"Robin, hi. I-I didn't expect to see you," he stammered, not quite sure of what to say to his girlfriend.

She raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, obviously. What happened to you last night? I thought you said you were going to call me after Buffy left. You never did. I waited up until midnight."

"Sorry," Angel apologized. "I went to bed really early."

"Oh, okay. I guess I can forgive you."

It felt all wrong to him, having to lie to Robin. Why did he even need to? He loved Buffy, and after what they shared the night before, Angel felt secure that she felt the same way about him. There was no way he could continue to be with Robin if he was going to declare his feelings to Buffy that night. He had to do what he'd meant to do days earlier. "We need to talk."

Robin gazed at him curiously. "What is it, Angel? Is something wrong?"

"We shouldn't do it here, it's not appropriate."

"Who cares where we are? Just tell me."

Angel took a deep breath. "The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, Robin. You're a great person; funny, sweet, nice, pretty and I'm sure one day you'll be able to find a man who can love you. But I'm not him. You shouldn't be wasting your time with me."

"What are you talking about? I'm not wasting my time with you."

"There's no easy way to say this, so I might as well just say it. I don't love you, at least not the way you deserve to be loved. It's not fair for you to be stuck in a relationship with someone who'll never be able to love you the way you should be loved."

Robin didn't say anything for a long time. "So, this is it? You're breaking up with me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "You don't have to apologize, Angel. You found someone else; you love her, right?"

"Yeah…I do. But I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't. It's Buffy, isn't it?" Robin asked.

"What?"

"Tell me the truth. I know it's her, you don't need to hide it anymore."

Angel nodded his head solemnly. She would have found out soon enough. "You're right. I've fallen in love with Buffy."

"Does she know yet?"

"I don't know. She should know, at least I hope she does. But I'm going to tell her tonight." He looked at her expressionless face. "You don't seem shocked or mad or even the least bit surprised by this. Why?"

"Because deep down, I think I knew how you felt all along. Part of me tried to deny what I saw happening between you two, but I pushed it away. I thought 'I'll just give him some time. He'll fall in love with me, I know it.' Then you wouldn't make love to me. Finally, when I told you I loved you the other day and you didn't say it back, the horrible reality of it came crashing down. I knew for certain," Robin explained.

"If you knew I'd never feel the same, why didn't you break up with me? Why put yourself through that?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I wanted to be with you for as long as you'd have me. I was selfish, keeping you away from the girl you really love. But I'm okay with it now. You deserve to be with the one you love. Go tell her how you feel."

"I wish things had worked out differently for us. You were my first real girlfriend," Angel said to her. "I'll never forget that."

"And you're the first man I ever truly loved and lost. Do you think that we can ever be friends?" Robin wanted to know.

Angel hugged her. "Most definitely."

"You slept with her?" Oz exclaimed over the telephone two hours later.

Even though his cousin couldn't see him, Angel nodded. "Yeah. It's not like I planned it or something, it just sort of happened."

"What do you mean by 'sort of'? How did it happen?"

"Come on, Oz, you know how it happens."

"Okay, fine. What precipitated it?"

"She got attacked by a vampire near campus and I helped her calm down. We kissed and one thing led to another. And…and it was wonderful; we made love three times last night."

Oz whistled. "Sounds like you two went at it like the Energizer Bunnies. Nice timing, too, Angel."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, had it happened two days ago, you could have been arrested for statutory rape. Good thing you waited until she turned eighteen."

"You really do think I planned it, don't you?" accused Angel. "Because I didn't."

"No, I don't think you planned it. I'm just saying that you lucked out that it happened when it did. What is gonna happen now? You're still with Robin, aren't you?"

"I broke it off with her this afternoon. I'm sick to death of pretending to be the dutiful boyfriend. But Robin took it well. She knew all along but was waiting for me to admit it. And I did."

"Was it what you expected? Being with Buffy like that?"

"Oh yeah, better than I ever dreamed of. I've had sex before, with lots of other girls, but nothing felt quite like it was with Buffy. I was near heaven for the first time ever. It was weird. I've never been concerned with how the girl felt when we've had sex. It was always about me and making me feel good. This time, though…I didn't care about myself. All I could think of was making her enjoy it. It was perfection, Oz. Every time she moaned or smiled or laughed or cried or even moved, I knew I made her feel that way, I did it. I was her first and I want to be her last. I want to be it all for her."

Oz cleared his throat. "Is Buffy aware?"

"You mean have I told her that I love and want to be with her? No, not to her face. I said it last night, but she was already asleep in my arms. That's where you come in. Oz, I need your advice. How do I tell her?" Angel asked. "How did you tell Willow?"

"Don't go by me. I said it to Willow last June when she woke up from a coma."

"I want to tell her at the Bronze tonight."

"It may be cheesy, but ask her to dance and then tell her. And I mean a slow dance, not a crazy fast dance where you're all over the floor and are crashing into people. In fact, I've got the perfect song. I'll have Devon and the guys play it tonight."

"How did it go with Giles today?" Willow asked Buffy when she arrived at the Bronze. "Did you find out what's wrong with you?"

Buffy nodded. "Every Slayer loses her power when she turns eighteen. It's a test of Slayer strength or something; to fight a vampire without any strength and having to use only our wits. But he said it's null and void now because the vamp I was supposed to fight had to be staked by its captors or something like that. Giles said I should be getting back my strength within the week."

"That's great news. See? You were all worried for nothing."

"I guess so. It's nice to know I'll be back to normal again in a few days."

While Willow told her about the dinner she and Oz went to with her parents, Buffy thought about Angel. He promised to meet her there so that they could talk about what had happened between them. Was friendship the only thing in the cards for them after their passionate night together? Buffy hoped there would be more to it than that.

During the day, she admitted to herself that she couldn't be just friends with him. Long before they'd ever slept together, Buffy had fallen hard for him. Friendship wasn't going to cut it any longer. And she had every intention of telling him so. Only one thing stood in their way: Robin McNamara. Buffy couldn't allow herself to be with Angel as long as Robin was in the picture.

"Earth to Buffy," Willow said, trying to get her attention.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

Willow laughed. "You must have been a million miles away. What on earth were think thinking about?"

'About Angel; being with him. His body on top of mine, kissing me, touching me, making me feel so much ecstasy…' "Nothing really important."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

The redhead looked over at the door. She saw Angel, sharply dressed in black trousers and a while button-down shirt, enter the club. "Hey, Angel's here. Where's Robin? I thought they always came here together."

Buffy whirled her head to the right, catching sight of Angel smiling brightly at Cordelia Chase only a few feet from the door. Her heart fell when the other girl wrapped her arms around him, kissing him firmly on the lips. What made it worse was that Angel seemed to be responding to her.

Tears filled her eyes. 'I never meant a damn thing to him. What was I, just another one of his conquests? I thought we made love; he told me he cared about me. Was it all just a lie to get me in his bed? How could Angel have done this to me? He was supposed to love me, not use me.' Without a word to her best friend across the table, Buffy grabbed her purse and ran out of the Bronze. She breezed past Angel and Cordelia, still locked in their embrace.

Willow chased after her outside, catching up halfway down the alley. She had no idea why she ran away. "What's wrong, Buffy? Why did you take off like that?"

"I have to get out of here, Will," Buffy replied, tears running down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" Then she realized that Buffy had taken off when she saw Angel. "Did something happen between you and Angel?"

"I can't talk about it. I-I have to go home."

"Buffy, what's wrong? Did he do something or say something to you that upset you?"

