In a deserted warehouse elsewhere in Sunnydale, that same night, a vampire in punk attire has just come before Spike; Drusilla and a couple of other vampires are also in the warehouse. "Spike, we got Anton, but the Slayer got Jack," the punk vampire reported.
"And you then killed the Slayer," Spike replied, "right, Dirk?"
"Spike, I ..." the vampire started.
"No, of course you didn't. That little Slayer girl is starting to be distinctly irritating. And I don't know who pisses me off more, her or those unimaginative fossils who pass for vampires around here. I kill their Annoying One, and what happens? They could be impressed with me, they could want to follow me, we could make every night in this town Mardi Gras with blood, but those fools are all upset because Little Boy Blood figured in some tedious prophecy." Spike paused. "Though maybe it's my fault, for not listening to my own advice. I tried to tell Adolph not to fight a two-front war, and now I'm stuck fighting one myself."
Spike looked around the warehouse. "Time for a change in tactics, vamps and vampires; we need to modernize the old operation, and bring in some new blood. Computers are where it's at; let's toss out the old, and get wired up and plugged in, start surfing the net and catching flies in the web." He plucked a newspaper off the floor. "You see: 'Cybersex pervert lures teens'. There's someone with vision. The old fossils can wander around at night getting killed by the Slayer; we'll locate new recruits with the push of a button, and get dinner to come right to us." He turned to Drusilla. "Wouldn't you like that, Princess?"
"Could I pick out my own, Spike?" Drusilla asked.
"Why not, love?" Spike answered. "Sheila, come here!" he called. The recently vamped teenage girl joined the other vampires. "Girl, would that grotty little high school of yours have their student records on computer? And the other schools around here?"
"Yeah, at my school we had those stupid computer forms. Most of the other schools and colleges, too."
"Smashing; you can tell a good place to eat by its extensive menu. I think it's time to ... hire ... a consultant. So girl, who knows about school computers, particularly entering them WITHOUT being invited?"
"There's that pain Ms. Calendar, the computer teacher, and Willow the nerd queen. And both of them are tight with Buffy and Giles."
"Friends of the Slayer?" Spike said. "There's an interesting thought; we could do a little corporate head-hunting, poach on enemy territory."
"Spike," Drusilla interrupted, "my dollies don't think that's a good idea. They're my friends and know I'd be sad if someone took them away. Wouldn't it make the Slayer sad if we took her friends away? We don't want to make her sad; we just want to make her dead."
"I wouldn't want to get your dollies upset, Princess," Spike said to Drusilla, then to Sheila, "So, who else can we get as our computer expert?"
Sheila was looking at Spike and Drusilla, baffled. "Why do you always listen to that ..." Sheila was interrupted; Spike's hand on her throat was holding her above the floor.
"Drusilla, love," Spike said, in a deceptively pleasant manner, "do you think this girl was going to say something nasty about you? What happens to people who say nasty things about my Drusilla?"
"Oooh, are you going to do that VERY nasty thing to her?" Drusilla asked eagerly. "Can I watch?"
"Oh, I don't know," Spike said, "it is such a chore cleaning the blood off the ceiling afterward."
Sheila, wriggling helplessly in Spike's grasp, managed to say "I wasn't going to say anything about her, honest!"
Spike released Sheila. "Of course not, girlie, you were going to tell us who else knows about computers, right?"
"Right, there's, um,..." Sheila thought frantically. "Josh, Josh Fornell, he got in trouble by changing grades in the school computer."
"Not another friend of the Slayer?" Spike asked warningly.
"No, not at all," Sheila said quickly.
"Good; after all, my Princess and her dollies were quite right. We don't want that irritating little Slayer to concentrate on us when there's a whole group of boring old vampire gits she could be out staking. Now, if you know where this Josh lives, we can go offer him a choice: living forever, or facing the same horrible fate that took his family."
"I don't... his family? What horrible fate?" Sheila asked, puzzled.
"I haven't decided yet. Something ... persuasive."
Dirk, the punk vampire, diffidently asked, "Spike, I'm sure you have a plan for this, but how do we get into their house if we're not invited in?"
"Oh, I think when this panic-stricken girl," Spike gestured at Sheila, "bangs on their door and pleads to be let in, and they see the two hideous creatures that are chasing her," gesturing to himself and Dirk, "they'll tell her to come in." Spike turned to Drusilla, "be back soon, love," and the three vampires left.
