disclaimer in part one

Chapter Six


Images floated through my mind, jumbled up pictures of Xander and me in happier times. I smiled as I remembered us at the beach, the sandcastle that we built, and the fun we had watching it wash away as the tide came in.

We were snuggling up on our towels, enjoying the late afternoon sun when Angel walked up to me, his voice tired as he spoke. "I think I know where we can find someone who can help us."

I stared up at him, unfolding myself from Xander's arms as panic filled me. The sun shone brightly behind his head, and I jumped up, planning to throw my towel over him.

Instead I found myself flying backwards, landing with a thud on the hard library floor, Angel standing over me with a worried expression. He reached out his hand, helping me to my feet. I refused to look at anyone as I brushed the dust from my pants. Angel cleared his throat, repeating his words for my benefit. "I found someone who says that there is a witch, a wise woman, living on the outskirts of town who can help us."

"Are you sure it isn't a trap?" I questioned him, forgetting about the others as I fell into the rhythm that we always followed. I was supposed to think of what could go wrong, and he would plan how to react if it happened.

He shook his head before answering. "I don't think so, but I'll take the axe just in case."

"Okay, who are we taking?" I asked, including the others in my glance. "There is another Slayer."

"I know." Angel replied, making me regret my refusal to listen to anything about Sunnydale, other than news about Buffy. "But I'm not taking her."

"You're not?" Willow questioned, moving closer to the vampire. "Who are you going to take then?"

"No one." Angel said shortly, his voice rough and determined.

I shook my head; there was no way I was letting him do this alone. I didn't care how guilty he felt about Buffy being kidnapped, it was no excuse to be stupid. "That's not an option."

"And why not?" Angel growled, his voice intimidating, if you intimidated easily, or if you didn't know him better than you knew anyone.

"Because everyone needs back up, even you. We don't know that this wise woman is trustworthy or even if there is a wise woman. And if it isn't, then you're going to need help. You know how tough he is, you know that if he hadn't been distracted by me, then we could have had a very different outcome."

"What, you wouldn't have killed him?" Xander inquired sarcastically, coming to stand beside Willow and glare at Angel.

"Shut-up." I hissed at him, my teeth clenched tightly together to keep myself from saying more. Turning back to Angel, I spoke in a voice that didn't quite hide my irritation. "Ignore him, he doesn't appear to have matured at all in the last two years."

Xander snorted, walking away again, to go and stand beside the Slayer's side. I glanced over at her, wondering why she hadn't said anything all night, at least nothing I had been able to hear. She certainly wasn't like Buffy in that respect, you could never miss the fact that Buffy was in a room, even if you were blind. She, Brina, met my gaze slowly, her eyes pools of fear. I felt a chill slid up my spine as I recognized it. This Slayer wasn't going to be able to help us, I was afraid she wouldn't even be able to help herself. I moved my gaze back to Angel, seeing him watch the Slayer with worried eyes. He slid back to look at me with the same knowledge in his eyes. He nodded slightly, letting me know that we wouldn't count on her for help.

"You can't protect yourself against a witch." Angel stated finally, looking pleadingly at me.

"I can." Willow offered, smiling slightly at our obvious surprise. "I've kept up with my studies, and I'm good. I'll cast a protection spell for us before we go."

"We?" Angel repeated, his brow furrowing as he looked at her.

"Yes." Willow said firmly, her hand clasped tightly in Oz's. "We're all going with you. Strength in numbers and all that."

"Yes…yes." Giles agreed, finally entering the conversation. "I am not inexperienced in the black arts, so I'll help Willow."

Angel mumbled a curse under his breath before nodding. "Fine. We'll meet at the Motel tomorrow night at sunset." He headed for the door without saying anything else, and after a short pause I shrugged my shoulders at Willow and followed him.

I stopped at the door, turning back to look at them again. My eyes landed on Giles, and I smiled. "It's going to be fine Giles."