Buffy let out a sob. "Just what you said he would. I should have listened to you, Willow. I should have taken your advice right from the start. Then I wouldn't be here, crying in the alley over him."

"What are you talking about?"

"He used me!" she screeched. "Are you happy now? I was a complete idiot. I fell for it, the 'I care for you' line he uses. We slept together last night and now he's already moved on to someone else. Cordelia, of all people. I was nothing to him apparently."

Willow shook her head. "No way. He wouldn't do that to you. You're his best friend, he wouldn't treat you like that."

"He would, he could and he did. And do you know what the worst part is? I fell in love with him," Buffy admitted, ashamed.

"Buffy–"

"I can't do this." She took off down the alley, running toward her house. All she could think about the entire way home was how stupid she was for believing that Angel might have felt the same way about her.

Angel took a nervous breath before setting foot inside the Bronze. It was the moment he'd been waiting for for months. His heart raced and his palms began to sweat in anticipation of what would happen. He knew that in the next hour he'd either be the luckiest man alive or the most broken hearted. The outcome all depended on Buffy.

'It's now or never,' he told himself. 'The rest of my life pretty much depends on how Buffy reacts when I tell her. Here goes.'

He walked through the doors, the loud strumming of Oz's band invading his ears. The club wasn't nearly as crowded as he thought it would be, but it was still early in the evening. He stopped just inside the entrance, scanning the building for Buffy. When he found her sitting at a table with Willow, Angel took a step toward them.

Unfortunately, Cordelia Chase blocked his path. "Hi, Angel. Fancy meeting you here."

"Yeah. Excuse me, but I have to find Buffy."

"You know, I got my letter of acceptance from UC Sunnydale this afternoon. Looks like we'll be attending together next year," she told him.

"Congratulations, Cordelia. Maybe I'll see you around campus," Angel said with a smile. He wanted to get away from her as quickly as possible and make his way over to Buffy.

She grinned. "Oh, definitely. You can give me a personalized tour next week if you'd like. Preferably on Friday night around eight, preceded by dinner at a nice restaurant."

He knew what she wanted, and he wasn't biting her bait. "I really gotta get going. Not that I wouldn't love to chat, but I'm supposed to be meeting Buffy. I don't want to keep her waiting," he explained.

"She can wait another minute. Aren't you at least going to give me a congratulatory kiss?" Cordelia asked slyly.

"I don't think that's such a good idea –"

Angel was interrupted by the brunette putting her arms around his neck, bringing her lips to his. She was being forward and she didn't care in the least that he was meeting Buffy. For years she'd been waiting for Angel Osborne to notice her, and she was not about to let the opportunity to kiss him pass her by.

Out of the corner of his eye, Angel caught sight of Buffy running out of the club. He saw the tears falling down her cheeks, and he knew right then and there that she had seen the kiss. Willow was chasing after her. 'Shit. Now I've really gone and done it. I need to talk to her, explain what happened.'

But Cordelia's lips were still pressed against his. He pushed on her shoulders, separating their faces by inches. She smirked. "I know you felt it, too. I have wanted to do that since I was fourteen. Come on, let's dance."

Angel shook his head. "No. Look, Cordelia, I don't know what you think is going to happen or what you want to happen, but I'm setting you straight right here and now. I don't feel anything for you. I don't even like being in the same room with you. Do us both a favor and just keep your distance from me."

"And here I thought you had some taste. You don't like being around me, but you hang around Buffy Summers like a lovesick puppy. You're sick, and you'll always be sick," Cordelia retorted. "Why be with a freak when you can be with me?"

He didn't even bother with a reply. She wasn't worth the effort. Besides, Angel had more important things to worry about, like finding Buffy. He ran back outside the Bronze into the alley. He found Willow standing fifteen feet from the door, staring after Buffy as she ran away from the club.

"What's going on, Willow? Where's Buffy going?" he asked.

Willow turned around, shooting daggers at Angel with a single glare. "Why do you think she's running away? You were kissing Cordelia Chase."

"I never meant to kiss Cordelia. I never even wanted to."

"Why should I believe you? Why should Buffy believe you? I can't believe you would treat her like that. She's supposed to be your best friend and you used her for your own pleasure. And here I thought you'd changed; I even defended you to her. I don't care if you are Oz's cousin, you're a pervert," she shouted at him.

Angel's mouth fell agape. "Buffy thinks I used her?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Not after everything I said to her. This can't be happening, not now. Why is this happening to me?"

"Probably because you brought it all on yourself. You and your hormones," Willow accused. "Not only did you destroy Buffy, but you cheated on your girlfriend. You're such a jerk!"

"I completely agree with you, I am a jerk. And I did cheat on Robin with Buffy, but you are wrong about me using Buffy. I would never hurt her like that."

Willow remained unconvinced by his words. "Well, guess what, Angel? You did!"

"Do you honestly think I wanted to hurt her? I didn't. You have to believe me, Willow. I made love to Buffy, I broke up with Robin this afternoon and I came here tonight with the intention of telling Buffy that I love her. Yeah, that's right, I love her. But I got cornered by Cordelia and she kissed me. I didn't want her to, but she did. If you still aren't convinced that my feelings for Buffy are true, you can ask Oz. He knows exactly how I feel."

She was quiet for several moments. His confession seemed honest; Willow could tell by the look of desperation and pleading in Angel's eyes that he was telling her the truth. "She saw you kissing Cordelia and thought it meant that she was just another one of your one-night stands."

"No. No, I could never do that to her. Being with her last night meant everything to me and then some. She thinks I'm the biggest asshole on the face of the planet, doesn't she?" he asked.

"She's hurt. I think you'd better talk to her and explain things."

Angel nodded. "I'm going to. Did she head home?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Buffy slammed the front door behind her. She was still crying and very much upset after the scene she witnessed at the Bronze. It was her own fault for believing Angel's promises, Buffy believed. She'd brought it all on herself when she told him not to stop. Wiping away her tears, she put her purse on the table near the stairs.

"Hi, honey," her mother greeted, entering the hallway.

Buffy looked up. "I didn't know you were home. I thought you were still in San Francisco doing the art-buying thing."

"I came home early. I felt bad for being away on your birthday."

"You didn't have to come home. It's just any other day. Only difference is that I got a year older yesterday."

Mrs. Summers smiled at her daughter. "My baby turned eighteen. You're growing up so quickly."

'Quicker than you think,' Buffy thought. "Big deal."

"Did you do anything special last night? Maybe go out with Willow or Angel or something?"

Buffy flinched at the mention of Angel's name. "No."

"What did you do?"

"I grew up," Buffy answered honestly.

A knock on the door caused Buffy to jump. Through the peephole, she saw Angel standing on the front porch, looking away from the door into the darkness.

"Who is it, Buffy?" Mrs. Summers asked.

"Angel. Mom, tell him I'm not home."

"Why? He's your best friend. Why don't you want to talk to him?"

Buffy ran up the stairs in a hurry. "Just tell him, Mom. Please," she begged.

Sighing, Mrs. Summers opened the door. "Hello, Angel."

He fidgeted nervously. "Hi, Mrs. Summers. I thought you were out of town this week."

"I came home a day early."

"Oh. Is Buffy home? I really need to talk to her."

She shook her head. "No, I haven't seen her today. She might be at the Bronze or out patrolling," Mrs. Summers lied.

"She's not at the Bronze. Thanks anyway. Could you have her call me when she gets home? It's really important."

"I will."

"Bye."

