“Sweetie, could you help me get into my pants?” said
Tara, not really trying to conceal her grin.
“Oh, sorry, kind of in distracted mode,” I said trying to come back to earth. Tara had been trying to get dressed on her own for the last few days and was doing well, except for her pants. While her hand rested on my shoulder, and one beautiful leg slipped into her jeans, I tried not to think about what had passed through my mind not too long ago. Of course, I would have to make the trip alone. No one else is going to do it. Certainly not Xander, Prince of Tactlessness himself could be trusted. Anya, she is still recuperating and I can’t make Tara take the trip. The thought of Giles doing it, well that’s pretty self-explanatory. Yep, it’s all up to me. Old Faithful.
As I stared at my resolve face reflected in the window, Tara sat next to me and waited.
“Listen baby, I have to leave for a few days. There’s something I need to do.”
“Do you need to pack a bag? Could I help?” I smiled, glad that I didn’t have to explain.
“Actually could you get Dawn to help you? It would be a welcome distraction for her and I’ll only be gone like an hour.” Without waiting for an answer, I kissed her forehead and left.
Twenty minutes or so later, I stood in front of Spike’s crypt. He had warned us to leave him be for a while. I could understand that, really. But this was something I needed only him to handle. There was really no one else. I studied the door. My first instinct was to just go right in. But, considerate spaz that I was, I knocked instead.
“Bugger off, Red,” he shouted from inside. It freaked me out a little that he knew who it was, but I put it aside.
“Spike, please let me in. It’s important. It has to do with Dawn.”
For a moment, there was silence. I opened my mouth to speak again when suddenly the door opened wide and Spike’s hand motioned me in. I walked cautiously past him and jumped when he slammed the door shut behind me. I turned to face him and gasped.
His face was lined with lacerations. Bruises bounded over both his eyes, and his clothes were disheveled and ripped in several places. He looked like a large wild animal had clawed him to pieces. He stood looking at my shocked face for a few moments. Then he motioned for me to sit in his chair. He grabbed a cigarette, lit it, and sat on the cement bench.
“I got into a few fights, Red. What’s this about now?”
“Uh, I was hoping you could do me a favor and stay at the house for a few days, and if it’s not too much trouble, take over patrolling.” I tried to stay focused on him but my eyes wandered over the crypt as I spoke. It was littered with beer cans, empty bottles of Jack and good old Southern Comfort. Cigarette butts were strewn about, some stubbed out, some with ash still attached. Most of them littered the floor where my feet rested. He obviously hadn’t left here in days. Unless his likely frequent trips to the liquor store motivated him some. I glanced up to find him studying me.
He smiled a little and took a deep drag.
“I’m not much of a houseguest Willow. And I don’t think Xander would take too kindly to me shacking up with the little bit.”
“Don’t worry about Xander. I’ll handle him. Besides, he’s still taking care of Anya. I’ll be back before he even knows I’m gone.”
“Gone?”
“I have to go to Los Angeles.”
Spike crinkled his brow a bit. Then he put it together.
“Off to inform tall, dark and broody are you?”
“Yeah. He deserves to know Spike, and I won’t tell him over the phone.”
“Does Glinda know about this?”
“Tara? She’ll figure it out.”
“And she won’t have a problem with the sudden change in the estrogen level?”
“I think she’ll be grateful for the extra help with Dawn, who would like to see you too by the way.”
Spike stared at me, then at the floor. Taking another drag, he spoke through a cloud of smoke.
“I’ll be by after sundown.”
Relieved, I stood as he saw me to the door. I turned to look him in the eye. He looked back startled. I spoke quietly.
“I know you’re in pain. All of us are. But the best we can do is move on, fight, and make her proud. It’s all we can do now.”
He stared at me for another moment before tearing his eyes away. He opened the door for me and stood away from the light. I walked outside and took a breath. The door closed behind me, and I tried to wipe away the memory of the tears about to spill from his eyes.
I took the bus. Xander would have never let me borrow his car without asking a million questions and the car Joyce drove was in the shop. All the while I rehearsed what I was going to say, but rejected everything I came up with. Finally, twenty miles outside L.A., I figured that when I saw him, it would just come out. I stared at the clear night sky, surprisingly beautiful for a night sure to be filled with sadness.
I got off the bus somewhere in the west side of town. Locating a phone booth, I looked up Angel Investigations and found, according to the map that it wasn’t far. I decided to walk. The night was warm and I was armed. Not to mention, Tara had given me a stone to carry in my purse for protection. I walked briskly but casually, trying to fit in with the late night crowd. I stared straight ahead and looked at no one for more than a moment. Turning a corner I kept walking straight like the map had said. I passed more people and finally turned the last corner and saw the hotel on the other side of the street. Relieved I waited for the crosswalk sign to turn. I leaned my head against the cool metal of the corner pole and sighed heavily, not at all enjoying what I had to do. I thought about Buffy and Angel and all of their drama. Years later and it still hurts to think about them. I could only imagine how it must feel to be them. To be so close to true love and never near enough to enjoy the happiness that comes with it all.
The sign changed and I walked across the street. The gate was open so I walked through and around the small garden out front. The lights were on so I figured they must keep late hours with what they do. I closed my eyes and took a breath before pushing through the double doors. My eyes focused to the bright light and the scene before me. The lobby was literally scattered with books. They were stocked as high as my knees in some places and open with scribbled note pads in front of some. I stepped down the stairs and set my bag to the side.
“Hello? Angel? Wesley? Cordy? Anyone here?” My voice echoed through the large room and dead silence answered me back. They must have gone to do a job. I walked to the service desk and scanned the area. There was a mini refrigerator behind the desk. Suddenly parched, I hoped to find some water. Cordelia and her regimented health schedule must have that stocked with water and juice. I stopped before going all the way around. I can’t just walk in and make myself at home! That’s incredibly rude. Then again, after they hear what I have to say, no one will be thinking about a missing water bottle.
Just as I suspected, not only was there water and juice, but also blood in large jars on the bottom shelf. I smiled slightly at the thought of Cordy heating up large amounts of blood in coffee mugs with her nose all wrinkly and the occasional “belch” sound she would probably make. I closed the fridge, opened the water and took a luxurious drink. Walking around the desk again I realized they might not be back for a while. There were a number of couches lining the room so I sat on the nearest one and put the water bottle on the floor.
I sat forward and slouched. Just then, I heard voices. Mixed female and male. One was undeniably Cordy. The other girl was not familiar. Suddenly Angel’s voice broke through.
“Okay, can I say it, I want to say it?” Angel said with glee.
“Say what?”
He pushes through the double door with a dramatic look around and says
“There’s no place like…”
He spies Willow sitting on the couch. They meet eyes.
“Willow?” he says.
Cordy sees her. “What’s…”
I stood slowly, my eyes telling the story of our fallen hero, our love, and my friend. A look, a beat, and the truth snatched him. I watch as his lips quiver and move.
“It’s Buffy…”
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