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May 19, 2001 1:00 am
Xander slowly nodded off, his head resting on the cool linen sheets that Willow was tucked into. Her hand remained in his, but unresponsive, limp. His eyes closed wearily and didn't see Willow's open.
She didn't raise her head, but looked at him intently. Her eyes struggled to smile, but to no avail. Letting her eyes drift shut as well, she fell asleep.
********
Xander was walking. He recognized himself as eighteen again, but had a full recollection of the past two years. The library smelled warm and musty around him and he sat in a chair, relishing the perfect silence, the one place he had always felt comfortable enough to stay. He smiled in the serene setting.
Willow walked in, her eyes bright, the energy of a teenager written all over her face. Xander's smile quickly became a grin, alive with emotion and he bounded over to her to sweep her into his arms. They hugged.
"Xander," she laughed after a few minutes. "You can let me go now."
He shook his head against the warmth of her shoulder. "Nuh uh. Never again."
Tears stung her eyes and she summoned all her will to gently push herself out of the security of his arms. Reaching up, she took his face in her hands and looked at him seriously. "Xander, we have all our lives. I hope."
Her voice washed over him like a wave of cool water after years in the desert. He pulled her close again, nuzzling her hair with his face. Tears seeped out from under his eyelids and he squeezed them shut, finally feeling complete after a long, empty stretch.
Willow finally extracted herself from his embrace. His dark eyes followed her as she went to sit down, suddenly weary. He moved to sit beside her, hating any space or air that might come between them. Taking her hand in his, he felt a shock and the soft grip of her palm and sighed. Her eyes met his.
"Remember when we would sneak into my parents room and snoop?" she asked, her green eyes flashing merrily. He snickered, nodding. "Those were happy times, don't you agree? When," she laughed lightly, "we found my mother's diary and learned that she had even documented her honeymoon? Secrets we didn't even *want* to know."
He laughed with her, reliving the pleasant day over again. His smile faded as he watched her face become somber, then tired. She closed her eyes and her head fell back. Opening her mouth, she let out a horrendous wail of grief and pain.
*******************
Xander woke up, the sweat making his clothes stick to his skin. His breath came in gasps and he looked at his hand, still caught in Willow's. His eyes traveled up her arm to his face, to find her watching him.
Her voice rang out briefly in his head again. < Remember, Xander? Remember? >
And then silence reigned again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
July 2, 1999
Oz was the first to break the stunned silence, glancing at his girlfriend supportively. "Well, Willow's right, you know? Buffy has always been the exception to the rule. I mean... All the big bads she's managed to kill since I've been on the scene are a lot, and she's been doing it longer than any of us have known her."
Buffy looked at Oz, grateful. Giles paused, hope finally flickering in his eyes. He cleared his throat. "Yes, Oz. I pray you're right. It's something we should all think on. For now though, Buffy, I think it would be wise if we were to step up our training. No point in letting him catch you, should he try to, at a weak state." She nodded frantically, betraying the fear she felt.
Xander took one of Buffy's hands and Willow took the other. Tears burst into her eyes and she gave them each a tremulous smile before getting up and running into Giles's office. Xander looked at Willow, confused.
"She's not as strong as everything thinks," Willow snapped. Seeing the looks on everyone's faces, she sighed internally, regretting her tone. "I just mean that, you know, she's a girl just as much as she's the Slayer. Coming so close to death so many times is bound to have an effect on her," she pointed out logically. The group nodded in unison as Willow stood.
She turned to Giles. "Train her hard," she instructed with the sudden air of authority, "but don't forget that she's human. She's not what we fight. Give her some slack."
Giles stared at her, open-mouthed and finally nodded, accepting her words as truth and wisdom. Willow walked into the office to find Buffy dabbing at her eyes with a kleenex.
"Are you okay?" she asked cautiously, her bravado from only seconds ago leaving her. Buffy looked up, her eyes watery.
"Yeah," she sniffled. "It's just hard. I mean... Angelus was different. Spike was different. Hell, even the Master was different. This thing has killed 22 of me. I don't know how to even... I don't know how I can take that, respond to that."
Willow sat down next to her, smiling gently. "Buffy, it didn't kill 22 of you. It killed 22 of them. You're different. You always have been."
Buffy nodded slowly and breathed in deeply, calm overcoming the look of panic on her tearstained face. She gripped Willow's hands. "Thank you," she whispered.
