deep breath. The sky is getting lighter. In a few moments, the sun should be able to be seen and I will be gone. "I love you Buffy. And I never did forget you." As I see the sun peeking over the edge of the trees, I whisper one last plea. "Forgive me."
I feel excruciating pain, then—nothing. I look and I see Buffy. She’s standing there all in white and looks more like an angel than I could ever hope to be. She reaches out for my hand and I take it. Then she smiles. I walk to her and we kiss. Then, as we walk off to eternity, she whispers one thing that I will never forget. "You were already forgiven."
THE END