While, in still another part of Sunnydale, several other vampires were gathered. One of them, dressed in robes, said, "Kindred, Anton has failed to return. We must accept that he has fallen to one of our great enemies: the Slayer, she who took our most ancient and revered Master from us, or the traitor Spike, who betrayed us all by turning his hand against the one who was foretold in prophecy, created in fire, and anointed in blood."
"What can we do, Simon?" one vampire asked. "Spike and the Slayer both are powerful, and our numbers are limited."
"Then we must increase our numbers," Simon answered. "We must bring into our fold those who are worthy to join us, those who deserve to receive our great gifts: the true spirit, unhindered by petty mortal conscience; eternal life, free from the curse of aging and decay; and service at the right hand of the mighty ones, when they return to reclaim this world as their rightful possession."
"But Simon," another vampire objected, "the time to sire and train them, one by one..."
"Alas, Abraham," Simon said to the other vampire, "these times are desperate. The traitor Spike and his fellows will not hesitate to sire new vampires; we are forced to do the same. Though it pains us to sire those who are not thoroughly considered and prepared, to bring them across while being unable to devote all our efforts to training each one individually, it must be done. Let each of us start seeking for likely candidates, to be converted to our kind as soon as may be done. Once the traitor Spike has been destroyed, then will be the time to finish training all in our ways."
"But Simon..."
"Silence, Abraham! This MUST be done! Or would you have the killer of the Anointed One be the face of our kind, for all eternity? Go, all of you, and start finding those who will join us ... NOW!". And with that, the other vampires left.
The next afternoon after school, Willow was in the library, checking information on her computer. "Giles, I think I found something," she called out. She continued reading the file she'd located, then turned away, covering her mouth and looking sick.
Giles came over, still carrying a large volume he'd been looking through. "Yes, something about vampire activity?" Then he noticed Willow's expression. "Willow, are you all right?"
"I'm, it's just..." Willow paused and took a breath. "I was checking coroner's reports, and I found this preliminary report on a Mr. and Mrs. Fornell, who were killed last night. What it says here, from the condition of the b-bodies, how they were t- tortured ..."
Giles started reading the file, and looked grim. "We've got a monster of some sort out there, at least figuratively if not literally, but that's doesn't necessarily mean ..." He paused, then read out loud, " 'Bodies drained of blood, but very little blood at the scene, suggesting that the bodies were moved to where they were found.' Or alternatively, yes, that does suggest vampires."
"What suggests vampires?" came Xander's voice from the door, followed by Buffy's "And where are they, what are they doing, and how can I kill them BEFORE we have start making deals with them?"
"Buffy, Xander," Willow said, "there was a killing last night, and, and..." She pointed the screen, and Xander and Buffy came over to read it.
"Oh-kay, that's my minimum daily requirement of grossness right there. Don't you have a v-chip on this thing?" Xander asked.
"And I think we can guess exactly who is responsible for this," Buffy said, indicating another detail in the report. She read aloud " 'For both victims, railroad spikes were found inserted in their...',
"I think that's enough," Xander said. "Let's save the rest of it for some time when I'm planning to never eat again."
"Spike is out there killing and torturing people," Buffy said emphatically. "And we're supposed to make a DEAL with him?"
"There's the other side," Xander said. "Maybe they're not as bad."
"They're different, but not necessarily better," Angel interrupted, entering the library.
"Hey, isn't it still light out?" Xander said, indignantly. "You're not supposed to be here."
"There are underground routes to get in here, but don't worry; I've left a few surprises to discourage any OTHER vampire who tries to come in here that way."
"Look, never mind that," Buffy said. "Angel, Giles wants us to make a deal with one group of vampires, in order to stop this war. You know vampires...,"
"Extremely well," Xander muttered.
"Tell him we can't deal with them," Buffy finished.
"I'm suggesting that if this vampire war continues, we may have to ally with one side to eliminate the other. It might be the only way to stop all this," Giles said to Angel.
"That's very dangerous," Angel replied, "and you couldn't really trust them, but yes, it may be necessary."
"Oh, not you too," Buffy complained. "Doesn't anybody just want to KILL vampires any more?"
"Angel, we know about Spike," Giles said, "do you know who's in charge of the other faction?"
"From what I've heard, a vampire named Simon has the power among the Ancients right now. I did know him in the, um, old days. We called him Simon the Preacher."
"That doesn't sound too bad," Willow interjected.