Willow grinned. "It's what I'm here for."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
May 19, 2001
Xander burst into the library with an energy fueled by fear. Giles looked up from his books, startled and stood abruptly when he saw Xander, out of breath and panting. Xander gestured wildly to the books.
"She... I... And then there was..." he panted. Giles quickly led him to a chair in which he sank gratefully. Finally catching his breath, he gulped hard. "I had a dream of Willow. With Willow, I mean."
Giles raised his eyebrows a notch. "Oh?"
"Yeah. We were in the library. We were talking... It's like she knew it was a dream." Xander shrugged. "Maybe she did. Anyway, when I woke up, her voice was in my head again, reminding me to remember."
"Remember what?" Giles prompted, intrigued.
"In the dream we were talking about the time we went through her mom's drawers and found her diary." Seeing Giles's look, he defended, "Hey, I don't think we were even ten yet. But that's what keeps going through my mind, what she was trying to tell me."
"Which was?"
Xander took a breath. "I think she was telling us to look through the Watcher diaries."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
July 4, 1999
"So, has Giles found anything yet?" Willow asked Buffy conversationally over the phone.
"No," Buffy answered lightly, with only a slight undertone of worry in her voice. "The things he keeps finding are just about how he kills. Makes us weak, then kills us. It goes into detail about how he does it... Kinda gross, but nothing we haven't heard of. But it doesn't say a thing about how he's going to take away my strength."
Willow sucked in her breath, tsk-ing. "Well, tell Giles that I'll try to be there bright and early tomorrow morning. I would be there tonight, you know, it's just... Romantic, fireworks and a date and everything..." she felt a blush start around her ears.
Instantly the subject was changed. Buffy giggled. "So what are you guys going to do tonight?"
"Nothing!" Willow burst out. "I swear, just... Oh. Like where are we going and stuff?" She gave a strained, nervous laugh.
"Yes..." Buffy said cautiously. "Why? Did you have something else in mind, Will?"
Willow opened her mouth to speak, but only a high pitched squeak came out.
"Willow," Buffy demanded, "Breathe! And then tell me what's on the agenda that's so important it's making you like thi... Oh my God. No way."
Willow gulped. "Uh huh. Buffy, I swear I wanted to tell you. I've just been so nervous planning it and Oz doesn't know and I feel like I'm going to pass out but I know it's right and..."
Buffy cut her off, grinning to herself. "Slow down, Will. Take another breath. Everything will be fine if it's right. And it sounds like you've gone to a lot of trouble to assure that it is."
"You're not... Mad at me for not telling you?"
"No!" Buffy laughed. "That's the way you are. When you decide to tell me something, it should be because you want to, not because you feel like you should."
"Oh, Buffy, I'm so glad you know now. I'm afraid I've been going about this all wrong. And since you... Know so much," Willow blushed, "it's a relief to having you in on it. I just hope everything goes according to the plan. I've planned another picnic, on that secret little knoll. You know the one?"
Buffy uh huh-ed, breathless with excitement for her friend.
"And when he goes to pull away this time, I'll just say that I want to make love to him. Or do you think that sounds too corny? I considered waiting until another special occasion, but this seems perfect, fireworks and the sky all bright with colors and everything."
"What about..." Buffy floundered for a second. "You know, protection?"
"He's human this month, remember? And it's not a full moon tonight, anyway."
Willow could hear Buffy's grin. "I meant, you know, *protection.* Condoms, birth control, that sort of thing."
Willow flushed and then laughed. "Oh. Sorry. I've been on the pill for a month." On the other end of the line, Buffy's mouth dropped open in shock.
"You've been planning this for a while, haven't you?"
"Uh huh," Willow confirmed proudly. "And then there are condoms of course, which I got from the store. I just walked right in and asked for them. Didn't even blush. Well, not a lot at least." Willow felt another surge of pride.
"Well, I'm really happy for you! You're going to tell me about it when you get back, right? Or tomorrow?"
"Duh. You think I'm going to be able to keep it to myself? You just have to promise not to laugh at me," Willow ordered.
"Aye aye. Oh, God, Will, have you seen the clock?"
Willow glanced over to her night table. The clock read 6:09. Willow shrieked into the phone.
"Hey," came the irritated voice of the Slayer. "I think you just made me permanently deaf in one ear." Willow laughed and calmed.
"Sorry. It's just..."
"He's picking you up soon." Buffy finished Willow's thought.
"Yeah. At 7:30. The fireworks start at nine. I'm hoping that'll give me just enough time to seduce him." She grinned.
"Okie doke. Call me later!"
"I will."