We decided that I would approach the girl, in hopes that I would be less threatening. I could pose as another teenager having fun at the Bronze. Angel came with me the night that I met Sunshine Lawson. Her parents were hippy wannabees, I could tell. When I read the name, my thoughts immediately turned to the fun Xander could have with the double meanings. (Boy that Sunshine is one heck of a vamp killer..yada yada yada) Xander loved a bad pun. It felt good to remember him with laughter instead of a pang of sorrow .
We were sitting at a table where we could see everyone that entered when she came in. I can't say exactly how I knew it was her, but I did. I had not seen her picture. It was just a sudden knowledge that she was the slayer. I nudged Angel and pointed her out to him. He gave me a questioning look, and I didn't blame him. She was more the sort of a girl you would expect to find on the cover of Vogue by her looks and physique. She was very tall, and waif-ish, and her looks contradicted her name completely. She had jet- black hair and dark intense eyes. She looked like she would break in half with one good kick. Her manner, however, was something I had not expected. She reminded me of myself. I could see by her expression that she was not comfortable around people, and the shyness seemed to pour off of her. I knew that her academic record was unimpressive. She was average in everything she did, although she seemed to excel in athletics, but would never participate in organized sports despite being hounded by the coaches at her old school. She was into yoga, tae kwon do, and pretty much anything to do with Eastern and Gaelic studies. Her father was Okinawan and her mother Irish. The combination of the two was stunning in her, while I doubted that she realized her beauty. Angel described her as a porcelain doll, in that she looked that fragile. I knew deep down that this girl was as fragile as a steel bar, and that her appearance would be a great advantage. She was striking, not imposing, and that would distract her foes and most likely would make them unprepared for her strength. I wondered how Angel would take to her considering they shared some heritage, although Angel tells me that with my hair and complexion, I am most definitely Irish somewhere. Apparently me being Jewish doesn't dissuade him in the least, which amuses me to no end.
Sunny had come alone, presumably to meet people in this new town, but she promptly sat down by herself and began staring at the table. I took this as my cue to approach her. Angel gave me a kiss for luck as I got up to go walk to her. She never looked up as I approached her, but I knew she sensed my presence. I asked her if I could join her, and received a shrug in response. She was most talkative, this one. I sat down and introduced myself, and made like I went to school at the private school just outside of town. She made noises of feigned interest until I asked her if she would rather be alone. She then became forceful in her assertion that she wouldn't. We started talking tentatively and I got her to open up a little about why she was here, and where she was from.
She was very hesitant when she started asking me about Sunnydale. I could tell that the Hellmouth had been working its magic already. I was cautious in my answers, although I sensed that there was something specific she wanted to ask me. I finally came out and asked her what it was she wanted to ask. What she said floored me, because she asked me if I had known Buffy. I gave her a startled look, and realized that she knew me from her dreams. I hadn't considered that. I told her yes, and decided from there just to be honest with this girl who seemed to suspect what I was there for.
She took the news quite calmly. The idea of being a vampire slayer didn't phase her one bit. I had simply confirmed what the dreams had already told her. I could tell that Sunny had powerful psychic energies, that most likely accounted for her prophetic dreams. My study in magick had prepared me for her. What shocked me the most, however, was when she came right out and asked what it was like to be a vampire. Her slayer sense was highly tuned already, it seemed. I introduced her to Angel, and she experienced a moment of fear at the sight of him before relaxing when she saw him pull me up against his side. I knew this girl would be a powerful slayer. Her strength would be in her perception and sixth sense, whereas Buffy was a go-get-em take charge kind of girl whose presence in a room was obvious. This girl could easily hide in the open, despite her looks. She was the image of stealth, and I knew that when she hunted, she would move like a black panther, unseen in the night.
