A Fear of Falling
by Tansy
Nothing belongs to me- it's all Joss Whedon's, the WB's, and all those corporate exec types that won't share. The song lyrics are from a song titles "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy" on a CD of the same name by the fabulous Sarah McLachlan.
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Buffy sat by herself at the small, round table, awaiting the appearance of Willow and Xander. She stirred the glass of Coke around with the straw, making the liquid swirl in circles. The expression on her face didn't bode well for any adventursome person looking for a dance, and the guys wisely steered clear of her. Out of the corner of her vision, she thought she saw Him, but when she turned to look in that direction she didn't see anything but more crowds of unfamiliar faces. Sighing, and telling herself to get a grip, Buffy turned back around to the table just to hear a beautiful song start. She was so caught up in the listening to the music that she didn't hear, or even sense him walk up behind her. A light touch on her shoulder caused her to jump a mile, and she turned around with a rebuke on her lips. One which promptly died when she looked up into Angel's handsome face. He leaned forward slightly and murmured in her ear.
"May I have this dance?" His eyes looked as though he were afraid of the rejection which he was sure would come.
Buffy felt her own fears and insecurities bubbling to the surface, the way they always did when she was around him. "Sure," she said, not really believing that her voice didn't squeak as it left her throat. Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she for a moment she felt that she had made a mistake, but then she remembered the fear of rejection in his eyes and told herself to suck it up. She followed him out to the dance floor, suddenly relaxing in the touch of his hand on hers.
All the fear has left me now, I'm not frightened anymore.
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh,
It's my mouth that pushes at this breath
Once they found an open space in the throng of people, Angel drew her toward him, held her at her waist, and took her hand in his. He then looked down into her eyes as their bodies started to sway to the music.
And if I shed a tear I won't cage it; I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it; I won't fear love.
Buffy listened to the words, marveling at how they echoed her own sentiments over her relationship with Angel. The idea that maybe Angel really cared about her, maybe even loved her, popped up in the back of her mind, only to be firmly squashed by the logical part of her brain.
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