Buffy stared at her reflection in shock; a golden retriever stared back. *Okay, this is a dream,* she thought. *This has GOT to be a dream. I just have to wake up.* She closed her eyes. *This is only a dream. When I open my eyes, I'll be awake, in my bed, and EXTREMELY not a dog. This is only a dream.* She opened her eyes again; the dog's reflection looked back at her.
*Darn, that didn't work, let's try stronger measures.* Buffy banged what should have been her left hand against her dresser, hard. *Oww!* she thought, though when she said it, it came out as a yelp. She looked again; still a dog. *All right, if THAT didn't do it, then that must mean I AM awake, I really AM a dog, and my, oh God, my PAW hurts."
*All right, Buffy, relax. You can handle this,* she mentally told herself. *Right, I've handled vampires, and demons, and DYING, even, I can handle this without panicking. If I had to take care of a dog, THAT would be a bad thing, I can't take care of a dog, I couldn't even take care of a giga-pet, but this is COMPLETELY different, it's BEING a dog. Turning into dogs is probably something that happens to Slayers all the time, it must explain the whole thing in that Slayer handbook that Giles never gave me. This just means that I'm supposed to go chasing after Bunnicula the vampire bunny rabbit, and once I slay him I'll turn back to normal, or some sort of Slayer's duty thing like that. I just have to see Giles, he'll know what's going on, he'll fix it, he's GOT to fix it, I don't want to be a DOG for the rest of my life, I can't be a dog FOREVER, I CAN'T...* A dog's howl echoed through Buffy's room.
After she stopped howling, Buffy thought, *Okay, so that was panicking, it's okay, a little panicking is normal, because this is truly weird, but I can handle it. Think calm, take it slowly, do an, an inventory, check things one step at a time. All right, let's see, I'm a d-dog, I know that, what else?* Buffy reluctantly looked at herself. *I've got four legs, all right, that's good, I'm not missing any arms or legs, they're just d-different, so it could be worse. And I'm a pretty big dog, okay, that's also good, I'm not one of those annoying little yappy dogs, so things are looking up. And let's see,* she took another cautious look, *okay, I'm a FEMALE dog, so that would mean I'm, oh goody, I'm a bitch. Literally. Well, again, that's a good thing, I wouldn't want to be a male dog, 'cause then I'd have TWO big changes to deal with, instead of one, and guys are even harder to figure out than dogs. So, that's three good things so far, the situation could be a lot worse, I could have been a little yappy dog, a little yappy BOY dog, with legs missing even, that would have really sucked, that would have been terrible, awful, crying and screaming time. But I'm like this, it's not s-so bad, it's b-better than it COULD have been, right? Right? I-isn't it?*
She started to sniffle, but then answered herself firmly, *Right, it is, it's MUCH better than it could have been. Now, one thing at a time, continue the inventory. Let's see, vision, well, not as good as normal, but it will do. And hearing is good, better than before, I've got big floppy doggy ears, okay, that's a GOOD thing, useful. And sense of smell, okay, that's EXTREMELY good, TOO good, I REALLY should have had Mom do my dirty laundry before she left for her conference, 'cause yuck, that laundry smells EXTREMELY sweaty and bleahh. But there's another good thing, Mom's at her conference, she won't be back for a couple of days, this will be fixed by then, yes it will, definitely, it'll be fixed, really, so no having to say to my Mom 'I followed me home, can I keep me?'*
*And speaking of talking to Mom, let's see, CAN I talk?* She tried to say "Testing, one, two three," but couldn't manage it, not even "Resting, run, roo, ree", just a series of incomprehensible barks, yips, and growls. *That's not fair, Scooby Doo could talk, Astro could talk, why couldn't I be a talking dog like that? Okay, chill, can't have everything, it could be worse, move on to the next thing, which would be, OH, Slayer abilities, let's see.* The golden retriever jumped hard, leaping over the bed, bouncing off the wall awkwardly and back down, and making a clumsy four-point landing. *Okay, that's part of it, now, am I strong?* She tried crawling partway under her bed, and lifting her body; the end of the bed came up easily. *So there's another good thing, I've still got the whole Slayer bit, just gotta practice a little, and if any vampires show up, I can just, well, FETCH a stake, and they'll wish they'd picked on Lassie instead of me.*
*Now, what do I do next? I'm, well, I'm hungry, okay, that's good, that's a good sign, that I can be hungry despite all this, I'll just take something for breakfast. NO, do I gotta eat DOG food? Okay, no, I DON'T have to eat dog food, and we don't HAVE any dog food, anyway. Mom left some food for me for while she was away, and dogs eat, well, dogs eat meat, I guess, so that's what I'll eat.* Buffy made her way to the stairs; if she didn't think about it, and just let her body move instinctively, she was able to get the hang of walking on four legs. *Okay, now down the steps, I can do that, just be careful.* She cautiously started down. *See, my body knows how to walk, I can do it, I just move this leg, that leg, other leg, OTHER leg, then repeat, okay, I'm doing it now, piece of cake,* at which point she managed to get her legs tangled and fell the rest of the way down the stairs. *Oww. BAD steps. Note to self: more step practice needed. But at least I'm down now.* She got back on her feet, and went into the kitchen.
