Disclaimer: I own no characters but Grady. This is just my version of what I would like to happen at the end.
Author's Notes: Please send feed back
Finally--
Angel looked around his lonely apartment one last time. "This is it.." he thought to himself. He closed his eyes and let all the memories of Sunnydale and his life with Buffy wash over him. The first time they met, how their love grew for one another, their night of passion, to the anguished he caused her. Tears filled his eyes as memories of Angelus’ hate for Buffy flowed through his head. He remembered the hell and torture he had gone through watching what Angelus did to her and not being able to help. Angel tried to put all the grief and guilt of that behind him, but knew he couldn’t. He needed to find redemption, he needed to find peace, and the only way he would find it is if he left her. Buffy represented what he did not deserve. She was good and pure; he was the lowest of all demons. Buffy didn’t deserve all the pain he caused her. Angel wanted to maker her happy, but before he could do that, he had to make peace with himself. Leaving her was the only way to do that. He knew that her mind understood; it was her heart that was having trouble.
When he told Buffy he wasn’t going to say goodbye; he felt so low. She deserved a goodbye and a better explanation than the one he gave her in the sewers. She deserved so much more. "I just can’t leave her like this." He said aloud. Angel respected and loved Buffy too much to leave her without giving her a decent goodbye or explanation. On that thought he jumped grabbed his coat and started walking over to the Summer’s house.
* * *
Finally--
Buffy sat alone in her room staring at herself in the mirror. She had survived many things in her life. The Harvest, the Master, Angelus, even the Ascension, but she did not think that she would be able to survive this. She told herself that she wouldn’t cry. She understood his need and wanted to be supportive and helpful-- if only it didn’t hurt so damn bad. Blinking rapidly she tried to take her mind off of Angel and their life together, looking around her room for something to do her eyes fell upon her jewelry box. As she walked over to it she immediately saw the ring that Angel had given her. The memory of that moment brought a smile to her face. It seemed like years ago now. The ring symbolized so much more than what Angel had told her. This ring was a symbol of their love and it symbolized the bond between them. A bond that she knew, no matter what, could never and would never be broken. Buffy never told anyone but she had secretly worn it everyday. Pinned beneath her clothing always close to her heart, because that is who Angel was and what that ring and their love represented her heart. Turning away, all the fear, love, and anguish started to come flooding out. She couldn’t stop crying and at the moment didn’t want to stop it. How could she go on with out her heart? She tried once before and was just a shell of a person. She didn’t think, no she knew, that she couldn’t go through that again. All of the pain and the heartache were just too much and she had nobody to talk to who would understand the intensity of her feelings. There was nobody now and she just didn’t know what to do. Buffy picked up the ring and clutched it tightly in her hand and looked out her window in to the night--
* * *
Finally--
As Angel got closer to the house he noticed that all the lights were off except the one in Buffy’s room. Then he saw her, standing in the window, staring off into the night. She looked so beautiful with her blond hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. He knew if he got any closer she would see him and he just wanted to savor this moment and let her image burn in his mind for him to carry around until they met each other again.
Buffy couldn’t see Angel but she knew that he was out there and looking at her; she could feel him. Tears started to coarse down her face again. "He came to say goodbye-- ." She thought. Turning she shut her light off and walked downstairs to greet the sorrow that was to come with this visit.
Angel saw her turn and shut her light off. "Better this way." He thought to himself. "I don’t think that either one of us could emotionally handle another devastating goodbye." He turned around to walk away and stopped, she was outside; he could feel her. Turning around he saw her standing in the front door. His breath (if he had) caught in his throat. This was it. It was time to face each other; they both spoke each other’s name at the same time. Then there was silence.
"Buffy-- I know-- I know this is hard but I have to do this. There is no other way." "I can’t go on being happy with you and loving you and not understanding how I got back here or even why." His voice broke. "For my sanity and peace of mind I need this. As much as I hate leaving you, leaving my heart and true soul, there is no other way." "I am so so sorry, but I promise you one day, one day we will be together again." There was such conviction in his voice that he hoped that she believed him. He needed her to believe him. He was coming back to her, no matter what, if she would have him and he was going to be everything she had ever hoped and wanted.
Just then a strong wind blew and a blinding light fell from the sky. The image of a young man appeared. He resembled Angel in many ways. He looked a little older and stockier than him but the resemblance was there in the eyes and in the facial features. Angel looked at the man hardly believing his eyes "Grady? Is that you?" He asked with a trembling voice. This was a mistake Grady could not possibly be standing in front of him right now at this very moment.
"Aye little brother, tis me."
* * *
Finally--
Buffy gasped. Angel knew who ever or what ever this person was and he was acting very strange. He was pacing back and forth rapidly and repeating to himself that this couldn’t be happening, not again. Buffy was at a loss, she didn’t know what to do or what to say. So being Buffy she said the first thing that came out of her mouth. "Who are you?"
"Grady is the name and I must say I have not seen a sweet lass like you in a long time." He told Buffy with a flirtatious voice and a gleam in his eye. Angel finally gaining composure spoke. "Well I see that some things never change brother."
"Brothers?!" squeaked Buffy. "I see the resemblance but I thought that this was a long lost cousin or something." "Angel" she said turning "you told me that you -- .you know..."
"He did lass, he did. I was not quite happy about that fact that I was sent here to help the man who murdered me, but it has been a long time and I think that I am over it." "Tell me brother, how have you been?"