"Of…of course." He replied, taking his glasses off and fiddling with them. I smiled then, a real smile at the familiar action, waving at Willow before I ran out of the door and caught up with Angel, congratulating myself for not looking at Xander again.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter Seven


Angel climbed into his bed the minute we entered the room, not even bothering to take his shoes off as he pulled the covers over his head. I watched him for a while, knowing that he wasn’t asleep, but getting the idea that he didn’t want to talk. Which was fine by me, there didn’t appear to be much to say at the moment.

I couldn't just sit and stare at him though, and there was no way I was falling asleep anytime soon. So I decided to take a bath, heading into the bathroom, striping off my clothes and sitting naked on the edge of the tub as it filled. I stuck my hand out, swirling it around in the hot water, wishing that I had thought to bring some bath salts with me. As soon as the idea entered my head, I cringed, what difference did it make whether I had bath salts when Buffy was probably being tortured? None at
all, I answered myself as I climbed into the tub, but I still wanted them. Shaking my head in disgust I sank down under, holding my breath as the water covered my face. I didn’t come up again until the need for air was overpowering; sucking in air greedily as my mouth exited the water.

I leaned back against the hard tub, my hair falling in a wet mass on my shoulders. Closing my eyes, I let the steam caress my face, trying to release the tension of the night before. Not that it worked, but steam is good for your pores so it wasn’t a total waste. I don’t know why I even thought I could get rid of the tension, between Buffy being kidnapped, being back in Sunnydale, and Xander I was ripe for a little nervous breakdown. Of course, all I could think about was the bitterness in Xander’s voice, and the way he made me act. Not made, I corrected myself, I acted that way all on my own. He just brought out the worst in me, made me say things that I didn’t mean. Blowing out air slowly I tried to avoid the fact that he also brought out the best in me.

If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here in this room. I’d probably be at some fraternity party making eyes at the richest guy in the room. I’d have tons of friends, none of whom would know me in the slightest, and I’d probably marry young, and be divorced and bitter by thirty. A small chuckle choked from my mouth as I considered that I would also be rich. It's funny how important money used to be to me, how important it was that my clothes were from the right designer, and that my hair was cut
at the most expensive salon I could find.

Okay, so maybe my hair is still done by the best, and most of my clothes are expensive, but Angel has more money than he'll ever be able to spend on his own. Sometimes I wonder where the money came from, but I decided long ago that I wasn’t going to ask. If I don’t know that it came from people he killed when he was evil, then I’m not profiting from it, right? Right. It most likely came from Whistler anyway. I have a funny feeling that Xander wouldn't see it that way though. I doubt his hatred of Angel has faded at all over the last two years. And for some reason that hurts.

I’d like to believe it's because Angel is my friend, and I’m being protective of him, but it's not. The sad, shameful truth is that I had fantasized about Xander coming in on his white horse to rescue me from the evil vampire. I remembered how hard he had fought to keep Buffy away from Angel, and the anger in his eyes when Angel was anywhere near Willow, but when I moved into the vampire's house there was nothing. No threatening phone calls, no loud pounding on the door, nothing. Just silence that told me more about how Xander truly felt about me than I ever wanted to know.

So why could I never fall asleep without picturing his face? Why couldn't I date any man for more than two weeks? Why did I still love him?

Pushing the thought from my mind, I concentrated on the night ahead. I knew we couldn't count on Brina, and Angel was a wild card, his fear for Buffy might cause him to make mistakes. I guess the only thing to do is hope that Willow really does know her magic, and that Angel’s lead wasn’t a trap.

