The first fight since her attack was painful. The vampire was rapidly beginning to win. Lucky for the Slayer, she had Spike close to her side and he took the vamp out at the crucial moment; as he plunged down toward Buffy’s neck.
He held his hand out and helped her back to her feet.
“Don’t fret- love.” he said, “I’m not surprised you’re shaky. I’m sure it’ll take a few days to get back on track.”
She nodded and allowed him to carry her gently home.
Not home... Back to his crypt.
He lay her down on his bed, now used to the uncomfortable chair he had claimed as his new bed.
Tonight, however, Buffy looked up at him as he went to move away.
“Spike?” she said. He knelt down beside her, his face close to hers.
“What is it- love?” he asked.
She reached out a tired hand to touch his cheekbone and smiled slightly before closing her eyes.
The vampire sighed softly as he got back to his feet. Then he leaned forward briefly, kissing the top of the Slayer’s head, inhaling deeply the scent of her golden hair.
Bloody hell... He thought, feeling emotion course through his veins. He didn’t know what was happening to him here. Something... That probably wasn’t right.
The second fight went better, the third too. By the fourth the Slayer had regained an incredible amount of strength and she managed to take the vampire out herself.
“Well done- pet,” Spike enthused, emerging from behind one of the tombstones.
Buffy ran to him.
“Did you see?” she cried. “I did it! I can do this!”
She threw her arms around his neck and Spike lifted the Slayer of the ground.
“I know you can.” he said. “That’s why you’re here- that’s what you’re made for.”
Gently he placed her back on the ground and for a brief moment they simply gazed into each other’s eyes.
Spike had been taking care of the Slayer for almost three weeks now. He’d helped her to recover and grow strong again. Neither of them really knew why he cared- but they both knew that he did.
Slowly, Buffy leaned upwards and softly, she planted a gentle kiss on his silky lips. Then she pulled away and gazed back into his deeps eyes, feeling herself get lost in their icy blue depths.
“Do you know what Slayer?” he said in a gentle voice that drifted to her ears as if carried on a breeze, “I know it’s wrong and I know it can’t be pure but... I love you...”
***
It had been five weeks since Buffy was attacked, and she lay on Spike’s bed with a gentle smile on her face.
He was out. He had been keeping vampire numbers down while she recuperated. She herself would take one out about once every two days but that wasn’t nearly enough to keep the Hellmouth under control so Spike had taken it upon himself to keep the new recruits feeling dusty.
Buffy lay on her back, thinking about the transformation she had witnessed taking place in Spike.
She could barely remember the vampire he had been now.
All she saw when she looked at him was her saviour; her protector; her lover.
Buffy wondered about the latter. She felt sickened at the thought of any man touching her... Any man but Spike that was.
Spike’s touch she longed for.
The situation was strange like that.
Buffy looked up as the crypt door opened and Spike strolled in. The sun was about to rise outside so it must’ve been dawn; time for bed, in other words.
He dropped his stake down onto a table and fell into his comfy chair.
“Tired?” Buffy asked.
“Doing your job.” he agreed. “Don’t know how you ever got up in the morning!”
“Ahh-” said Buffy, “Enhanced Slayer skills.”
“Explains a lot.” agreed Spike, rubbing his head.
Little more had been said on the matter since Spike had declared his love for Buffy. She had simply kissed him in return then they had walked home. That night he had kissed her on the forehead again before going to his chair; believing her to be asleep. Little did he know that she had cherished that gentle kiss.
But that is as far as it had gone.
Spike watched her now; wondering what she was thinking about. Wondering just why he loved her so much.
Her vulnerability. He told himself. As well as her strength.
“Spike?” Buffy called, sitting up on the bed.
“Yes- love?” he asked, sitting up too. Slowly she smoothed her hand over the bed sheets beside her.
“Stay here with me,” she said, “Instead of the chair.”
Spike looked at the tempting bed but then at Buffy’s fragile expression. She couldn’t handle rejection right now, but he knew she wasn’t ready.
“You’re not ready- pet.” he told her- knowing he was right.
“Then just hold me?” she asked.
Spike sighed softly, pushing himself out of his chair.
“Of course.” he said, heading toward his old bed.
Softly he climbed onto the bed and slipped under the covers, wrapping his strong arms around her small torso. She exhaled slowly, already afraid of being this close to a man again. But Spike’s gentle hands soothed away her fears as he gently wove his fingers through her long blond hair. Finally relaxing, Buffy lay her head down on his firm chest, closing her eyes.
Safe together in the darkness, Spike finally found those words once again.
“I love you Buffy.” he said.
“I love you too.” The words slipped out, surprising them both. Buffy turned quickly to look up at Spike who was gazing down at her in disbelief.
“You do?” he asked.
“I do.” she agreed, her eyes blinking back tears of sincerity. Slowly she turned her head back into his chest.
Eventually, the Slayer fell asleep.
Her dreams were candy coloured, soft like those she hadn’t seen for a long time. She walked in sunlight and bathed in the ocean.
But then the sun was shattered and through the darkness he came at her, his arms outstretched, his breath foul and reeking of alcohol.
“Sweetheart...” his slurred word tumbled around inside her brain as she remembered his thick lips crushing down on top of hers. His hands fumbling with her clothes.