"I’ve been...here to help me? Why?" Angel replied putting his guard up for whatever this mysterious vision was up to.
"Well it seems Angel that there is someone or shall I say something up there that is on your side and fighting for you. The Powers That Be see the good in you and want to help but are a little weary. You have shown weakness before and therefore you have to be tested to show them that you can be trusted. That is where I come in. All the times when we were younger and I used to help you and be there for you. That is why I am here now. For one night you will be shown what will happen if you succeed this to prove yourself. That way you know what your reward will be, and it will give you something to keep you going and to help you resist temptation about taking the easy way out. If you fail though, The Powers will take your life from you and your soul will rest in hell for all eternity." No emotion flickered on Grady’s face as he spoke. No matter how many times he had rehearsed this speech, the real deal was not easy. Telling the brother who he had cherished, the brother that was weak, the brother that had killed him, that he could have what he dreamed or he could die, was the hardest thing he ever had to do. "Well Angel, do you accept?"
Buffy listened to Grady, and watched Angel’s face. He was an emotional wreck. She knew when she first came outside that she probably could have persuaded him to stay. Now with this challenge in front of him she knew what she had to do.
* * *
Finally--
"He accepts!" Buffy yelled. Her heart was pounding, she knew with her whole heart that this would be hard for Angel but he could do it. He could survive and his greatest dream would come true, and so would hers.
"Buffy...what, what are you doing?" asked Angel with a puzzled look on his face. Looking at Grady he replied, "this is something I have to think about. I can’t answer a question like that right away. I need time."
"I am afraid time is something you don’t have brother. I am only going to be here for another minute. Then I have to go back. When I go back though, it is to say goodbye up there, or down here. This is your one and only shot man. Are you going to take it?"
Buffy grabbed Angel by the arm and pulled him aside. She knew that this was hard for him. He needed help and guidance and she was going to be the one to give it to him. "Looks like the roles have reversed here huh?" She told him with a half sad smile on her face. "It is time for me to be the level headed one and give you advice." With a deep breath she looked him right in the eye. "I think that you should go and do this."
"What!" he exclaimed. "Buffy, you can’t be serious. What if I can’t do this, what if.."
"There are always going to be what if’s Angel." "What if you don’t go through with this huh?" "You could be giving up the greatest gift in your life." With tears welling up in her eyes she finished her speech. " Angel I love you, and I think this is the only way that we can ever be together. Go through this and show how brave and strong that you have become. Then come back to me. Wherever I am, whatever I am doing. I will be there for you. I will wait for you."
"Buffy, if I fail-- "
"Sssh." She whispered. "You won’t fail. Our love won’t let it." "I won’t let it." "Angel, no matter what you feel or believe about yourself-- you are good. I know that you can do this." Standing on the tips of her toes she kissed him softly on the mouth. "I believe in you, I always have." She whispered to him.
He pulled her close to him wrapping her in a fierce hug. "I love you so much." "I promise I won’t let you down." He kissed her again, as if to reassure himself that this was really happening. "We will be together someday. I know it will happen, it has to happen Buffy." Taking a deep breath he turned around and faced Grady.
"I accept."
* * *
Finally--
"Excellent! I knew that you had it in you little brother." Grady smiled. Looking at Buffy he asked her, "Do you mind if I have minute alone with my brother?"
"Sure, I’ll just go be-- over there" She pointed to the porch swing. "Yell if you need anything."
"Ok Angel here is the deal" Grady explained. "For tonight and only one night you get a taste of your sweet reward. In 5 minutes you will be human with your vampire strength until this time tomorrow night. You will have the strength and the healing power, to help your ladylove fight, but you will bleed like her and breath like her. Essentially you are to become the male slayer."
Angel could not believe what he was hearing. This was his dream come true. To be human and to be able to protect her and watch her and to help her fight the evil that had always been her lone duty.
"In 24 hours," Grady continued. "You will revert to being a vampire, and I will come back for you here at this very spot to guide you. I tell you brother, it is not easy, but if you believe and you are strong you can survive. There is a downside to all of this. I wanted to tell you this, without her here. It would be best if this came from you in your own words." Grady looked at Angel, "You cannot see her again after tomorrow until you have proven yourself." Angel shook his head no. "I am serious Angel," Grady continued. "You will be given an update on her and she on you because the Powers know that you two will not be able to go on not knowing about the other and it would affect both of your duties. But there is to be no contact or the deal is off. You have to be able to do this without her being physically there. Can you handle that little brother?"
"I have no choice do I?" Angel looked over to where Buffy was sitting watching them and smiled at her. Buffy was always there to watch over him and he was there for her, she was his Guardian Angel. What worried him the most was, who was going to watch over her while he was gone? Willow, Xander and Giles would do anything for her, but there were time when she took chances and he was the only one there to help. "No," he thought to himself. She will be ok; Buffy has a great future to look forward to. Angel smiled at her; she was his future.
His smile must have relieved some of Buffy’s worry because she sat back in the swing and began to swing in it back and forth.
"So, I’ll see you this time tomorrow night?" asked Grady.
"This time tomorrow night." Replied Angel with a sure voice.
With that Grady walked off into the night.
* * *
Finally--
Angel walked over to the porch swing and sat down. He had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach the spread to his whole body and then it suddenly stopped. He knew that the transformation for vampire to human was complete. He looked over at Buffy and smiled. "Patrol tonight?" he asked.
"For a little while. It has been real slow. Not too much activity going on in Sunnydale these days." She replied. Buffy slouched a little and nuzzled up against Angel. "Wanna come with?"