The water was cool by the time I climbed from the tub, my skin shriveled from staying in too long. Drying myself off, I made a face at myself in the mirror, pulling my hair back and quickly braiding it. Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and one of Angel’s old tank tops I walked back into the room and climbed into my bed. I closed my eyes, letting Xander’s face float through my mind as I fell asleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter Eight


The air feels different at night, and it's not just the change in temperature. It's almost as if it knows the rules have changed. The moment I became aware of my surroundings again, I knew it was dark already. I’m not sure when I first started being aware of the sunset, I think it was six months after I moved into Angel’s. Forcing my heavy eyelids open, I sat up in bed catching sight of Angel sitting on the edge of his, already dressed for the night ahead. I opened my mouth to yell at him for letting me sleep too long when I focused on his face, and my mouth shut again.
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, not even aware that I was in the room. I’m not sure he was even aware that he was in the room, his face was contorted into an expression of such agony that I closed my eyes to escape it. I couldn't even imagine the pain he felt that she was out there, in the hands of a demon. I wondered if Buffy was awake, if she knew that night had fallen once again, if she knew that we were coming for her.

I hoped she did. I hope she held on, waited for us to come. I couldn't even imagine what life would be without her, and I didn’t want to find out. My stomach tightened and I could feel the tension seeping back into my muscles. I cleared my throat quietly, then a little louder when he didn’t respond. Finally I just got up from the bed, walking towards the bathroom to give him a few minutes alone with his pain.

The need to comfort him was like an ache in my stomach, but I didn’t say a word. What could I say? He knows better than I do what kind of danger Buffy is in, he knows that the demons are real, he is one, and my belief in him won’t make him feel any better. I stopped in the doorway anyway, turning back to look at him. He raised his eyes, slowly meeting mine. Iswallowed, wishing that I could ignore the pain in him, or will it away, but all I could do was stare back. Who knows how long we might have been trapped there, stuck in the fear and worry that was drowning Angel if someone hadn’t knocked on the door.

I panicked, turning away from Angel and rushing into the bathroom. They were here and I wasn’t ready. Great. It wasn’t bad enough that I had to watch Xander with the new Slayer, but now I had to do it without any makeup on. I looked into the mirror, grimacing at the dark circles under my eyes, and the sleep mused braid in my hair. Splashing water on my face, I heard voices tumbling through the door and sighed. I know it doesn't matter what I look like, but I still wasn’t happy about it.

Quickly pulling the braid from my hair, I swore at the kinks in it, braiding it again just as fast. Then I pulled the door open and walked into the room, keeping my head high. Willow and Oz were sitting on the edge of Angel’s bed, avoiding my unmade one. I smiled at them as I walked over to my suitcase, grabbing a pair of jeans and a sweater. No use ruining any good clothes. I could feel Xander’s eyes on me as I faced Giles. “I’m sorry. I’ll only be a minute.”

“Right.” Xander laughed cruelly coming into my line of sight. “You only taking a minute to get dressed.” He shook his head, talking more to Brina than me. “If the world was ending Cordelia would still take the time to do her hair.”

“The world is ending.” Angel growled, swinging around to face the group with the axe in his hand. I almost gasped at the menacing picture he made, but managed not to. The others didn’t. “If we don’t save Buffy.” He moved forward slightly, just enough to make Xander take a step backwards. “And Cordelia will be ready in one minute.”

I glanced at Angel, grateful that he had stood up for me, then ran into the bathroom. Pulling on my clothes with a speed that was foreign to me I was out in the room again within sixty seconds. Angel has that effect on me, he's forever saying to other people that I can do stuff, and then I do, cause he has faith in me. I guess if you live for over two centuries you learn a little about manipulating.

Giles was talking in low tones with Willow when I got back in the room, holding a bottle full of liquid in his hand. I walked over to Angel’s side and waited with him. Xander glared over at the both of us, and I glared back, not caring anymore if I was being as childish as he was. I could feel Angel practically humming beside me as we waited so I reached out, grabbing his hand. He wrapped his fingers around mine so tightly I almost winced. Turning my attention back to Giles I watched as he poured
some of the liquid over Willow’s head, chanting something in a language I didn’t recognize. Willow took the bottle from him and repeated the chant as she poured it on him. Then they turned and walked towards Xander and Brina, repeating the ritual. Oz was next, and then they turned to us. I closed my eyes as Willow poured a few drops on my head, her voice mesmerizing as she chanted. When I opened them again Willow was putting the cap back on the bottle. I looked around the room, and
was unable to stop myself from talking. “That's it? That's the protection spell?”

