She stood across the street from Wolfram & Hart and tried to compel her feet to move forward. 'Just go in and say hi,' she told herself. Still, Faith couldn't seem to move.
As she continued to debate what she was going to do, a black Porsche came out of the parking garage and drove past her. However, before it got to the end of the block, it stopped, and as Faith watched it quickly backed up to where she was standing.
'This should be good,' she thought. 'Some fancy lawyer wants to slum it, huh?'
The passenger door popped open. The hand that opened the door quickly retreated back inside, and Faith could have sworn she saw it start to smoke. She peered into the interior, and was surprised when she saw a familiar, battered bleach blond staring out at her.
"I'm off to get completely smashed, wanna come?" he asked her.
That sounded like a great reason to put off seeing Angel so she hopped in. Besides, last she'd heard Spike was supposed to be dead. Surely the fact that a vampire with a soul had come back from the dead required the attention of a Slayer. Not to mention Spike looked pretty beat up, Buffy wouldn't want anything to happen to him, and he seemed like the kind of guy who knew where to find some action.
She got in the car and closed the door. Then she noticed something was wrong.
"Why isn't the sunlight bothering you?"
Spike lightly rapped on the windshield. "Necroplast. Keeps the harmful sunlight out. Should add several thousand to the price of the car, don't you think?"
"I guess," she said puzzled. "So, you been back for long?"
"Huh? Oh, you mean my big exit in Sunnydale. Just got my body back last night." He grinned, "That's a lot of drinking to make up for."
"I hear ya. So, we headed somewhere specific?"
"Gotta get some cash first. Then. . . " he shrugged. "Somewhere they have beer and whiskey."
It was turning out to be an interesting day. Their first stop turned out to be a chop shop where Spike haggled with a lumpy yellow demon until he walked away with a cool hundred thousand dollars all in twenty dollar bills. Turned out there were a lot of rich vamps in L.A. that would pay a lot of money for those necroplast windows, not to mention the value of the car itself.
Afterwards Faith had convinced him to stop by her hotel and use the hotel safe. She'd never seen so much money in her life and she didn't feel comfortable walking around with it and a vampire who'd obviously recently had the crap beat out of him. She was dying to know what had happened to Spike, but those sort of stories were always better over drinks she figured. Even so, he insisted on taking what had to be a couple thousand dollars in cash with them.
Insisted that he had serious drinking to do. When she pressed him on the matter, he admitted that he'd originally been planning to go to a strip joint.
He'd looked at her slyly. "I know a place, has both men and women on the stage, of course none of them are human."
Faith had smiled, "I'm more than game. I even promise not to start any trouble unless someone starts it with us first."
He'd laughed, "Where's the fun in that?"
Faith couldn't help but join in the laughter. Spike was definitely her kind of guy.
When they got there, he wasted no time in ordering.
"Right then, five shots of whiskey, two pints of whatever you call a stout around here, and do you have one of those blooming onion things? No, buffalo wings? Right an order of those then. What are you having?" Spike asked her.
Faith just ordered a Budwieser and was forced to endure a long lecture on how awful American beer was, that didn't end until the scantily clad waitress returned.
Spike downed two of the shots, and suddenly the confident swaggering vampire was gone, and he looked like a school boy. He ducked his head down, bit his lower lip and looked at her through his lashes. Absently his fingers twirled the two empty shot glasses.
"So um. . . Buffy. . . have you. . ?" he began shyly.
"Man, she really does have you whipped."
"Naw, it's nothing like that, we're just friends. Angel's just kind of tight lipped about her. Haven't gotten much news."
"Just friends, huh? Her loss."
Their eyes met for a moment and they both understood that neither of them was going to flirt with the other. Faith relaxed. She hadn't really been aware that she'd been tense, but suddenly Spike was less like a guy. He wasn't going to hit on her, he wasn't interested, and that was okay with Faith. She had nothing to prove, and it was kind of sweet that this guy was so completely wrapped up in a girl, even if the girl was B. Although it made Faith feel sorry for him since Buffy was rather fickle with the men in love with her.
"She's in Rome," she told him. "After Sunnydale she and Dawn went to Europe to look for Slayers."
"Rome, huh? Never figured her for an ex-pat. Um, what about you?"
Faith smiled, knowing he wasn't so much interested, mostly trying to be polite.
"China, Japan, India, lots of little countries I'd never even heard of. Same deal, Robin and I were looking for Slayers."
Spike cocked an eyebrow at her, "Were?"
"Didn't work. Robin's kind of a black and white guy, and I'm not exactly the poster child for purity."
"His loss. You can do better."
"Thanks."
Faith stole one of his shots and an uncomfortable silence fell between them.
"So," Faith began. "Looks like you got pretty thrashed. What'd you do? Fight you're way out of hell?"