"For you-- anything." he replied with a grin. Stood up and reached out his hand to her. She grabbed it and hand in hand they went to hunt. They walked along in silence not knowing what to say to each other. Both knew that time was scarce but didn’t know how to handle the situation. After several attempts at a conversation, Buffy and Angel gave into their thoughts.
Three hours and 4 vampires later they found themselves at the Summer’s front door. Not wanting Angel to leave her just yet, she invited him in. "It is still early. Do you want to come in and watch a movie or something?" Buffy asked.
"I would like to come in, but I want to talk." Angel said. Buffy unlocked the front door and let them in the house. "Don’t worry, Mom’s in LA at a gallery that is closing down. She is buying new items for her gallery." She told him.
"Buffy, I think that you should sit down. Let me get out what I have to say before you speak. That way I can get everything off of my chest and let you know my feelings without getting interrupted or sidetracked. Deal?"
"I..ok, I’ll listen." She replied not all to certain she like how this conversation was starting out."Buffy," he looked her in the eye and took her hand, "In 24 hours-- we may not see each other ever again."
* * *
Finally--
"Angel, what...what are you talking about?" she pulled her hand away from his and scooted away from him. " Are you running away? I don’t understand." Buffy replied nervously.
"Buffy, hear me out first ok?" She nodded and he continued. " The deal was for me to spend one last night with you to say goodbye until we meet each other again. This time tomorrow night I will be leaving you for who knows how long." "What I am trying to say is that -- -- I don’t want" his voice breaking "I don’t want you to wait for me. I want you to go on with your life. Be happy. I want you to love and go on with your life. When I am finished, I will get in touch with you to see how things are. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up and me let you down." Then he added "Again."
Buffy stood up her eyes blazing with anger. "Are you quite finished?" she asked him, keeping a tight reign on her emotions. She hated it when he talked like this. Buffy couldn’t understand why, after all that they had been through together, that Angel would even think that she could love or want anybody else but him.
"No there is one more thing." He said in a whisper. She waited for him to go on but he just stood there looking at the carpet on the floor. "Angel?!" she persisted. He looked at her with all the love and emotion that he had for her and said in the barest of whispers "Buffy-- I’m human for the night."
That news almost floored her but she knew that she had to say what was on her mind. "Can I speak now?" she asked him, her voice more calm then before. He nodded and swallowed not knowing what she was going to do or say next.
" I think that what you told me before is a crock." "Not the human thing. The human thing is great, the best news of my life." She quickly added. " Who are you to tell me that I can’t wait for you? Wait for the man that I love..that I ALWAYS will love." Tears of hurt and love burned bright in her eyes. " I am not a little girl any more Angel." She continued softly seeing his face fall after her declaration. "We have been through so much together, you are my love, my life." "When I said that I would wait for you, I meant it. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Angel, you will do what you have to do and I will do what I have to do. Then we will finally get the happiness and love from each other that we deserve." She stepped closer to Angel and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her action brought his eyes to hers. "Angel" she whispered. "Let’s not argue and get upset about this anymore." She took her hand and placed it on his chest to feel his heartbeat. She looked up and smiled at him, tears filling her eyes once again. "I have dreamed of this moment since I first found out that you were a vampire, and I am not going to let it go by." Turning she grabbed him by the hand and led him upstairs.
"Buffy I don’t think-- " Angel replied hesitantly.
Buffy stopped in her tracks and looked at him. He was so handsome and so perfect and he loved her. She was not going to let this opportunity pass her by. "Angel, you are leaving me in less than 24 hours for God knows how long. I don’t know how I am going to say goodbye to you but I know what I want right now and I am not letting another moment go by." She swallowed "Unless you don’t-- "
He smiled at her and shook his head. How could she think that he didn’t want her? If she only knew all the dreams he had ever had about her, all the fantasies, she wouldn’t be worrying. "It is all I ever dream about." He picked her up and carried her upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door behind them.
* * *
Finally--
Buffy woke up the next morning alone in her bed. She sat up confused. "Oh no! Not again!" she thought. Where was Angel? Buffy remembered this scene all too well and she started to get a deep sense of worry in the pit of her stomach. Then all of the events of last night came rushing back to her and a slight smile touched her lips.
"Is that smile for me?" Angel asked Buffy looked up to see him watching her from a chair across the room, and she breathed a sigh of relief. He was still her Angel. Buffy knew that she looked a mess but she didn’t care. Her one perfect dream was coming true. She had shared a night of love with Angel and woke up to find him still there and still her Angel. "Why are you sitting all the way over there?" she asked.
"I watched the sun come up. It was so beautiful. I was nervous when the first rays of light started to peak over the edge but when I didn’t turn to dust-- I just watched and watched. It has been so long-- " Angel was lost in thought and Buffy did not want to disturb, so she silently got up crossed the room and started to brush the tangles out of her hair.
When she finished she looked over at him and saw that he had regained his composure. He looked at her and held out his arms she sat in his lap and rested her head underneath his chin. He pulled the blanket that was covering him up over the both of them. Buffy looked up at Angel and they smiled at each other. Angel leaned forward and kissed Buffy, she nestled down back underneath his chin. They both fell asleep in each other’s arms dreaming about each other and their future together. Content finally.
* * *
Finally--
"So, Angel, what do you want to do today?" asked Buffy. After they had awakened from their nap, Buffy had taken them both out to a breakfast buffet. She had never seen anyone eat, as much as Angel, but she figured when you have not had real food in over a few hundred years, one tends to get a little hungry.