Mrs. Summers headed straight for her daughter's bedroom. She entered without knocking, finding Buffy standing in front of her window, staring into the backyard. "Why did you make me lie to Angel?"

"I couldn't look at him," Buffy answered without bothering to turn around.

"Did you two have a fight?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Then, what?" She put her arms on Buffy's shoulder, forcing her daughter to face her. Seeing the tears in her eyes, Mrs. Summers knew something had happened. "Why are you crying, honey? Did he say something nasty to you that upset you?"

"He didn't say anything."

"Why are you crying then? He did something that's making you cry, I know it. Why won't you tell me?"

Buffy sniffled. "Because you'll be mad at me. I got myself into this mess, I have to suffer the consequences of my actions."

"Actions? Consequences? What happened?" When Buffy looked down at the floor and refused to make eye contact, Mrs. Summers knew without having to be told outright. "Oh, Buffy."

"I made a mistake."

"When did it happen?"

She bit her lip. "Last night. I-I didn't plan for it to happen, honest, but I didn't exactly say no when it did either. And I thought Angel loved me, or at least cared enough about me, but he didn't. He used me," Buffy explained, trying to hold back her sobs.

"How do you know he used you?"

"I saw him tonight at the Bronze. Kissing Cordelia Chase. If having sex with me had meant anything to him, he wouldn't have been making out with her the next night. I was nothing to him."

"Was he the first?" She shook her head. "No. Wait. I don't want to know. I don't *think* I want to know."

"Yes, Angel was the first. The only."

"That's a relief."

"I knew exactly what his reputation was and I let myself get suckered in anyway. I thought when you turned eighteen, you're supposed to get all wise and stuff. And what did I do on my eighteenth birthday? Make the biggest mistake of my life."

"You made a mistake; an error in judgement."

"I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. I slept with him and he used me for sex! You call that an error in judgement?" Buffy asked.

Mrs. Summers took her daughter in her arms, letting her cry. "You can't blame yourself for this, honey. If he can't stand by you after that, then he doesn't deserve you in the first place."

"I love him, Mom," Buffy whimpered. "I love him. I love him and he hurt me."

"It'll be okay."

"Make the pain stop."

Mrs. Summers ran her hand through her daughter's blonde hair. "It'll go away on its own. Just give it some time," she comforted.

After yet another failed attempt to contact Buffy, Angel hung up the telephone, dejected. He'd been trying for a week to talk to her, but Mrs. Summers said she either wasn't home or couldn't come to the phone. It was a lie, he knew it. Oz had told him that Buffy rarely left the house anymore except to patrol or go to Willow's house. She turned herself into a recluse because of his stupidity.

It wasn't as though he hadn't seen her since the day after her birthday. The day before, he had skipped his World History class so he could catch a glimpse of her as she left school. She looked as beautiful as ever in a white tank top and a knee-length pink skirt. And there had also been nights when he would stand in her backyard looking into her bedroom window. Angel didn't care that his behavior was mirroring that of a stalker, he simply needed to see her.

He picked up a picture from his night stand, laid back on his bed and stared at it. The two of them at Homecoming back in September, back when the only thing that existed between them was friendship. Before he'd told Buffy about his past, before he fell in love with her, before Robin entered the picture and long before their one passion-filled night together.

"Please, Buffy, I only want to talk to you and explain things," Angel said to the picture. "You weren't just some girl to me, you were the only girl. You still are. I want to make things right but I can't do that unless you talk to me."

Putting the picture face-down on his chest, Angel closed his eyes, allowing tears to escape from the corners of them. The pillows still smelled of her shampoo, he could see her in his mind's eye, wrapped up in his sheets in an attempt to hide her nakedness from him, kissing and stroking him as they made love in that very bed. She had been perfection that night and had given him hope of one day reaching heaven, but only in her arms.

The ringing of his telephone awakened him from his reverie. Had Buffy changed her mind and decided to call him back? Angel grabbed the phone on the third ring. "Buffy? Is that you?"

"Sorry, man. It's just me," Oz answered. He knew how desperate his cousin was to talk to her, and felt sorry about all the pain he was going through.

"Oh. Hi, Oz," he replied half-heartedly.

"Well, don't sound so excited to hear from me."

Angel let out a short breath. "Sorry. I just hoped…"

"That I was Buffy?" Oz finished.

"Yep."

"Still no word from her yet?"

"Not one. You know the deal, I call up and supposedly she's not home or is too busy to talk to me or whatever other excuse Mrs. Summers uses."

"Have you tried to talk to her in person?"

Angel shook his head. "No. She's never out. Buffy doesn't go to the Bronze anymore and I don't know where she patrols, so that really limits it. I know that if I go right to her front door, her mother will tell me she's not there. I-I saw her yesterday, though."

"Where?"

"In front of the high school. She was leaving the building with Willow and Xander and I watched from across the street. Oz, this is killing me! Buffy hates me. The girl I love hates me because of a big misunderstanding."

Oz felt his pain. Never in his life had he seen his cousin so miserable, even after the incident with Katie a year earlier in Indiana. "I don't know what to tell you except that maybe you'll have to make her listen."

"Make her listen?" he repeated.

"Yeah. Get her alone where she can't run away or hide from you and force her to listen to what you have to say. And don't hold back anything, Angel. Tell her everything she needs to know," Oz suggested.

The suggestion gave Angel and idea. "Oz, you're a genius. I owe you big time for this!"

"How have you been holding up?" Willow asked the next afternoon at her house. They sat across from each other on Willow's bed.

Buffy shrugged. "Alright, I guess. Have to take it one day at a time. Just keeping my mind off things, especially the night of my birthday."

"Maybe you should talk to him. You might be surprised by what you hear."

"No," she replied, vehemently shaking her head. "I can't even think about him without wanting to cry. Willow, I thought all the pain would stop. A-Angel was supposed to make me feel better and it's worse than when it started. I've never felt this bad in my life."

Willow couldn't stand to see Buffy so distraught. She wanted to tell her the real reason why Angel was kissing Cordelia, but doubted her best friend would believe her. Besides, Buffy needed to hear it from Angel, not her. "It's not as bad as you think, trust me on this."

"How can you say that? I had sex with him; I gave him everything I had, everything I was and he threw it away in the garbage like it was nothing. Sleeping with me was something he thought was fun."

"It never occurred to you that he might actually feel something for you?" Willow asked.

"Sure. He slept with me because he loves me," she said sarcastically.

"Maybe he does."

Buffy took a deep breath. "No. If he loved me, Angel wouldn't have been kissing Cordelia. I don't know who to trust anymore. Can any man be trusted? 'Cause every guy I've dated has either used me or dumped me."

"It'll all work out for the best. Just wait and see."

"What did you do at Willow's house?" Mrs. Summers wanted to know when Buffy returned home after dinner.

"She and I sat around and talked. Nothing really exciting."

"Angel called, you know. Again."

Buffy shrugged and looked down. "That's nice."

"Honey, he's called every day for the past week, three or four times a day. And I understand that you are under the impression that he knowingly hurt you, but I get the idea that he wants to apologize for the way he acted."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because he keeps calling. If he wanted nothing more to do with you, Buffy, he wouldn't keep trying to get in touch with you. I think it would be nice if you returned his call, just to find out what he wants."

Buffy couldn't believe her mother would suggest such a thing. "You don't understand at all. You have no idea what I'm going through or how much it hurts!"

"You're right, I don't know and I don't understand. Something like this has never happened to me. But I hate seeing you like this, so hurt and miserable. You've become a different person; you stay in all the time and you're distancing yourself from everyone and everything."

