Disclaimer: I’m a Buffyverse owner wannabe!
Note: This is set during “The girl in question” when Spike sees Buffy at a club. Also a Harry Potter crossover.
It had been a couple months since it happened, she went to Rome to try to forget but she couldn’t. He was in her dreams, she cried herself to sleep every night, god Spike why did you have to die? Everyone thought Buffy was moving on, happy, but she wasn’t. During the day she would go out with the Immortal trying to make herself believe Spike was really gone, when she knew she could never love anyone besides him.
Dawn was in her senior year of high school [she didn’t go to school that much when glory was trying to kill her] Andrew was living with them on in his words ‘the path to redemption.’
She was sick of it, the partying, the pretending she was okay, and most of all the Immortal. The Immortal was perfect, to perfect. It was like he only had emotions to seem normal, he probably didn’t have to have or need emotions. And the emotions he did show to her were, anger, jealousy, and possessiveness.
He didn’t say or act on these emotions that would be imperfect, but she saw it. The flicker of jealousy in his eyes when she talked about any of her past boyfriends, the clench of his jaw when she put Dawn or anything else before him, and the change in his demeanor when she talked to a guy in a club. These things proved that immortality doesn’t change the fact that you still feel.
Buffy would’ve stayed with The Immortal, in denial, in pain, shadowed by his seeming perfection, for a long time [forever may work for him but not her], if he hadn’t said those few words.
At one of the many clubs in Rome Buffy was dancing with the Immortal when her pain surfaced suddenly. Her back to the Immortal Buffy swayed to the music in the stifling atmosphere of drunken teenagers jerking to the pounding music Buffy saw, Spike.
Blinking her eyes Buffy was frozen as she tried to make the vision go away or better yet be real. In Rome almost every guy she saw either had bleached blonde hair like Spike, or dark brown hair like Angel, so wherever she went she’d think she saw one of them, but this was different.
Usually she would pause until she had seen the man’s face where she her already split heart would clench. This one though had high cheekbones, gelled back almost white hair, and intense blue eyes. It was him. All the oxygen in her body seemed to be vanishing as she choked to form meaningless words compared to what she wanted to say.
Pain was like fire to Buffy, when she had to kill Angel the pain burned and enveloped her soul with flames of guilt, regret, and angst. But when Spike died, the pain was like ice, filling her lungs with frost so she felt like she couldn’t breathe. When the reality that he was dead had hit her she became numb, frozen with a mask of ice, all this pain came back to her when she saw him, the mask shattered into a thousand pieces.
Turning around Spike walked out of the club, still frozen Buffy started walking mechanically after him, The Immortal called after her, but her mind was one track, Spike Alive.
Walking into the alley Buffy choked out one word, “Spike?” Spike turned around facing her, her eyes wide with long overdue unshed tears.
“Y-you’re alive?” Spike didn’t say anything just looked at the cold ground. Before Spike could say anything in his defense Buffy’s white knuckles slammed against his jaw.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why are you alive? Where were you? How could you do this to me?” Buffy asked tears pouring down her face as Spike looked at her shock crossing his features.
“But you’re in love with the bloody Immortal,” Spike exclaimed confused.
“I’m not in love with him! You just died! I was depressed, so I got a trophy boyfriend! Someone to make my friends and family think I’m okay! I told you I loved you and you didn’t believe me!” Buffy started sobbing uncontrollably making her sun kissed skin glisten from her salty tears.
Spike put his arms around her shaking body, she was to upset to get him off, “Why didn’t you believe me,” she asked her voice strangled.
The Immortal ran into the alley, anger radiating off him as he spat at Spike, “William the bloody! What are you doing here? I thought you were dead!”
“Undead,” Spike corrected.
“Buffy! How can you let that evil soulless thing touch you?” The Immortal fumed, his fists clenched.
Standing up Buffy’s pain turned to anger faster then lightning, “What did you say?”
“Buffy try to be reasonable, Spike is-,” The Immortal continued before being cut off by Buffy’s foot being thrust into his chest sending him backwards.
“1. Spike has a soul 2. The only evil thing here is you 3.Were so over.” Spike smirked at the sight of the Immortal hunched over in the alley; it disappeared when Buffy looked at him, her eyes venomous with anger.
“Answer my questions Spike or you’ll be joining the Immortal over there,” Buffy commanded though her pointed finger was trembling from all the crying.
“The amulet you gave me, it ended up at sodding Wolfram and hart! So I was a bloody ghost for a month!”
“Then why didn’t you come to me!” Buffy yelled furiously, fighting the tears still left in her.
“I couldn’t leave L.A! So once I was solid I joined Peaches fang gang,” Spike answered just as forcefully his voice trailing off at the last part.
“So you were alive but you stayed with people you hate instead of being with me,” Buffy whispered, not enough strength to scream.
“He told me you loved the Immortal,” Spike replied avoiding the hurt look in her eyes.
“Who!”
“The bloody star wars geek, Andrew!”
“He knew! How could he not tell me! How could you not tell me?”
“You deserve better then me! I wanted you to be happy,” He said looking into her eyes with concern only to be met with an angry glare.
“What about what I want! Why does everybody think I can’t make decisions in my own life! And don’t you dare say you’re not good enough for me! You got your soul for me! You sacrificed yourself to save the world! I love you, when you died my heart went with you.”
In awe Spike was speechless, this was all he wanted, but it couldn’t be real.
“You make me happy. Everyone else left me, except you. When I treated you like dirt you stayed, when I used you, when I hurt you, you stayed, so why did you leave when I loved you?”
Tears stung her green eyes, swirled with pain indescribable, at that very moment Spike knew- for once- she was saying how she really felt.
“Buffy I love you, I never thought I was worthy enough to have you love me back, but if you’ll have me I’ll never leave again,” taking her small quivering hands in his own he looked into her eyes and kissed her.
Wrapping her arms around his neck Buffy kissed away the pain, anger, and depression, she was with him and that’s all she needed.
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