Grasping the refrigerator handle in her jaws, Buffy managed to pull the door open. She then pulled a foil-covered tray out, and got the foil off with her teeth. *Mom's meat loaf. Oh well, not that good, but it'll do. I guess silverware is out, and even eating with my hands, so...; well, here goes.* The golden retriever stuck her face in the tray and began eating. *A face full of cold meat loaf for breakfast; Giles never told me Slayers get to lead such ELEGANT lives. Though come to think of it, this tastes pretty good; either Mom's improved her recipe, or her meat loaf is LITERALLY only fit for a dog..*
Buffy polished off the meat loaf, then managed to toss the tray into the sink. *Well, I can't actually wash the tray, but I don't usually get around to washing my own dishes normally, so no change there,* she thought. *Now, hmm, I'm thirsty. So, what would a dog do to take a drink if no one puts out a bowl of water? Oh, yeah, he'd just drink from... Oh, yuck! That's it, that's where I draw the line; Buffy Summers does NOT drink out of the toilet bowl. No how, no way, no chance.* She shook her head in a vigorous 'no'. *I am NOT really a dog, I'm a human being, I'll get a drink of water like a human being would: I'll stick my mouth on the kitchen faucet.* After considerable effort, Buffy pulled herself up to the sink, turned the knob, and got a drink of water from the faucet. *There! THAT'S maintaining my human dignity. I think. It's not drinking from the toilet, at least.*
*Now, time to go over to the school and have Giles fix this. I'll just get dressed and... Oh, right. I CAN'T get dressed. Note to self: buy cute little doggy outfits to wear. But in the meantime, I guess, well, I'm a dog, and dogs don't HAVE to wear clothes, right, so I guess I can, um, I can just go out, well, um, I can go out, uh, naked?* Buffy considered this thought calmly, for about half a second. *Oh God, I'm going to have to walk around the neighborhood, and the school, and in front of Giles, and probably Xander, and maybe Angel, too, while I'm totally NAKED!*
A little more howling followed, but then Buffy managed to calm down. *Ohhh, I've GOT to go out. I just won't think of it as me being naked. People won't see ME, they'll just see a dog, right? No one pays attention to a naked dog, so it's okay, and I'm, I'm not REALLY naked, 'cause I've got fur now, so I shouldn't think of the fur as part of me, but as a fur coat that I'm wearing. That's right, that's how to think of it, I'm not going out naked, not at all, I'm going out wearing a fur coat, and I'd rather wear a fur than be naked, right?*
Buffy finally managed to nerve herself up to go out. *I'll just grab my pocketbook, okay, I'll carry it in my MOUTH. I want my stuff with me, 'cause I'm NOT a dog, I'm a teenager, I have stuff, I NEED my stuff, so I'm taking it." She got the pocketbook and reached the front door, a further obstacle; it took several minutes of grabbing and twisting and acrobatics to unlock and open the front door with her mouth, then pull it closed behind her. *Okay, I want a doggy door, too, so I can get in and out. No, I DON'T want one, because this will be fixed REAL soon, and I'll just use the people door. Right, go to Giles, and this be over.* And she ran off toward Sunnydale High.
A little while later, Xander Harris was sitting on the high school campus before class, when a golden retriever came trotting up to him, and poked his arm with her nose to get his attention.
"Hey, where'd you come from? We get a new school mascot or something?" He then noticed the pocketbook firmly gripped in the dog's mouth. "Sorry, girl, that's EXTREMELY not mine. Hey, did anyone lose a purse?" he called out.