"What are you getting at, Mom?"

"Perhaps if you confront Angel about what happened, get it out in the open, you'll feel better. Then maybe you can get on with your life."

She shook her head. "I don't want to get on with my life. I want to forget it ever happened. I want to forget that I ever met him, that I ever fell in love with him and that I ever let him touch me."

"Buffy–"

"I'm going upstairs. Leave me alone."

She sat in her room, staring at her books. Nothing was sinking in, no matter how much she tried. To concentrate. 'Get on with my life…ha! Like that's going to happen. I just have to keep remembering to forget.'

At eight-thirty five, Mrs. Summers pounded on her daughter's bedroom door. "Buffy! Come out here. You have to see this!"

Jumping off her bed, Buffy ran downstairs. "What is it?"

She didn't need her mother to answer her question. As soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs, she knew why she'd been called.

"This Romeo is bleeding but you can't see his blood. It's nothing but some feelings that this old dog kicked up. It's been raining since you left me, now I'm drowning in the flood," Angel sang from the driveway in an off-key voice. "You see, I've always been a fighter, but without you I give up. Now I can't sing a love song like the way it's meant to be. Well I guess I'm not that good anymore, but, baby, that's just me."

She stood at the bottom of the stairs unmoving. She turned to her mother, who was standing in front of the picture window in the living room, watching Angel sing. "Did you set this up?" Buffy demanded.

"No, I didn't. He showed up five minutes ago."

"Why?" Buffy asked softly. "Why is he doing this? Hasn't he hurt me enough for one century?"

Angel continued to sing. "And I will love you, baby, always. And I'll be there forever and a day. Always. I'll be there 'til the stars don't shine, 'til the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme. No matter when I die you'll be on my mind, and I love you always."

Nobody had even acknowledged his presence, yet Angel knew for a fact that both Buffy and her mother were home. Oz had told him to make her listen to him, and that was exactly what he was doing. She couldn't get away from him in her own home. And if the only way to get Buffy to talk to him was to serenade her, Angel would do it, even if he did sound horrible. He'd do anything.

"Now your pictures that you left behind are just memories of a different life; some that made us laugh, some that made us cry, one that made you have to say goodbye. What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair, touch your lips, to hold you near. And when you say your prayers try to understand I've made mistakes, I'm just a man."

Buffy couldn't take it anymore, she'd had enough. She opened the front door and stepped out onto the front porch. "Stop it!" she screamed at Angel. "Just stop!"

"Buffy, let me explain," he started.

She shook her head. "Don't. I don't want to hear you try to justify your actions. Go away."

"There are things you don't know, don't understand. I want to tell you."

"Oh, I think I understand pretty well. You decided to go a different route this time with your little game. Get naïve little Buffy to be your friend and have her trust you before you take her heart and trample all over it?"

Angel shook his head. "That's not it at all. You should know differently. I'm not like that, I changed, remember? I'm not that same guy."

"I remember you telling me that, but why should I believe you?"

"Because it's the truth!"

"No. What was I, just another notch on your bedpost? Another exciting entry in that journal of yours?" she shot. "This must have been real fun for you, a challenge even. You're supposed to be my best friend. Why? Was it just a joke? To make me fall in love with you and then…I've dated a lot of guys. I've never been humiliated by one before."

It took him a second for it all to register in his mind. "Humiliated? I never set out to humiliate you."

"Well, you did. Privately and publicly. It wasn't enough for you to use me because you haven't gotten any in a year, you had to go and do this? Make me look like an idiot in front of my entire neighborhood?"

"I had to make you hear me."

"I heard you. Half of Sunnydale probably heard you."

"Did you? Did you really hear what I was trying to say?"

"All I heard was you doing a bad rendition of a really good song. What was I supposed to be hearing?" she asked.

"I was trying to tell you how I feel. It wasn't obvious? You couldn't tell by that song that I love you?"

Buffy balled her hands into fists. "Another cruel joke of yours, Angel? Well, I'm not buying it this time. Stay away from me, I mean it. Don't call me, don't come by my house and if you see me walking down the street, don't even make eye contact."

Angel watched helplessly as Buffy ran back inside her house, slamming the door behind her. He thought for sure it would work; that she'd be moved by his display and let him tell her how he felt. But things never went the way he wanted them to. Slumping down on the Summers' front porch, Angel buried his head in his hands.

Mrs. Summers had been watching him for twenty minutes while he sat here. She went outside, looming over him. "It's getting chilly out, Angel. You should go before you get sick."

"I don't care. Nothing matters anymore. Buffy doesn't want to see me ever again."

"Try putting yourself in her shoes," she suggested.

"I've been in her shoes and I know what it's like. I didn't want her to feel like I did when it happened to me. She's the most precious thing in the world to me," he admitted. "I have to convince her."

Mrs. Summers sat down on the step above him. "It won't be easy. Buffy's not very trusting."

Angel turned his head toward her, the tears apparent in his brown eyes. "I didn't use her, Mrs. Summers. Every word I said to her that night was true, every promise that I made I meant with my whole heart. What she saw was a big misunderstanding. I love her."

"She's hurting."

"I know. Can you answer something for me?"

"I'll try."

"Buffy. Does she…" He paused. "She said she fell in love with me. Was…was she telling the truth? Does she really love me?"

She nodded. "Yes, she loves you. I think that's what's making it harder for her."

"I thought by singing her that song she'd figure out how I feel."

"You might want to be a little more subtle. If you want to gain her trust again, you'll have to find another way."

"I will. If it's the last thing I do, I'll make Buffy see that my feelings for her are real," Angel vowed.

"Is everything alright, Angel?" his mother asked Saturday night at the dinner table. "You seem sullen."

"I'm okay. Been better."

Three days after his confrontation with Buffy, Angel had all but given up hope of her ever forgiving him. He stopped calling her house and hadn't attempted to see her. In his mind, there was no point in trying to convince her when she obviously didn't want to hear it. He'd never get over her, but no longer wanted to fight a losing battle.

Mrs. Osborne shook her head at his reply. "I think you've been working yourself too hard this semester. You need to get out and have some fun; be like all those other college kids your age. Take Robin out for a nice dinner or something."

"We broke up, Mom," Angel reminded her. "Last week, remember?"

"Then take Buffy."

His pulse jumped at the mention of her name. "I don't think so."

"Don't tell me you two are having a fight."

"We are. Sort of. Can we just drop the subject? I'm not in the mood."

"What are you and Buffy fighting about?" Mr. Osborne wanted to know. It wasn't like his son not to want to talk about Buffy. She was all he ever talked about.

"Stupid stuff."

Mr. Osborne narrowed his eyes. "What kind of stupid stuff? Was it something bad? Did you hurt her or did she hurt you?"

Slowly, Angel nodded. "I hurt her. She saw something and took it to mean something different than it really was. And now she never wants to see me again."

"She's just angry," Mrs. Osborne consoled. "Give her time to cool down and she'll forgive you."

"What did you do, Angel?"

He met his father's gaze. "I'll give you one guess, Dad. It's not hard to figure out."

Mr. Osborne knew what Angel was getting at. "No," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Not to her. Tell me you didn't do that to Buffy."

"I didn't, but she thinks I did. She-she saw me kissing a girl the next day and assumed it meant I didn't care about her."

Angel's mother was confused. She didn't know what her son and husband were talking about. "Would one of you please tell me what's going on?"

He took a deep breath. "Almost two weeks ago, I-I had sex with Buffy. And now she thinks I only used her."