"I am too stuffed to do anything. Why did you let me each so much food?" Angel whined. He had forgotten how good food had tasted and even admitted to himself that he had gone a little overboard at the buffet, but hey, he was only human.
"We could go to the beach, the park, whatever you wish." Buffy listed. She had called the gang this morning and they were all shocked and happy for the two lovebirds. That is why they understood Buffy breaking their plans. "Angel? Do you want to do or go anywhere?"
"How about the park?" he asked. He had always wanted to see Buffy in the sun and he knew he could not handle all the guys at the beach looking at her in her bathing suit. "We could just sit and watch the world go by." Angel told her. In all honesty though, he really didn’t care what they did as long as they were together. That was all that was important.
"The park it is." She replied. "Let me go get ready and I’ll meet you outside in 10 minutes." She called as she ran up the stairs.
(10 minutes later)
"Angel are you ready?" called Buffy. She was ready to go but no Angel. "Angel? Where are you?"
"Down here!" he called from the basement.
"Angel what are you doing in the basement?" "I thought that you wanted to go to the park."
"I was looking for some clothes to wear. It is a really hot day and leather pants and a jacket is too much." He said while looking through a box of Buffy’s dad’s old clothes. " These look like they will fit." He grabbed the jeans and shirt and ran to go get changed.
"How do I look?" Angel asked when he was all ready.
"Very, very sexy." Buffy thought to herself looking him up and down. The jeans fit well and were snug enough just in the right places. The shirt was a little tight but, hey, that was the style these days. "You look fine." She told him
"Ready?" Angel asked.
The two of them walked out the door to enjoy the rest of the day together.
* * *
Finally--
Angel and Buffy spent all afternoon at the park and the sun had just set when they got home. They both were thinking the same thing. That in a few hours they were going to be separated for a long period of time. The day that they had spent together was bliss, they talked, shared, snuggled, did all the things a "normal" couple does. Today gave them something to look forward to in the future.
They sat together on the porch swing in silence. Angel knew he had to tell her the worst of his news on the whole thing. He just dreaded it so. "Buffy?" She looked at him and smiled. "Buffy there is one more thing I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want it to blemish our time together and that is why I waited until now to tell you."
"What is it?" Buffy asked. She started to put her guard up. They had such a nice day together and she just didn’t want that one memory to be ruined.
"After tonight, we won’t be in contact until my test is complete. That means no talking any writing, no seeing each other. No nothing. We will get updates on each other but I don’t know how frequent that is going to be." "I am sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier but I didn’t want that hanging over our heads for 24 hours. I wanted us to have a normal day together, not worrying about trying to cram maybe years into one day. I am sorry Buffy, for not telling you sooner."
"Angel-- I am glad that you waited to tell me this." She said with a calm voice. Then what he said to her finally hit her. She could not help it she just started to cry. Angel had never seen this side of Buffy before and he was taken aback on what to do. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and held it out to her. She didn’t see the handkerchief all she saw out of the corner of her eye was him holding his arms out. She buried herself underneath his chin and wrapped her arms around Angel so tight and just let out all of her pent up emotions. Not knowing what to do, Angel just sat there holding and rocking her slowly. Whispering to her that he loved her and would always love her.
Sniffling, Buffy sat up and apologized for her out burst. She gave Angel a sheepish smile. "Sorry, that has never happened before," she looked at his soaked t-shirt, "In front of anybody at least." She added under her breath.
He cut her off, "Don’t ever apologize for being yourself. I want us to be able to depend and lean on each other in our times of need." He scolded.
Buffy looked down at her watch and tears filled up in her eyes again. She looked at Angel and saw that he had tears in his eyes also. They both knew that this was it. It was time to say goodbye. Grady was going to be back in less than a minute and separate them. It was the moment they both dreaded and looked forward to.
* * *
Finally--
The blinding light, identical to the one night before, flashed on the sidewalk in front of the Summer’s house and a man’s shape began to take form.
"Hey there little brother!" Grady called out. He saw the somber couple sitting on the porch swing together and knew that the worse for both of them emotionally was yet to come. "Are you ready to go Angel?"
Angel looked at Grady and then to Buffy and then back to Grady. "Give me one more minute to say goodbye." He pleaded
Grady hesitated, then nodded and went to take a short walk around the block.
Angel looked at Buffy. "Well I guess this is it." He held her hand, "I want you to know that whatever happens, I love you. You are the one perfect and good thing in my life. I live everyday for you and for us." He started to cry but kept on talking, "When I first saw you it was like a light had come into my life, a light that had been missing since before I could remember. When you first told me that you loved me, I thought I was the luckiest vampire with a soul on earth." That comment got a half smile out of Buffy. "When we made love for the first time-- "he started to trail off.
"Angel, you remember that night?" Buffy asked softly. It was still a painful, yet sweet memory.
"I didn’t tell you this before but I remember everything. He took a deep breath, "All that we said and did that night. It was the most-- " That night was still hard for him to talk about. He could not find the words to tell her what it meant to him. No matter what he said, word would demean that night.
It was a magical night that had never happened to him before. Buffy had given him the greatest gift he had ever received in his whole life. She gave him her love. Buffy and Angel were both lost in thought over the magic and memories of that night. The words and actions were so loving and soulful, that they both knew that they would find no greater love than each other. Buffy was the first to snap out of her dream. "Angel?" She wanted him to continue. They needed this time to talk because after he left, all they would have of each other would be their dreams and memories.