The dog nudged Xander again, then walked to the dirt at the base of a tree, and began scratching something in the dirt. Xander took a look, and his eyes widened in surprise. The dog had written out "I'M BUFFY"
"How...? Oh, I get it. Hey, Will, come here," he called. "You've GOT to see the great trick someone taught this dog." He turned back to the dog. "You're a clever girl, aren't you? And your name's Buffy, too. I've got a friend named Buffy, well, more than a friend, sort of, I hope, well, anyway, I did always think Buffy sounded more like a name for a pet than a person." The dog was looking at Xander, and had an annoyed expression.
Willow walked up to Xander, and saw the dog. "Ohhh, beautiful dog. Whose is it?"
"I don't know, she just walked up to me. But look what she did." He pointed to the message in the dirt.
"Xander, dogs can't write," Willow replied.
"But she did. Here, Buffy girl, show Willow your trick. Write your name again, come on, you can do it."
The dog looked exasperated. She scratched in the dirt again. When she'd finished, Xander saw the modified message. It now said "I'M BUFFY, YOU MORON", with BUFFY heavily underlined.
"Hey, no need to be rude," Xander said, then "How...?"
Willow was looking pale. "Xander, that dog, I think it's, it's Buffy. OUR Buffy."
"Oh, come ON, Will. People don't just change into dogs. There's gotta be some simple explanation."
"Xander, I don't think so." Willow took the pocketbook from the dog. "And I recognize this, it's Buffy's. I really think, somehow, Buffy has been turned into a dog." She leaned down to the dog. "Buffy, is that you in there?" The dog nodded vigorously. "See, Xander. And look just at what's happened to you. The hyena spirit, Ms. French was a giant bug, Impata was a mummy; is this harder to believe?"
"I still don't know. I mean, a DOG..."
The dog poked Xander to get his attention. She then scratched something else in the dirt, and pointed firmly at Xander. He read the latest message; it said "VIRGIN".
"Hey, I thought you were never going to mention that, Buffy," Xander said in a hurt tone, and quickly erased it. He looked at the dog in dawning awareness. "Buffy? It really IS you?" The dog nodded emphatically.
"Oh, Buffy," Willow said, putting her arms around the dog. After the reassuring hug ended, Willow asked "Buffy, do you know how this happened?" The dog shook its head no. "Then, um, we'd better see Giles, right?" The dog nodded.
"Yes, DEFINITELY see Giles," Xander agreed. "This is a EXTREME Giles matter. If Giles has a brother, let's see him, too, this is so weird." He was interrupted when the dog butted him with its head. "Okay, I'm going now." The three started into the school building, with the dog in front, but Xander paused as a thought struck him, and he looked down at the dog. "Wait a minute," he said. "If Buffy's the dog, does that mean that she's naked?"
"Xander!" Willow said warningly. The dog got behind Xander, and shoved him forward. "That's a good idea," Willow said. "Xander, why don't you walk in FRONT of Buffy for a while."
"Hey, I was just asking," Xander replied. "It's not like I was staring at her or anything. It was just, you know, intellectual curiosity. And concern. I'm CONCERNED when my friend, when ANY of my friends, has to walk around stark naked." After another nudge from Buffy, he added, "AND has to be a dog, of course."
"Xander," Willow repeated, and he started walking again, Willow and the dog following after exchanging a look and a muttered "Guys!" from Willow.
At the door of the school building, however, they encountered Principal Snyder. "Mr. Harris, Miss Rosenberg. Just where do you think you are going with that ... animal? This happens to be a high school; the only animals permitted in here are the students. So unless one of you has suddenly gone blind, and that's a seeing-eye dog..."
"No, it's a, a..." Willow began, then got stuck.
"A mascot," Xander finished. "We thought this dog would be a good mascot for one of the school teams, because dogs symbolize, um, loyalty, loyalty to the school, and, um,...
"Persistence," Willow added, "you know, dogged persistence, and then there's, there's..."
"There's the fact that ALL school mascots have to be cleared with my office, in advance," Snyder interrupted. "AND that we are NOT using as a mascot some stray mutt that you found wandering around without any collar or ID. The thing probably has half a dozen diseases; look at the stupid glazed look in its eyes." The dog growled softly at this. "And furthermore, considering that my predecessor was EATEN by a pack of wild dogs, do you REALLY think that Sunnydale High should be SYMBOLIZED by one? Now, get that ... creature off school grounds immediately, and then I believe both of you have a class to attend."
"Yes, sir!" Xander snapped, giving a perfect military salute.