Spike laughed. "Wasn't in hell. Not that I was in heaven either. My afterlife consisted of haunting Angel. Bit of a rip off if you ask me. As for the bruises, you should see Angel." He smiled his best cocky smile as he reached for another shot.
Before he could pick it up, Faith had reached across the table, and yanked Spike forward by the shirt.
"Is Angel okay?" she demanded.
"Well, well, well. Don't tell me you have a thing for him, too? No worries, luv. Didn't stake him. Could've, but I didn't."
Faith glared at the vampire for a minute then let him go.
"Let me guess, fighting over B?" Faith said, trying to keep the jealousy out of her voice.
It wasn't fair, Faith thought. How come Buffy had all the studs fighting over her? Faith was way hotter than B, but still the men flocked around her. Buffy didn't even want any of them. People accused Faith of using men, but the way she saw it, at least she was upfront about it. A guy knew where he stood with Faith. None of this soul mate big sappy love stuff.
"Among other things. She's not exactly the first girl. . ." He quickly changed the subject. "But how come you're so protective of the Poof?"
"Angel? He's the one guy who didn't give up on me." Something flashed in Spike's eyes as she said that. "If it wasn't for him. . . well if I was alive, I sure as hell wouldn't be a white hat."
"Gave you a second chance, huh?" he said bitterly.
"Yeah. Third chance too, but who's counting."
"Well, here's to second bloody chances."
Faith grabbed the last shot glass and they toasted before throwing back the shots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Man, did you see the look on the vickrash's face when you. . ." Faith doubled over with a fit of giggles that not only stopped her from speaking, but stopped their forward progress as she and Spike held on to each other for support.
"Doesn't compare with what you did with the hot wing tray. Bloody marvelous bit of slaying that."
Faith had gotten her giggles under control and they continued down the hall; dripping bits of demon ooze as they went and making the sort of noise that drunken people always made when it was three in the morning and everyone else was sleeping.
"Oops, wait, I'm. . . that one!" Faith said as she twirled around her vampire support and lead him back to the door of her hotel room.
After several failed tries with the key card, Faith shrugged, looked down the hall in both directions and then broke the handle on the door. She giggled again, "Guess I don's know my own strength."
Spike snorted as they stumbled into the room.
"Off the bed," Faith snapped at him as he went to sit down. "I don't want goo on it."
Grumbling, Spike plopped down in a chair. Satisfied, Faith headed for the bathroom to strip down and wash up. As she began to peal her gore stained top off, the smell hit her, and suddenly she was bending over the toilet, heaving up the contents of her stomach.
"You all right in there, luv?" Spike called out.
Once her retching was under control she called back through the door, "Five by five."
Not that she really felt that way, but she didn't want the vampire witnessing what a light weight she was. She'd drunk only half as much as him and thought she was twice as drunk. Slowly she got up, finished stripping without throwing up anymore, and got in the shower.
At first the water felt nice, but then it just made her feel worse. What she really needed was another drink. So as soon as she was sure that she was goo free, she stepped out and grabbed two towels, one for her hair and one to wrap around her body. Still dripping wet, she stepped back into the hotel room.
"Your turn," she told her drinking and fighting buddy.
He quickly got up and headed for the bathroom. Faith headed straight for the mini bar and pulled out a beer. Gratefully she sipped it, and decided that it settled her stomach a little.
She dug through her suitcase, found some clothes, and then collapsed on the bed without bothering to further dry her hair.
She didn't remember falling asleep and was unsure of where she was when she first woke up. As she groggily looked around the room her lack of memory began to panic her when she realized she was on a bed with a stark naked vampire. Then the towel fell off of her head, and she noticed that he was lying on a towel, which she assumed had been wrapped around his waist at one point.
Believing that since she was suffering, everyone should suffer with her, she kicked him awake.
"Dude, you have no clothes on."
"Hmm," Spike was obviously having as much trouble waking up as she was. "Oh, um sorry," he said when he realized his undressed state.
He quickly pulled the towel back around himself, which Faith thought was a bit of a pity. She'd been kind of enjoying the view.
He hurried toward the bathroom explaining, "Needed to clean my stuff. Only clothes I have right now."
She ignored him and reached for the phone to order room service and sip the beer she had started last night. He remerged from the bathroom just as she put down the phone.
"Ordered breakfast. Sorry, they don't have blood, but you can share mine if you like."
"Thanks," he said.
She didn't know if greasy food helped vampires with hangovers, but Spike seemed to like to eat human food, so she figured it would be rude to exclude him.
Seeing the beer in her hand, Spike raided the mini bar as well, although he chose hard liquor.
"Damn, that vampire constitution really is something," Faith commented.