"I remember everything I ever said to you, everything I ever did to you or your friends. I am so sorry and so ashamed. I never thought that you would ever forgive me. Even if there is still some part of you that..." he couldn’t finish the sentence.
"Stop it. Stop it right now." She told him. "Angel to me that was not you." "I can’t help but separate you and Angelus. It is second nature to me. Yes, it hurt deeply when he taunted me and stalked me and threw our love in my face like it was a joke. But I knew... I knew that it was not you. Angel would never hurt me. He would die for me. You my love, you would die for me."
He looked at her happiness and surged through him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement and he knew that Grady was back. "Buffy, it is time to say goodbye. I have to go." He whispered to her.
They both stood up and wrapped their arms tight around each other. "Next time we do this Angel, you better be human." Buffy joked. "I love you Angel, hurry back to me. I want our life together to begin. I want us to get married, have a family and grow old together." She started to cry again.
"I will come back to you Buffy." He brushed the tears off of her face with his thumbs. "We will be together again. I won’t let you down. But if you do find someone else or you think that..." He didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence; Buffy silenced him with a kiss. A kiss that spoke of all the love she had for him, and a kiss to reassure him that he was all that she will ever want.
"Don’t talk that way." She told him. Buffy put both of her hands on his face and looked into his eyes. "I’ll wait for you no matter how long it takes." They kissed one last time and as Angel pulled away he looked into her eyes and smiled. He kissed her swiftly and started to back away never taking his eyes off of hers. He held on to her hand until he couldn’t hold onto it anymore. She felt him slip something into her hand, she opened her hand, and his ring, and the one matching hers was in it. She noticed that he had pulled her ring off of her hand. She looked up and saw him staring at her from the front gate. He held up her ring, and smiled at her. "I’ll be back to switch them soon! I love you!" he called out. With a smile wave he was gone, leaving her all alone.
* * *
Finally-- (5 years later-- )
Angel was bleeding from head to toe. There was not a part of him that did not ache, but he knew that he couldn’t stop now. There were just too many of them and he was all by himself now. They had killed Grady right in front of his eyes, the grief and anguish he felt was replaced with rage. That rage had given him a boost and he had taken more of the warrior demons out. But they kept on coming, he didn’t realize how many of them there was, he was all by himself and he knew, that it wouldn’t be much longer before they won and he lost his life.
Buffy was on his mind, she always was, this time though for different reasons. He wished he could have seen her one last time. He had pictures of her, but they weren’t the same. Angel had made her a videotape of himself. It was to be given to her upon his death, he left her everything, all the money he had made, his mansion, everything. He knew that she had gone on with every aspect of her life, every part but her love life. She had dated from time to time but nobody that stuck. He was happy for that and yet sad at the same time.
One of those guys could have made her truly happy, and now she was going to grieve for him, he knew he was going to die tonight. But he would die stopping these demons from trying to awaken Acathla once again. The statue may have been destroyed but they had found a way to summon its spirit into opening the portal. He looked around frantically, to find one last thing to stop the demons, his eyes fell upon dynamite. That was his last chance; the miners that used to dig for gold down here had left a ton of it. Angel worked fast and set up the dynamite around the mine, without being seen. When he was finished he went out of the mine to detonate it. Concentrating so hard on what he was doing he did not hear the figures creeping up behind him.
"Angel?" a female voice called out to him.
It couldn’t be he thought. He had not heard that voice in almost 5 years. Angel turned around and saw the face that he loved so much and had not seen in so long. "Buffy" he whispered. Buffy must have seen a movement behind him because she looked up and started to move towards him.
"Angel watch out!" she screamed. She was too late; before Angel could turn around he felt a stabbing pain in his chest. He looked down to see a stake sticking out of his chest, right where his heart was suppose to be. Stunned he fell back landing on the switch that detonated the dynamite. Buffy and Angel heard the explosion and Angel felt relief, he knew that he had stopped the demons and literally saved the world, Buffy and everyone else would be safe now.
"Angel, Angel look at me!" he heard Buffy cry. He looked up to see her crouched over him crying and apologizing. "I am so sorry Angel! Angel! Angel look at me!" Buffy pleaded with him over and over again. Angel looked up at her; they were both crying and he felt himself slipping away. He reached to push her hair back and to touch her face one last time.
"Buffy-- I am so sorry that I failed you-- I love you." Before his hand reached her face. He was nothing but a pile of dust.
Buffy sat there and screamed out his name. Crying hysterically she kept, repeating his name over and over again. "Angel, Angel! I am so sorry, so sorry!" In the pile of ash she saw her ring, the ring he had always carried on him. She picked it up and put it on the necklace she wore next to his. "I’ll always love you." She whispered. She looked up to see Giles, Willow and Xander standing there, Buffy stood up and ran right into Giles’ arms. "He’s gone and it is all my fault." "I killed him."