She couldn't believe her ears; his revelation shocked her. Her baby boy, having sex? "You are having sex with her?"

"It only happened one night."

"Why would Buffy think you used her?"

Angel paused before answering. "Because that's what I do, Mom. I-I have a reputation for using girls for sex and then leaving them the next day." It was about time he was open and honest with his mother. He'd been hiding it from her for too long.

"Not my baby boy," she denied. "My sweet little Angel would not do that to people. You're a good Catholic boy."

"What do you think has been going on with me for the past six years? Teen rebellion? I haven't been your pristine, pure little boy for a very long time. Ever since I was fourteen I've been having sex!" he shouted at his mother. "You said you wondered why I never brought my girlfriends home to meet you. I never brought them here because they never lasted more than one or two dates. As soon as I got them in bed, that was it. I'd never go out with them again."

"I thought your father and I brought you up better than that. This is all my fault. I spent all my time with your brother when he was sick and I neglected you," she blamed herself. "And this is how you turned out. You're punishing us."

He closed his eyes, then opened them again. "It has nothing to do with you or Dad or Brandon's death. I brought it on all by myself, no one else. But I changed. I stopped it and cleaned up my act because I realized that all actions have consequences. A girl killed herself because I couldn't keep my hormones in check; because I wanted nothing to do with her the next morning.

"It made me take a hard look at myself and the life I was leading, and I grew up from that experience. I hated what I saw, so I came back home to start fresh. That's when I met Buffy. She didn't care about my past or the wretched things I've done. Somehow, she managed to look past all of it and see the real me. And I fell in love with her. Hopelessly and painfully in love. But I figured she'd never feel the same way about me, so I never told her. I started dating Robin, and then on the night of Buffy's birthday I stopped fighting what I felt for her and…and we made love that night.

"The next day I broke up with Robin and planned to tell Buffy that I wanted to be with her. I never got the chance because one of her classmates decided that night would be a good time to make a move on me. She kissed me and Buffy saw, thinking I had only used her. The other night, I finally admitted to her that I love her, but she didn't believe me; she thought it was just another cruel joke I was playing on her. See, she fell in love with me, too. And now the one person who matters the most to me feels nothing but hatred for me. And I can't find it in my heart to blame her for it."

Mrs. Osborne looked at her husband. "Did you know about this, David?"

"Yes. Not all of it, but I knew about the girls and what he did to them."

She stood up from the table. "My own son…is…is…I don't even think there's a word for what you are."

"Male slut is the phrase I use," Angel said.

"Fine. All these years, people in Sunnydale have been laughing at this family. How could you do that?" she demanded. "Why? What did you find so appealing about hurting those girls?"

He hung his head in shame. "I don't know why I did it. I was young and stupid and it's all I knew how to do. But I'm not like that anymore, I swear it. I've changed."

"I certainly hope you have changed. All these years I thought you were a good boy, waiting for Miss Right. And I thought you were saving yourself for her. Turns out my baby boy is a womanizer. Answer me something. Do your father and I have grandchildren out there somewhere?"

"No," Angel replied. "I've always been safe. Mom, I'm sorry."

"You should be. Did you mean it when you said you love Buffy?" Mrs. Osborne asked.

He nodded. "Yes. There's no part of her that I don't love."

"Then make her hear it, even if she doesn't want to see or hear from you."

"I tried that and she got mad at me, she wouldn't listen. Buffy hates me, not that I blame her."

"Try again. And again. If you love her as much as you say you do, you won't give up. Make her see."

Mrs. Summers opened the front door, finding Angel on the other side. "Hi, Angel."

"Hi. Is Buffy home?"

"No, she and Willow are out on patrol. Why? You aren't going to sing to her again, are you? She's really not home this time."

He shook his head. "No. I'm taking your advice and I am going with the subtle approach this time. If I leave something with you, could you see to it that Buffy gets it?"

"Of course."

Angel handed her a square package wrapped in newspaper. "Thank you."

"Good luck."

He smiled. "I'm hoping I won't need it."

"It's been kinda quiet out lately," Willow observed as she and Buffy cut through Weatherly Park during patrol.

Buffy nodded in agreement. "No undead nasties to bother me. Only the live ones."

"Buffy…"

"I know, I know. I'm getting over it, really I am. Haven't thought about what's-his-name in almost twenty minutes. Verging on a new record for me."

"Are you really that angry with him?" Willow asked. "Or are you angry at yourself?"

Buffy stopped walking. "Of course I'm angry at him! Wouldn't you be?"

"Yeah. But maybe you don't know the whole story."

"Oh, I know the whole story. I was there for all of it. I know that he pretended to be my friend, I know that I trusted him and loved him. I know that I lost my virginity to him and I know that he found someone else the next day because I was nothing more to him than a quick roll in the hay."

They heard a rustling in the bushes in front of them. Buffy pulled out her stake, ready to fight. When she saw who it was, she didn't bother to put it down. "Hi, Willow," Angel said sheepishly. "Hi, Buffy."

Willow smiled at him. "Angel, hi. How are you?"

He caught Buffy's eye, though she looked away. "I've had better days. You?"

"I'm okay."

"Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?" Buffy said angrily. "There's a law against stalking, you know."

"I-I'm sorry, but I wasn't following you," he stuttered. "I was on my way home and I heard voices. I wanted to make sure there wasn't trouble."

"And what would you do? You can't fight a vampire without weapons, which I'm sure you don't have. Besides, there's no trouble. You should have turned away when you saw it was me and Willow. I told you before to stay away from me and I meant it. The next time you come within ten feet of me I will put this stake right through your chest, I don't care if your heart is beating or not," she threatened. "Consider yourself warned."

He sighed. He didn't have it in him to fight. "Willow, I'll see you around."

"Bye."

After he'd walked away, Buffy turned on her friend. "I can't believe you were nice to him, after all he's done to me!"

"He doesn't deserve to be treated like dirt."

"Angel is dirt! He is the lowest form of human life on this planet. I hope he gets what's coming to him. In fact, I hope a vampire attacks him on the way home and turns him so I can dust him myself and put an end to his miserable existence once and for all."

That clinched it for Willow. There was no way she could listen to it anymore. "Shut up, Buffy. You and I need to have a talk right now. And you are going to listen to every word I have to say."

Buffy stood still in shock as her best friend yelled at her. Never in the two years she'd known Willow had she ever raised her voice. Lifting her eyebrows, she replied, "Okay."

"I am sick to death of hearing you say all those mean things about Angel. Yes, I know that you think he hurt you and used you and doesn't care about you, but you are wrong! News flash, Buffy! You don't know everything there is to know. You've been moping around for the past week and a half to two weeks about how hurt and betrayed you feel. But you're not the only one who's hurting. Angel is too."

"Why would he be hurting? He was the one dishing it out, not receiving it," Buffy interrupted. "He has no reason to hurt."

Willow glared at her, silencing the blonde Slayer with her resolve face. "It's not like that at all. He's in love with you, has been for months now."

"Is that what he told you? Because I wouldn't put it past him to lie about it."

"I was told by both Angel and Oz. And I saw it with my own two eyes. He's not lying about anything, he genuinely loves you, any idiot can see that. Except you, that is."

"Are you calling me an idiot, Willow?" Buffy demanded. "I thought you were supposed to be my friend."

She raised her eyebrows. "I am your friend, and it's because I am that I'm calling you an idiot. Why can't you open your eyes and see what's right in front of your face?"

"My eyes are open."

"Then why don't you see it?"