"Better than William the Bloody, anyway," Xander added.
"As I said, different but not necessarily better. Simon got his nickname because he was always giving speeches about the destiny of the vampires and the necessity of serving the Master and the demonic forces. He wouldn't torture and kill you for amusement, the way Spike would,..."
"Always a point in someone's favor," Xander commented.
"But Simon wouldn't hesitate to do anything, no matter how vicious, to accomplish his goals," Angel finished.
"So, Giles," Buffy said brightly, "Who do you want to deal with? We've got the vampire version of Jack the Ripper on one side, and, um,..."
"And the vampire equivalent of Torquemada, on the other," Giles finished. "I agree, it's not a very pleasant prospect either way."
"Now you've lost me," Xander said. "Who's Torquemada?"
"He was the head of the Spanish Inquisition," Willow answered.
"Oh, that's why I didn't get it. I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition," Xander quipped. Everyone else ignored the Monty Python reference completely.
"There's something else that I heard," Angel said. "Simon has ordered the other vampires in his faction to start seeking out candidates to be converted into vampires."
"And Spike will start doing the same, or is already doing it, correct?" Giles asked, and Angel nodded. "Buffy, if you can hunt down enough of the vampires, that may keep things under control. But if you can't..."
"It's 'say something nice about the devil' time," Buffy finished resignedly.
"Unfortunately, yes," Giles said. "We'd have to contact the vampire leaders. Angel, what are our chances of dealing with one or the other? How would Spike, or this Simon the Preacher, react if we offered a temporary alliance to eliminate the other side?"
"Yes, Angel, why WOULD Mr. Torture-People-and-Kill- Slayers Spike will want to work with us?" Buffy asked.
"Spike might take a twisted amusement from having a Slayer work WITH him to eliminate his other enemies," Angel answered. "Although he'd also find it amusing to make a deal and then turn on you."
"Oh good," Buffy said sarcastically, "now I'm psyched to do this."
"As for Simon, he was devoted to the Master," Angel began.
"So he'll be REAL thrilled to deal with the people who killed the Master, and prevented his resurrection," Buffy interrupted.
"Yes, normally you'd be the last people Simon would work with. But this is a special situation; he might consider an alliance to eliminate Spike, because Spike killed the Anointed One. Simon would consider you a great enemy, but he'd consider Spike as something worse: a betrayer," Angel said.
"Like Benedict Arnold," Willow suggested. "British generals during the American Revolution were enemies, but the person we think of as really bad is Benedict Arnold, an American who betrayed his country."
"No offense to anyone whose country was on the other side in that," Xander said while looking at Giles. "Hey, Giles, you listening here?"
"Sorry," Giles said, "I was just remembering something. I've seen that name Simon the Preacher before." He lifted the book he was still holding. "No, not there ... Watcher diaries, that's it. If you'll excuse me a moment, I just want to check this." He went into the stacks.
"Angel," Buffy said urgently, "tonight we have to go out, and try to kill as many vampires as we can. Hit them while they're out recruiting; if they lose more vampires while doing that than they get as new ones, maybe they'll stop. See if you can get an idea where they're going to be, meet me at nightfall by my house, and we'll go. Because I do NOT want to have to contact them and try to make a deal."
Giles came back, holding another book. "I thought so. It was in my grandmother's diary, almost sixty years ago. It would have been soon after the Master was trapped in the Hellmouth; a vampire named Simon the Preacher came to my grandmother and tried to get certain old texts from her."
"What happened?" Willow asked.
"A stand-off. My grandmother couldn't get away, but Simon couldn't get in where she was. He spent a considerable amount of time trying to persuade her to give him the volumes, and arguing the superiority of the vampire cause. Eventually daylight forced him to leave."
"So he's an old friend of your family. So what?" Buffy asked.
"It might give us an approach to dealing with him. He did try negotiating with a Watcher before, so to speak, and my grandmother wrote it down in considerable detail. It's a starting point, at least."
Willow had been working at the computer, and now spoke up. "And I just found something else, if we have to deal with Spike. The Fornells, the ones who were, were killed, they had a son named Josh, who went to school here. I talked to him in the computer room sometimes. He disappeared last night, too, but the police didn't find his body."
"But he's probably dead, too. Spike just dumped the body somewhere else," Buffy said.