* * *
Finally--
Buffy looked out the window of the airplane. The pilot had just announced that they would be landing soon; they had been circling the airport for about 30 min. waiting for the morning fog to let up. She had never been to Ireland before, and wished she were here under better circumstances, but she had a favor to do for him. After it sunk in that Angel was gone, she had gone and collected his ashes. She didn’t know what to do with them, so she kept them beside her bed, as morbid as it sounded it made her feel close to him in some way. The tape had come in the mail two days later, as she watched it she cried until she could cry no more. There was her Angel on television telling her how much he loved her and for her not to be sad. He welcomed death he told her. It freed him from all the pain of the past, now he could watch over her and be with her all the time now. He was always with her in her heart and in her mind. He did ask her to do one thing for him, take his ashes to Ireland and scatter them into the sea. He gave her directions to the house that he had grown up in and how arrangements were already made for her. All she had to do was pack and go to the airport. Angel had thought of everything, he bought a ticket for Giles, Willow and Xander, so that Buffy would not be alone.
Buffy missed him so much and she didn’t think she would get over the guilt. She did blame herself for his death. If she had not distracted him, Angel would still be alive. He may have even passed his test, they could have been together finally, if it wasn’t for her.
As the gang shuffled off of the plane, Buffy noticed a man sitting in another aisle with a dark hat and glasses on. Her spider sense did not pick up anything but he disturbed her in a way that she could not explain. They picked up their luggage and headed to the rental car place.
The drive to Angel’s family cottage was only an hour drive. They country side was very beautiful but Buffy didn’t notice a thing. Her heart was too numb and she was back to being that shell of a person she once was. Buffy wanted to be with Angel. It would be so easy for her to leave all of this grief and guilt behind and join him, but she had to be strong, and she was not going to let Angel down again.
* * *
Finally--
When they reached the cottage, they noticed a car parked out in front. Angel had not mentioned in his tape that there would be someone there waiting for them. Buffy told the gang to stay in the car. Of course nobody listened to her and all 4 of them went inside the cottage. Inside a fire was burning to keep out the chill and there was food on the table waiting for them.
"Hello? Is anyone here?" Buffy called out. Poised, ready for anything.
"I've been waiting for you." Replied a deep voice coming from the back rooms. Buffy walked to the room and found the man she saw on the plane sitting in a chair reading a book.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" she asked. He didn’t look dangerous but one could never tell.
"I am here to help you. My name is Karu." He replied
"Help with what? Who are you and why are you here?" Buffy asked.
"I know why you are here and I am to see that it is done right." Karu told her.
Buffy looked at him like he was crazy. She had no idea what he was talking about, but there was no way that she was going to let some strange guy touch Angel’s ashes.
Karu spoke again to all of them this time. "We begin before dawn tomorrow. I suggest that you all get a good rest tonight, we have a lot of work to do and so little time." With that he walked out of the cottage and drove off.
Giles looked around, wishing that he had brought some research materials with him. The name Karu sounded familiar to him, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on who he was.
"Did anyone think that was a little strange? Xander asked
Everyone agreed but Buffy, she was too busy in thought about Karu to do anything.
* * *
Finally--
The next morning before dawn, there was a knock at the door. The only one awake in the house was Buffy. Since Angel’s death she hadn’t been sleeping very well. He was her dreams all the time and the scenes and words that they spoke to each other were so sweet that she dreaded waking up, so she quit sleeping to avoid the painful memories.
Buffy answered the door and there stood Karu. He was dressed in black and silver robes with a large and very old looking medallion wrapped around his neck. Buffy sighed; she was not in the mood for this. When the sun came up she wanted to go and scatter Angel’s ashes alone and give him a private goodbye.
"Can I help you?" she asked him.
"Aren’t you going to let me in?" he replied.
"I wasn’t planning on it." She tossed back at him. Buffy didn’t understand why he just didn't go away. Couldn’t he sense that he was not welcome here?
Karu didn’t go away; with surprising strength he opened the door wider and nudged Buffy aside and walked in. "I know you don’t believe this Buffy, but I am here to help."
"If you are here to help me, you should have been around 3 days ago." She cried. "That is when I needed help."
Karu saw and heard her pain. He was glad that they had chosen him for this special occasion. He had trained a long time for this moment and knew that he was doing right even if so many were against his decision on this. "Buffy, I want you to go out there and scatter Angel’s ashes and give him the goodbye you wanted to give him. I am not here to stand in your way." I do want you to believe me when I say that I am here to help and very soon-- you will understand why and thank me." He smiled at her and held the door open for her.
Buffy eyed him suspiciously. She didn’t want to leave her closest friends alone with this guy, but something told her that Karu was on her side, with that thought she picked up the urn with Angel’s ashes in it and walked outside towards the beach, to say goodbye.
* * *
Finally--
It was a bright and windy day. Buffy looked out on to the isolated beach and was thankful that nobody was about yet. This was a private moment for her and Angel alone. She saw a dry rock right on the edge of the water and went to sit on it. She held the urn tight against her chest. Tears started to run down her face. This was the hardest moment of her life, but she was going to do it for him, he deserved it. She didn’t know where to start, so she just started to talk to Angel like he was sitting right next to her.
"Angel, I-- " she broke. "Be strong Buffy," she thought, he needs this, and it was his last wish. "Angel, I -- I don’t even know where to begin." She closed her eyes and gathered up her strength, she pictured him and continued. "I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for distracting you that day, it was all my fault. I was so surprised to see you that I just did the first thing that came to my mind and said your name. If I had known the consequences I would have kept my mouth shut. I am so sorry, so terribly sorry." She sobbed.