"See what?"

Willow exhaled heavily. "Angel! God, it's all right in front of you, but you refuse to see it. How could you not have seen the devastated look on his face when you said to stay away? You're breaking his heart, Buffy."

"Like he broke mine?" she shot back.

"Would he call you and look for you and follow you or even serenade you with a beautiful love song if he had simply used you? Answer me honestly. Do you think he'd do all that if you were just any girl?" Willow asked.

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Try no. Given his reputation, why would he bother? Why waste the time when he could be finding his next victim?"

"He did find his next victim, Will. Cordelia Chase. Or have you forgotten that I saw him kissing her the day after my birthday?"

She shook her head. "You don't know what you saw. You only think you know, but you don't."

"I saw it with my own eyes. He was kissing her. His lips were on hers, her hands were on him…I don't even want to know what other kind of touching was going on." She paused. "It hurts too much to think about."

"Then I'll tell you what really happened. Angel didn't kiss Cordelia, she kissed him. Buffy, you yourself told me that she'd been flirting with him and coming on to him. For instance, New Year's Eve at the Winter Carnival. What did he say to you about her?"

"That she's not his type," Buffy answered in a low voice. "But things change overnight."

"And she still isn't. Angel never wanted to kiss her. He went to the Bronze that night to tell you how much he loves you, but Cordelia got in his way. She kissed him and you saw and you ran away before he got the chance to explain. He's been trying to apologize since that night, but you never want to listen. You've been treating him like…like crap for all that time when all he wants is to be with you. Are you finally getting it, Buffy? He's in love with you, not Cordelia or anyone else."

Buffy slowly sat herself down on a nearby bench. She looked up at her friend, her green eyes glassy with tears. "Is all that true?"

Willow sat down next to her and nodded. "Every word. I'd never lie to you, Buffy. Especially about something like that."

"Angel loves me? He really wants to be with me?"

"Yes. He broke up with Robin and everything. He really, truly loves you."

She let it all sink in. "I thought he used me, that I was just like the rest of them, like Harmony and all those other girls he's slept with. But I wasn't, was I?"

"You were different from them. Look, I've been keeping that in for too long. Go talk to him and work things out," Willow told her.

"Did you do it?" Mr. Osborne asked Angel after he got back from the Summers' house.

He nodded. "Yes, I did it. Somehow, I doubt it'll convince her, though."

"What makes you say that?"

"I ran into her on the way back. Buffy wants me to leave her alone. And she was pretty adamant about it. If that journal doesn't change her mind about me, I don't think anything will. It's my last hope of ever winning her back."

"Have some faith. If you really love her, don't give up hope," Mrs. Osborne said upon entering the living room.

Angel grimaced. "I'm trying not to, but it's out of my hands now. Mom, I'm sorry I disappointed you by not being the son you wanted me to be," he apologized.

"Angel, you have never disappointed me," she assured him. "Granted, you've done some things that were wrong, but we all make mistakes when we're growing up. You have made me proud since the day you were born. I'm your mother and I love you. Never question that."

Inside her bedroom, Buffy dialed the numbers for Angel's dorm room. She let the phone ring five times before the answering machine picked up.

"Hi, you've reached Angel's room," the recording of his voice said. "I'm not in right now, but if you leave your name, number and a brief message, I'll get back to you."

Buffy hung up. She wanted to talk to him, not his answering machine. And searching through all of Sunnydale for him certainly wasn't a feasible idea.

'I'll wait until morning. Gives me twelve hours to think up what I'm going to say. Lots of groveling and lots of apologizing. And hopefully a lot of making up.'

Mrs. Summers woke her daughter up at ten-thirty the next morning. She found Buffy lying in bed, the covers only covering her to the waist, her eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling.

"It's getting late."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I know. Just thinking about all stuff I have to do today."

"Busy day ahead of you?"

"You could say that. Mom, do you think I've been unfair to Angel about everything that went down between us?" Buffy asked. "Did I overreact? Jump to conclusions that weren't correct?"

"I think that maybe you need to hear his side of the story." In her hand she held the package Angel had given her the night before. "Here, you should probably open this."

Buffy eyed it suspiciously. "What is it?"

Mrs. Summers handed Buffy the package. "Angel's side of the story, I presume."

Once her mother left the room, Buffy opened the package. A note fell out when she picked up the book. She read it over.

BUFFY,

I KNOW YOU SAID YOU NEVER WANTED ME TO COME NEAR YOU AGAIN, BUT I CAN'T STAY AWAY. READ MY JOURNAL, AND IF YOU STILL WANT ME OUT OF YOUR LIFE, I WON'T OBJECT. IF YOU DON'T CALL ME AFTER READING IT, I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN.

ANGEL

Scanning the pages quickly, Buffy saw that it was filled. It was Angel's journal. He'd told her that he kept a journal of all the experiences he'd had during his womanizing years. Every girl he'd slept with was written about in there.

HARMONY KENDALL. BOY WAS SHE FUN. SO EAGER TO PLEASE, TOO. I COULD HAVE TOLD HER TO LICK EVERY LAST INCH OF MY BODY AND SHE PROBABLY WOULD HAVE DONE IT. THE LITTLE AIRHEAD HAS BEEN AFTER ME FOR MONTHS SO I THOUGHT I'D TAKE HER OUT FOR A TEST DRIVE. NOT BAD FOR HER FIRST TIME, IF IT WAS HER FIRST TIME. DEFINITELY LOTS OF FUN. I'VE HAD BETTER, OF COURSE, NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING. BUT SHE WAS A GOOD WAY TO CELEBRATE MY LAST FOOTBALL GAME WITH THE SUNNYDALE HIGH RAZORBACKS. TALK ABOUT GOING OUT WITH A BANG.

Buffy read on, captivated by all of Angel's liaisons. Hundreds of girls were victimized by him, and she found that they weren't nameless, faceless girls to him. He took note of everything. Some she knew – Amy Madison, Harmony Kendall, Michelle Blake – and some she didn't. Girls like Sara Kapshaw, Erin McMurphy, Samantha Miller and Shirley Craig. The only thing they had in common was that they were all used by the man she loved.

KATIE DONOVAN. I HONESTLY DON'T KNOW IF I HAD PLANNED TO BED HER. BUT THEN AGAIN, SHE DID HELP ME IN CHEMISTRY, SO SHE DESERVED TO GET PAID FOR IT. I FIGURED HAVING SEX WITH ME WAS PAYMENT ENOUGH. SHE SEEMED VERY GRATEFUL FOR IT. KATIE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO; SHE WAS A REAL WOMAN. MUST HAVE BEEN A GYMNAST OR SOMETHING BECAUSE WAS SHE EVER FLEXIBLE! THAT BODY DID THINGS TO ME I NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I BEEN THAT AROUSED BY A WOMAN. IT'S GOING TO BE HARD TO KEEP MY MIND OFF THAT BODY AND WHAT IT DID TO ME WHEN I SEE HER IN CLASS TOMORROW. GOOD AS IT WAS, I DON'T WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN. HOT BODY, BUT BORING AS HELL. THE SEX MADE UP FOR THE UNSTIMULATING DINNER CONVERSATION.

'Katie. That's the girl who killed herself,' Buffy thought. 'The things he wrote about her…they were so mean! How can the guy who wrote this be the same guy I fell in love with? Is it really the same person? Did my Angel really write all those horrible things?'

Buffy turned the page. There was one last entry in Angel's journal. She began reading.

BUFFY SUMMERS.