"No, the thing is," Willow replied, "he told me once about an alias he uses for postings on newsgroups. And I found comments from that alias, discussing TV shows and things, really nasty comments flaming other posters, and they're dated today."
"Let me get this straight," Xander said. "This guy's parents are brutally murdered by vampires, he's a witness or a suspect or something, and he finds time for on-line arguments about TV shows?! He's either totally psycho, or..."
"Or he doesn't care what happened to his parents, because Spike turned him into a vampire," Buffy finished.
"That's what I thought," Willow said. "And if he's a vampire working with Spike, but he's still going on-line, then we can contact him by e-mail. I can conceal the source and encode the messages and all, so no one else can trace it. And that would be a way to negotiate with Spike, right?"
"Now even the vampires are using computers," Giles muttered, but answered out loud, "That would be a possibility. Angel..." he began, but Angel had left again.
Meanwhile, in Spike's lair, a recently-undeceased Josh Fornell was also working at a computer. "Spike," he called out, "I've got some people for you. They're a group of prisoners who are being transferred tonight; here's a list."
Spike took a printout from the teenager. "Nice, some very useful felons. Not too bloodthirsty, but we can soon fix that. My own little rehabilitation program: ordinary criminal into bloodsucking monster in one easy lesson. Good work, kid; keep it up, and I'll give you a bonus."
"That's a present?" Drusilla interjected. "Spike's presents are very good. They're so ... messy."
"Exactly," Spike confirmed. "You pick someone you don't like, and you get their heart. You don't get THAT perk in a regular job. Unless you work for the government, of course."
"Can I unwrap his present?" Drusilla asked. "It's fun unwrapping presents, because they make such lovely noises. And if you unwrap the present just right, the lovely noises go on ever so long."
Josh, with a distinctly evil grin on his face, was muttering, "Get that nosy computer teacher, or ... " He was interrupted by a beeping from the computer. "Damn!" he said, "I'm locked out. The list of prisoners was in the administrative files, but the exact route and time are under heavy security; I can't get them."
"That's very ... disappointing," Spike answered heavily. "I don't LIKE being disappointed. I WAS going to spend tonight recruiting some criminals, but if I CAN'T do that, I'll have to find some OTHER way to spend the night, something that you might find incredibly unpleasant."
"He's not going to get his present?" Drusilla asked.
"If he can't find me my criminals, he may get something much nastier," Spike answered.
"Then I'll find your criminals," Drusilla said. "I can see them; they've been bad, and they're all locked up, and they'll be in this little bus. We'll go get them out, won't we, Spike?"
"Yes, Princess. Show me where they'll be, and we'll get them out," Spike answered her, then added to Josh, "You're EXTREMELY lucky; you don't have to find out what I do when I'm disappointed." He gestured to several of the other vampires, saying "Come on; there's a war on, and our new troops await."
Over in the other lair of vampires, the robed Simon the Preacher addressed his followers. "Kindred, I have considered the candidates that you proposed as worthy of receiving the gift and joining our kind. And Reginald has discovered a fortunate occurrence. Reginald?"
A vampire in an Edwardian butler's uniform began to speak. "There is a dinner party tonight at a household here in town. Although there's not a truly proper household staff, merely one maid, gossip among the serving class is still the same; I was able to obtain the guest list from her. Several suggested candidates will be there, and the guests in general fit the desired criteria: they are all educated individuals, of worldly status and accomplishment, with sufficient mortal age for wisdom. I have made certain arrangements, enabling us to gain entry to this household tonight."
"This will be an opportunity to considerably increase our numbers," Simon said. The vampire named Abraham started to speak up, but Simon interrupted him. "The matter is settled! We MUST sire as many new vampires as possible, to oppose the traitorous Spike. Do NOT object again." He paused. "Those among you who I judge ready to sire more of our kind will go forth, persuade your individual candidates to accept our gift, and complete the transposition of bloods. Leave the converted once it is complete; let the mortal world sever its ties to them, before they rise. The rest of you shall go with Reginald to this dinner party, and bring all suitable individuals back here, where they can be held until we can offer them the chance of eternal life among us."
"And if any are unworthy, or persist in refusing our gift?" one vampire asked.
"They can still serve our kind; their blood can nourish the newly-risen ones."
Back at the school, as night fell, Jenny Calendar was working at her computer. "Almost done here," she said to a waiting Giles. "If Josh is now a vampire working for Spike, he's not getting into THIS computer system. I've added several new security layers, and consecrated them to appropriate deities."