"I miss you so much; I go through the day without knowing what I’m doing or saying. I am so lost without you; I want to go and be with you so bad." She paused and with a sad sort of smile went on, "Death doesn’t frighten me anymore because I know that it is a way for us to be together again. But I know that is not what you would have wanted." She took a deep breath and finished her goodbye. "I know that is not what you would have wanted." Looking around the beach she continued, "it is a beautiful day Angel, you would have loved it so much. We could have-- " She began to cry harder and harder. Lifting the urn she took the top off. The wind was starting to pick up. "Goodbye-- my love." And with that she scattered his ashes into the oncoming wind. "I’ll never stop loving you."
Buffy sat the urn down on the rock next to her, pulled her knees up and rested her head on her arms, and started to sob uncontrollably.
In the cabin Buffy’s closest friends watched from the window. Willow was crying on Xander’s shoulder, Xander had tears in his eyes and Giles just stared. He knew how hard it was to say goodbye to a loved one. The Scooby gang heard chanting from the back room and went to investigate. What they found was Karu chanting in Latin. Both Giles and Willow were trying to keep up with the translation but he kept chanting faster and faster, and then a blinding light knocked them all to the ground. When they looked up, Karu was gone.
* * *
Finally--
A flash of light caught Buffy’s eye, she looked up and turned around and saw nothing. "I must be going crazy." She thought to herself. Calming down she looked up towards the sky and whispered, "goodbye." She hoped Angel was looking down upon her; she smiled to the sky, a smile that was meant for him. She sighed and climbed off the rock and started to walk back towards the cottage. That is when she sensed someone. She turned around and there was nothing behind her. She looked the other way and saw nothing. "I am defiantly losing it." she thought. She walked towards the cottage with her head down. She didn’t want people to see that she had been crying; it was none of their business.
As she got closer to the cottage she got the feeling again. This time she looked up and saw a man walking on the beach near the rock she had just left. He was walking towards the cabin. "It can’t be." Buffy thought to herself. She started to walk back towards the rock and the man’s image grew clearer and clearer.
"Angel?" she whispered to herself.
"Buffy!" he yelled out to her.
"Angel!!" She started to run towards him and he towards her. They flew into each other’s arms, hugging and kissing each other. "Angel-- how is this possible?" she said between kisses.
He couldn’t stop kissing her but people were starting to stare at them. He pulled away and grabbed her hand. " Let’s go inside, I’ll explain everything inside. People are starting to stare." He started to lead the way back to the cottage. Buffy looked around the beach and did see people staring at them. She smiled at them and turned bright red. She picked up the pace of their walk and they went inside the cottage.
Inside 3 very confused friends met them. They had all seen what had happened on the beach and the ritual that Karu performed. Now they all wanted an explanation of what happened. They all welcomed Angel back and he sat them down and began to explain.
* * *
Finally--
Angel sat next to Buffy on the couch and held on to her hand. He couldn’t believe that he was back and now that he was, he was not letting her go. "I know that you all think that this is all very strange." He continued. "But I want you to know that I am back, I am not evil, and I am not a vampire." "Like the Powers had said before, I pass the test I essentially become the male version of the Slayer. There is only one like me and when I die, there will never be one like me again."
"Angel?" Giles asked, "How did this all happen?"
"Well after I was staked." Buffy winced at Angel’s declaration. He looked at her. They both had a lot of talking to do later in private. He continued on "After I was-- you know-- I was in some sort of Limbo. That is where I met Karu. He was the one who had decided my fate. He said that I would have to be in that state for about 48 hours. He was bringing my case in front of the council. I was told I could communicate with Buffy, through her dreams, but since she hasn’t slept a wink in 3 days, she had no idea what was going on." He looked at Buffy and frowned. "Last night I was told that I was coming back to life today. Karu explained that he had shown himself to you and knew that he was doing the right thing. He said that the Slayer’s love for me was so strong that it would cost her, her life if I didn’t live." "So, this morning Karu left me and went to speak with Buffy. I watched the whole thing take place, even her goodbye to me. When Buffy scattered my ashes, Karu began the chant that would bring me back to my human form. I became alive again and you know the rest of the story.
"Where is Karu now?" Giles asked.
Angel told them that Karu only show’s himself when he is needed. Karu went back to his world and would not be seen again. Angel looked at Buffy and pulled her closer to him. She rested her head against his shoulder, and closed her eyes. Angel gathered her even closer in his arms and kissed the top of her head. The gang seeing that Buffy and Angel wanted to be alone started to drift into their rooms. They had decided to go sight seeing all day and leave the lovers alone to talk.
"Angel-- " Buffy spoke. "We need to talk."
"I know-- " he replied. Give me an hour, there are just a couple of things I have to take care of." He handed her a piece of paper. "Meet me there in one hour." He gave her a hug and a long kiss. "One hour." He reminded her.
"One hour." She told him.
* * *
Finally--
One hour later as Buffy promised she showed up to the address Angel had given her on his note. It was a massive almost castle looking building. It was the most breathtaking building she had ever seen. She didn’t see any cars or anything out front, so she didn’t think Angel was here yet. Over to the left she saw a pond with lots of trees, so Buffy decided to go and sit over there to wait for him.
As she got comfortable underneath a tree, she looked at her watch. "One hour huh?" She leaned her head up against the trunk of the tree and closed her eyes. She must have fallen asleep; because when she woke up she was lying in Angel’s lap with the most appetizing picnic lunch in front of them. Buffy looked up to see Angel in the position she fell asleep in.