BUFFY SUMMERS. SHE'LL BE THE LAST ENTRY IN THIS JOURNAL BECAUSE I WILL NEVER BE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THIS IS IT. I HAVEN'T JOINED THE PRIESTHOOD OR SWORN OF WOMEN; FAR FROM IT. BUT I'VE FINALLY FOUND PERFECTION. AND SHE IS THE ONLY WOMAN ON EARTH THAT I EVER WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. THAT'S RIGHT, MAKE LOVE. NOT SEX, NOT FUN AND DEFINITELY NOT A ONE-NIGHT STAND. WHAT SHE AND I SHARED LAST NIGHT WAS SO HEAVENLY, I CAN'T EVEN PUT INTO WORDS WHAT SHE MADE ME FEEL. I CAME ALIVE, DISCOVERED THAT THERE IS MORE TO SEX THAN JUST MAKING MYSELF FEEL GOOD; IT'S ABOUT LOVE AND TRUST AND PASSION AND JUST BEING WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE. AND I EXPERIENCED ALL THAT WITH HER.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I HELD A GIRL IN MY ARMS AND FELL ASLEEP WITH HER NEXT TO ME. IT FELT RIGHT, LIKE THIS IS WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE. I ALWAYS THOUGHT SEX WAS ONLY TWO PEOPLE SHARING A PHYSICAL CONNECTION FOR ONE NIGHT. TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG ALL ALONG. IT'S NOT ONLY A PHYSICAL CONNECTION, BUT AN EMOTIONAL ONE, AND A SPIRITUAL ONE AS WELL. NOT INSTANT GRATIFICATION, BUT SLOWLY EXPERIENCING THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF PASSION AND LOVE. I LEARNED ALL THAT AFTER ONE GLORIOUS NIGHT WITH BUFFY.

Tears rolled down Buffy's cheeks, falling onto the paper, smearing the words. She couldn't believe he'd written those beautiful things about her. Angel wanted to share the rest of his life with her? It was unreal to her. She never thought anyone would feel that way about her, much less him. Giving up, she let her sobs out.

From her bedroom down the hall, Mrs. Summers heard her daughter's cries. Rushing into Buffy's room, she found her crying into her hands. "Buffy? Are you okay?"

Buffy looked up, sniffling. "I was wrong. All wrong. Angel never used me."

"I know he didn't, honey."

"Why am I always the last to know these things? You knew, he knew, Willow and Oz even knew. Why didn't I know? Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"You only saw what you wanted to see. Would you have honestly believed us if we'd told you?"

She shook her head. "Not really, I guess. Willow explained a lot of things to me last night. He wasn't really kissing Cordelia. Well, he was, but he never wanted to, she sort of pushed herself on him. Mom, Angel loves me. He told Willow and Oz and broke up with Robin, just to be with me! And he wrote in his journal that he wants to marry me and be with me forever."

"He does love you, Buffy. Angel told me so the night he came here and did that awful serenade to you. I know when a man is lying about his feelings, and your young man wasn't lying."

Buffy bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I said some horrible things to him. Hurtful things." "It couldn't have been that bad," her mother reassured.

"It was bad. I-I told him that if he didn't stop following me around and leave me alone, I'd shove a stake through his beating heart," she admitted.

Mrs. Summers raised her eyebrows. "Buffy, you didn't. Tell me you didn't say that to him."

"I did. And it upset and angered Willow so much that she yelled at me. Then I found out the truth." Buffy wiped the tears from her eyes. "I need to talk to him; I have to apologize for the mean things I said to him."

Angel lay on his bed in his dorm room, staring at the ceiling as Buffy had been doing earlier in her own home. His hands were clasped under his head, his body not moving expect to breathe. Seventeen hours and still no word from Buffy, making him wonder if she was ever going to call.

He didn't even blink when there was a knock at his door. "Go away!" he shouted. The knocking continued. "I said go away!"

"Angel, it's Buffy. Please answer the door."

Angel jumped off the bed, smoothing the creases in his clothes before answering. He opened the door, face to face with his love. "Buffy, hi. I never expected to see you here."

"Mind if I come in?" she asked hesitantly.

"Of course you can come in," he replied, opening the door wider for her to enter.

Buffy walked in, her eyes moving over everything. She had to take a deep breath when they fell upon his bed. The bed where he'd made love to her over and over again on her birthday. She turned to him. "I got your journal."

"Oh." Angel didn't know what to say. "Did you…did you read it?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Every last word. Some of it, actually most of it I wish I hadn't read. I can't believe you did all those things, much less wrote about them. It's sick." Angel agreed. "I know."

"Why did you want me to read about it?"

"You said I hadn't changed, that I was still the same guy who treated women like whores. I needed to make you see that I'm not that guy, and you wouldn't listen to me, so I had to convince you some other way. When you didn't believe the song I sang, I decided the journal was the only other way," he explained. "It was my last hope."

"It was horrible. I wouldn't wish what you did to those poor girls on my worst enemy. It was a horrible feeling, knowing you've been used."

Angel frowned. "I know it is. But, Buffy, I never wanted you to think I used you or treated you like some girl I wrote about in there."

She nodded. "I know. Willow…she explained what happened with Cordelia."

"Buffy, I never wanted to kiss her. She was coming on to me and before I knew it, she was kissing me. I guess the only reason I didn't fight it off was because of my initial shock. Lame excuse, but true. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you."

"Willow made me see that last night. And then when I read your entry about me, I knew for a fact that I meant something more to you than the rest of them. I actually meant something to you."

Angel shook his head. "Not just something. Everything."

"Did you mean what you wrote about me?"

"Every last word," he told her, repeating her exact words to him from a few minutes earlier.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, her tears making a reappearance. "For all those mean and cruel things I said to you. I only said them because I was hurt. I didn't know the whole truth, and now that I do, I know I was completely unfair to you."

He touched her shoulder, tears springing to his eyes. "You don't have to apologize to me. I deserved everything you said."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did. I got a taste of my own medicine, something I've had coming for years. I became the girls I hurt, I finally understood what they felt. It was something I needed to feel for myself. I promise I will never hurt you, Buffy," he swore. "Not like that."

Buffy caressed his cheek, wiping his tears away with her thumb. "I know you won't."

Angel took a deep breath. "I gotta tell you something, 'cause I don't think I've made it clear. I'm in love with you. Powerfully, painfully in love. The things you do, the way you think, the way you move…I get excited every time I'm about to see you. You make me feel like I've never felt before in my life. Like a man."

Her heart soared with joy at his admission. "That was beautiful. I mean, I love you, too."

He lifted her off the ground so that her lips were level with his. Slowly, almost too slow, their lips moved closer and closer until they finally touched. Their kiss was filled with passion, hunger, and most of all, love.

"So, I'm assuming this makes us a couple now," Buffy commented, wrapped tightly in Angel's embrace under the covers of his bed forty-five minutes later.

"I guess it does." He placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"That means you have to take me out on our first official date."

"This doesn't count?" Angel asked, smirking.

She laughed. "Staying in your dorm and laying in bed is not a date. It's fun and cheap, don't get me wrong, but it's not a real date."

"Then what is?"

"You showing up at my front door with flowers and candy, taking me to a nice restaurant filled with people, then going to the Bronze or something."

Angel considered. "Does my dorm room and a bed fit into the equation anywhere?"

"Maybe. If you play your cards right."

"And what cards would those be?"

"I have to see if you're up to the challenge," Buffy teased, running her fingers across his bare chest.

He tore the covers from their bodies. "How about I give you a demonstration?"