"Who IS the god of computer security?" Giles asked, shaking his head.
"I've always liked Heimdall," Ms. Calendar answered, while still typing. "Guardian of the rainbow bridge, ultra-acute senses; seems appropriate to guard systems and detect intrusion. I've also invoked Ra and Apollo; I'd think vampire computer hackers do NOT like sun gods. And of course Mithra; a god of heavenly light, and battler of evil and darkness, should be doubly effective." She typed a last bit on the keyboard, then stood up. "There; that's done. Now, Rupert, as long as you don't erase everything I've just done..."
"I did apologize for what I did to your, um, hard drive, was it? I just do not get along with computers. It's one of those eternal conflicts: vampires and sunlight, me and computers."
"Well, as long as you don't jump on a chair and start shrieking every time you see the mouse ..." Ms. Calendar paused and sighed. "It's too bad about Josh. He was very bright, but his judgment ... I did have to report when I found that he'd been altering the grade files, didn't I? Principal Snyder was talking expulsion, and possible criminal charges, but I guess that doesn't matter, now."
"Well, we don't actually KNOW that Josh is a vampire now," Giles answered, "but since it seems likely, yes, anything Snyder would do to him is a moot point. Unless students who get in trouble are now punished by staking or beheading, of course."
"Didn't you read yesterday's memo? That's exactly what Snyder's doing."
"What...?"
"Joke, Rupert."
"Oh right, of course, Snyder couldn't really... There are times I think he'd want to, though. Well, we'd better go." Giles paused. "Oh, Jenny, do you have protection for tonight?"
"Do I have...?
"Protection. Crosses and holy water, or whatever equivalent you prefer. If the vampires will be out in force tonight, you should carry something."
"Oh, THAT protection. No problem, I've got so many assorted religious symbols with me, I could make an ecumenical charm bracelet."
Elsewhere, after dark, Buffy was waiting impatiently when Angel showed up outside her house. "Well, what did you find out?" she immediately asked.
"You could say hello, first," Angel chided her gently.
"This from Mr. Mysteriously-Vanishes-Without-Saying- Goodbye. Fine, hello again Angel, nice to see you, you're looking very undead today, how's the vampire business going, drink any good blood lately? Now, what did you find out?"
"Well, I was able to overhear some of Simon's followers talking," Angel answered. "They're making a big push tonight, trying to convert a number of new vampires."
"Then we have to STOP them. Where are they going to be?"
"From what I heard, there's a fancy dinner party somewhere tonight, with lots of high-class, successful people. Simon has sent a group of vampires to bring them all back as potential vampire converts. And the vampires have some way to gain access to the house."
"WHICH house, where? We need to KNOW that," Buffy said exasperatedly.
"I don't know exactly which house. They didn't say, and I'm hardly up on these things. My social life has been on the dead side in recent decades."
"But I bet I know someone who IS up on the social scene. Wait right here," Buffy said, as she ran back into the house. Inside, she picked up the phone, dialed, and fidgeted until it was picked up. "Hello, Cordelia? It's Buffy. Listen, this is very important. Do you know if someone tonight is having this real fancy dinner party, with a bunch of high-class guests?"
"Besides my parents, you mean?" Cordelia asked.
"Besides... you mean, your PARENTS are having a fancy dinner party tonight?"
"That IS what I said, duh!"
"And the guests are all high-class, successful people?"
"No, it's a formal dinner party for homeless, unemployed winos," Cordelia answered sarcastically. "Of course that's who the guests are."
"Cordelia, listen. This group of vampires may be planning to attack your house, because they want a bunch of people like that to make into more vampires."
"Why us?"
"I don't know, I guess these are the snobby vampires, they don't settle for ordinary people, they like drinking blue blood and hanging around with rich people."
"Oh, that I can understand."
"Cordy, listen, Angel and I will be there as quickly as we can. And in the mean time, make sure you don't invite anyone in who doesn't have a reflection."
"What...?"
"It's a vampire thing, I'll explain later. Bye!" Buffy hung up and ran out to Angel. "It's at Cordelia's house. So at least there'll be no problem getting you inside; I'm sure Cordy will invite you into her house, her bedroom, her ..."
"But I'm not INTERESTED in Cordelia," Angel said, almost plaintively.
"Let's roll, we've got vampires to stop," Buffy said and started off, Angel following and still emphasizing, "I'm REALLY not interested in her."
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