We had the vampire slaying business, and the fact that we were good members of the undead out of the way, so we took her to meet Giles. The two of them sized each other up rather quickly, and I was glad to see that Giles took Sunny for face value, and did not constantly compare her with Buffy. Her knowledge of marital arts had prepared her for fighting vampires, but she took a different approach than Buffy. Buffy was very aggressive, and always on the offense. Sunny learned through her studies in Eastern philosophy that one should always take the defensive role, fighting only to in terms of defense. If she could, she would sneak up on them so quietly, they would be dust before they realized anyone was there. When this wasn't possible, her mere presence would start the fight, but when attacked she simply sat back, blocking her opponents attempts at her with defensive moves until they made a mistake. She then showed no mercy. She was very quiet, and where Buffy had always longed for a normal life, Sunshine seemed to throw everything she had into her slaying. She once told me that being the slayer finally made her feel special, something she had never felt before. I felt genuine affection for her after that, knowing that once again, I found something that we had in common. I have never been able to say which girl was the more competent slayer. Buffy had her own strengths, and many distractions in her life. Sunny seemed to live through slaying, and while she was affective, I often felt like it was *too* important to her. She needed friends. Angel and I were there, but there was always a barrier between us because of the our vampire status. She appreciated our help, and often sought us out, but she was very much a loner. I knew that she went to school and came home, many times without ever talking to another student. She spent any free time in the library with Giles, and occasionally found herself at our house for various purposes, either on the computer, in our library, or training in the training room Angel had put in. She would often be in there for hours by herself, practicing and meditating before patrolling at night. I took it upon myself to be become her friend, and slowly, I accomplished that goal. Being around someone young and alive was rejuvenating for me. I became more of my old self, and Angel was happy to see some of the old me again. I tried not to think about what would happen in the future, knowing that it did no good worrying about the future when you could easily live forever. An eternity of worrying was a waste of time, so living in the now became my focus.
:::personal account::
I was working at my computer one day when I received an e-mail from an aunt I had not seen since I was in high school. She had written to tell me that my parents had been killed in a plane crash on their way to New York. As I sat staring blankly at the letter, Angel came up behind me, putting his arms around me in a hug as he often did. He must have seen what the letter said, because his embrace tightened as he placed calming kisses on the top of my head. He then knelt down beside me, pulling my chair around to face him so that he could read me. Strangely, I was very calm about the news. I could tell he was worried, but all I could do was lean down and kiss him. He returned my kiss, once again giving me comfort in my time of grief. I decided to take it farther, but unlike the other times we had sex, this time we were gentle and took our time. In my mind this was the first time we ever truly made love despite the numerous encounters we had before this. There had been love in it before, but not the aching, sweet union we shared that day. I felt cherished as his hands and mouth roamed my body with exquisite tenderness. There were no injuries, no acrobatics, no demons, as there usually when we were together. I felt that our souls had finally connected on a fundamental level, making me feel complete once and for all. And despite the fact that I had been happy with Angel all along, I had always felt a little part of both of us holding back that part of us that had once loved others. I felt different now, like we had found the keys to unlock those parts of our souls and let each other in completely. As we lay together afterwards I told Angel what I was thinking and feeling, and discovered he felt the same way.
Time does heal wounds, and with time and each other, we had healed ours. Neither of us will ever forget the ones we lost, I find joy in the knowledge that they are happy in the next life, and that I can be free to be happy in this one, however long it ends up lasting. Our demons will always be there, but they do not rule us. We allow then to be free with each other sexually when the mood strikes, and through that we can control them. But now, it is our choice. If I want to be with *Angel*, I can, and vice versa. I realize that I am sharing a lot of intimate details that the Watcher Society doesn't necessarily need to know. I include these things in the event that Angel and I meet an untimely end, which for us, would be any end at all. I say both of us because I know that if anything happened to either of us, the other would not continue to live either. It would simply be unthinkable.
I am now finished with my account of things that have occurred until the present time. From now on I will be writing daily, or as often as I see fit. At this writing, Sunny had been slaying quite successfully for nearly two years, and it has been 6 years since Buffy and the others died. Giles is doing well now, and is finally letting go of the pain that has plagued him the last 6 years. Tonight, I am preparing to marry the man who has gotten me through all of it, and I him, and Giles will be giving me away. I balked at the idea of a wedding between two undead, immortal beings, but Angel insisted. He is friends with a priest who knows of our kind, who has been Angel's confessor since he re-gained his soul. I agreed to let him perform the ceremony despite the fact that I was Jewish as a mortal. He has helped Angel finally begin to believe that his essence, his soul, is not damned for the actions of the demon. That all creatures have their purpose in the world, and that ours is to fight as great warriors against the evil in it. As for me, I know that the being known as God is universal, and the fact that I have Angel in my life is proof enough to me that he does love us, and that we do the good we do in his name, whatever it might be.
::End report::
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