His eyes were closed. Not wanting to wake him, she slowly sat up and rubbed her eyes. Having not slept in 3 days tends to make one tired, Buffy wondered how long she had slept, and she looked at her watch 3 hours!! Angel must have been waiting for me to wake up he is so sweet, she thought to herself. She wanted to study him for a moment before; when they used to take naps together, he was always awake before she was watching her. Now she wanted to do that to him, careful not to wake him she leaned closer to study his handsome face. It was a face that no women could resist, no woman in over 225 years to be exact. His nose was a perfect and shape and his lips-- those lips were so kissable. Not being able to help herself she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. When she opened her eyes, she found a pair of soulful brown eyes staring right back at her.
"Oops...I didn’t mean to wake you." She said, embarrassed to be caught.
"I didn’t mind, in fact I would appreciate it if you would always wake me up like that" he teased.
She looked around at the food on the blanket. "You hungry?" she looked at him and smiled. Angel looked at Buffy, his Buffy, and hopefully after today she would always be his.
"I am hungry Buffy, but the food can wait." He told her. She looked at him and knew that he wanted to talk.
They both looked at each other and knew that they had a ton of explaining to do. "Buffy..." Angel started "why didn’t you go on with your life after I left? I am thankful now that you didn’t but I know how unhappy you were." "Why did you wait for me?"
Buffy looked down at her hands. She couldn’t believe Angel was saying this. He wanted her to find someone else? He was only being with her now because she waited for him? Was him coming back to her like some sort of payment for her duties and loneliness for the past 5 years? Angrily she stood up, and walked away.
* * *
Finally--
Angel started at Buffy’s backside as she walked away. "What did I say wrong?" he thought to himself. She walked over to the other side of the pond and sat down close to the water. She looked so devastated and angry when she left. Angel was very confused at the moment and didn’t know if he should go over and talk to her. It didn’t take him to long to make up his mind as he got up and walked over to her.
Buffy heard Angel walk up behind her. She had made up her mind that if he walked over here and told her that he did love her she would swallow her pride and tell him everything. "Buffy-- " Angel whispered, "I’m sorry if I upset you, I just wanted to know why. You know that I love you more than life itself, I just want you to be happy."
"What makes me happy is you." She told him. "When you asked me why I didn’t get into a relationship during those 5 years was because none of the guys that I dated made me happy. Angel it was you that got me out of bed every morning, and it was you that kept me going. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this but you are all that I want, all that I will ever want. I missed you so much during those years apart, but I went on because I knew that everyday brought us closer to being together."
"I heard all about the dangerous situations that you were in and it scared the hell out of me." She confided to him. "You don’t know how many times I almost beat your whereabouts out of the messenger. I wanted to help you so bad, but that would not have been good for either of us. "Angel we belong together and the sooner you get over your insecurities about that, the better off we will both be."
Angel stared at Buffy; she had never talked to him this way before. "So much has changed in 5 years Buffy." He told her softly. "We can’t go back to way that things were before you know."
Buffy nodded her heart dropping. "He doesn’t want to be with me anymore." She thought to herself.
Angel continued. "We have both done a lot of growing in the past 5 years and we both know that there is only one thing left to do." Buffy swallowed hard, "this was it?" her conscience screamed. Tears filled up in her eyes. There was always hurt whenever her and Angel were together, maybe this was the way to make it all stop.
"Buffy, I think you know what I am going to say, and I am hoping that you will agree with me. I know we have been through a lot together and I truly believe that this would be the best thing for us."
Buffy stood up; she didn’t think she could hear this. She started to feel nauseous, she looked around for a safe haven but there was none.
Angel kneeled as if he thought differently about standing up and he kept talking. "Buffy, I want us to be together forever. What I am asking is-- well-- " he smiled at her sheepishly.
"Buffy Summer’s will you marry me?"
* * *
Finally--
"What?" Buffy exclaimed. This was not what she was expecting to hear. No, she thought that Angel was going to tell her that it was better for both of them if they stayed away from each other. She couldn’t believe it; she shook her head to see if she was hearing voices or if this was really happening.
Angel saw her shake her head and took it as a negative answer. "Oh-- I see." He said. Feeling as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest he stood up. "I was wrong." He told her. He looked down towards the ground so she couldn’t see the tears in his eyes.
"Angel-- " Buffy called to him. "Angel I haven’t given you my answer, I was shaking my head because I thought I heard-- " "Ask me the question again." She told him and gave him the brightest most beautiful smile that he had ever seen.
He smiled back at her and got down on one knee. Taking her hand in his, he asked her "Buffy Summers-- I love you heart and soul. You would make me the happiest man alive if you would marry me and be my wife."
Tears filled Buffy’s eyes as she looked at Angel. "Yes." She whispered to him. She started to cry and laugh at the same time. Angel stood up and hugged her tight. "I never thought this day would happen." She confided in him.
"You didn’t think this day would happen, I never thought this day would happen." He teased. They had been through so much together. Neither could believe that this was happening, they were finally going to be together forever. This was happiness that was a long time in coming and they both deserved it.
"Angel?" Buffy whispered.
"Hmm-- ?" he replied as he nuzzled her neck
"I love you." She told him
Finally free to be with her and love her, Angel smiled at Buffy. Placing his hands on either side of her face, he tilted her head up to his so he could look into her eyes. "It took me 225 years to find you, the greatest and first love of my life. I loved you before I even met you. You are my life, my heart and my soul. I will love you forever." Tears filled up in both of their eyes. He finished his declaration of love simply with "I love you too.” Angel and Buffy stood there looking into each other’s eyes for what seemed like hours. They had both found the love and happiness that they deserved from each other… Finally.
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