“What, you were expecting a circle, some candles, maybe a nice bottle of wine?” Xander questioned me, his arm wrapped loosely around Brina.

I swallowed, trying desperately not to feel the hollowness in my stomach at the sight of them. Hardening my face I smirked at him, my voice grating as I replied. “I gave up on expecting that when I dated you.”

“We dated?” Xander shrugged, looking like he was trying to remember as he tightened his grip on the Slayer. “Funny, I don’t remember.”

“Well you do have limited brain capacity.” I shot back, taking refuge in the one thing I knew how to be without thinking, a bitch. “And I would hate to be the reason you forgot how to breathe.”

“That's enough.” Angel ordered, dropping my hand and looking reproachfully at me. I looked down, suddenly remembering why we were here. No one said anything as I walked over and slipped on my shoes. Angel held the door open as we all filed out.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter Nine


We were all quiet as we walked out of the Motel, Angel taking the lead as we walked down the road towards the woods. I walked beside him, wanting to avoid Xander as much as possible. It hurt though, I couldn't understand why he was so bitter, when I had left Sunnydale two years ago I thought we had made peace.  I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t notice when Angel turned left, and I walked ahead a bit before I realized. By the time I turned back the group was already disappearing into the woods. I ran to catch up, feeling as out of place as I had in High School. This was supposed to be over, I wasn’t supposed to care whether or not they cared about me, I knew that Angel did and that should be enough.

I stayed in the back though, not bothering to try and catch up with Angel. Willow fell back after a while and walked silently beside me. She kept glancing over at me like she wanted to say something, and then she would look back. The third time she did it, I spoke. “Do you have something to say?” She cringed at the tone in my voice and I shook my head. “Sorry.”

Willow looked curiously at me, shaking her head. “You're different.”

“It's been two years.” I answered, not knowing what I was supposed to say. It's not like we were close friends in High School, or even friends. I had never been able to look at her without anger after I saw her with Xander. So I didn’t exactly feel like sharing with her that my High School self had annoyed me as much as it did her.

Willow was silent for another few minutes before she spoke quietly. “He thinks you're with Angel.”

I stopped, a twig snapping loudly under my foot as I stared at her. “As in with Angel?”

Willow nodded, turning back to stand in front of me. “Yes.”

“Did he forget about the curse?” I questioned her, feeling a stupid ray of hope lighting inside me. I pushed it back, not wanting to deal with it, but still ready to pounce on her if she didn’t answer right away.

“Okay, not with as in with, with as in in love with.” Willow clarified, checking over her shoulder to make sure the others weren't listening. “You guys do seem pretty close.”

“We are close.” I replied, still stunned that Xander would think even think I was in love with Angel. “But Angel loves Buffy, always.”

“And you love Xander.” Willow finished the thought I hadn’t planned on saying.

I considered denying it, but didn’t. Instead I walked around Willow and headed in the direction of the others. She caught up with me, but didn’t move ahead. I glanced over at her a few times, but we didn’t say anything else.

Angel and the others had stopped to wait for us at the edge of a clearing. He nodded in the direction of a small run down shack, motioning Willow and Giles forward. “Are you ready?” His voice was low, but it carried across the night easily.

“Yes.” They both answered, stepping out into the clearing. Angel moved ahead of them and they headed forward. I watched them, not knowing if we were supposed to follow, but catching a glimpse of Xander and Brina standing closely together, I decided I would rather face a witch, or a demon. They followed me though, so I would get to face both.

Angel was knocking on the door when I reached them, his face a blank mask. The door pulled back slowly, creaking so much that I thought it might fall off.

A tiny woman stood in the doorway, her hair sticking out from a knit cap. She stepped backwards, moving her hands in a strange pattern before speaking. “I am Ana, and you are late.” Her voice was heavily accented, Hungarian maybe, and strong, almost too strong to be coming from her frail body. “Come in, there isn't much time left.”