He shrugged and looked at the tiny bottle, "Has its downside. Makes me an expensive date."
"Not me," Faith said continuing to sip her beer.
Spike sat next to her on the bed.
"You don't give yourself enough credit. Buffy, now she's a lightweight. Couldn't drink her way out of a wet paper bag."
Faith laughed, "Really. And here I thought B couldn't do no wrong."
However, Faith was glowing as much as someone with a hangover could. So what if drinking was the sort of thing that was exactly up her alley. Someone had told her she was better at something than Buffy. Not just anyone, either; the guy that was crazy in love with her.
"Oh, she can do a lot of wrong, usually to me. Can't hold her liquor though."
"Oh, hey," Faith said rolling off the bed and crawling to her suitcase.
She rummaged through the suitcase until she found a small black book. Then she grabbed the pad of hotel paper and scribbled down a number and handed it up to Spike.
"That's B's number in Rome," she told him.
He stared at it for several minutes, as if it might bite him, then he took it and shoved it into his pocket.
"Thanks."
"No problem. She's gonna flip when she finds out you're back."
"Really?" He looked at her nervously, then said almost too quietly for her to hear, "Did she cry?"
Faith pulled herself back up onto the bed, and squeezed his hand, "Nah, she didn't cry. At least not in front of anyone. Too stubborn you know? Doesn't mean she didn't want to. She really missed you."
"Yeah." His voice cracked a little and he stared down at the blanket as he twisted it in his fingers. "Good," he said a little too forcefully. "Wouldn't want her to. Shouldn't waste her time mourning over the likes of me."
Faith pointedly looked away as he whipped tears away from his face. Before she could tell him how ridiculous he was being, and what a bitch Buffy was, he changed the subject.
"So what brings you to L.A. anyway?"
"Oh, ah, nothing really. Just um, passing through."
He looked at her, making it really clear that he didn't believe her. To her relief there was a knock at the door followed by "Room Service."
Spike got up, paid the guy before Faith could protest, and wheeled in the breakfast. Faith eagerly dug in, and there was silence while the two of them ate.
Finally Faith couldn't take it anymore. "It's a really long story," she said.
"I got time," Spike mumbled through a piece of toast.
She sighed, downed some orange juice, and began. "I'm a killer, you know. Was doing time in prison when Wesley shows up, tells me Angel needs my help. So it's Angel, and I figure what's a couple years tacked on to my sentence for escaping? I mean I really owe the guy. So I break out, help Angel. And I'm always thinking once it's done, I'll go back. But then there's Willow, and she's like, 'Hey, big Apocalypse in Sunnydale, really need an extra Slayer,' so I figure, okay, I owe the Scoobies too. Not like I didn't cause them enough grief over the years, and as long as the world doesn't end, prison isn't going anywhere."
She stopped for a moment to shovel more eggs into her mouth, and sip some coffee.
"You know the next bit. Except, well Robin and I, before it all went down, we got bumpy, you know? And then he takes it all personal when I don't want to go again, and he makes me promise that if we live that I'll give him the chance to surprise me, whatever that means. Anyway, big battle comes, and he gets really thrashed, thought he wasn't going to make it. So I figure I owe the guy at least one more chance.
"But it's not just that. Once the dust settles, little Miss Slayer In Charge starts ordering everyone around, and next thing I know I'm headed to China to look for Slayers, and no one seems to remember that I'm a killer. It's like it never happened."
"But it did," Spike finished for her. "So you came to turn yourself in?"
"I. . . maybe. I don't know. See, thing is. . . when I was trying to stop Angelus we had this backup plan, Wesley and me. Case he got the upper hand. I injected myself with Orpheus and let him bite me."
"Ballsy," Spike said, looking impressed.
"Yeah, well, was really trippin'. Was inside Angel's head. So I'm watching the big battle of the alter egos, and the whole time I'm dying. Angelus is all excited about that, but Angel, he tells me I can't give up, I can't die. I'm thinking, what does it matter? World would be better off without me. But he says that's the easy way out. People like us, we can't give up, gotta keep fighting. Gotta make up for all the bad we did. No rest for the wicked and all. . . "
"Bollocks!" Spike got up and started pacing. "Just like him. Stupid ponce. You were in his head yeah?" Faith nodded. "Were there really two of him, Angel and Angelus I mean?"
"Yeah. Everyone knows that."
"I don't. Don't buy it either. Whatever you saw. See, it doesn't make sense, there being two of him in there. If Angel and Angelus are really two people, and let's not forget about Liam, then what's Angel always whining about? 'Oh, I was so evil. I am going to hell. I can never repent. I must suffer and suffer and never get laid. Excuse we while I go flog myself.'"
Faith snorted at Spike's really bad Angel impersonation.