"And I'll assume that is NOT intended as sarcasm," Snyder answered.
Xander and Willow quickly hustled the dog away from the door. "Buffy," Xander said quietly, "can you still do the Slayer jumping thing?" and when the dog nodded, Xander continued, "We'll get Giles to open the library window. When it's clear out here, you can get in that way." Another nod.
Willow added, "Oh, I guess, do you want to take this?" and held Buffy's pocketbook out. The dog took it, and Xander and Willow put her outside the school fence, closed the gate, and hurried back to where Snyder was waiting.
"I think I'll escort you two to your class, just to make sure there are no further attempts to collect the local wildlife," Snyder said, and started walking behind the two teens.
When the three passed the library, Xander broke away, saying "Just have to tell Giles, uh, Mr. Giles something, back in a sec."
"Mr. Harris!" Snyder said exasperatedly and started to follow, but Willow delayed him. "Xander will be right back, he just had to go to, um, he's just gonna tell Giles, tell him that, well, ..." Willow stuttered along in this vein.
Xander poked his head in the library. "Giles, trouble, open the window, Buffy's got to come in that way." At Giles' "What...?" Xander continued, "No time to talk, just get the window open, something really weird's happened, you wouldn't believe me, you'll see, bye," and he popped out.
"Okay, all done," Xander said to Snyder outside. "Now where's that class, let's go, I'm really eager to learn today," and Xander and Willow got Snyder away from the library.
Inside the library, Giles looked at the closed door. " 'Something really weird's happened'," he repeated. "That's rather uninformative. And considering our location on the Hellmouth, the possibilities for 'something weird' are virtually unlimited, from a rain of frogs to the Apocalypse."
He walked over to the window, opened it, and looked out. "No sign of Buffy yet. Well, presumably she'll show up eventually and explain what precisely is going on. Or at least explain vaguely what is going on, and I'LL determine precisely what it is. I wish Xander had been slightly more specific; I could start assembling appropriate references. As it is, though... Hmm, 'something weird'. Did he mean weird even for Sunnydale? The mind boggles." He went to a shelf and took down a book. "I can at least prepare my Watcher diary; this sounds like it could be something worth recording." He looked at the open window. "Well, Buffy, where are you? And what is it that's going on now?"
Outside the school's fence, Buffy could see the open library window, but there were still people on the school grounds between it and her. *Damn,* she thought. *I can't go in until they're all gone. Someone would notice a dog running across the campus and jumping in a window, and they'd probably call the police and say that the 'wild dogs' that killed Principal Flutie are back. Oh, well, might as well be comfortable while I wait.* Following canine instinct, she circled a couple of times and lay down.
And inside Principal Snyder's office, he was using the phone. "Hello, Sunnydale Animal Control. This is Principal Snyder of Sunnydale High School. There is a large stray dog hanging around the school, probably diseased. I'm worried that it might bite one of the students. If you can send someone around to capture it, I'd be relieved. You will? Thank you very much." He hung up the phone. "So much for that animal. Now if I could only deal with troublesome students the same way."
Buffy continued waiting impatiently outside the high school fence. *Oh, come on, go inside,* she thought as a couple of students continued to loiter on the school grounds. *How can I get into the library window if you stay OUT there? First period started already; why don't you go to class. That's why you're AT school. Remember, education, learning, stuff like that. No, don't KISS each other, go inside. Okay, okay, kiss each other but make it quick. Come on, you can finish kissing quicker than that. Come ON. I want to get into the school, I want to see Giles, I want to get my normal body back, and I REALLY want to do with Angel what you two are doing.*
*Okay, no more Ms. Nice-Doggy,* Buffy decided. She began barking loudly at the two students. *Come on, there's a big dog barking at you. Stop making out and go someplace quieter.* The two students broke apart and walked toward the school door. *Finally! As soon as they're inside I can jump the fence and then get in the window.*
Buffy was concentrating on this, and didn't notice the truck that was approaching, until she felt a needle-like sensation. She turned and saw a truck labeled "Sunnydale Animal Control," and then the tranquilizer dart took effect, and she collapsed unconscious.
Two men got out of the truck and picked her up. "This is it, just like Snyder said," one commented. "Big dog, no collar, hanging around the high school."
"Nice of it to bark so much, so we could find it," the other replied. "I hate having to crawl through the bushes looking for them," The two locked her in the back of the truck, got into the front seats, and drove off.
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