I swallowed hard; feeling the fear bubbling up through my stomach as the others walked in. We stood in a semi-circle around a roaring fire, and waited for her to speak. She walked around us slowly, her eyes intense as she inspected us. Stopping in front of me, she spoke. “He tried to use you.”

I took a step backwards, looking to Angel for reassurance. She followed my gaze, and laughed. “You're looking in the wrong direction.” I turned back to her, knowing my confusion showed on my face. “His heart is already taken.”

I shook my head, opening my mouth to correct her, but Xander got there first. “She likes a challenge.” His voice was thick with disgust.

Ana turned her attention to him, her voice echoing in the small room. “You think you hate, but you are wrong.” Xander’s face flushed and he averted his eyes from her. She let out a small laugh, turning back to me. “He burned your neck, no?”

“Yes.” I whispered, feeling a chill pass over me as I remembered the feel of his skin burning mine.

“He tried to make you him.” Ana stated, walking away from us to stoke her fire. She sat down on a small chair, seeming to forget we were even there. We stood, waiting silently until she spoke again. “He will try and make the Slayer him. You must stop him before he does.”

“We know that.” Angel growled, his eyes taking on a yellow glow. “We need to know where he is.” I shot him a warning look, moving to stand beside him, my hand on his arm. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them his eyes were brown again.

“You can’t beat him with anger.” Ana offered, her back still facing us. “You must control your emotions at all times. You must use his weakness against him.”

“His weakness? The Axe?” Willow spoke up for the first time, her eyes bright as she stared at the woman. I looked curiously at Willow, seeing the interested, almost worshipping way she was staring at the Witch. Catching Giles looking at her to, I was surprised at the fear and worry in his eyes. I almost said something, but Ana moved and I turned back to her.

“No my child,” she answered struggling into a standing position and turning to look at Willow with kind eyes. She walked over to Willow and placed her hand on the redhead's shoulder and breathing in deeply. “There is much power in you. It warms me. I would like to teach you how to use it.” Pulling her hand away she shook her head. “But we don’t have time now. Now you must use what you have to save your friend, to stop her from destroying the world.”

“Buffy would never destroy the world.” Willow whispered, her eyes locked on the small figure in front of her.

“She would not be Buffy any longer. She would be him.”

“What does that mean?” Giles asked, his voice respectful.

“That is the piece you have missed. He can’t destroy alone, he needs a mate. He needs to make more of him, and once he has made her, he will.”

I think we all gasped when she said it, I know I did. Destroying the world wasn’t enough for him; he had to use the Slayer, the defender of the world to do it?

Angel growled again, his voice barely containing his panic as he begged her. “Do you know where he has her?”

“Not yet,” she rebuked him, her voice slightly impatient. “First, you must know how to stop him.” Ana looked at each one of us slowly, almost as if she expected us to tell her. I found myself following her gaze, waiting to see what happened next. A chill ran over me, something was going to happen, and I knew I wasn’t going to like it.

“We know how.” Willow said quietly breaking the silence. I jumped at the sound of her voice, my stomach doing flip-flops as I saw the confidence on her face. She turned to Angel, her eyes still bright, but her face sad as she spoke to him. “We have to offer him another mate.” Angel shook his head as I started trembling. I looked at old woman and saw the confirmation in her eyes.

I knew it, I just knew it. I was quiet for a minute, not wanting to say what I had to say. But I finally did, clenching my hands into fists to hide the trembling as I spoke to her. “Me.” My voice didn’t sound calm, or confident, it was more of a squeak.

She nodded, smiling sadly at me. “You already bear his mark.” I put my hand to my neck, feeling for any trace of a scar, but my skin was smooth. “Not on your skin, it's much deeper than that.” I closed my eyes, feeling the room spin around me. I had a piece of him inside me. I reached out as I fought the nausea rising in my stomach. Someone wrapped their arms around me, holding me up as I fought for control. Taking a huge gulp of air I opened my eyes, surprised to see Angel standing in front of me. I looked down at the familiar hands that supported me, relaxing for a split second in the feel of Xander touching me.