"The point is. If he's not Angelus, what's he going to hell for? He didn't do anything wrong. The Watchers always claim that when someone becomes a vampire the vampire isn't that person but the thing that killed that person. Makes it easier being a vampire hunter I guess. I don't know about that. And I'm not saying you shouldn't go out and slay vampires. They're evil. No one knows that better than me. Thing is-" He sat down again and looked at her. "I never felt like someone else. I mean, it was always me. Human, vampire, soul, no soul. It feels like it was always me. And Angel, he must feel the same way, otherwise why would he be always going on about how evil he used to be."
"Yeah okay, maybe," Faith agreed. Spike's logic was hard to argue with. "Don't see what that has to do with whether I should go back to jail or not."
"You should talk to Buffy," he said.
"B? Look, I know you think she walks on water or what not. But that's exactly the point. Just cause she tried to gut me like a fish once, doesn't mean she gets what it is to be a killer."
"There was this girl," Spike began. "You know, typical situation, demons, girl in trouble. Except the demons make time go all wonky. Buffy's trying to save the girl, but, things get real confused, and instead of hitting the demon, she hits the girl, and the girl falls down this hill, and she's dead.
"I was there, part of the fight. Real confused like I said. Hard to tell what happened, but there's this body, and Buffy's sure she killed her. And I can see it; see it in her eyes, the guilt, the horror. I didn't get it, before the soul, you know? But I can see it. So I tell Buffy to go home, to take a bath, go to bed. Not to worry about it. And she does, sort of.
"Anyway, I hide the body for her-- well try to. Then I head for the police station, cause I know Buffy, and I know that she'll end up there. Sure enough, there she is. About to turn herself in. I try and stop her. I tell her what does it matter? It's just one life. How many has she saved? It doesn't tip the scales, doesn't make her a bad guy. And all that's true, except that it's not. Like I said, didn't have a soul then, didn't get it. Anyway, turns out she didn't kill the girl. Andrew, and his old mates did, framed her for it. Point is. . .
"Point is, I don't think there's one absolute right and wrong. One rule works for everyone. When Buffy thought she killed that girl, she was, for all intents and purposes, the only Slayer. She had a duty, one she couldn't have done from in jail. But still, if she hadn't gone, if she'd have stayed on the outside it would have eaten her up everyday until she wasn't good anymore, until she wouldn't have known what was right and what was wrong. I get that now, but I'm not sure Angel does.
"He's all about the suffering, he calls it atonement and redemption and a bunch other five dollar words. But what it all comes down to is that fighting is the only way he can live with himself. Jail would have been the only way Buffy could have lived with herself. You got to figure how you live with yourself."
"How do you do it?" Faith asked. "After all, you're part of our little club."
"Yeah. Well, thing is. . . haven't figured that out yet. When I first got the soul, I just thought, maybe I could be of use to Buffy. If I helped her for long enough, I was sure to get killed fighting the good fight, and maybe that would count for something. Well I did, and it didn't make a difference. Obviously wasn't enough, cause here I am again. So. . . I guess I'm still looking."
"Thanks." Faith leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, and next thing she knew she was enveloped in a big vampire hug. The strange thing was, she was okay with that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey, Giles. It's me, Faith. . . Yeah, I'm in L.A. . . No, I haven't seen Angel, staying clear of the evil lawyers. Speaking of lawyers, I was kind of wondering if you could get me one. . . No I haven't done anything wrong. Well lately. . . Why do I need a lawyer? I think it's time I turned myself back in. . . You do? That would be great. Not as if I'm really looking forward to going back. . . Yeah, you guys will be all right though. I mean, I know you're up to your ears in slayers. . . Right. Well, if you need me I should be easy to find. . . Okay, call me when you've got the lawyer. Thanks Giles."
Faith hung up the phone. She and Spike had gone out drinking again. She'd needed more time to think, plus if she was going back to jail, she might as well have some fun while she could. They'd parted ways early in the morning after what amounted to almost three days total of drinking. It was going to be a while before Faith felt fully human again.
But she did feel good. She realized now why things hadn't worked with Robin. Why they couldn't. It wasn't him; it was her. It was that she never felt like she had any right to be on the outside. There were plenty of slayers in the world now. It was a bit arrogant of her to think that they needed her the way Wes had when she'd broken out. Her time with Robin had been stolen time.
Slayer or not, she was human, and she'd killed humans, so she needed to face the law like anyone else. Every day that she didn't finish her sentence she got a little more poisoned. She didn't want to go back to jail, but she knew if she didn't then she'd never really be able to trust herself. Never really be able to believe she'd earned her place as a white hat.
She lay back on the hotel bed waiting for Giles to call back, and for the first time since Sunnydale had gone down, she felt like things were going to be okay.
The End
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