"Mom!" Buffy shouted from her bedroom Friday night. Angel was picking her up for their first official date in twenty minutes.

Mrs. Summers walked into her daughter's bedroom. "What, honey? Is something wrong?"

"Everything's wrong! I look horrible."

"You look fine."

Buffy shook her head. "No, I look like a mess. What's Angel going to think of me if I open the door looking like a slob when he shows up?"

"I don't know why you are so worried about how you look. You've gone out with Angel before. It's not a big deal."

"It's totally a big deal! This is our first real date as boyfriend and girlfriend. I want to look great, I want to knock his socks off. And this outfit is not going to do it," Buffy complained.

Mrs. Summers sighed. "Then change."

"He said nothing too dressy, it's casual. But I don't know if this outfit is too casual for what he has planned."

"Where's he taking you?"

"Dinner and a movie."

She looked over the outfit Buffy was wearing. A long-sleeved black blouse and blue jeans with high heeled penny loafers. "You're dressed fine. You don't have to get all dressed up for that."

"What if Angel's taking me to a nice restaurant? I can't show up wearing this, I'll be laughed out of the place. Maybe I'd better put on a skirt."

The doorbell chimed, making Buffy jump from the surprise. "Oh god, he's here. He's early! I'm not ready yet, go stall him while I change."

"Buffy…"

"Mom! Please," she begged.

She gave up. There was virtually no changing Buffy's mind when she set it on something. She headed to the front door. When Mrs. Summers opened it, she saw a very handsome and confident Angel standing on the other side. In one hand he held a dozen white roses and in the other one a box of chocolates.

"Evening, Mrs. Summers," he greeted with a smile.

"Hello, Angel. Come on in, Buffy's not ready yet," she told him.

He shook his head, stepping into the hallway. "I hope she's not getting too dressed up."

"Buffy takes casual to mean more than it really is. She's probably on her fourth or fifth outfit by now."

"Very indecisive."

"Typical woman," Mrs. Summers commented. "Hope you know what you're getting yourself into with her, Angel."

"I am well-aware. And I love it about her. I love everything about her."

"Where were you twenty-three years ago when I was your age?" she joked.

Angel laughed. Before he had a chance to reply, Buffy descended the staircase. She wore a pair of black dress pants and a shimmering green blouse. He had to keep himself from running to her and crushing her body to his with a passionate kiss. But he couldn't do that with her mother standing right there.

"You look terrific," he complimented when she reached the floor.

She scanned the outfit Angel wore; jeans, gray sweater and a pair of sneakers. "I'm overdressed. I have to change my clothes. I'll be back in five minutes." Buffy turned to go back upstairs to change.

Angel grabbed her arm. "You don't need to change. You look fine the way you are."

"I'm too dressed up."

"No, you're not." He thrust the flowers and candy toward her. "I brought these for you."

A grin spread across her face. "You remembered."

"You said you wanted flowers and candy for our first real date. And I wasn't about to let you down."

Mrs. Summers took the gifts from him. "You two get going. I'll put the flowers in some water."

"Thanks, Mom."

"No staying out all night. Have her home by midnight, Angel."

"Mom…" Buffy mumbled in a whiny voice.

"Buffy, you heard me. Midnight, no later."

Angel nodded. "No problem, Mrs. Summers. Have a good night."

"You, too. Enjoy yourselves."

"We will."

Angel took Buffy's hand, walking her to his car. He held the door open for her, then climbed in the driver's side. "Where are we going for dinner?" she wanted to know.

"Hope you don't mind, my parents invited us over. They have missed you and when I told them that we finally got together, they insisted on cooking us dinner for our first date."

"It sounds great. Then what?"

He shrugged. "I figured we'd go see a movie. 'Shakespeare in Love' is playing at the SUN. It's supposed to be really good."

"Anything else?"

"Your mom wants you home by midnight, so I guess that's it," he informed her.

"She won't even be awake at midnight. We can be a little late," she said with a sly smile.

Angel shook his head. "Not tonight, Buffy. Not on the first date."

She pouted and sighed. "Party pooper."

"If we're going to make this last, we have to take things slow. We've already started this relationship backward."

"Fine."

"You're mad."

"No, just a little disappointed," Buffy admitted. "But it's okay. I'll live. As long as we get some quality alone time soon."

Angel leaned over, kissing her cheek. "We will. Let's enjoy our first date before we start thinking about the second."

JANUARY 28, 2001

As Madame Drusilla predicted at the Winter Carnival two years earlier, all of Angel's dreams came true. He and Buffy were still dating – safe, happy and completely in love with each other. Prior to his graduation from UC Sunnydale in May of 2000, he'd been noticed by a scout for the Washington Redskins. When draft time came around, he became a first-round draft pick for them, and became their second-string quarterback.

Buffy remained in Sunnydale, studying English at the university while still actively slaying. They saw each other only every few weeks because of their hectic schedules, which proved hard for them. But they spoke on the phone every night and remained faithful to their relationship.

The primary quarterback suffered a broken arm as a result of a sack halfway through the season, forcing Angel to fill his position for the rest of the football season. His strength and accuracy helped lead them into the playoffs, then to the Super Bowl. Angel couldn't believe that he was playing in the most-watched football game in the world.

He'd invited Buffy to the game, of course. It was the biggest event of his life and wanted her to be there for all of it. So while he was leading his team on the field, she sat in the Owner's Box with several other people, watching the action.

The phone in the box ran as Half-time started. The team's owner answered it, listened for a minute, then hung up. "Buffy, Angel has a surprise for you," he said.

"What kind of a surprise?"

"He's arranged for you to go down to the field and be onstage during the show. He said you're a fan of the Backstreet Boys. You're going to meet them."

She shook her head in amazement. "I can't believe he did that."

"Todd is waiting in the hall to escort you to the field."

The security guard led her down to the football field, where the stage was being set up for the Backstreet Boys' performance. A member of the crew stopped them, hooking a microphone to Buffy's person.

"What's going on?" she asked. "Why do I need a microphone?"

He ignored her, nodded to Todd, and the security guard walked her to the stage. The dancers had already taken their places. Each of the Backstreet Boys shook her hand and smiled at her. They began to sing one of their unreleased ballads from their first album.

"I'd go anywhere for you, anywhere you asked me to. I'd do anything for you, anything you asked me to."

The dancers parted, revealing Angel. He was still in his uniform and he walked toward her. She smiled lovingly at him as the music stopped.

"You did all this for me?" she asked.

Angel nodded. "All for you. Buffy, I love you. I've loved you since I saw you that night two and a half years ago. You changed me and my life forever that day, and I want to spend that life with you. I want to share it all with you; the good and the bad, the joy and the pain. There's nobody else I can imagine myself growing old with."

Bending down on one knee, he held out his hand, holding up a diamond ring. "Buffy Summers, will you marry me?"

Happy tears filled her eyes. It was the last thing she expected. "Yes," she replied softly. "Yes."

He placed the ring on her finger, stood and kissed her. The stadium erupted in cheers and applause as the newly engaged couple embraced. The music started up again and the Backstreet Boys continued their song.

In Portland, Oregon, Robin and her family watched as her ex-boyfriend proposed to the girl he'd loved since before they started dating. Back in Sunnydale, David and Joanne Osborne hugged, Angel's mother crying on her husband's shoulder at her son's engagement. Joyce Summers got on the phone with her ex-husband, excited beyond belief. And the television viewers throughout the world watched as Buffy and Angel continued to celebrate their engagement.

The End

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