Then I pulled away, trying to smile at Angel. “It's okay. We can do this. I can do this.”

“I can’t let you.” Angel replied, looking at Ana as if she might have another solution.

“You can’t stop me.” I whispered, knowing that I was right. It wasn’t fair, but it was right. “We can’t let him have Buffy. We can’t let him have the world.”

“But what about you?” Xander asked worriedly, and this time I couldn't stop the tears from coming to my eyes. It just might be worth it, if only to hear his voice filled with concern for me.

“I will give you a potion.” The Witch walked over to a cabinet, pulling a jar filled with white liquid off the shelf. She handed it to Xander and he took it slowly, his expression confused. “If you pour this on him he will not be able to disappear. You can kill him then.”

Xander held the jar back out to her, his hand shaking. “I can’t do this. What if I miss? What if I’m not fast enough? Why can’t Angel do it?”

“You can do it.” The Witch answered. “You are the only one who can.”

“Why?” Xander whispered.

“That you must discover for yourself.” She answered before turning to Angel. “You will find them in a cave about twenty miles from here. There are five dead trees in front of it.”

“Thank you.” Angel murmured, turning back to me. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.” I answered him with as much confidence as I could gather. “It will be fine.” I turned then and walked towards the door, not wanting to give myself any more time to think about what I was doing.

The others followed me, and we were outside the shack when the woman spoke one last time. “Until Cremo is dead, you cannot rely on your friend for help. She has been with him a long time and he may have control over her.” I turned back to her in terror, afraid that he could control me also. She shook her head at me, answering my unspoken question. “You were only marked once, your will is still your own.”

Well at least I had that. Turning back to the group, I walked with slow careful steps heading back the way we had come. Twenty miles was too far to walk, and we needed to rescue Buffy before morning. We entered the woods, and this time I led.

By the time we reached the Motel, I was completely panicked and trying hard to hid it. Helping Angel fight was one thing, I didn’t usually do the actual fighting, mainly I held the weapons and prayed. This time I knew going in that I was putting myself in the center of it, and that I probably wouldn't get away. I didn’t have Buffy's super powers, and I could still feel the pain of the one burn I got from him. I knew that I couldn't handle many of them, not that I wanted to. My plan wasn’t to sacrifice myself to the demon so that I could be the one to help him destroy the world. I reached up, reassuring myself that my cross was still around my neck. Pulling it out from under my shirt, I stared at it for a minute, then made sure no one was watching as I pulled the end from it. The small dagger shone brightly under the streetlights, and I
smiled at it, slipping the end of the cross back over it.

Angel knew that I had it, knew that I would use it if I had to. I don’t think it's considered suicide if you kill yourself to save the world. All I knew was that if they couldn't get me out, then I would pull the sharp edges of the dagger against my wrists, and stop the demon from using me to fulfill his plan. My hand remained clenched around the cross as I slipped into the front seat of Angel’s car, meeting his eyes.

“You don’t have to do this.” Angel whispered. “I can find another way.”

“It's the only way.” I replied, my voice sounding weak and small. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to hide my fear. “We don’t have time for anything else.”

The back door to the car swung open then, and Willow and Oz climbed in. I looked back at them, their eyes standing out from their worried faces. Shaking my head at them I spoke. “You'd think we'd all be used to this by now.”

Willow’s face crossed into a grimace, her hand reaching up to touch my shoulder. “He'll do it. Xander will save you.”

I didn’t answer her as I faced the front of the car again. What was I supposed to say? Either he would or he wouldn't, and I wasn’t holding out much hope that he would be able to see anything but Buffy once we got in the cave. Some things never change, and I had left Sunnydale two years ago because I finally accepted that he couldn't change it, and I couldn't accept it. It had always been Buffy or Willow first with him, and now I had to add Brina to the equation. I fingered my cross idly; thankful that I had it to depend on as we sped down the highway towards the cave.




CONTINUE