She could feel his breath hot and fast on her neck, feel his mouth lower down to bite, feel his teeth slip into her soft skin.
“AAARRRRRGH!” Buffy screamed, “AAARRRRGH!”
Her screams woke both she and Spike up.
“Buffy?” called voices as the crypt door crashed open. “Buffy- are you here?”
The sky outside was a stormy black and rain fell from the dark clouds so rapidly that the cemetery itself was becoming waterlogged.
“Buffy?”
Lost in a fear of being found, the Slayer clung to the vampire’s chest.
“Don’t let them find me...” she whispered. “Not yet...Not yet...”
“Bloody Hell... Bloody Hell.” said Spike loudly. “Obsessed now soldier-boy. Buffy’s not here- Goddamit- why would she be?”
The silhouetted man stood in the doorway hung his head, Spike could see tears shining in his eyes and imagined the pain of loosing his beloved Slayer.
“I’m sorry mate.”
He was glad it was dark, Riley wouldn’t be able to make out the small lump hidden under the covers.
Riley turned on his heel and left, not even bothering to close the crypt door.
“Bloody Hell.” groaned Spike, pushing the Slayer off of him and climbing out of the bed. “Bollocks.” he said as he pulled the heavy door shut against the rain. He hadn’t realised before now just how deep the water was that he was sinking into.
Buffy was with Riley- Captain Do-good. Captain kill the vampires. Captain Good Guy.
Spike groaned; Captain Kill Spike as soon as he finds out that he’s been keeping the Slayer with him...
Spike could hear the Slayer crying but he stayed at the door, wondering whether he should just run after Riley and turn the girl over to him. Riley could do better for that girl than he could ever hope to.
Was it another of those cruel to be kind scenarios? He wondered.
“Ready yet Slayer?” he asked in an emotionless voice, all but ready to hand the beautiful girl over to her demon killing lover; resigned to his fate- which was probably going to be dusty.
But- for some reason- none of that seemed to matter, so long as the Slayer was happy. Jeez-us Christ, Spike thought to himself, what happened to me?
Buffy didn’t answer so Spike stalked over to her and lifted her from the bed easily, placing her on her feet.
Cruel to be kind, cruel to be kind... He chanted inside his head.
“Come on Slayer- it’s been five weeks and he’s still looking- he must love you far more than I’ll ever be able to.” he told her in harsher tones than he had used to her since the attack.
Buffy looked up at him with glassy eyes, filled with yet to be spilt tears.
Words failed her in that moment as he pulled his leather duster off of one of the chairs. He hadn’t worn it in a while- not since the attack.
He pulled the jacket around her shoulders, hauling the collar up around her neck. He held his hands there for a moment or two longer than he should do, shouldn’t be touching the Solider Boy’s property.
He sighed and forced away the tears that were threatening to rise in his own eyes.
“Spike...” Buffy said.
He turned away, “Don’t...” he said, “Please just go...”
“But I’m not-”
“You’ve been ready for a long time now.”
He stared at the floor, wondering if he was doing the right thing. The right thing? A voice in his head scoffed. Your letting the most perfect woman in the world walk away from you- of course your not doing the right thing!
Spike realised it with a start and he span around to catch her with his hands and lips.
But she was already gone.
And the crypt was cold and empty in her wake; colder and emptier than it had ever been.
Buffy felt tears stream down her cheeks as she fumbled through the cemetery in a coat that was far too big for her.
She barely even noticed the rain and the dark through her tears.
Why am I crying? She asked herself angrily. He’s an evil vampire- was I really expecting this one to work out? But even as she thought the words- she knew she was wrong.
Spike may be soulless but for some reason... He wasn’t evil- not the way he had been. Something had changed him- somehow, falling in love with the Slayer had changed him.
Buffy decided she was going to play amnesia when she returned home- no recollection of the previous five weeks. Maybe she’d even play that mask to Spike; make him think she had forgotten all about falling in love with him. At least then she could move on from this chapter of her life- but was loosing Spike the price she would have to pay?
Buffy was so screwed up right now- she didn’t even know what she wanted.
She had to compress the desire to run back to the crypt and into Spike’s arms. She’d found safety there and it seemed stupid to give that up.
But he doesn’t want me. Buffy reminded herself. He told me to be with Riley.
Riley. Just the thought of him made the Slayer shiver. No doubt, he’d be overjoyed to see her- what if he wanted... to touch her... to be with her.
Buffy felt the tears return to her eyes. Would she ever feel ready to be touched- ever again?
The Slayer slumped to the ground, leaning her back against a grave stone.
She hadn’t gone very far. She could be back to the crypt, back in Spike’s arms, in less than five minutes.
She-
She felt him standing behind her and a smile lit her tired face.
“Spike.” she said with resolution as he rested his strong hand on her shoulder, “I knew you’d come back for me.”
The vampire growled possessively, startling Buffy.
“Spike?” she asked in a tentative whisper.
The words barely had a chance to leave her lips before he ripped her head to the side and plunged down toward her neck, digging his fangs deep into her skin and drinking in her intoxicating blood.
“No...” Buffy whispered, not allowing herself to believe that she’d been wrong about him; that he hadn’t changed; that he was still the evil creature who would kill whatever he couldn’t own, “SPIKE! NO!”
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